Collegiate light-bulb jokes

[PVnRT]

How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two---one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven---one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.

How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb? None---Hanover doesn't have electricity.

How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb? Seventy-six--one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb? None--New Haven looks better in the dark.

How many Reed Students does it take to change a lightbulb? The Entire Reed Community (tm) --One to change the bulb and 1200 more to throw a $30,000 party for no reason.

How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him


How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five --one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.

How many Vassar students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven--One to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation.

How many Middlebury students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

How many Stanford students does it take to change a lightbulb? One, dude.

How many Oberlin students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three--One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.

How many Georgetown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four--One to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at American U. students.

How many Duke students does it take to change a lightbulb? A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket.

How many Williams students does it take to change a lightbulb? The whole student body--when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do.

How many Tufts students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two--One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student.

How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five--One to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it.

How many Swarthmore students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eight--It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress.

How many Mount Holyoke students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--she calls a Smithie to do it.

How many Smith students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--all you need is one hot woman and you'll never have a heterosexual lightbulb again.

How many Boston University students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four--One to change the bulb and two to check his math homework.

How many Amherst students does it take to change a lightbulb? Thirteen--One to change the bulb and an a capella group to immortalize the event in song.

How many Wesleyan students does it take to change a lightbulb? Wesleyan's boycotting GE . . . you know, military-industrial complex and all that.

How many Connecticut College students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two--One to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.

How many Bucknell students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--but he'll only change it if he can put in a white-light bulb.

How many Bowdoin students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three--One to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in.

How many Bard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--but she'll only do it if it's an alternative light bulb.

How many Boston College students does it take to change a lightbulb? Seven--One to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.

How many UNH students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four--One to change the lightbulb and three to pound as many Natty Lights as they can before the lightbulb is screwed in.

How many Trinity students does it take to change a lightbulb? None--Why bother when Daddy can call someone to do it?

Credit: http://www.trincoll.edu/zines/tj/tj01.25.96/articles/bulb.html

Make up one for your alma mater!

ON EDIT: Mods, I've seen this on a bunch of websites and emails, so I don't think it's any kind of copyright violation - that site is where I just happened to find it now.

[PVnRT]

1. Mine:

How many Rose-Hulman students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to call housekeeping, another one to call housekeeping again five minutes later, then 3,000 to bitch about how slow they are and how they don't have time to change it themselves.

It's funny if you know anyone here.

[Briarius]

23. Holy crap another Rose person!

Anyway, here's mine:

two, one to change it and one to email the whole campus that it will be changed,then email again that it is in the process of being changed, and then to email again to let you know that it has been changed...

[trotsky]

2. A non-specific school one:

Q: How many collegiate football players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, but he gets four credits for it.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

3. How many Bob Jones U students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it, another to write a paper titled "How the fact that lightbulbs go out disproves the Theory of Evolution".

On edit: Now I've read the entire post, and IN NO WAY SHALL THIS BE CONSTRUED AS TO MEAN BJU IS MY ALMA MATER!

[CanuckAmok]

4. How mny Bryn Mawr Students does it take? Answer: That's not funny!

n/t

[underpants]

5. How many VCU students does it take to change a light bulb?

None Richmond looks better in the dark

[underpants]

6. Washington & Lee

Two-one to change it and one to talk about how he could have gotten into UVa.

[underpants]

7. Hamden Sydney

Four-one to change it and three to figure out how to girl's to come over

[underpants]

8. UVa

ONe they just hold it and let the world revolve around them

[underpants]

9. Randolph Macon (Old DOminion too)

Three- one to change and two to figure out how to get high off of it.

[Xithras]

10. My alma mater...Stanislaus State

How many Stanislaus State students does it take to change a lightbulb?

46. One to change it, 30 to poll community reaction to the change, and fifteen to fake the poll results in order to show that community bias against the change means that the bulb should be moved to another nearby college.

B-)

[Ohio Dem]

11. How many University of Michigan freshmen does it take?

Trick question: Light Bulb Replacement is a sophomore class.

[PVnRT]

21. Of course, it's a senior class at Ohio State

zing

[banana republican]

12. How many microsofties does it take to change a lightbulb?

none they just change the standard to dark.

[PVnRT]

13. Evening kick

C'mon, you guys' jokes can't be worse than the one I made for my school. Go for it.

[SmileyBoy]

14. How many U of North Dakota students does it take to change a light bulb???

Answer: 135. One person with a UND masters degree in engineering to change the light bulb, 103 freshmen, sophomores and juniors to stare up at the proccess in utter amazement wishing they could do something like that, and 31 senior and graduate UND engineering students to exclaim "That's gonna be my thesis project!!!"

[jmowreader]

15. USAITB lightbulb changing SOP

USAITB=United States Army Intelligence Training Brigade, Goodfellow AFB, Texas

1. Soldier who determines light is out of service reports status of light to SM's squad leader.

2. Squad leader forwards report to platoon sergeant, who forwards report to first sergeant. First sergeant issues DA Form 2404 (Equipment Maintenance and Inspection Worksheet) to platoon sergeant, who passes it down the chain of command to the soldier who observed the item of malfunctioning military equipment.

3. Soldier conducts complete Preventive Maintenance Checks and Services on malfunctioning military equipment. If the light bulb is found to be in a non-operational status, soldier will record this fact on the 2404, then remove the non-operational light bulb from the equipment.

4. Not later than 6 hours after beginning maintenance transaction, the 2404 and non-operational light bulb will be turned in to the squad leader, who will turn the non-operational light bulb into the Supply Room for Direct Exchange supply transaction. //This part's real--you have to turn the burnt-out one in to supply to get a new one.//

5. Upon receiving an operational light bulb from the supply sergeant, the squad leader will return the 2404 to the initiating soldier and issue the soldier the operational light bulb. The soldier will install the light bulb into the military equipment using a stepladder or other safe equipment. After the military equipment has been returned to full function, the soldier will annotate the 2404 and return it to the squad leader. When the 2404 has been returned to the first sergeant, the maintenance action will be considered complete.

//About a day after I put this up on a remote corner of the bulletin board, the first sergeant tapped me on the shoulder. "You got any idea who came up with the Disposition Form requiring soldiers to fill out 2404s on burned-out light bulbs?" Yeah, it was me. "Did you know five trainees have fallen for it already?" He left it up the entire time I was there. Thought it was funny.//

[SmileyBoy]

16. How many U of North Dakota students does it take to change a light bulb???

Answer: None. They all watch their hockey team in the dark while playing with themselves.

[SmileyBoy]

17. How many U of North Dakota students does it take to change a light bulb???

Answer: How the hell should I know?? I'm not interested with what a Division II school does with a light bulb!!!

(You'll get it if you're an NDSU student, fan or alum.)

[SmileyBoy]

18. How many NDSU students does it take to change a light bulb???

Answer: None. They're all too drunk to do anything.

[SmileyBoy]

19. How many NDSU students does it take to change a light bulb???

Amswer: Two. One student to change the light bulb, and one student to forward an e-mail to all the 12,000 other students that the bulb was successfully changed.

[KamaAina]

20. How many Yale *grads* does it take to change a lightbulb?

One -- unless it happens to be George Walker Bush, DC'68, in which case New Haven, then the world, will be subjected to a horrific and utterly pointless "war on darkness".

Edit: New Haven does NOT look better in the dark -- unless you happen to be partying at Toad's Place or something. :grr: It's America's first planned city, ahead of Washington, even, for Pete's sake.

[SmileyBoy]

22. How many U of North Dakota admins does it take to change a light bulb???

Answer: 301. One person to change the light bulb, and 300 people to hold a press conference to whine about how the old one burned out, and can't be used anymore.

(You'll get the joke if you live around here.)