Here's a serious discussion for ya: Why do we tolerate verbal abuse to one another online?

[Writer]

Why is this not acceptable in real life but acceptable online? We have this unsupervised playground mentality when assessing the internet: "Sorry," we say to one another, "bullying and hurtful behavior is to be expected."

Is it really? Should we honestly have to expect a lack of common decency to one another simply because we expressed ourselves online instead of in real life? Absent any regulatory controls, why should we not, as a society online, step up and castigate verbal abusers for being disrespectful of others?

I notice verbal abuse almost every minute I'm online, but I rarely say anything myself, because I know that the collective belief is that a person simply needs to develop a thick skin.

I think that's crap. We need to start holding ourselves accountable for our actions. In fact, I think it's an incredible display of laziness when we do nothing to punish the perpetrator but inform the victim to just put up with abuse.

There is no hegemonic force at play making this happen. If there are hegemonic forces, it is only from the habits that we form after years of permissive behavior online. But that also means that we are able to make a change if we wish. Forums such as this one have moderators that enforce some of the basic rules of courtesy toward one another; however, the internet as a whole is still a playground for abuse. And I do also believe that, little by little, that abuse spills into the real world.

So let's make a stand against online bullying! Who's with me? Who's bloody with me???

~Writer the Revolutionary~

[Sugar Smack]

1. You & I had a mind meld, sis.

I was thinking your last response deserved its own thread.

[Writer]

5. Thanks, sugar smackers.

I think we should all start being a bit more real to one another online.

[Sugar Smack]

9. Oooh, Yeah, except for freeps.

Freeps can kiss my fat fanny.:D

[SallyMander]

10. Hey, i saw a pic of that fanny

It is perfect! :rofl:


:hug:


Edit to add -- i missed the drama that i guess the OP refers to... hope everyone is OK??? I try to treat people on here just as i'd treat them in real life. We are all real people after all!

[Sugar Smack]

12. AWW!!

You & your pixie-dust!:hug: :loveya: :yourock:

[SallyMander]

27. LOL!

*sprinkle*


:hug:


Hope you are nearly done with the holiday mayhem at the store -- i've been thinking of you and being extra-nice to all the retail folks i come across! :D

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. It is a whole new phenomenon known as the cyber bully --

is this what we are revolting against?

If so count me in.

[Writer]

3. That's part of it, yes.

I think if you don't do it in real life, don't do it online.

~Writer~

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. or a group of bullies. nt

[Parche]

4. Meet Me In The Alley In One Hour

We have some busines to take care of....:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :hi:

[Writer]

6. Fine, then.

I'm cracking my knuckles. ;)

[kwassa]

7. Anonymity

Humans behave differently when they think they can't be held accountable. There is no peer pressure or societal expectations, no one looking over their shoulder. They regress. Such is online life.

you see the same behavior in public bathrooms ....

[Writer]

8. Why should it make a difference?

I think we should acknowledge the fact that we're still human beings online and step up to stop this BS. Anonymity can also bring with it the power to speak up.

[kwassa]

11. It is up to each one of us to be responsible.

it is very difficult to enforce anything in an anonymous environment like this. To the extent that we can, we should do so.

[Writer]

13. "To the extent that we can, we should do so."

:thumbsup:

Viva la Revolucion!

[Guava Jelly]

14. I think my friend that people are just wimps

It is easy to cut a person down when there is absolutely zero risk of getting your teeth knocked out.
I try to be nice to everyone myself..Even if i disagree with them and don't really care much for them.

[Writer]

16. I think we need to start looking out for one another a bit more.

while keeping in mind that there are certain actions that simply aren't right.

[Guava Jelly]

Then we get accused of ganging up.

When all we are doing is sticking up for a friend.
At least that has been my expierience.

I also think it stems from the very nature of Duers in general and this forum.
We come here and are active at least many do because we love to argue.
And since very few repukes are here we turn on each other..

[Sugar Smack]

17. Freeps can bite my ass.

}(

[Sugar Smack]

18. & go play in traffic.

[Sugar Smack]

19. And sit on a tack.

[Writer]

20. ...

:spank:




But actually, you introduce a good point: I think we justify verbal abuse of the "other" because we are less tolerant of other beliefs or other minds. Even freepers. ;)

[PVnRT]

24. If only it were just Freeps...

...I see plenty of liberals here engaging in similar behavior. And, no, they're not all just "infiltrators."

[Tuesday Afternoon]

25. Amen. I have been appalled at what passes for intellingent

discourse and the exchange of ideas on some message boards, this one is not excluded. For some reason I hold this one to a higher standard.

[meegbear]

21. It's a level of abstraction ...

kinda like getting upset at someone's driving and yelling. Unless it was something serious, you probably wouldn't say it to their face, but you see an object, a vehicle, and it's de-personalized.

Same here, you have an icon in the upper left and text. No face, no person, just a screen.

[av8rdave]

22. The really insecure, inferior feeling people suddenly feel courageous when they can

hide behind a nickname and a keyboard.

[cwydro]

38. you hit the nail on the head.

Exactly.

[VenusRising]

23. I seriously hate bullies.

The asshat in the WH is one, and if one person would have taken him to task for his bullying, we might not be in the downward spiral we face as a nation.

Part of it is the "fear your neighbor" attitude they try to foist on people. They get people to estrange and not speak when things are peaceful, so we can't come together when we need to. It's all part of the bullying mentality. Divide and conquer, and the WH gang has done a bang-up job of getting us to look down our noses at others for whatever reason.

I just wish we weren't so quick to jump on that bandwagon. I really love people, but some make it very difficult with how asshole-y they come across most of the time.

[Cabcere]

26. Excellent post, Writer.

:applause: :thumbsup: :kick: I'm with you all the way. :hi:

[Heidi]

28. Kick.

The Mods could never hope to reign in the behind-the-scenes Lounge drama of which many of us are only vaguely aware. More effective, I think, would be for us each as individual members of this community to look closely at our own behind-the-scenes behavior and honestly inquire about its potential to cause suffering. I know that the potential for harm to other members of this community is the _very_ reason I chose long ago not to participate in the PM gossip.

This discussion has taken place before, but it's always worth having. I thank you for bringing it up again.

[Guava Jelly]

29. Nice post Hitler

:loveya:
And I agree.
Merry xmas to You,CMW,and Ginger :D

[SteppingRazor]

30. I don't think we tolerate it, it's more prevalent because it's consequence-free.

Good Esquire article related to this from this month's issue:

In Defense of the Fistfight.

http://www.esquire.com/features/man-at-his-best/punching1207

[Omphaloskepsis]

31. Don't assume you are typing to people in the U.S.A.

What you find offensive might be normal to someone in Norway.

[porphyrian]

32. How are you going to stop it? Bully the bullies until they behave the way you want?

I don't want someone else's mandated idea of politeness.

[CreekDog]

33. Tolerate? Of course not.

Encourage!

[BuelahWitch]

34. Because many people are still jr. high kids emotionally

And it isn't just an online phenomenon. How many of you know someone who was ganged up on by coworkers at work? Or for those who work on phones, have been verbally abused by a customer for some piddly thing? It's cooler to be snarky than nice, and sometimes it seems like everyone is auditioning for a damn sitcom.
About a year ago there was a series of posts in the lounge that went, "What do you think of me?" Many of the responses were nice, but some of them were horrible.
Too many people don't think before they post (just like they don't think before they speak). I've been at DU a long time, but my post count is low because I don't post unless I feel I have something to add to the conversation. It took me a long time just to write this post, because I wanted to make my message look just right. So maybe more of a brain/finger connection might help too? As well as pasting a sticky with "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" posted to the monitor?

[Deep13]

35. Nice post, Kitler!

[Orsino]

36. It's tolerated because it's so easily ignored...

...by many/most people. I don't mean to minimize the real hurt experienced by some, but the relative anonymity of the medium plus the physical separation are important reasons why a certain level of aggressiveness isn't seen as a threat.

It's a good reminder that online interaction isn't necessarily real social intercourse.

[cwydro]

37. Fantastic post!

:thumbsup: