What, if anything, would you do in this situation?

[Midlodemocrat]

Your 18yo son visits Amsterdam, sleeps with a prostitute. Son is still totally dependent on parents because he is a full time student. Also has a girlfriend here in the states with whom he is sexually active.

Just curious. What would you say/do?

This came up last night when one of my bunco friends' neighbor found this out about her son. No idea how they discovered this information or what they did with it.

Opinions were all over the chart last night. Curious to what you guys think.

[MissMillie]

1. If it were my son

I'd ask him how he'd feel about his girlfriend treating him that way.

[ohiosmith]

2. Encourage him to get tested for STDs. Then drop it. go to Cracker Barrel for Chicken Pot Pie.

[MissMillie]

3. well, that too

in fact, that was one of the reasons why I think he'd be concerned if the shoe were on the other foot.

[madinmaryland]

4. You made it back alive?? I thought you drank an entire box of wine

and then attacked a Jedi Church! :D

I probably would not bring it up, since he is 18.

[Midlodemocrat]

5. DS1 is dead to me.

[DS1]

6. Apart from the cheating part, I'd be all for it

The kid got two things out of the way quick and legally

/never did a hooker

[Midlodemocrat]

7. Okay. Let me ask you this.

Do YOU think that prostitutes are victims themselves?

That was mentioned last night.

[DS1]

8. Not in Amsterdam

Sure, some of them might have some crappy childhoods like the common claim against porn stars. But it's regulated over there.

[Midlodemocrat]

9. I know that it is legal, but wondering if you

think that most of the women seriously 'choose' that profession?

[DS1]

10. Perhaps

Some people like sex. They can flip burgers or roll joints. I don't know what it pays out there, it could be an easy way to build up some savings. I don't plan on renting one, so I haven't thought about it much.

[mainegreen]

12. For some reason your desciption of 'renting them' made me wonder if they would fit in a drop slot.

Crap. I've got to return this prostitute I rented today or I'll be paying some serious late fees!
I'll just return her on the way to the grocery store I guess.



My mind is a deviant.

[petronius]

22. You oughta use Netfux - no late fees! (nt)

[MonkeyFunk]

17. In Amsterdam, yes, definitely

it's a pretty lucrative job, and they're well-protected.

[huskerlaw]

11. That's a tough one

I would definitely sit him down and have a talk.

1) About getting tested for STD's (a little math about how many men have...been there before...should help)

2) About treating his girlfriend like SHIT and how that's totally unacceptable.

3) About whether or not prostitution is something the kid should support.

Frankly, I'm torn on #3. I think there are some women who choose to be prostitutes, particularly in Amsterdam. However, I fully believe there are many who are there not so much out of choice. But I have no idea what the answer is, or if there is an answer. Regardless, a discussion of the issues surrounding prostitution would be in order.

That said, it was Amsterdam. People go there and do things they wouldn't do otherwise. (trust me, I was there last summer) So I don't think it's fair to assume that he would repeat the behavior here. Of course, a conversation about how many people he could have/did hurt is called for.

[Midlodemocrat]

15. #3 is the one most folks had trouble with last night as well.

It was interesting, because the parents with boys felt across the board, that prositution was something we didn't want our sons supporting because of the exploitive factor.

The moms WITHOUT boys, felt exactly the opposite.

It was an interesting conversation, that's for sure.

:hi:

Great to see you!

[sasquatch]

13. Aside from the cheating he did nothing wrong

Hookers are safe and clean in Amsterdam, I think your fellow Bunco Fight Club member has nothing to worry about IMHO.

[Midlodemocrat]

16. Like I said to DS1, the fact that prostitution is legal

didn't seem to matter. It was more an issue of whether or not people felt that prostitution was exploiting women.

[MissMillie]

25. I think it's a fair discussion.

I know I've tried to get my son to see that point when he goes to strip clubs.

The question I always ask is: would you be okay w/ your daughter getting paid for a lap dance?

The answer is almost always "no"

But your post was "What, if anything, would you do...?"

What's to do? :shrug:

Like most things, this is just one more thing about our kids over which we have no control.

[Midlodemocrat]

27. The conversation last night was interesting, that's for sure.

Wide range of opinions as to how to feel about the situation.

I have no knowledge as to whether or not the parents of this boy said or did anything, but I'm sure it was something they didn't anticipate thinking about. I know it would be for me.

And, having two sisters, I think it might be easier for my son to realize that he wouldn't want anyone ogling his sisters, so he shouldn't ogle other people's.

[malta blue]

14. I would encourage him to get

tested for STD's, make sure he had a healthy supply of condoms available and try to encourage monogamous behavior.

There is no need to go apeshit on the kid - it's already done. He can't take it back.

And preaching to him about the evils of prostitution, infidelity, etc will get you nowhere.

:hi:

[Parche]

18. Make $$$ Off Of The Video

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Lucky guy......
:woohoo: :woohoo:

:hi:

:hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

19. Perv.

[Callalily]

20. Although a safe profession

in Amsterdam (women must be clean b/4 even being hired, scheduled testing, etc.), I too would suggest testing for STDs just to be on the safe side.

Additionally, I think the young man should tell his girlfriend and fast, seeing that the neighbors know about it already, someone is bound to share the good news with her. I'm sure she's not going to be too pleased.

[Midlodemocrat]

21. She knows. They aren't together anymore.

Not DIRECTLY because of this, but it certainly didn't help matters.

She's better off without him. He wasn't particularly nice to her.

[Callalily]

23. It's not fun to be

cheated on, paid for or free!

Ah,they're young! This too shall pass. ;)


edit grrrr typo!

[flvegan]

24. First, I'd be angry having not known I had a son for the last 18 years...

[SOteric]

26. I can imagine a parent having an intense reaction to this.

But I have to assume that an 18 year-old traveling sans parents in Europe (fiscal dependence nothwithstanding) is sufficiently an adult that parental hovering is both unnecessary and unwanted.

From the limited perspective you relate, my concern would be that cheating on his girlfriend and using the services of a prostitute could indicate a disregard for women and the value of relationships.

Not an event worth calling in the National Guard. I suspect a casual conversation over a couple of beers could clear up whether their are larger issues which need to be explored. If something comes out in that conversation, whether or not he's still dependent on his parents there's still an opportunity to make an impression on his emotional development.

As for the somewhat peripheral topic of prostitution and whether it's inherently demeaning to women, well...Amsterdam is not the U.S. It's exceptionally lucrative, requires no special educational background, comes with state health insurance, and in all honesty a sense of social prestige among many societal subcultures. It's not substantially different than fashion modeling. In the U.S., I have very different opinions about it.

[Midlodemocrat]

28. That is exactly what I thought. Exactly.

And, like I said, I don't know if the parents ever addressed this. I don't know how they discovered it.

But, it would seem to me, that paying for a trip to Amsterdam for your 18yo would warrant a conversation that this particular type of behavior was a possibility. It's not like he paid for the trip himself.

[Debi]

29. Wondering if it would be any different if he had sex with a prostitute

here in the states or if he had sex with a random pick up from a bar or college party?

I think his behavior is juvenile and disrespectful toward his girlfriend and whatever commitment he made to her.

Don't know what it has to do with his parents unless they have a 'no sex or you're kicked out and cut off' rule in their house.

[Midlodemocrat]

31. Our discussion last night revolved around

whether or not his behavior could be construed as disrespectful towards women in general. In the sense that some feel working in the sex industry exploits women.

[Debi]

32. I read all the other posts and I do think that his having sex with a prostitute

was more disrespectful toward his partner that he had a commitment to than to the individual he paid to do the act.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

30. What...

did he put it on a credit card? :D

but, seriously...

1. I would ask if he wore protection.
2. I would make him reimburse me.
3. I would ask him if he thinks he needs to inform his girlfriend...and then leave him alone
to think about the consequences of his actions.
4. At some later point in time, I may want to have further discussion depending on what my
spouse/so/Father of child decided about all of this.

[LeftyFingerPop]

33. Even though the profession is considered to be safe in...

Amsterdam, I would INSIST that he be tested.

I would also strongly encourage him to reveal this to his girlfriend.

I think that she needs to be given the option of whether or not she wants to continue to sleep with him.

I don't have a huge moral issue with prostitution, but the potential for STD's scares me.

Even though the risk may be slight, I think she certainly needs this information in order to make an informed decision.

[SacredCow]

34. Were it my child....

I'd strongly suggest coming clean with the girlfriend- she deserves to know. Prolly some STD testing might not be a bad thing, either.

If it was the child of a friend... I think I'd say "Hope everything gets worked out OK...." and keep my opinions to myself.

[SarahB]

35. I think it's between the kid and his girlfriend.

I think the parents should be ashamed of themselves for discussing their kid's sex life with the neighbors. Would they want their son discussing THEIR sex life with the neighbors? Perhaps they have a stash of sex toys or they look at questionable porn or one of them cheated at one point. How would they feel if their son found out and told other people? Some things just aren't everyone's business. If it were my son, I talk about STDs and safer sex and about ethics within relationships if you are going to be sexual outside of your relationship, but I wouldn't discuss it with the neighbors.

[Midlodemocrat]

36. Like I said, not sure how the word got out.

Could be that the girlfriend told everyone and it trickled to the neighbors.

Last night, it was more a discussion on whether or not people thought it was exploiting sex workers, not really about this particular kid. He was just an example.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

38. very well stated.

[Shakespeare]

37. I think most kids in that situation (newly "legal," and traveling abroad) will experiment. However.

I'm most bothered by his cheating on his girlfriend. I think I'd talk to him about respect for women in general, and specifically respect for someone he's in a relationship with. Trust, respect and honesty are the foundations of a good relationship, and he needs to understand that immediately.