Is it normal to feel intense anxiety in these circumstances?

[Mike03]

Call me a stupid dumbshit, but I always though I would pre-decease my parents. I never thought they might grow old or die.

They are getting older. They are getting more frail. They might actually leave this world. My precious parents might die...

Most people seem to cope with this reality really well, but I am incredibly anxious, emotional, weepy, tearful, sleepless, etc... I can't stand seeing my father suffer with cancer, or my mother being the primary caregiver. It's taking such a huge toll on them.

I know it is selfish to say this, but it's also messing up my mind, even though I know their situation is far worse. I can't sleep, and I worry constantly. My heart is racing, or sometimes feels like it might burst in sorrow. It's hard to breathe sometimes. The reality of seeing that my parents won't last forever, that my father is seriously ill, is breaking me apart in a way I've never been broken apart before. I need to know if it's normal to be this upset. Sometimes I can't stop shaking when I'm with him.

[hippywife]

1. Of course, it's normal.

When my grandmother, who I loved like a mother, died, I had to take family leave from work and seek counseling. I simply could not function at work. I couldn't even grocery shop without freaking out and leaving the store.

You obviously love your folks very much and it's difficult to see the people who have been the beacons of strength in your life weaken and become frail.

Take care of yourself. Eat and sleep as well as you can. Cherish every moment with them. :hug:

[TZ]

2. Have you thought about joining a cancer support group

in your area? That might help you deal with your anxiety.

[Mike03]

4. It would be good to join something like that.

There's nothing around here, but maybe there is something online.

[Maraya1969]

3. It's very normal. And I agree that a cancer support group is a great

idea. Any support group is great. It actually sounds like you might be having some clinical depression though so you might want to check with a doctor.

My dad was sick for 4 years so I had a lot of time to deal with it. He actually talked to me about accepting the reality that he was not going to around for a lot longer. I think he helped me because I knew he became at peace with his situation. Doesn't mean I didn't have panic attacks thinking about it though.

And I hate to think about my mom going. I still depend on her so much.

[lost-in-nj]

5. It's totally understandable.......

totally normal...


you need to find a support group, so you can get your feelings and thoughts out....

your mother loves your father.....it's not a burden when you do it for love......
I was the primary caregiver for my mom...
you do it out of love..... maybe you could call hospice or another agency and have someone go and be with your dad so your mom can have some free time....
I had a woman come 4 times a week for an hour or so and I could do what I wanted...
shop, sleep, take a bath, get a pedicure.....
some me time.....

please Mike.... get some help for you and your mom...
both physically and psychologically

please..... I REALLY know how it is.....really


:hug: :hug: :hug:

lost