Craigslist ad dilemma!

[Bennyboy]

I put up a Craigslist personal ad today. Tired of being alone, blah, blah, blah. never done this before, so i don't know the rules and customs. I do know by lurking there for a while, the people do not like to be mistreated and call people out there all the time for slighting them.

I have recieved a few responses, some great, some with ladies that I do not consider attractive enough or overweight.

I wondered at the time of placing my ad, if i should specify beauty and weight parameters. Seems kind of shallow to me so I did not.

But now I have these responses and I don't know what to do about them. Should I respond? Just delete them and forget about it? if I respond, what do I say? Sorry not into BBW? How do I let them know I am not interested but without hurting their feelings?

I know it may seems shallow to some, but that is the way it is. I have a certain expectation of the woman I am with and if it does not work on the attractiveness level, then it won't work period.

[MonkeyFunk]

1. Lemme pull up a comfortable chair

ahh... ok.

carry on.

[mike_c]

2. dude, you ARE shallow and a bit disgusting....

That sounds harsh, but you posted your actions on a message board so you should expect some responses. You asked some ladies to contact you without making your "standards" clear, and now you want advice about how to be a dick without having to own your cruelty? That's how it looks from my perspective.

[Bennyboy]

7. So I should be attracted to everyone?

I am really new to this whole thing and I don't know what to do. But looks do mean something, it is the first line of contact. That is why they send me pictures and post my own on the ad. If you like it fine, if you don't then okay...

So you are saying that I should say if you have rolls on your stomach do not respond? If you have a big butt don't respond in my original ad?

[Frosty1]

27. Don't you think you are being a bit harsh?

I know I wouldn't be attracted to a fat guy. A lot of people wouldn't, but then some would.
:shrug:

[Bucky]

37. Tell me that wasn't an entirely predictable response, though

[KitchenWitch]

3. Got any popcorn for this post?

I didn't think so. I will make some for myself.

:popcorn:

[FloridaJudy]

9. Move over

We can share. :popcorn:

[KitchenWitch]

10. I have an extra root beer, would you like it?

:beer::beer:

[Dr. Strange]

12. Your root beer isn't attractive enough.

I'm going to advertise for a more attractive root beer:

PS I'm not shallow.
:P

[SacredCow]

28. This may call for the heavy artillery....

[JVS]

4. Delete and forget. No use saying "No thanks, you look heinous"

Anyone who has used craigslist before (I did for a dwelling) knows that lots of ads don't respond when an attempted contact is sent.

[Maraya1969]

5. Try Plenty of fish It's free and people put their pictures up.

If someone writes to me and I am not interested I just don't reply.

[Zodiak]

6. Well, I can guess why you are lonely. n/t

[some guy]

8. options

1. respond that you didn't put beauty and weight parameters in your ad because it seemed shallow, but have since realized you are a bit shallow.

2. respond and get to know the person(s) a bit, and maybe you'll find something about conflicts between your and their personality that clashes and you can diengage, or perhaps they'll disengage.

3. respond and get to know the person(s) and maybe you'll find you click well enough with one of them to get past the shallower aspects.

4. lie and say you have got a response from some one else that you want to pursue.

5. ??? I don't know, I don't do personal ads.

good luck, I guess.

[Anarcho-Socialist]

11. Try to get to know more about those women who respond

If you find that you have things in common and enjoy her personality, you'll likely feel more attracted to her.

[Fleshdancer]

13. How would you prefer to be rejected if the role was reversed?

Would you prefer someone respond to you kindly and ask you more in-depth questions about who you are, what you're looking for, and what you believe in before deciding it probably wouldn't work, or would you prefer to be ignored or told that the one picture you submitted wasn't good enough? Golden Rule.

Word of caution: there are many attractive people (of all sizes) that don't photograph well. I had a roommate like this once...she was drop dead gorgeous in person but she couldn't take a decent picture to save her life.

[Bennyboy]

15. A question I have been asking myself since the ad...

And I think I would prefer to be ignored or told some type of white lie like "I am into someone else" or "I don't think we match up"....

And I know that some people do not photograph well, I don't myself. So, that is why I try to put up a couple of photos myself on the ad.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. regardless of what people say you are not obligated to date people you find unattractive

i would always state my preference very clearly in my add.

but you shouldnt reply to people who have written to you and you and not attracted to, unless its a polite "sorry, i have found someone else" or something harmless like that.

no need to insult

[SarahB]

25. She's right.

Women have their physical preferences as well in terms of men. No, it's not everything. However, if there's no baseline of physical attraction, well, someone can make a great friend, but to put it bluntly, no one wants to fuck people they aren't attracted to.

People who are secure within themselves have enough sense to know they're valuable people even if they may not appeal physically to every human being on the planet.

Be tactful, polite, and upfront.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

26. ....

:thumbsup:

[meegbear]

16. NO FAT CHICKS!

Use that as your headline. Try that, and lemme know how it works.

[Bennyboy]

17. According to everything on TV......

That just about disincludes every female on the planet over 19.

[Connonym]

29. well then you'd better hope your hand doesn't gain weight

[unpossibles]

30. oh snap!

I am staying out of this one, but funny response!

[Vanje]

32. "No fat chicks"

seconded

[distantearlywarning]

18. Well, personally

I wouldn't date a guy who was that worried about being with a woman who is overweight. That kind of attitude indicates an excessive concern with social status and following arbitrary norms. And I definitely wouldn't date any guy who put "no fat chicks" in his personal ad. And in my experience, guys who are the most worried about women's looks are usually the ones who are pretty far from Prince Charming themselves, so I'd probably assume the "no fat chicks" guy was balding and 10 years older than he claimed in his ad. Also, perhaps beggars can't be choosers. I'm just saying...

But good luck with that.

[LeftyMom]

19. You don't have to respond to the ones that don't interest you.

While it would be nice if your outlook was a bit less shallow, there's no sense wasting anybody's time pretending at interest that isn't there in order to maintain an illusion of virtue. There are plenty of men who are into heavier women (or at least not willing to exclude them) so it's not as if you're condemning the women who don't meet your ideal to a lifetime of loneliness.

[datasuspect]

20. everyone has preferences

so i won't lecture you about what i imagine your shortcomings are. and you didn't seem to be mean-spirited in your initial post. it's one thing to have preferences, but it's always important to remember that everyone potentially has something to offer or is interesting in some way.

i like heavier women. there is no delicate way to specify what seems like superficial stuff, but then most people who aren't holier than thou p.c. saints will probably NOT click with someone they aren't attracted to.

i guess just be polite, be specific, and don't lie to people and you should probably be okay.

good luck!

[Greyskye]

21. Benny

I've done the internet dating thing successfully a couple of times. It's what happens when you work way too many hours, refuse to date from the office pool, and don't like cruising the meat markets. :)

My advice: Be absolutely crystal clear and honest about everything, but especially these 2 things:
1) What you are looking for. A simple 'height weight proportionate' doesn't seem to be too insulting.
2) What you are like. List your musical interests and some favorite groups. (I know you have a lot!). Share your interests/hobbies. Be yourself, and be patient finding someone who seems to click.

If Craigslist doesn't do anything for you after a month or two, you might consider a more specialized dating site.

Good luck! :thumbsup:


edit -

Oh, and I suggest simply not replying to folks that you aren't interested in.

[Bennyboy]

23. In my ad I am completely honest....

about myself. No bullshit.

The Height/weight proportionate thing should be what I say in my next ad. But that is so vague..I am not looking for someone that is stick thin, just not really heavy.

[Vanje]

33. "No fat chicks"

...if thats what you mean to say, Say it!

[Orsino]

22. If you've got weight/beauty parameters, you've got weight/beauty parameters.

You can either waste others' time (and yours) by pretending not to, or you can be upfront about it. If you think it seems shallow, imagine how it looks on the other end.

[skygazer]

24. I would say either don't reply to those responses

or lie.

But I always have to wonder when people are so clear about parameters like that - what happens if you're with someone and they GET fat? Do you leave them then?

[NoSheep]

31. Perhaps you should say you plan only to respond to those replies

that interest you. That's all there is to it. Write that in your ad.

[Bennyboy]

34. best idea yet.....

excellent.....

[NoSheep]

36. I thought so myself! It was a rare moment, LOL!

[Runcible Spoon]

35. just write "prefer athletic/normal-slim build"

write what you WANT not what you DON'T want. Try listing sports you enjoy since this is a good icebreaker activity anyway and will ensure that you will meet more active people. Unless you are a lazy ass yourself :evilgrin:

[greymattermom]

38. Craig's list

Just ignore the ones you aren't interested in. I think that's the Craig's list etiquette, or at least that's what usually happens in my experience. Most people will respond to a few ads and hope to hear from one person at most.

[Bucky]

39. Not responding to an response is not the same as not returning a girl's phone call