A gift for my fellow DUers – the Dubya Bush Speechwriting Kit!

[Lisa]

This is a little something I put together, for the holiday season. Permission given for open distribution. Not available in stores! And no, unlike those old K-Tel ads, you don’t have to give your credit card number to someone in Grand Island, NY.

Is there someone on your list who’s difficult to shop for? Or are you just looking for an inexpensive stocking-stuffer to delight people of all ages? (Provided they’re old enough not to chew on everything in reach, that is.) Or did you leave it until the last minute to buy gifts at the mall … and now there’s three feet of snow drifting outside, and the prices at the pumps went up again, so you couldn’t afford to fill up the car?

Fear not -- help is on the way. Just open the word-processing software on your computer, and copy the block of text at the bottom of this page into it. Choose an appropriate font size (try Times 24, with half-inch margins, if you want good visibility) and print off on magnetic paper. (Don't forget to set your printer to the "envelope" or heavier setting.) Then, use scissors (or an exacto-knife and straight edge) to detach George W. Bush’s favorite words and phrases. You’re done! You can now arrange them on your own refrigerator, in whichever order you feel is most suitable. Unlike traditional magnetic poetry sets, poor syntax and baffling non sequiturs aren’t a problem – they’re something to strive for!

(link to a photo of what I'm talking about ...)

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/Lisa


“I’m a devout Republican and passionately admire George W. Bush!” Well, that’s great, because these are ALL carefully-documented excerpts from actual speeches by the 43rd President himself. (Special thanks to Justin at www.dubyaspeak.com .) Now you too can admire Dubya’s words of wisdom in all their glory. We didn’t even have to resort to clever substitutions from famous Bush impersonators like Will Ferrell, Steve Bridges, Frank Caliendo, or Jim Nieb.

“I am learning English as a second language, and I am having difficulty making these into sentences.” Don’t be embarrassed – so does Dubya! Seriously, this is the perfect opportunity to practice your new skills. ESL instructors and students will love it. Slap this set up on the whiteboard, and you’ll be very popular in class. Soon you’ll be correcting the President with style and confidence!

“My job just got outsourced to an impoverished overseas country, and now I have to live out of my car.” Sorry to hear this, but it may be some consolation to know that these phrases will actually stick to the outside of your vehicle, so you can still make a statement about Dubya’s social and economic policies.

“Next month my National Guard unit is being redeployed to Iraq. Again.” Our regrets, and we wish you luck … but the good news is, the Dubya Bush Speechwriting Kit has no moving parts, so it will still work even when the rest of your possessions are clogged with dust and sand.

***To all my friends – wishing you a safe, happy, and fulfilling 2008. Here’s hoping things get a lot better in the world. Have you thought about working for one of the campaigns? Because this would be a great time for it. Oh -- and best wishes to the WGA, CUPE 410, and the other brothers and sisters out there. Love, Lisa.***

Disclaimer: please note that, while it may be possible to attach these words to other major appliances, like dishwashers, we strongly advise that you NOT stick them onto surfaces that are likely to get hot, such as ovens and stovetops.



* * * * * * * * * *

| they never stop thinking about | and | love | look
| new ways to harm our country and our people
| and neither do we | we're not going to blink | your
| a dictatorship would be a lot easier | want | with
| I'm a C-student | he's got him a PhD | without | I'm
| look who's President | we're on the hunt | and | but
| don't forget Poland | we're plenty tough | because
| love your neighbor | smoke ‘em out | with | must
| like you'd like to be loved yourself | into his soul
| by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you
| how can I fight evil? | if I had a magic wand | she
| war is not a very pleasant subject | won't | my | not
| they misunderestimated me | it's kind of | will | or
| we will stay the course | he doesn't have any hair
| there's no calendar on my desk | lucky me | I'm |it's
| violence perpetuated on innocent people | about | I
| fly out of Reagan National Airport | let me just …
| ticket counters and airplanes | hit the trifecta | for
| these folks are nothing | cold-blooded killers | look
| you can't reason with | this part of the world
| never did I dream | and my, my, are they wrong
| I'm not so sure it's credible to quote | because |but
| guess who would get shuffled through | without
| I've gotta answer this | need some wood? | and
| I did the right decision | there was other factors
| I really don't think | it looks like it's from Canada
| I don't believe it's gonna happen |Saddam Hussein
| uniquely American isn't it? | get any sleep? | with
| it's hard to make people love one another | must
| we ought to make the pie higher | Democrat party
| there needs to be debates | listen, thank you all
| how many hands have I shaked? | suiciders | and
| people think more clearly if you're fit | power
| so we're very deeply suspicious of their desires
| I'm going to do it with the Secretary of State
| home is important | it's important to have a home
| I appreciate that | I'm so thankful, and so gracious
| this is a guy that tried to kill my dad | go shop | is
| you're working hard to | it's hard work | it's | we
| God, I love freedom | respect human dignity | your
| it was not a peaceful welcome | they hate freedom
| I don't want to put words in his mouth |just watch
| don't buy gas if you don't need it | heckuva job
| I'm the decider |Laura said you oughta try Camus
| I'm a thoughtful guy | a war president | don't you?
|I'm all the things you know I am |frivolous lawsuits
| I want to be the peace president | in other words
| a West Texas girl just like me |I want you to know
| I took immense crap for that | a mother and a dad
| nobody has ever accused me |first-time responders
| Laura and I are proud to be Texas | in other words
| I was stunned and not happy | Congress | because
| I was plenty hot | of being a poet before | fabulous
| that means angry | it's been a fabulous year | for
| it seemed like the cows were talking back | I | he
| I am who I am | I'm just as shocked as you are
| I'm the president of everybody | nukyular | won’t
| I try to go for longer runs | it's clearly a budget
| I want to thank all my citizens |our fellow citizens
| it's sad that I can't run longer |combustionable fuel
| one of the saddest things about this presidency
| our economy is kind of bumping along | about
| when there's more trade, there's more commerce
| it's your money, you paid for it | bilatarelations
| it's got a lot of numbers in it | mexed missages
| the important question is | contamidated medicine
| world’s worst weapons | a compassionate nation
| I'm the commander, see | I don't need to explain
| this foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating |such
| I'm sure something will pop into my head here
| all the dudes and dudesses | the American people
| architectural fancy machine | too many good docs
| women all across this country | women of cover
| a renewable source of energy | February the 30th
| rumors on the Internets | a paperwork filler-outer
|the folks at the Crawford coffee shop |or something
| one of those exaggerations | of mass destruction
| quagmire is an interesting word | a hand here
| money for armor and body parts | using corn chips
| hydrogen-generated automobiles | why | that | so
| kind of a pre-September 10th mentality | because
| the enemy will follow us home | in other words
| we must defeat them overseas | the stakes are high
| there is a conversion of visions | in other words
| an enemy that hates America | young girls are
| the party of cut-and-run | is underestimating | in
| one of the hardest parts of my job | going to school
| to connect Iraq to the war on terror | won’t | can’t
| sometimes it's hard to tell it | when you listen
| we're committed to spending -- spreading freedom
| these people who have no soul | practice their love
| we don't measure success | he's no longer a threat
| they hate us because we love | I'm a loving guy
| in some shadowy neighborhood | I understand
| we're going to hunt you down | in my line of work
| we don't seek revenge | replenish the ol' coffers
| kind of like a baseball game | must understand
| we will rid the world of evildoers | to the filter
| we're going to continue to challenge | to | to
| the soft bigotry of low expectations | switchgrass
| it's, like, cost-prohibitive | the hands of a madman
| I aim to be a competitive nation | can’t get fooled
| an energy bill that encourages consumption
| we're called baby boomers | you gotta keep
| repeating things | over and over and over again
| to kinda catapult the propaganda | exemplorary
| do not need a poll or a focus group | interesting
| an ownership society | these are historic times
| the entrepreneurial spirit of America | my | is | she
| oceans separated us | therapy won’t work | see …
| we've never been attacked like this before | see …
| and so you know what the lesson is in life?
| just do what you think is right | I think we agree
| we're going to give them civility | the past is over
| you don't stand for anything | I didn't mean to dis
|this issue doesn't seem to resignate with the people
| I think anybody who doesn't think | there’s
| I'm smart enough to handle the job | an old saying
| you must be feeling damn old, then | in Texas
| I thought you were going to ask me about the pig
| I'm looking forward to that pig tonight | again
| let me put it to you in Texan | he's a class act
| and yet we really are the envy of the world | will
| there's a custom in our country | fill the potholes
| for people to express themselves | fool me | won’t
|negotiate with myself |you don't stand for anything
| I don't think anybody anticipated | in this room
| the breach of the levees | hide in a dark cave
| the New York Times editorial page | from danger
| biotechnology is a long word | it seems to me
| as we head into the 21st century | ooch around
| as we say in the state of Texas | aren't able to | he
| go to your coffee shops | love your neighbor | we
| demand a good or a service | bring them on | they
| lurch in the shadows of the world | the armies
| using corn chips and switchgrass | of compassion
| get them some therapy | killed all the Mandelas
| hunt them down one by one | OB-GYNs | give me
| watching too much daytime TV | unleash | see…
| put food on your family| will show its revelance
| give my chance a plan to work | the dark corners
|review these with me again |there's a lot of brains
| I know something about being a government