Her baby's daddy was shot 6 times

[laylah]

in the chest :cry:

I work at an alternative school in an environment I have never been exposed to. 98% African American kiddos, gang colors, signs, f*ck this, f*ck that, "fight day", disrespect, and very badly broken children. One of the first (and few) students I "bonded" with is a 15 yr. old with an 8 month old baby. Her "baby's daddy", as she calls him, is also 15. His grandparents live here, the rest of the fam is in Indiana. It appears he was involved in some kind of shooting while visiting family in Indiana this past week-end. He took 6 bullets to the chest and is not expected to make it.

She looked so vacant today...years beyond her chronological age. What to say? Not knowing what to say? What can I do? How in God/dess's name can I help! For her...no way...no way to reach him, no way to get to him, no way...no way.

My heart breaks for her and that baby...babies having babies. What in the world can this middle aged white woman who grew up with both parents (in a dysfunctional white household but nonetheless...) EVER have to offer these kids. My heart breaks.

What a very, very screwed up world...

[lost-in-nj]

1. First

I have to thank you for TRYING....

Its a very hard environment ......

second....

yes we live in a screwed up world.....
and I'm afraid its going to get worse....


:hug:


lost

[laylah]

3. lost...

thank you for your kind words. Trying is what I am good at...succeeding, on the other hand...

[redqueen]

2. If you can do nothing else, at least talk to her... and LISTEN to her.

I think that does a lot more than people think.

:hug:

[laylah]

4. redqueen...

thank you for the response. I did try, surreptitiously, but she didn't appear to want to. I just made it known I am there if she so chooses.

I think I want to drive an ice cream truck...it is so much easier and one only encounters smiles.

[redqueen]

5. You tried...

and I hope you'll keep trying...

:hug:

[laylah]

6. Absolutely...

if she will only let me in :cry: Thank you...I am in dire need of support. Well, not so much support as guidance, I guess. This is mind boggling to me...I don't have a clue!

[redqueen]

8. I remember when I was on thin ice...

the people who helped me the most were the ones that showed they cared... even if I didn't show that it affected me, it did. Even if I didn't take them up on their offers to help, which I didn't.

Thank you.

[FreedRadical]

11. BINGO!!!

A lot of these children have no experience with compassion, so they don't always know how to respond.

[redqueen]

13. Exactly.

It's nice to see someone who 'gets' it.

Thank you.

[DarkTirade]

7. Even if you can't understand where she's coming from

you can still try to help her through as best you can. :hug:

[laylah]

9. Thank you...

I can only hope...what a sad situation.

[laylah]

10. i have no words...

[FreedRadical]

12. Heart,

Too many lies in words

[laylah]

21. ...

:hug: Thank you.

[Bucky]

14. I'm so sorry for her

How sad.

Thank you for hanging in there. As a teacher myself, I know you rarely see very much of the long term good you do in your work. But a part of you needs to know you are making a difference. Just connecting with this young mother is making huge difference in how well she can cope with her ever growing list of life challenges.

But don't forget to take time to do stuff for yourself, too.

[laylah]

24. Thank you Bucky.

You know exactly where I am coming from. We as educators, or para educators, or social workers, or whatever, can only do so much for these kiddos. What I want to know is where the heck is the magic wand to make all of their troubles disappear? :hug: Thank you again.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

15. It is a mad, mad, mad, mad world in which we live.

The 6 y/o in my class today drew a house. I asked him where were the windows. He said "dog houses don't have windows"

inre:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7369615

Good luck to you as you try to reach out to your young mother.

[laylah]

20. Oh my Tuesday!

:hug: Why oh why do people wound their young? Why do people wound any child? Anyone, for that matter. I am so sorry. The kind of stuff we who work with kids, witness, can be so heartbreaking. I cannot imagine the hurt and sorrow you must feel for that child. What a crazy, mixed up place this world is.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

27. Thanks, laylah. I knew you would understand. We must remember

each other. :hug: Stay strong for yours and I will stay strong for mine :grouphug: It is not easy

[MadMaddie]

16. You continue to give her support and show her that she needs

to stay in school and finish her education if she wants a better life for her child.

If you get the chance Expose her and others to things outside of their immediate environment. Many probably have not been outside their own neighborhoods.

Bless you for taking on such a hard and emotional job. :grouphug:

[laylah]

22. Thank you

Maddie. :hug: As I said in my original post, I have never, EVER been exposed to this kind of world ever. Quite the eye opener. I have always tried to open the kids eyes to more positive things ie: museum, dress nicely and take them to eat in a sit-down restaurant, speakers from different walks of life, the symphony, etc. One of the many things I find particularly sad about this group of kiddos is they are so bright but do their best to hide it because of their peers. "Gangsta's" aren't supposed to be smart, they are supposed to be tough and formidable.

[Maraya1969]

17. I found that troubled kids really take well to compliments and encouragement.

I'm sure you do that and I applaud and appreciate what you are doing for these kids.

I was a substitute and when I got kids who were obviously troubled or would not do their work I would make a special effort and praise them for doing any little thing right, even if it was a correct math problem, (or a 1/2 of a correct answer or a 1/4 of a correct answer)

This little girl probably exhibits motherly, kind type behaviors like all kids do so if you point them out to her it will really make her feel good.


I have bipolar disorder so I have been through my share of all sorts of good and bad things. One time I was taken from this rehab center into a psychiatric center in handcuffs in the back of a police car, (head first). I was quite hysterical but I calmed down after a while and talked to the cops although I don't remember what I said. The point of this story is this:

When I got out of the police car and was being walked into the psychiatric unit one of the policemen turned to me and said: "Maraya", "You are a really nice person. I like you"

Those 2 sentences meant the world to me. I'm sure he did not know what a positive impact his act of kindness had on me. He was just being kind to a girl who was having a real bad time and felt really really bad about herself. His words changed the way I was feeling about myself. He will never know he did a miracle for someone that day.

[laylah]

23. I agree!

I go out of my way to do just that. I have always tried to give at least one compliment a day to each kiddo I work with. Not empty ones, because they can spot a "poser" a mile away, but true ones. They are sharp cookies. I only hope they realize it and climb out of their current situations to become the successes I have no doubt they can be. Thank you for your response :hug:

[Whoa_Nelly]

18. Your heart exceeds the limit allowed by school law

What you are doing, and the compassion you share for this girl, and all your students, is beyond intense.

You are brave without trying.
You are kind beyond measure.
And all you do, and are doing, does make a difference.

Hang in there for her.
Hang in there with your teaching, and remember to take care of yourself, too :hug:


I wish I had words to give you that would be useful for this situation.
The only solution is time with continued effort and love.
Again... :hug:

[laylah]

19. Thank you

for your kind words :hug: I am but a "mere" Para, Social Worker by true trade, but find myself working with the at-risk kiddos in whatever job I choose. There have been some tough times with these kiddos but this one rocked me back on my heels. I am not a quitter so will continue on my path. I think today was the first time in all the years I have worked with kids that I felt just downright helpless. Again, thank you for your kindness...it means more that you know.

[Marrah_G]

25. You can offer her what any other human on the planet should offer her

Love, compassion, respect. Your background doesn't mean you cannot help these kids. In fact your background is what has made you the person you are, a person willing to go into one of those schools and try to make a difference.

You can't fix where these kids come from, but if you manage to save a couple kids in your career and help them to succeed in life then you have done something very valuable and very rare indeed.

You have my utmost respect and admiration for what you do.

[laylah]

26. Thank you for your

kind words :blush: They are appreciated more than you know :hug:

[FreedRadical]

28. Do you have any updates on those kids?

I'm still thinking of your OP...