Remaining friends after the Affair --

[Tuesday Afternoon]

Is it possible?

[MissHoneychurch]

1. Depending on the persons

with some guys I am still in good contact, with others it wasn't possible.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. Yes.

a certain level of maturity is needed among other things. :hi:

[MissHoneychurch]

9. Maturity was missing in those cases

when we didn't stay in contact. And not on my side. :hi:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

12. Yes. You seem to be a most reasonable person. I would have

suspected as much. It seems that in general (hide) men do not mature (emotionally) at the rate we as women generally do

:hide:


:hi: :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

2. Yes

But then again, it depends.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

5. Yes

a lot of factors involved.

[Inchworm]

3. If by affair you mean

Good Sex. Sure.

I guess it depends really.

:shrug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. ?

ok.

:shrug:

[redqueen]

6. Course it is.

And it's possible to have another affair a little later, and still be friends again after that one, too. :7

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. wo0t

:applause:

[cwydro]

10. only had one affair in my life

if you mean it in the original sense...and no, it wasn't possible to remain friends. We always ended up back in bed and then it all started over again.

Looking back, I wonder how I let that all happen.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

13. I am sure I do not know.

Although bed is not necessarily a bad place to be ;)

good to see you my friend :hug:

:hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. hey there! how are you>?

:hug:

[cwydro]

23. Hey!

How are you?

Sorry, just saw your post.

Looks like you guys are getting some snow today...wish I were there.

[ThomCat]

11. Yes. I've done it.

:)

Sometimes it's possible for someone to be one of your best friends after you've been that close.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

14. I can see where you would have the maturity to do that.

You seem to keep things in a good perspective. :)

[ThomCat]

15. Ha! Some people would disagree with you about my maturity.

My ex gf would agree with you though, and that's probably the most important vote. She still comes to visit me, we send each other care packages, we talk on the phone (and we sleep together when we're visiting the same place at the same time). :)

We were friends for 15 years before dating, and even though we're not dating anymore we'll continue to be great friends for a long time to come.

Remaining close friends with an ex is a wonderful thing.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

16. HA !!! That is because THEY are immature. I keed. I keed

but my instincts tell me I am right to think this.

[Solon]

17. I guess it depends on the reason why the affair started in the first place...

If the sole reason she was with you is to make an "on again, off again" boyfriend jealous, saying shit to you like "I love you" and not meaning it, then I don't see how you could ever be friends. She even had the gall to say "I wish I could afford to keep you." to my fucking face! What the fuck am I, a pet she could fuck?

:cry:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

20. oh sheesh. That sucks.

She used you....one way ticket to heartache for sure :hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. yes so long as they are rational people and dont accuse you of weird things you did not do

or start behaving weirdly.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

21. of course...

I think forgiveness for each other's part in things has something to do with it as well. But, yeah that weird shit has got to go.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

22. My dear Tuesday Afternoon!

Of course it's possible!

I have two friends I'm very close to...

They had an affair, and then it was over...For a variety of reasons, it wasn't sustainable.

But they never wanted to be apart from one another, and to this day, they are very close friends...

They talk often, they support one another, and they will always be involved in each other's lives...

They truly love one another, as well as their sig others...

It is a beautiful thing to see...

I know that sometimes they are torn over what might have been...

Still...

They have done this...


Everyone has benefitted...

:hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

28. You have a knack for staying positive and seeing the good in

people. I admire you for that. :hug:

[raccoon]

24. IME, not right then, maybe somewhere down the road.

But a lot would depend on the reason for the breakup.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

30. To keep this discussion purely hpothetical, I am not going into

any details. I think time passing is a healing influence.

[mainegreen]

25. Wait, are you asking if two people who cheated on their SO's with each other can remain friends?

If so, I'd say it's pretty morally bankrupt of them to try and remain friends with the one they cheated with if they intend to remain with their SOs. If they don't intend to remain with SOs, then sure I guess they can be friends.

However, if you're using affair as in two friends not attached to others 'got busy' for a bit, can they go back to being just friends afterwards? Sure, if they're mature enough.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

27. What if (for the sake of arguement). Stay with me here --

One was married. One was not. NO PHYSICAL CONSUMATING ACT WAS EVER MADE. It was only an affair of the heart. No one ever touched anyone. There was no "getting busy".

[mainegreen]

35. Honestly? I'd say it's a bad idea.

The SO really needs to be taken into consideration here. If you marry someone, that's taking a very serious vow. Even if the SO is not aware of how their spouse felt about this other person, to continue to be friends with this person, even if the feelings are gone or lessened is showing extreme disrespect to the SO and the marriage vows. If one can't avoid contact with this other person then there is no reason to not be polite or nice, but friendly familiarity (you know what I mean) should be avoided. Imagine you were the partner who was emotionally cheated on. How would you feel if they continued to be friends and spend time with this person? I'd wager you'd feel like they were cheating on you.

The friendship has got to end. If one finds one can't end the friendship for the sake of one's so called partner, the person one is supposed to hold most dear, then perhaps one should really look at whether or not one should be married to this person at all?

edited to remove extreme italics.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

37. Ok. I agree with everything you said. You make a lot of sense.

Out of respect for the partner.

[porphyrian]

26. This calls for more research... -n/t

[Tuesday Afternoon]

31. Perhaps we should --- get busy!!

:rofl:

[porphyrian]

33. Heh, heh...

:evilgrin:

[crim son]

29. I imagine it depends how things end.

I tend to forgive and forget, eventually, even when things end very badly.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

34. I am the same way. Matter of fact that is how I know that I have

truly forgiven. I have truly forgiven when I have totally forgotten whatever transgression took place ;)

[crim son]

36. That's a sign, for sure!

Lately, just about two years after the breakup, I find I don't much care. I'm not mad or sad, not compassionate or insightful; I simply don't give a shit. It's strange, after all I had vested in the relationship, but it's also GREAT! I could be friends, if only his wife would let me. :)

[Arkansas Granny]

32. Depends on the people and the reason it is no longer an affair,

I would suppose. I managed to stay friends with most of the guys I've dated since becoming single again over 30 years ago. Hell, I've even bought a Christmas present for my ex and his third wife. There were a few, however, that I hope I never see again in this lifetime and most of them probably feel the same about me.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

38. Yes. It all depends on the individual circumstances. It is hard to

generalize. :hug: