My Fundy, all-Natural, insane Cousin Refuses to Abort Her Dead Baby

[JCMach1]

It's very sad... 4 months along and now the fetus is dead.

This would have been child #5 as they are also caught in the fundy no birth-control trap...

Now, she refuse to have the fetus removed...

Excuse me while I bang my head on the floor! :cry: :dilemma: :banghead:

[MissHoneychurch]

1. Isn't that like a threat to her health

if the dead fetus stays in her womb?

[JCMach1]

8. Operative word is insane

logic is not so operable in her universe

[SeattleGirl]

2. OMG! Are you kidding?

The fetus is dead. Not removing it could cause a danger to her health.

Oy.

I hope she comes to her senses soon. She's not aborting a "pre-born" child, as the fundies like to say.

[JCMach1]

9. I know... Everyone in the family has been telling her

[SeattleGirl]

12. I truly hope she will listen.

Maybe one way to approach her is to tell her that it was the will of God.

I can't honestly say I believe that, but if it helps to move her toward a place where she can abort the dead fetus, then so much the better.

This just can't be healthy for her.

[JCMach1]

13. Fundy family values at work-- her husband had an affair over the last year

When I saw her over summer she was haggard and thin. She has 4 kids already and homeschools them all.

After his affair, the husband quit his job as the affair was at the school where he was working and would have been fired for his actions. They depleted all of their assets. Then the insanity gets more out of hand. On band economic advice, they sold their lakeside home (their only asset and one that could have been protected in bankruptcy) paid off SOME of their debts and went into debt again buying another (you guessed it) trailer home. She became pregnant again immediately after all of this went down!

God, how do you intervene in a case like this, or do you just have to let the ongoing shit happen...?

[NorthernSpy]

3. her blood could turn to jelly, and she could die...

It's called Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation, and it's a serious complication in cases of retained dead fetus.

Beyond that, she risks sepsis, which can also kill her or lead to the loss of her uterus.


I hate to be so blunt, JCMach1, but your cousin is putting her life in serious danger, and she might not really understand that unless someone spells it out for her in plain English. You said she's "all-natural", but is there a doctor she might possibly listen to?



Man... I don't know what else to tell you. I'm sorry. This really sucks.


:hug:

[JVS]

4. Find a pastor or someone whose opinion she'd respect to tell her that if it's already dead, it's...

NOT ABORTION.

[JCMach1]

10. I think it is also the NATURAL thing... she is a freak

about the natural pregnancy thing...

Anyway, I am stuck here in the UAE or I would be all over it... As it is, I have to kind of watch the train wreck

[JVS]

14. There has to be someone who can order her around a bit!

Find and convince that person.

[JCMach1]

15. The people who have any authority already have... she has always

been self-directed

[Connonym]

5. ...

I can't imagine. I once miscarried and I was freaked out knowing there was a dead baby inside of me. Maybe I'm really odd but I asked for a D&C because it was so upsetting waiting for it to come out on its own.

I hope your cousin gets her head on straight before this kills her. Sorry.

[Oeditpus Rex]

6. What the...??

What sort of rationale could she possibly have for this?? :wtf:

Seriously, does fundamentalism cause such insanity that she thinks she can bring it back to life or something? :shrug:

[JCMach1]

11. bad combo of fundy and natural everything beliefs

[REP]

7. The pregnancy is already aborted

I'm sure you know this, but I'm as sure that she doesn't. The fetus is dead; there is no pregnancy; only decaying tissue.

[Midlodemocrat]

16. She is mentally ill and in denial about the health of her baby.

It happens. If you are close to her, convince her that she WILL DIE if she doesn't have the product of conception removed. Convince her that her other children NEED her.

There is no 'if' here, JCMach1. Sepsis will set in and SHE WILL DIE. And, sepsis is a particularly horrific way to die.

Best to you, my friend.

[JCMach1]

17. Thanks, I am going to check on her status later today

and give a call if her insanity hasn't passed...

I am hoping it may just be the shock of the moment lowering her IQ.

[Midlodemocrat]

18. I have known women who have had a horrible time coming

to terms with the fact that the baby has died inside them. I never had that happen to me, but I imagine the feelings must be horrible to deal with.

Regardless of your cousin's religious affiliation, if you can convince her that her other children need her to be here for them, she will probably listen to you because deep down, she KNOWS that you are right. If she is in a state like the women I knew over the years, she is just not at the point where she wants to admit that the pregnancy is over, but she will get there.

She just has to do so before it becomes life threatening. She isn't the first woman to feel this way and she won't be the last. She's simply in a very bad place right now.

[conscious evolution]

19. Ask her to start preparing

for her death.
Start asking how she wants her family taken care of after she dies.
Ask if she has prepared her will.
Ask if she has planned out her funeral.
Ask her to call all of her family and friends and say goodbye.

Sounds cruel but sometimes the truth is cruel.

[spinbaby]

20. That's her choice

As long as she's fully informed, it's her choice.

[Pithlet]

21. It is her choice

That doesn't mean the people who care about her shouldn't try to talk her out of her choice, or that they aren't entitled to feel extreme distress and frustration at her choice, especially since it's very likely this choice is coming out of a severe state of mental distress.

[spinbaby]

23. Counseling is in order

And close monitoring. But ultimately, it's still her choice. I was close to a similar situation in which the baby was still alive but had a lethal birth defect. Unfortunately this birth defect also caused toxemia in the mother.

[Pithlet]

22. How long has it been since the pregnancy ended?

If it just happened, she's probably reacting out of grief and shock, but will probably come around. I hope she's able to come to terms with this and get the medical help she needs. :hug:

[Alter Ego]

24. I think this was an episode of Law & Order: CI.

Anyway, that's gross--and kinda weird. What the hell is wrong with your cousin (other than being fundamentalist)?