Not asking for medical advice, but....

[LeftyFingerPop]

Last night while performing my favorite exercise (jumping to conclusions), I noticed a burning desire upon purification. My glands gained weight, and my smile faded. I started to get a stabbing pain in my ass, which quickly radiated to my dorsal filter. This caused me to panic and hyper-speculate. That symptom went away though after I sneezed into a paper bag.

I thought I was feeling better until my toes starting curling and my knees started knocking, so I gave myself an IV of ringers lactate D5W. I missed the vein though, and this caused my eyes to water, so I hung a bucket around my neck. The rim of the metal bucket chipped my front teeth, but that only added character to my smile.

On my way to the bathroom, I got chest pains, so I rubbed some aspirin on my sternum. The chest pains went away, but I got a skin rash where the aspirin was rubbed.

Now a total mess, I thought a new type of exercise would help, so I tried reaching for new heights. This backfired, and stretched out my torso as well.

I'm NOT asking for medical advice...but can someone point me to a diagnosis?

Thanks. Oh look! Kitteh!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear philboy!

Here's my diagnosis, sweetie: :crazy:






:hug:

:hi:

[LeftyFingerPop]

3. Hiya Peg!

:hi: :hug:

[otherlander]

2. You need insulin and Metrazol.

[LeftyFingerPop]

4. I tried Metrazol...

but the internal parasites rendered the drug ineffective.

[otherlander]

7. Maybe you just need a good drink.

[LeftyFingerPop]

8. Absolutely! n/t

[NightWatcher]

5. no, you need Fukitol

[LeftyFingerPop]

6. Tried that too...

made me drowsy and gave me an "I don't care" attitude.

[PVnRT]

9. Sounds serious

I've found that I get a bunch of answers to medical questions here.

[LeftyFingerPop]

10. Goddamnit....

that made me dance!

[SPKrazy]

11. take 2 Dilaudids

and call me tomorrow evening 'cause you won't be up in the morning

:P

you nut

:rofl:

[LeftyFingerPop]

13. Dilate?

I have not been involved in any type of dilation for many years now.

[Lil Missy]

12. I predict you have about two weeks to live. Get your affairs in order quickly.

[LeftyFingerPop]

15. If I knew I had 2 weeks to live....

I sure as hell would not be posting here. :rofl:

I know where I would be though....

[UndertheOcean]

14. ur making fun of my thread

:(:(:( :cry:

[LeftyFingerPop]

17. No no no!!!

Purely coincidence, I'm sorry if you thought that.

I know how frustrating abdominal pain can be, and I wish you well. :hug:

[flvegan]

16. "but come someone point me to a diagnosis?"

Your point?

[LeftyFingerPop]

18. Edited....

thanks.

[flvegan]

19. Groovy. But was there a point?

Or is this in jest?

[LeftyFingerPop]

20. Are you serious? n/t

[flvegan]

21. Dunno.

Stuff like this can be funny as hell. If this thread were stated to not be in light of some things posted here recently, I'd be laughing my ass off. Which, tbh, I am anyway. I'd just like to know that I'm doing so for the right reason.

However, others, posting personal stuff here, might see this differently.

[LeftyFingerPop]

23. I see.

Well, glad you are laughing.

[flvegan]

25. Nice non-answer.

Oh, wait...

[LeftyFingerPop]

26. Ok, here's an answer.

This was not "personal stuff". It was a nonsensical rambling. Understand now?

[flvegan]

27. Excellent. I can go back to laughing now.

Thanks!

[LeftyFingerPop]

28. Anytime. n/t

[flvegan]

31. I do hope that you see the point of my original issue.

Some folks that come here might have seen that as mocking. That's all.

Very funny, though, after the clarity and all.

[LeftyFingerPop]

32. Well listen....

Any post in here could be taken as mocking. You know that.

I see that another poster thought I was making fun of his post, and I truthfully didn't even see it before I typed mine.

Now, if we are to talk about mocking, I can point you to just about any copycat thread. I can also point you to snarky veiled cryptic remarks made by many posters in specific response to other threads.

This is the lounge, and people probably shouldn't post threads about serious health issues anyway. There are other forums, as well as other sites, where a deep discussion of medical issues can ensue. In fact, I visit and sometimes post in some of these other forums here on DU.

Mocking? Look at just about any other thread in the lounge and you could make a case that it somehow mocks another person's thread. But I can assure you, my intent was not to mock, and I make no apologies for my OP.

[flvegan]

33. I'm glad we agree. n/t

[otherlander]

29. It kind of made sense to me...

:hide:

[LeftyFingerPop]

30. Now....

that's scary! :rofl:

[otherlander]

22. Dude.

Dorsal filter.

[LeftyFingerPop]

24. ...

Don't be silly. :)