I hate everything.

[billyskank]

I've had a fucking crap day. At work the Project That Wouldn't Die has suddenly risen from the dead and now I have to rewrite most of it because the users want it to do something it wasn't designed to do. My boss just says "will that be ok" which is a redundant question because she doesn't care about the answer. She neither knows how I do my job and nor does she care. So long as the programs keep getting implemented and the users keep paying for it she's happy. She doesn't give a stuff whether our jobs are tolerable.

I hate being me. So fucking nice. Always willing to please. The world just loves to dump on people like me. On the way home I decided I was going to start being an asshole instead. No longer caring about anyone but myself. That's the way the world seems to work anyway.

But the world knew better than I did. I had to stop for petrol, and the attendant asked me how I was. Here was a chance to be an asshole. Did I blow him off? Tell him to mind his own fucking business? No. I smiled and said yes thanks. I'm pathetic. I just haven't got the heart to rip on somebody standing in front of me. When I can see their humanness.

The world loves people like me. We're called "losers." We're just there for everybody to exploit. Want a piece out of me? Sure, go right ahead. Don't worry, I won't ever ask for anything back.

Because the world never gives anything back. I go through life and nobody fucking notices me. I have a shit job where nobody cares whether I do good work or not. I sit on a dating site where hardly anybody looks at me or answers my messages. Hell, some people don't even READ my messages. Why should I expect anything? I'm here to give, not to receive. And the only reason I'm on a dating site is because nobody in real life notices me either. Except married women and other people who won't ever be required to DO something.

I wish I was just another asshole. The world is full of them and they seem to have a much better time. I just haven't got it in me, and I despise myself for it.

No, I don't want a hug. I don't want anything.

:nuke:

[ceile]

1. Tough shit.

You get one anyways. :hug:

[Cabcere]

2. Hey billy...

...I kind of know how you feel - I'm what the world calls a "loser" as well. But for what it's worth, this loser thinks you're pretty awesome. Maybe things will get better for both of us sometime (hopefully soon)...assholes have ruled the world for too long, you know? Peace.

[Midlodemocrat]

3. You're no loser, handsome.

Not in the slightest.

:hug:

[Jokerman]

4. If being "nice" makes you a loser, then we need more losers in this world.

I have to believe that there is a happy medium somewhere between being a doormat and being an asshole.

[huskerlaw]

5. I totally know what you mean.

And if it's any consolation, I think you're absolutely cute. And not in a condescending "little brother" way, but in a totally date-able way. I'm female, single, and can't find a guy who's worth my time. Unfortunately, I live a 14 hour plane ride away from you. :(

I'm sorry your day sucked so bad.

:hug:

[demmiblue]

6. Please don't stop being you.

I have been reading DU for years, and you are one of the people that made me finally sign up.

I love your kind heart; you have given far more than you realize to many DUers. Don't underestimate your place in the world. From what I have seen, you have been a rock for many others going through hard times. I can't speak for others, but I am always inspired by your kindness.

I am sorry to do this, but you are getting a hug from me! :hug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

7. 'The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing' — Frank Zappa

While that may be true, and while it seems the Assholes get farther in life, there's also consolation in not being an Asshole — in not intentionally angering or hurting others to justify one's perceived or desired place in the world.

Many of us, I suppose, might see ourselves as "losers" because we're "too nice," but we do stand up for ourselves when we estimate the situation calls for it. Unlike the Assholes, we don't see every minor confrontation as a challenge to our stature. We pick our battles wisely and are rewarded in that when we do, we're taken seriously. It's like the ballplayer who rarely complains to an umpire about a call; when he does, the ump thinks, "He never gripes. Maybe he's got a point."

Billy, you're one of the most liked and respected people here, and you're certainly entitled to blow off steam after a bad day. Remember this, though — a great many people here admire you for your wit, your gentleness, your compassion, your artistic skills. No one considers you a "loser."

Though we've never met, I count you as a friend. And I'm very, very far from being the only one.

Now — go have a pint or two. :toast:

[Shakespeare]

8. No, billyskank, you are NOT a loser--you are the type of person who makes the world a better place.

Thank god for nice guys like you!! :hug:

Sorry you're having a crap day. Those always suck.

[billyskank]

9. My profound thanks to the individual who told me I am, in fact, an asshole.

You have done me a service for which I shall never be able to repay you.

[Critters2]

11. What asshole told you you're an asshole?

Someone should kick his ass! Asshole.


I know assholes, and you, sir, are no asshole!!

[DS1]

15. It wasn't this noted asshole

!

[Midlodemocrat]

30. You're not an asshole.

I have yet to see you make fun of disabled children. You rock. :loveya:

[siligut]

10. You pretty much have to do what your boss wants.

I mean within reason. That is probably part of your job description. I gather your company sells software? This is something that goes on in any software company I know anything about, and I know about a few.

Being an asshole to a gas station attendant? That is just being small, you are not small. Do go out and interact with people on your same level, see if being a little more full of yourself actually works.

[datasuspect]

12. i keep a copy of this in my wallet

and i'm not a religious man, but it helps me deflate sometimes:

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

[skygazer]

13. Billy, billy, billy

Please don't wish you were an asshole. It may seem like they're having a better time but they're not - that's why they're assholes. Because their life sucks. Not everything is the way it seems, you know.

It's no fun to be an asshole. You feel pretty shitty right now and I don't blame you - you've had a rotten day. But how much shittier would you feel if you'd barked at theat gas station attendant? You'd feel rotten.

Why? Because you're a good person. That doesn't mean "loser." That means compassionate and fair. And though you might not be getting hits on a dating site, I'll bet you dollars to donuts plenty of other people, assholes and nice guys both, are getting no more hits than you.

Don't sell yourself short, my friend. I know what kind of person you are and it's not a loser. You are someone I value so much, for your wit and wisdom, you talent and intellect, and your ability to always make me smile. :hug:

And take the fucking hug, dammit! :P

[Name removed]

14. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Gormy Cuss]

16. Some times it just feels like that, billyskank.

I hope that your world looks better tomorrow.

[Dangerously Amused]

17. I'm sorry you had a bad day, baby.

I wish you lived closer so I could take you out for a pint.

Anyway, I won't give you a hug since you don't want one, but how about something an asshole might appreciate more and I'll give your sweet bum a pinch?

:*

[Shine]

18. Oh billy.

I'm sorry you had a shitty day. :hug:


For what it's worth, I see you as someone who is witty, compassionate, friendly, creative and sensitive. I've always enjoyed our cyber-space interactions and count you as one of my DU friends.

[JTG of the PRB]

19. Another "loser" here to give you support.

I've considered that path too - just saying "Fuck it" and let the chips fly while tearing into anybody who dares to darken my doorstep. The reason I have never, ever been able to do that, even when it's completely deserved? It's the reason you mentioned - when you "can see their humanness."

When I see that the person I'm angry at or I want to be an asshole toward is another human being like me, I just can't do it. No matter how much I wanted to, no matter how much they deserved it, I can never do it. And for that, I'm a little grateful. I got walked all over at my last job, and I never stood up for myself. I finally quit that job and I never looked back.

Hang in there. Assholes may look like they have more fun, but how deep can they possibly be? How can they possibly feel anything but emptiness, bitterness, and hurt inside? That's not something I want to become - not now, not ever. I'd rather be a "loser" than be one of those hollow shells of a human being.

I know how you feel. Hang tough, friend! You have a great deal of support amongst those who consider you anything but a loser! :pals:

[LeftyFingerPop]

20. Billy, you cannot "decide" to be an asshole....

You either are one, or you are not. And you are not an asshole. You are the opposite of an asshole.

Instead of deciding to be an asshole, decide to be yourself in ALL cases.

It is ok to not want to please everyone 24/7. It is ok to get moody if you feel like it. It is ok to express an unpopular opinion.

Just be YOURSELF, always. Because you don't have to be perfect. In fact, the mere act of being yourself, and hence, not being perfect all the time, will cause some people to call you an asshole. But you are not...an asshole is a mean person, and I don't think you could ever be that.

If you think someone is wrong, call them on it. If you think someone is right, tell them. It is all part of life.

I'm not directing the following at you, but rather at myself. I used to think I had to be nice all the time. I now think differently. Now, I default always to being nice to people, unless they are unkind. Then, I feel free to disagree with them openly, without the fear of someone not liking me...and it is LIBERATING.

I know I'm rambling here...but I hope you are catching my drift.

[GCP]

21. I've always enjoyed your posts, Billy

You are one of the most loved people here in the lounge.
You couldn't be an asshole if you tried, and the world's a better place for that.
Richard Gere once said he uses a Buddhist technique in his life, in his mind he wishes joy to everyone he sees. I think he's probably a much happier man than any of the Hollywood assholes he has to work with.
And you're getting a hug whether you need it or not :hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

22. another loser checking in to report about another crap day...

please don't ask for details...I did a really stupid thing today. I am such a loser.

No hugs given either.

Just once I would like to be the receiver.

[Lorien]

29. Why are there so many of us here these days?

I've heard a lot of DUers saying the same things (myself included). For the past month I've been grinding my teeth over giving and giving and giving to others, but being taken entirely for granted. The thing is; I LOVE to do nice things for other people. I love giving gifts, I enjoy doing favors for others, and I really DON'T expect the same in kind. But lately I feel like my "giving nature" is being taken advantage of more and more by the people in my life. And I actually had a friend get angry at me yesterday for sending her a small gift for her birthday. She had said that she was too poor to send me a card a few weeks earlier (she's not; she owns 2 million dollars in real estate and drives a Mercedes) but I said that that was OK. I had bought things for her months ago, so that wasn't going to stop me from sending them. Still I wish that she hadn't gotten so angry about my gifts. I don't have many joys in life, but giving to others is one of the things I like best, and they seem to be trying to take that away too.

So don't feel bad. You've got a lot of us for company! And I'm going to give you a hug anyway ('cause that's just the kinda loser I am ;-) ) :hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

31. thanks for the smile --

and by the end of reading that, I was ready for givng and receiving a hug :hug:

We Losers have to stick together :pals: :D

[hippywife]

23. I think you are a terrific guy and

it's because you aren't an asshole. It's because you are so nice to everyone. You are one of those people definitely worth knowing and I wish some lucky girl would realize that.

"If you see yourself in others, who then can you hate?" M.K. Gandhi

You are very handsome, very lovable. It will happen for you one day, sweetie. Really it will. :hi:

[oedura]

24. Ooooooooooooooooooh...

:wtf:

It's like you're reading my mind, dude. I can especially relate to this bit...

...nobody in real life notices me either. Except married women and other people who won't ever be required to DO something.

Preaching to the choir, man. Hope you feel better.

[swag]

25. Happens sometimes.

May things improve for you.

[Generator]

26. Oh well if you had to stop for petrol

at least you don't live in this shite hole of a country. Maybe you have health care and habeas corpus, maybe your money is worth something and you can go to SPAIN if you want. We can't afford to cross the pond. We can't afford milk. We are bankrupt and the laughing stock of the world. But I know nothing sucks more than a crap job. Go to Spain.

[SPKrazy]

27. I sometimes want to be an asshole

sometimes I imagine I succeed.

I also have an enormous guilt area in my brain that I wish would just go away. I used to drink at it, get high as a kite trying to make it stop. Guilt about everything, insane guilt. Like something would turn up missing and I'd feel like I was going to get blamed for it. Sometimes I did as a kid. I guess my sister took things and I somehow always got blamed for it. No explanation ever satisfied my parents I was somehow responsible. My sister never fessed up either.

Today I am trying, no I am sometimes doing sometimes not doing, better at not buying the guilt trip for something I have no control over and that no one else wants to be blamed for so I get put in as scapegoat. I have done better with that, but it has also been in some ways as painful as it was liberating. I too am a people pleaser (not a good one evidently though) and I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about what other people think.

Here's my compromise between asshole and doormat: someone who feels like they are worth standing up for. That is my goal. I thin that as I've approached that person, I've walked a tightrope in my life, and have pissed people off, and felt guilty but pushed forward anyway with the help of friends.

I too often feel like I am invisible at work. I don't feel like I get people to listen to me about some things, and others they listen to. I am fed up with it though and while I don't want to do something (not gonna say what) I am wrestling with how to get people to listen to what I'm saying without doing what I'm thinking of doing (no nothing illegal or dangerous or violent so hold your horses)

I'm tired of guilt, I'm tired of fear, I'm tired of feeling like I have no right to be angry about things.

Therefore I say I am with you billyskank, let's move forward with life, not be assholes, but not be run over either!

[Lorien]

28. I think that somehow we are living the same life

funny thing; I woke up thinking "I'm sick of being me. I just want to be a selfish jerk for a while-just to know how the seemingly carefree live". But, just like you, I can't bring myself to act like an asshole. I'm still sending cards and gifts to my friends who always forget my birthday. I still always offer the guy behind me to step in front of me in line if he's just got an item or two (even though they usually only grunt at me when they do step in front of me). I still listen to endless hours of girlfriend's tales of dating woes when they are completely disinterested in hearing one sentence about about my life. I've also just been sitting on a dating site for years. I get inquiries from guys my father's age who ask how soon I'll be ready to have children (I already stated "no kids or adoption only" on my profile, but they never bother to READ my profile). In real life the only men who approach me just want to screw me, or they are married guys who become obsessed and stalk me if I don't pay attention to them. I just don't get it. I DON"T think of myself as a loser, but I am getting tired of all the trials.

I wish that I were across the pond right now. I'm probably too old for you, but I'm an artist and a DUer. I could take you out for a pint and we could commiserate for a while, at least. :-)

[Elidor]

32. It sucks being a nice person sometimes

But the rewards are worth it, as you well know. It sucks far worse being mean. You're a good egg, Billy. Sorry life is lemonade for you right now.

If I knew any good jokes, I'd try to make you laugh, but I don't know any good jokes. So you'll have to get your laughs somewhere else, you cheap bastard. What am I, a fucking laugh factory? You think I'm funny? What? What do you mean I'm funny? What do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What? Funny how? What's funny about it? You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?







:P

[u4ic]

33. Billy, if you were an asshole

You wouldn't stand out.

Any asshole can ride roughshod over people - I'm sorry you have to deal with them - but not everyone is as kind, funny or smart as you are. People like you DO get noticed and DO have an effect on others, as you can see by the responses to this thread. It just takes a bit more time IRL, because you are more low-key than what western society seems to demand - clones of perky, breakfast-tv type people, or the aforementioned assholes.



And too bad, you're getting a hug anyway.

:hug:

[Callalily]

34. I'm sending hugs anyway!

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:


Any btw . . . nice is good!

[Connonym]

35. the funny thing is that half the women here would be all over you if you were here

I think there's just something wrong with British women.

[unpossibles]

36. it's ok

I've been there too, and then you'll realize that it's not that assholes have it better, it's that they tend to be too clueless to realize that everyone knows they're assholes, and that often people just pretend to go along with what they want to avoid ruffling their feathers and creating drama.

It's hard though, and a fine line to walk, as if you are accommodating - something which I am often as well - it can be taken advantage of by the unscrupulous.

You are not a loser. Stand proud that you are a fine human being, and always remember that were more of the world like you, we'd have a lot less bullshit. Were the world all assholes, we'd likely be dead and extinct.


And even though you don't ask for it, here:

:hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

41. Holy.God.

"I've been there too, and then you'll realize that it's not that assholes have it better, it's that they tend to be too clueless to realize that everyone knows they're assholes, and that often people just pretend to go along with what they want to avoid ruffling their feathers and creating drama".

You nailed it. And....:yourock:

[unpossibles]

43. thanks. I got some practice on this issue with my bigger, older, meaner brother

I used to be jealous, then I started noticing what others really thought about him....

[blue cat]

37. I was feeling similar this AM.

I have posted about my unrequited love for an ex and seem to be mad at the world about it. I heard this song and it changed my day.

Here it is and I hope it helps you too.

http://www.metrolyrics.com/we-live-lyrics-superchick.html

[blue cat]

38. what dating site?

just wondering because i've been on match for sometime, finally signed off. dating sucks in general.

[Phillycat]

39. I married the nice guy.

After decades of dating the asshole. I was 34 when I got married.

Give it time. I know, I hate it when people tell me that too.

[Madrone]

40. I love people like you.

But, then, I'm a fellow loser.

I'm sincerely sorry - and I lurve ya. BECAUSE you're a fellow loser. If you become like *everyone else* I might have to rethink that. ;)

Seriesly - I've come to the conclusion that if those superficial asshole people thought I was GREAT and were beating my door down to get close to me I'd have to do some serious thinking on where I'd gone wrong. I'm content to quietly wait for the rare gems that appear, as they are far more satisfying and REAL than the unwashed masses.

I DO have to say I'm quite amazed you don't have the opposite problem though. I've seen your photos, AND read enough of your posts to know you're an amazing catch in any context. But then - the unwashed masses don't tend to "get" anyone that's out of their reach - and I think you are exactly that.

[SOteric]

42. However miserable you may be at this time,

and however much you may be dismayed at who and what you are; there will come a time (and likely soon) that you are glad of life and your identity.

I'm sorry things are rough on you now. I won't spoil your cranky mood by offering you a hug. We all go through something like this.

Often I wish I were a great many things I'm not; but sooner or later something makes me really glad I'm exactly who and what I am. :shrug: