How to eat a banana and keep your dignity

[UndertheOcean]

Bananas: The delicious yellow fruit that is very healthy for you. A fruit that is high in potassium (K) that genuinely tastes really good. However, there's a catch: Bananas are the most phallic looking fruits on this planet.

George Carlin once said, "Men, how can you look at a woman eating a banana and not think of a blowjob?" Well, unfortunately, he's right. When women eat bananas, men think dirty thoughts as a reflex. It's not that we're perverted people, it's nature, we just can't help it.

What is even worse is when men eat bananas, they leave themselves open to lewd remarks from their friends. Most heterosexual men are very insecure about their sexuality, which most women love to complain about. As a result, many men are somewhat homophobic. Eating a banana in public does not help this matter at all. As a result, many many men are not consuming as many bananas as they would like.

The following actions may be taken to allow men and women in general to eat bananas without feeling dirty or leaving themselves vulnerable to ridicule. You can eat a banana and keep your dignity by doing the following:

* Whenever possible, cut up the banana and mix it with cereal or the like. This eliminates the phallic nature of the banana while allowing you to enjoy the benefits.
* If on the run, hold the banana from the middle. Holding it from either end looks funny and suggestive.
* Peel the banana, and break off a small piece and put it in your mouth. Finish the banana a piece at a time. Never put the entire banana to your mouth at any time! This is somewhat suave and eliminates the opportunity to be ridiculed.

Hopefully these rules will prevent countless men and women from being the subject of inappropriate thoughts and gestures. This will also allow countless numbers to enjoy the healthy benefits of bananas and still keep their dignity.


http://everything2.com/?node_id=1116239

[DarkTirade]

1. Or you could just say 'fuck what everybody else thinks' and just deepthroat the damn thing.

:shrug:

[Deja Q]

2. Wouldn't that cause choking?

:hide:

[DarkTirade]

3. That's what practice is for.

[nomorenomore08]

4. I remember that routine. "Look at the tongue on HER!"

Carlin is one of the most brutally honest human beings on the planet, and I love him for it.

[Xipe Totec]

5. Sometimes, a banana is just a banana. nt

[cynatnite]

6. When I eat a banana...I think of Kirk Cameron...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of90cKxSeuw

I just can't help it. Ever since I saw the banana/Cameron video...I've never been able to separate the two.

[JBoy]

9. ROFL! That video is hilarious!

[harmonicon]

7. cutting up bananas is scary

I still do it, because I like putting the banana pieces in my cereal, but if eating a banana makes someone think of oral sex, cutting up a banana may make one think of genital mutilation, which I have even less interest in taking part in... ok, the oral sex I could receive, and that wouldn't be negative, but the genital mutilation I would not want to deliver or receive.

[mitchum]

15. Being a guy, I wince every time that see someone cutting up a banana...

or a zuchinni

[anitar1]

8. There are mini bananas which are very tasty and

ladylike.

[DarkTirade]

11. Yeah, but they're not very satisfying...

:P

[Tabasco_Dave]

10. This is the best way to eat a banana

You'll gain 10 pounds just watching this video.:9

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kaQ2hHMDnU

[City of Mills]

12. Just peel and eat like corn on the cob

Stick those little corn cob skewers in the ends and have at it!

[Perry Logan]

13. I play it safe by having all my bananas embedded in banana splits.

[Cabcere]

14. Oh, I thought this was going to be about the infamous Stephen Colbert

clip from The Daily Show - the one where he's talking about the Prince Charles scandal and cracks up on-air while suggestively eating a banana. :rofl: Priceless!

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=108395&title=prince-charles-scandal

[mokawanis]

16. This may seem a little indelicate

But I once knew a woman who could insert an entire banana in her mouth/throat and then slide it back out. She sometimes did this to freak people out. It certainly freaked me out.