A cathartic letter I wrote to my Dad's pastor

[bertha katzenengel]

I asked my dad's pastor via email to ask her for her view of my dad's services. I made it syrupy - in other words, disingenuous - because chiefly I wanted to hear what she had to say about my nephew's cut-off statement. She replied, but didn't answer any of my questions directly. Just several lines about how Dad's in heaven and her thinly veiled way of trying to goad me to Christ. This was my response. I'm posting this mainly to have it in my journal.

Dear Pastor,

Thanks for your reply. I never had any doubt that Dad's faith was pure and
strong. I know that he believed that when he died he'd be with the Lord. I
was never worried about whether he'd "make it" to heaven. (One of the first
verses my grandmother taught me was John 10:28.)

I know his church will miss him. As will Nancy, his stepchildren and step
grandchildren, his employees, his business friends, his clients, his flying
friends, all of his friends . . . his neighbors . . . his doctor, his
mailman, his vet . . . .

We - Denise, Marie, and I - will miss him deeply. Whether he remained
distant because he felt he had to, or there was some outside influence that
kept him distant doesn't matter. He wasn't perfect, and neither were we as
adults. But he loved us, and we love him.

But no one will miss my dad more than me: no one knew that he and I had been
rebuilding, very slowly, our broken relationship. Now it's over. It's over
too soon, and he was far too young to die. There was so much in our future.

I know what he believed about the afterlife. I know you'll say that one day
he and I will be reunited in heaven. You needn't repeat it. True or not,
the idea of eternal life and reunion there will never alleviate my grief
over losing him just when I was about to get him back.

Best regards

Somehow I'm not ready to share this with Mrs. V. or my sisters yet. Not even they knew about this glacial rebuilding.

If you reached this point - thanks for reading.

[Richardo]

1. .

:hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

8. R - thanks for the hug

:hug:

[terrya]

2. That's a lovely letter, Bertha.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

:hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

9. Terry

:hug: good to see you

[Midlodemocrat]

3. Beautiful.

:hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

10. Midlo

:hug::hug:

[mwdem]

4. Thanks for sharing this.

I'm so sorry you lost him now, of all times. Rebuilding a relationship with a loved one takes a lot of time and understanding. Your letter to the pastor was lovely and to the point.:hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

11. thank you, mwdem

he addressed '07 xmas card to both Mrs. V. and me. we've been together 8 years - that was the first time.

:cry:

[mwdem]

17. At least he finally saw the real you, and what's important to you.

He finally got it, and accepted it. I'm so sorry.:hug:

[Flaxbee]

18. aww, that would just

destroy me, bertha - to know he had accepted Mrs. V, that he was moving closer to you in a very accepting way, only to lose him. I know you are grieving, and wish you had more time with your father, but the two of you were talking, thinking of one another, he was thinking of Mrs. V as an integral part of your life, and that is wonderful. Much better than if you had not spoken in ages. I hope there is some comfort in that thought. :hug:

[supernova]

5. You are what I have always

thought you were: a beautiful soul.


:hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

12. ...

i don't know what to say. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

6. That took a lot of courage to write.

:hug:

I am glad that you got to rebuild what little you did with your dad.

[bertha katzenengel]

14. ty, Jen

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. My dear Bertha...

What a beautiful letter...

Thank you so much for sharing it with us...

What an eloquent testimonial to the relationship you and your dad had ...

I hope that the passage of time, and the good memories with your dad, will help you deal with this loss, sweetie...

:hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

15. thank you, Peggy

:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

13. Bertha, the love you have for your dad, and what rebuilding

your relationship with him meant to you, comes through so beautifully in your letter.

Thank you for sharing your letter, and your feelings, with us.

Peace to you. :hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

16. SG

thank you very much :hug: