How do you tell a soon to be released felon to not

[bicentennial_baby]

show up at your parents' house when he gets out next month?! x(

My Ex, from at least 8 years ago, is insane and still sending me letters at my parents' house, from Federal Prison. In the most recent one, which came today while I was visiting (wtf?), he mentions that he's going to visit before Christmas. My Mom is sick, with ALS. My Dad is sick, with MS. The last thing I want is for him to show up there. He's both hated and feared by them, b/c he's violent and totally nuts.

I really don't know what to do. Any ideas?

[KitchenWitch]

1. Have your parents get a restraining order against him.

Pronto.

Then the cops would HAVE to do something if he showed up.

[LeftyMom]

3. Seconded.

Is he crazy enough that they should look into a territorial dog or a gun?

If they can't handle either due to their illnesses, maybe an alarm (you could present it to them as a medial emergency thing with an alarm as a side benefit, if you don't want to freak them out.)

[bicentennial_baby]

6. Frankly, I'm not sure how to do that...

My Mom isn't in shape to go to court, b/c she can't talk, and I'm 100 miles away (I've had a R.O. on him in the past...). Hm.

[EFerrari]

8. It's a simple form that a judge fills out. You might be able to call

their local PD station, and ask for a referral. They want to avoid a bad situation that they'll have to handle later as much as you do.

[Whoa_Nelly]

40. If your parents have an attorney, that person can do the leg work for them.

And if they don't have an attorney, see if you can arrange for some sort of local Senior assistance to get them in touch with legal aid.

[havocmom]

48. Or if, owing to their illenesses, they have any social services case worker/advocate

call them and ask for help. Some areas have advocates for seniors who may need just a little help with any transactions they do with insurance/government agencies. Look into whether such help is available in the parent's area.

[graywarrior]

2. Or tell him doctor's orders, no visits from crazy fucks.

[rug]

4. He's under post release supervision.

Contact the prison before he gets out. They can do more about than we can.

[bicentennial_baby]

5. That's not a bad idea, thanks!

:)

[EFerrari]

9. That's right. There should be someone supervising him.

A parole officer, someone.

[datasuspect]

43. or speak with the victim's rights advocate

available in many jurisdictions - sometimes even the county government communicates effectively with the Feds so that you can find out who his P.O. is and let them know about potential issues this person might have integrating with society.

you don't actually have to be the victim in many cases. the way you frame it contributes a lot, but police/justice system types love when they can get ANY information that might help them get a person back in prison.

of if the OP has a big brother, have him and his pals bust the guys kneecaps and dump him in a cornfield.

[FloridaJudy]

45. Seconded

The Victim's Rights folks are awesome! You don't even have to be an actual victim, just a potential one. I worked in a Public Health Department that shared a building with the Victim's Rights Advocates. At least once a week I gave a prayer of thanks for their proximity: many of my clients were in danger from abusive partners or family members, and these people would walk them through the process of protecting themselves.

They know all the legal and practical means to do so. Please get in touch with them.

[Orrex]

7. In all honesty it may be worthwhile to contact the FBI

My mother received a threatening letter about twenty years ago and called in a complaint, and they took it very seriously. Agents showed up at our house the next day and, I'm happy to report, treated us with honest respect.

And that letter wasn't nearly as threatening (IIRC) as the one that you describe.

If your ex has a history of violent behavior, then his letter might constitute a threat delivered via mail, which may be a federal crime.

Contact a lawyer at your earliest opportunity, or at the very least call the post office (to ask about the penalties for sending threatening mail) or the FBI.


And best of luck to you and your parents!

[Bennyboy]

10. Okay soma fallacies all over this thread......

One, you cannot just file a R.O....there must be a reason and the person must be shown to be a danger. And seeings how he is just getting out of prison he has not show that. Even an ex con has rights too you know?

#2...THE FBI? You have got to be fucking kidding me. Imagine if everyone that had someone getting out of prison that did not want them coming over calling the FBI for a second. they would be doing nothing but watching the afraid's house.

Now, the way to go about this, and it is going to be a tough go, is to contact his parole officer. It is going to be hard to even find out who it is, because he has not been released yet so they may not have assigned him one. But keep on it. even go down tot he Boards office adn tell them that you do not want him coming over. Don't blow it for him by saying shit like he is crazy or rip on him in any way (you don't want that hanging over your head with him) but explain your parent's health issues. AGAIN, DO NOT MAKE THIS GUY OUT TO BE A BAD GUY. Make it all about your parents.

He will have 24 ours to report to parole.generally it is the first stop after release. the agent will be able to explain that he is not to go over there or contact them.

[rug]

11. He's in a federal prison. He already has a case worker there to screen him before he's released.

[Bennyboy]

12. The chance of you contacting that person

is pretty slim, but if you can they may help you on this. At least he may know the parole agent handling his case. keep in mind, the parole agent is the god of the ex con.

[bicentennial_baby]

13. Er, no, he *is* the bad guy...

Let's see...He invaded my parents' house, ripped the phone out of the wall, tried to kill me with a shotgun in front of them, more than once. His main purpose in life is to create chaos. Esp, if it includes firearms and violence. He's in there on ATF charges, he's not a mellow guy, he's insane, and has no place being within an inch of my parents, sorry. He can be made out to be the bad guy all day long, for all I care. You don't know him.

[rug]

16. Click here. Call the prison. Ask to speak to his casewworker.

http://www.bop.gov/locations/locationmap.jsp

Send a letter to his attention telling him explicitly not to visit or contact you or your mother. If he does he's trespassed or stalked, depending on your location. This letter will travel with his file to his supervisor.

[Bennyboy]

17. I know this...not what I am getting at....

He is looking at this as a last opportunity. I am guessing he is coming to apologize...lots of 12 steppers getting out of prison. My ex wife had exactly the same thing with one of her exes, he shot her, burned her house down etc. 15 years after their divorce, he got out of prison and he came over. SOBER and very apologetic.

My ex wanted to see that he never did this again, she still has nightmares about him and the only person that could help her was his parole agent. No further visits.

And if you queer his last chance by ripping on him, he will make it all about you...AGAIN. So the best way to deal with this is to talk to his parole agent. These guys know they are bad people, they have the case history right in front of them. But you don't want him to say "your ex says you are a piece of shit, crazy blah blah blah and have it be about you.

[bicentennial_baby]

19. No, you have no idea...

He's no better than when I knew him, or when he went in...He sends me insane letters written backwards so I have to read them in a mirror, he obsesses over when we were together, wants me to act like his gf and get in contact with every person that's cut him off. He tried to kill me repeatedly! It's not my problem if his actions look bad in the eyes of the probation people...All I want is him out. of. my. life.

x(

[Bennyboy]

23. Still NOT GETTING IT.....

You don't want to run the risk of him getting even more obsessed over you by being the one that queers his chance at a new life. Obviously he has it bad, but you don't want to stir up even more reasons for him to act out at you.

I have to ask you something....Did you tell this to the parole board at his hearings? did you attend any of his hearings?

[bicentennial_baby]

24. He's not in there b/c of me..

He's in there on ATF charges, therefore I was not notified. If I had been, I would have, of course.

[Bennyboy]

31. You should have kept up on it anyway....

But hindsight is 20-20.

Seriously, MONDAY morning, find out who his parole officer is. Don't leave until you do and then tell them. See, due to the length of time transpired, you won't have a reason to get a RO. He has made no threats since he went in and none in his letters. they just don't issue RO's willy nilly on the word of someone there has to be evidence to back it up.. But with the P.O. help they might and even without a RO, he can tell him he will bust his ass if he goes near them.The PO has that power.

But really you don't want to do anything to piss this crazy dude off and make him angry.

It is a tough situation I know, but there are things you can do.

[JVS]

27. Where did you meet this dude and how did you get involved with him?

[bicentennial_baby]

30. I was 17 and rebellious...He was 24.

Does that explain it? As for the following 6-7 years, I was delusional and have since come to my senses, and then some. Your typical abusive relationship. :crazy:

[JVS]

33. It sort of explains it, but I'm still puzzled as to what you saw in him

Were you actually thinking "Thus guy's fucking nuts, my parents will hate him!" :shrug:

[Robeson]

34. She was a kid when she met him....

...not everyone is "Spock" logical at 17. Just sayin'.

[JVS]

35. Illogical.

[DS1]

38. Indeed

[JVS]

39. Fascinating indeed.

Which is why I asked the questions. Somehow the answers rebellious and not a Jr. Spock fail to satisfy my curiousity.

[Robeson]

18. From your description, don't worry - and I'm sure you're not - about...

...this guy getting his "feet on the ground". I think rug on post #16 has some good suggestions.

[Orrex]

14. Well

#2...THE FBI? You have got to be fucking kidding me. Imagine if everyone that had someone getting out of prison that did not want them coming over calling the FBI for a second. they would be doing nothing but watching the afraid's house.

I wasn't suggesting that the FBI should be contacted every time someone gets out of jail; I was suggesting that, if indeed his letter is threatening (which it may be, given his history), then it may constitute an offense sufficient to justify FBI involvement. As I said, the letter from 20 years ago was far milder by comparison but still resulted in an investigation.

Sorry if my point was unclear.

:shrug:

[KitchenWitch]

15. Sounds to me that there would be ground for an RO to be taken out

He damaged their property and committed violent acts on their property.

[Bennyboy]

20. RO's have an expiration date.

And I am guessing by the OP that the letter he wrote is not threatening.(because the people that read all outgoing mail would have flagged it and brought it up to the parole board). Sending him a letter (with backup to parole and his in facility caseworker) is a good idea, but mail moves really really really slow in the system and may not get to him in a couple of weeks or more....

[madeline_con]

26. They can get another one. n/t

[LeftyMom]

21. She's not overreacting, he's stalked her and tried to kill her.

The guy's lucky she's looking at a legal remedy, if my crazy, stalking, homicidal ex (lucky me, I have one too) ever shows up at either of my parents' houses (unlike bibaby's 'rents, mine are both reasonably healthy and armed to the teeth) he's going to leave toes first and room temperature.

[madeline_con]

25. Wrongo...

"He's both hated and feared by them, b/c he's violent and totally nuts."
they're certainly within their rights to get an R.O

[conscious evolution]

32. Excellant advice here. nt

[SoxFan]

44. Not exactly

The individual seeking the restraining order must feel that they are threatened. It's a very low threshhold. In a situation such as this, the judge would almost certainly grant an RO.

[madeline_con]

22. Get a restraining order ASAP.

Contact the prison and find out if he will have a P.O. and can be violated if he breaks it.

[Redstone]

28. Talk to the local cops. They'll help. Especially if you also talk to the local judge

(who, in that area, should be fairly accessible).

And talk to the various caregivers. I'd guess that it would be very possible (with a bit of work on your part) to build a protective wall.

Redstone

[Gormy Cuss]

29. You don't. You inform the legal system six ways from Sunday.

Who handled your RO? Any legal counsel you can call? If he's going to be out on parole the feds are absolutely no bullshit about it. They do random checks, have strict rules about where the parolee can be and when, etc. What I don't know is how to put you and your parents on their radar screen and because this is so serious, if there is a trusted LE officer, lawyer, or such you need to contact that person now. The past history with you and the letter should be enough to get someone's attention.

[bicentennial_baby]

37. I know the local Officer who initially

helped me with the R.O. And most of the local cops know who he is. I'll look into the Fed thing too, thanks.

[Sugar Smack]

36. I think I'd get a restraining order, too, honey, and call his parole officer.

I'm thinking about you. I hope so MUCH it works for you. Especially against the fear. What would put your mind at ease at this point? :hug:

[China_cat]

41. His funeral notice. And seeing the body.

[laylah]

42. Find out who his Parole Officer

is ASAP and make it quite clear. The officer will take it from there. Good luck. Living with that kind of fear is absolutely NO fun and is bad for the soul. :hug:

[Breeze54]

46. Call the DA asap!

Make sure they issue a restraining order and also

make sure that your local police are aware of his intentions.

Show them the letter!

[Joey Liberal]

47. Give your parents a Pit Bull n/t

[sasquatch]

49. What was he in for?

[SKKY]

50. Call his Parole officer, and if I were sniffa, I'd probably have a "talk" with him...

...if you get my drift.