My family are being sadistic, a semi-rant for your nightly entertainment.

[Fire Walk With Me]

And it's truly nothing new.

I'm caught living in my estranged father's house (he's not even here due to an affair or something) and he and my stepmother are yelling and yelling and yelling at me about no-win situations in order to get me to lose my cool, so that they can fully lord it over me. They have the power of kicking me out and then I'd be homeless, or worse. They get a rise out of picking at my situation and won't stop no matter how many times I ask. They say ludicrous things to start arguments and no matter what, call me the bad guy for not doing any of the ludicrous things they demand. They're hitting me with verbal and non-verbal double-binds, and once I'm in a double bind, they then yell and pick and blame. And always say that it is my fault, no matter what. And spin about when caught out as being wrong.

The same as my adopted "parents".

This is sadism. Hammering at known weakness, month after month, no matter the requests to not do so, is sadistic and intentional (patterns that will NOT be changed when requested are intentional). This is exactly the behavior of Bush and friends. How do Democrats act like Republicans and expect different results? Technically, that is insanity.

Some will say that I deserve this. I've only ever tried to deal with a horrific internal situation (alcoholism and worse) by trying to keep the assholes away from me, however I can. This, I've learned, attracts assholes.

This is no different than how Bush and friends treat the rest of us. How sad that this is what America has chosen to be (spiritual texts say that the leaders of a country always reflect the people, for better or worse). I certainly see this as being the case!

Calgon, take me away. The benefit is that each shouting match allows me to become that much stronger in regard to letting go of the old responses of insecurity. I've long needed to have solidity there, and even though they can use the fact that there were shouting matches at all, even though I am always goaded into them, I am becoming free internally. This is more important than if I have a roof over my head tonight, or ever again.

I do believe that the perceived world is a mirror of our inner process, so I take responsibility for being surrounded by these sorts. Thankfully there are practices to change these things, and they are working.

Get your popcorn, I should invest in popcorn futures...

[From The Ashes]

1. ...

:hug:

Know this, my friend: You will NOT be homeless. There's alway room for you here in no man's land (AKA South Texas) :hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

2. I don't care what happens, so long as I continue this growth. There are some things that I cannot

choose, and they do not matter.

Obviously there are some who do not want me to become what I can. Too bad. I have no problem with being shunned, when I have my own integrity, which is growing daily.

I can easily continue my study on the street (or wherever).

What gets me, is that people don't know the greater truth, that all energy, all intent, adds to a total, and that total has produced Bush. They're adding to Bush. :shrug: :rofl:

[From The Ashes]

4. I understand what you're saying...

...if you ever need anything, I'm just a PM away. Seriously.

[Fire Walk With Me]

7. And vice-versa. I've noted that you haven't been around much since Christmas,

which wasn't good for you. Please never hesitate to ask for an open ear.

[Midlodemocrat]

3. Dude. If you could stand living with the MidloKidlos, you'll always have room here.

:hug:

Of course, you'll have to eat chicken pot pie with me at Cracker Barrel on Wednesdays, so that may be a deal breaker.

[Fire Walk With Me]

6. I think that watching over my shoulder to protect TeenMidlo from Matcom would be a deal-breaker!

;) ;) ;)

But thank you, I have to take this situation as if I am alone and shall remain alone. Internal weakness got me here, and internal strength will be the finest possible result.

[Midlodemocrat]

8. Series. We have room. You're always welcome.

and, she'll be going to college in September and I'm not going to tell him where!!!

:rofl:

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

5. Oh Peake

you didn't ask for these people to be in your life

what matters is what you do with it and that you matter to people like me

:hug: :hug:

you're a great guy and have helped me a lot man

sorry you are dealing with this bullshit

:hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

9. Thanks man, helping you in any regard to any extent is my pleasure.

And yes, I suppose that like attracts like, and the only way for me to rise above it is to not be it. I take responsibility for my own bad behavior, in self-defense due to horrible vulnerability or not. The vulnerability is what is healing, and I'm doing what I can regarding amends for the intentional problems I've caused.

Even being yelled at as a child was cause for massive pain and thus, extreme insecurity and self-dislike at not being able to do anything about it. Now I've found the methods to do something about it and it's working so well. Soon, I will not be engaged in arguments at all, but will just laugh at bullshit and taunts. It's harder in person but I'm getting there quickly.

Don't get me wrong, I'm quite excited about this growth. I'm not a stuttering wreck. I'm merely lamenting the negative behaviour of others who do not understand that it causes them trouble, as well as myself.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

10. I hope you can escape sometime very soon.

:(

:hug:

Please hang in there, and allow them as little infuence as you can manage.

[Fire Walk With Me]

11. Thanks.

I cannot "escape" as I am not able to secure work in my field, and will not capitulate and leave it.

I am in a bottleneck. I am doing the thing that I can do, continuing to call out the assholes on their negativity and to heal internally, which I believe to be the most important thing of all.

Here I am complaining when I have no problems compared to you, dear soul. Please allow me to abandon my soapbox for a moment to ask how you are doing tonight.

[ThomCat]

13. I am feeling well

for the first time in a few days. :)

Please don't feel like my situation makes yours less serious or less important. We all have different kinds of pain in our lives, and it's all important to deal with.
:hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

15. You are a good one, ThomCat. Please let me know if I can ever be of assistance to you.

:hug:

[Whoa_Nelly]

19. Curiousity

What is your field of work?

Am in CA (central valley), and hoping to find a housemate in this house am renting.

[Fire Walk With Me]

20. Electronic music and electronic music technology.

However, my calls and emails haven't been returned for a couple of years. Public alcoholism, and such have left me on the outs.

I hope that you find a good roommate.

[fizzgig]

12. i hope your growth and sense of freedom continues

that has got to be an awful situation to be in, but you are using it for the better

:hug: for you, friend

[Fire Walk With Me]

16. I'm well-used to awful situations. Indeed, using it for the better is the process and the goal.

I identify with your signature line, and also wish the best for you.

Have you read "When things fall apart"? It speaks to the techniques of dealing directly with the problems we face. It has helped me, it might help you. No problem if you're not looking for new advice at this time...

I pray for your complete and effortless freedom. :hug:

[Inchworm]

14. I would say, "come live here."

But it's like a void of reality where time has stopped, and I wouldnt do this to someone I hated. Oh, and I drink waaay too much.

I'll light a candle. Hows that?

:hug::hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

17. There's all that, but the deal-breaker is

that you and your two dogs dress up like elves and dance. I've seen it so I know.

:rofl:

Thanks man, have a good night!

[Inchworm]

18. G'night brudder

hehe

:hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. i hope you can escape soon and find happiness. you are a good person and deserve it

love and hugs