Signs that a restaurant is probably going to be bad

[Godhumor]

For me, the big one is iceberg lettuce in the salad. I associate that with cutting corners on the food.

*Waiting for someone to say "It has the name 'Olive Garden' above the door."

[LeftyMom]

1. Complete mismatch of ethnicity of food and staff.

Italian food made by people who grew up eating italian food will almost always taste better than italian food made by people whose mothers thought Chef Boyardee was fit for human consumption.

[Phillycat]

2. One exception to that rule

Greeks usually do Italian very well. Otherwise, I agree, ESPECIALLY with Mexican food.

[AngryAmish]

18. Rick Bayless?

Maybe exception that proves the rule.

[_testify_]

132. I agree.

Maybe it's the commonality of the Mediterranean?

Also, I find that (generally) Hispanic-staffed pizzerias make the best pizza.

[Godhumor]

3. This is incredibly true with sushi

My wife and I finally found a Japanese run sushi restaurant in Buffalo, and the quality compared to most other places that are actually Chinese restaurants is substantial.

[baldguy]

46. Shogun?

[CreekDog]

66. Benihana is usually good, I don't consider it Japanese

Furthermore, everytime I've been there, the chef was Mexican.

[Godhumor]

82. The dinnerside service show was started in America

Good food, entertaining, and fun. It is not, however, authentic Japanese. That doesn't make it any less enjoyable, though.

[Godhumor]

81. Kuni's

I'm so happy Kuni opened his to-go sushi place after he closed down a couple years ago.

My wife and I get one of his massive sushi platters to split once every month or so (My wife is native Japanese, so getting her to eat Atlantic Ocean sushi outside of DC or NYC is an impressive feat.).

[KamaAina]

4. Some of the best Italian food on O'ahu is produced by a Vietnamese chef

at Assaggio. Of course, he had worked at an authentic Italian restaurant for years and years before striking out on his own.

[LeftyMom]

10. Weirdly enough, Sacramento has almost no good italian food.

There's Biba, and that's about it.

Strange, because NorCal has a lot of Italian people.

We do, on the other hand, have more cheap authentic Vietnamese places than you can shake a stick at.

[Bennyboy]

26. Not completely true.....

Try Granitos in Granite Bay.....Or Dominicks right around the corner...Folsom/Auburn and Douglas....or even Seritellas in Carmichael. And Roma pizza rocks it as well for the down home pizza, and spaghetti.

[LeftyMom]

42. Roma Pizzaria is awesome.

They still have that moving picture thing with the waterfall and stuff too. I loved that as a kid.

I haven't been to Seritellas, I should see if anybody from work wants to go.

But I'm in the South County, so Roseville and GB are waaaaaay out of my way.

[Bennyboy]

51. Isn't Vince's Restaurant in Elk Grove?

Between Bond and EG Blvd? They used to be pretty good....

[LeftyMom]

57. On S. Watt?

[Bennyboy]

73. maybe....

On that side of town. I haven't been out there in a while so I don't really remember the street names. it kind of sits out by it's self...

[LeftyMom]

75. Yeah, that'd be the place. It's kinda out in a field in BFE.

[baldguy]

45. I worked in a Japanese restaurant in high school.

Most of the staff was Japanese but I'm German-Irish.

I still got people who marveled at how well I spoke English.

[CreekDog]

65. That doesn't really explain Taco Bell

[Chovexani]

98. My aunt is black and makes the best Italian food ever.

Of course, she learned at the feet of an old Italian woman growing up. :)

[puerco-bellies]

103. As a teenager I used to live in a town in North O.C.

We had a local restaurant we used to call "Poncho Wongs". The family that took over the restaurant was very Chinese. They took the time to really learn the menu and faithfully prepared the founders original recipes. The whole family work the restaurant and you would see them in the kitchen eating Chinese food out of bowls, chopsticks and all while slinging some of the best Mexican food in town. I can't recall the actual name of the joint. We (the locals) had our own name, and it fit.

[NV Whino]

120. We have a restaurant in Napa called Sushi Mambo

Yep. Sushi restaurant run by a couple of Mexican guys. And it's actually pretty good.

Then there was the Jewish deli in Silver Lake (near Warner Bros studios in LA) that was taken over by a Chinese family. Blintzes and chow mien side by side. The food wasn't too bad, but getting the right food was sometimes a challenge. Two blintzes could easily become two orders of blintzes (6 blintzes).

When I worked in Van Nuys we all used to go to a Mexican restaurant called Mexican Jones--the result of a mixed marriage, it seems.

[Gormy Cuss]

129. That's true, but many restaurant kitchens in cities have line cooks from different ethnicities.

IMHO as long as the owners know the cuisine first hand it's okay. I've been to many excellent Italian,Greek, and other ethic restaurants in San Fran and DC where all of the line cooks were Latino. Tony Bourdain had Latino cooks at his very fancy French restaurant in NYC. Bourdain says that the best cooks came from one area of Mexico (Michoacan, maybe? I don't remember.)

[MrCoffee]

5. a giant menu sets off warning bells for me

do you really need to offer 10 pages worth of entrees? pick a few things and do them well, rather than offer everything under the sun and do it badly.

[Phillycat]

9. Exception to that rule: diners in PA and NJ.

The food is almost always good at a diner, and they always have huge menus. An English friend called menus in South Jersey "not so much a menu, as a comprehensive list of things that humans eat." :D

[yellowcanine]

24. Fly strips hanging around the kitchen and dining room.

[yellowcanine]

25. You meet the Environmental Health Inspector coming out shaking his head.

[hisownpetard]

34. Your English friend would love a restaurant on Cape Cod that's a little hole in the wall, but their

claim to fame is on their sign:
BIGGEST MENU ON CAPE COD

[lost-in-nj]

72. NJ diners ROCK!!``

Especially if they have a liquor liscence....

YUM

Eggs 95,000 ways....
any kind of toast you would want
even pisgetti

lost

[hisownpetard]

77. Yes, they do. I remember coming home from Brussels (after having lived there for a year). Cheap

student charter flight, took 30 hrs, no food, arrived 4am at Laguardia. We rented a car to drive home to NJ and there, out
of a forgotten dream, we saw a DINER. Hot food - American food! - at 4:30 in the morning, in the middle of
(practically) nowhere! What an incredible feeling. It's like the quintessence of America, in some ways, and I don't think I've ever
been able to explain it to anyone who isn't from this country. Weird, huh?

[Godhumor]

13. Cheesecake Factory's menu could be an epic poem

I remember reading an article that says servers have to memmorize multiple hundreds of menu items every few months.

That said, I do like their chocolate on chocolate fudge cake.

[fudge stripe cookays]

88. I was going to mention them...

I love their French country salad and the Navajo sandwich.

[hisownpetard]

6. One sure sign is when the word "Sanitary" is part of the restaurant's name

[JVS]

37. As in "The Sanitary Napkin"?

I loved that restaurant!

[hisownpetard]

40. UGH! (There's actually a bakery in Orange or E. Orange, NJ, named "Sanitary Bakeshop."

Oh, yeah, gimme some of that clean bread, right there, please, and I'll take
a couple of those hygienic seeded rolls, too.)

[hisownpetard]

41. When you take the last sip of your hot cocoa and a couple noodles are stuck

to the bottom of the cup (as in, chicken noodle soup, anyone?).
This happened to my brother in Montreal.
(Hi, bobo).

[musette_sf]

64. Galli's Sanitary Bakery in South San Francisco

is one of THE BEST bakeries i have ever found.

http://www.gallisbakery.com/home/

nom nom nom

on edit: 4-1/2 stars on Yelp:

http://www.yelp.com/biz/Z_NrfP9_825PUyUdYU6pjQ

[CreekDog]

68. You read my mind, I was thinking, "Galli's Sanitary Bakery is terrific..."

[DS1]

7. Gordon Ramsey runs out the door and throws up on your shoes

[caty]

19. I've seen a couple

of Ramsey's shows where it looked like he might just do that.

[SacredCow]

8. Usually if you can peg it as a tourist trap...

You can also normally peg it as bad. The kind of place that sells a $20.00 hamburger with a $5.00 side order of fries- just because a celebrity owns it, or something.

Locally, I haven't really been to all that many restaurants that I would call truly bad. One thing people in Louisiana hold sacred is food- if it's bad (or even mediocre) you might as well hang up that closed sign the day you open. The chains offer some protection to that rule of thumb, but not always. TGIFridays opened and closed within a year or so in Baton Rouge...

[meegbear]

11. The busboys are bigger than the cockroaches ...

but not by much.

[DarkTirade]

127. ... and the cockroaches order out.

[eyesroll]

12. What about the wedge salad?

Plenty of high-end restaurants have a wedge salad and charge big bucks for it. Basically, it's a wedge of iceberg lettuce and some kind of cream or cheese dressing, with garnishes like red onion. (Yes, there are good high-end restaurants and crappy ones -- I've been to both, and the presence of the iceberg wedge isn't determinative.)

[MrCoffee]

14. ok...i LIKE the iceberg wedge salad

flame on.

[Beausoir]

58. I love the wedge!

[Godhumor]

15. Wedge Salads essentially use the non-flavor of the lettuce to bring out the garnishes

In that case it is a choice to use something neutral. I meant people who serve a side salad or some such who use iceberg lettuce as the main component. If I get a normal salad I want flavor and some real nutrition, dammit!

[Sugar Smack]

16. There's a 600-foot-tall "Pedro" statue straddling it.

SOB is good for bumper stickers, though.

[trof]

17. One word: Bacos

[Richardo]

53. I've been around Tex-Mex too long: I read that to rhyme with 'tacos'

Me: What the hell is a 'baco'?

[trof]

61. BAKE-OHS. Bacon 'flavored' bits made from soy (I think).

barf
Popular(?) at salad bars.
I'll take the real thing.

[Richardo]

63. Oh I got it after I saw the pic.

It was my initial read that got me.

I may be in Texas but we're not ALL :dunce:

:hi:

[hisownpetard]

76. Soy? I thought they were polyethylene.

[caty]

The parking lot is always empty.

[yellowcanine]

20. You can see the cook at the grill picking his nose.

[BOSSHOG]

21. A great way to find out where not to eat

Ask your own pest control agent. Mine is very free with information about which eating places do a good job of keeping the kitchen clean and pest free.

[Roon]

22. I was in a restaurant once in Fontana, CA.

and all of a sudden I heard shrieking from the kitchen! The women were hysterical and this guy was trying to catch a rat using a cooking pot and a lid. I left before my order arrived.

[begin_within]

92. Ah, Fontana

now home to the lovely "California Speedway"

[Throd]

23. When "Family Restaurant" appears on the sign

Which translates to "This is a place that will tolerate your brats so we can cut corners on taste and quality".

As the father of three year old and six week old daughters I will be seeing many of these venues for quite some time.

[yellowcanine]

27. The salad bar features three different kinds of jello salad.

One of them with baby marshmallows on top.

[hisownpetard]

38. I was in a diner once where a sign said "Jello home-made." If that's your calling card,

maybe the place is not as gourmet as they say.

[yellowcanine]

43. "Homemade jello" is kind of like homemade Kool-Aid. I heard a comedian one time

talk about how he would go into a restaurant and if he saw one of his friends sitting across the room he would order a bowl of jello for him.

[baldguy]

47. Well, if they got to order out for the Jello...

[hisownpetard]

55. Nice - and much more economical than a bottle of wine. nt

[momophile]

28. pictures of the food in the front window

this is a general rule and there are exceptions.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

30. Most restaurants in Japan have pictures or plastic models of the food

in the front window.

If they don't, it means, "You probably can't afford us."

[XemaSab]

69. If it's anything other than ethnic food

For Asian or Mexican food, then pictures might equal :9

[idgiehkt]

29. music is too loud

that means bland food, way too much of it on too big a plate, and they are trying to turnover the tables to make as much money as possible.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

31. All entrees are fried and come with large quantities of greasy toast

:-)

Even the sandwiches.

[begin_within]

91. That describes a large number of small roadside eateries in a wide swath from

South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Missisippi, Louisiana to east Texas.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

32. Cats afraid to approach the rear entrance because they're terrified of the giant rats

[Initech]

33. Three simple words: "Under new ownership".

Basically that means that the old management fucked up, and now they've replaced their kitchen staff with ones who will work for peanuts, and that means shitty food quality. Happens every time.

[Beausoir]

59. Ding!

[Initech]

62. I at a place in Old Town San Diego a couple months ago.

Quite possibly the worst meal I've ever had in my entire life, and I wound up sending it back twice. Then I looked at the sign on the window and went "that explains it!".

[begin_within]

93. Which place was it?

[Initech]

97. I think it was just called Old Town Cafe.

[begin_within]

102. There's one called Old Town Mexican Cafe

Man, I hope that hasn't changed hands and is now not as good. That used to be one of the very best Mexican restaurants in San Diego, a city with several hundred Mexican restaurants. Was it the place where you could see ladies making tortillas on the right as you walked in?

[hisownpetard]

35. When the 'sneeze-guard' at the salad bar is green.

[hisownpetard]

36. When there are no truckers or priests eating there.

[EnviroBat]

39. When you see empty doog carriers at the back door...

[billyskank]

44. The customers have two or three heads apiece.

[tigereye]

48. dirty restroom....

:(

indifferent or rude or unhappy staff - not a good sign for them or the food....

[DS1]

49. It's in Chicago

[fudge stripe cookays]

89. mycritters? Is that you?

:eyes:

[DS1]

108. ahhh lighten up!

surely people here aren't still taking broadbrush strokes like that seriously

[Rabrrrrrr]

50. No greeter at the door, and the waitstaff wear aprons and are allowed to wear blue jeans.

[yellowcanine]

52. When you recognize the manager as a guy you saw in Sam's Club with three carts loaded up with frozen

entrees.

[Godhumor]

85. Heh, my wife and I had a similar experience

We were eating at a sushi restaurant in Rochester called Shiki's. We ordered an appetizer called tako-yaki (essentially pieces of octopus floating in the center of a round ball of batter), and when the chef brought our plate out we recognized it as the microwave tako-yaki we buy at Asian markets.

Yeah, we sent it back.

[grasswire]

54. I hate to be the one to tell you that iceberg is hot in trendy

...restaurants. It came back IN a few years ago, featured in the gourmet magazines and NYC restaurants. A wedge of iceberg with bleu cheese dressing was once again considered a top dish.

[trackfan]

56. Yes. The wedge salad is back,

along with Flatiron Steak, Shrimp and Grits, and Bread Pudding.

[Mike03]

60. That's Easy

Signs that a restaurant is going to be bad:


1. You get steel wool in your taco
2. Your wife gets a steel washer in her burrito
3. A pregnant woman is escorted into the dining hall with her husband and procedes to sit down on a chair that collapses beneath her!

[unpossibles]

67. we went to a Mexican restaurant in northern Indiana

that was the most awful food I've ever had. I tried to talk my friends into leaving as soon as I saw the warm tomato soup canned salsa, but they were embarrassed to do so, so... ugh. Where to start?

My friend's enchilada was an uncooked tortilla with raw onions and a slice of american cheese melted on top. I wish I were kidding. My burrito was pretty bland, but at least edible. My friend's quesadilla was also undercooked and you could see the cheese slices. The guacamole was canned. The amazing thing is the menu proclaimed they had been open for 40 years and the place was run by actual Mexicans. Now, I've been to Mexico and I know the food is not the same as our TexMex stuff, but this was just bad and cheap.

I think the restaurant must have been a front for something else, the food was so bad.

[PVnRT]

126. If it's in NW Indiana, it might be a front

The mafia has a very rich history in that part of the state.

[unpossibles]

130. it was just south of Gary (Merrillville)

so... yeah. Probably was.

[XemaSab]

70. I hate to say this....

But if you see families with like, 6 kids, and EVERY PERSON in the family is severely overweight, and they all have napkins tucked into their shirts and are just sitting there looking like piggies at a trough.... you can pretty much guarantee the food ain't gourmet. The odds go up exponentially with each additional family in the restaurant fitting the aforementioned description.

PS this is every non-Cuban retaurant in Florida. :(

[Kat45]

121. That sounds like the crowd at Old Country Buffet, all the time.

ANd it's a very diverse obese crowd. Obese families of every color, except for the Asian families; they're generally slender, and I can't figure out what they're doing there. It's all-you-can-eat, all the time. I don't go there too often because the price has gone up and I don't tend to eat a lot at one sitting.

[XemaSab]

122. Yeah, that sounds like Florida...

a United Nations of obesity. :P

[alfredo]

71. In Detroit there was a Chinese Restaurant named Bow Wow.

[hisownpetard]

78. Tell me it isn't so!

[alfredo]

101. It's true. It was on Cass ave, down the street from Cobb's Corner.

A guy I knew tried to break in and burglar the place. He was trying to get in through the transom. He'd just got his head inside when a meat cleaver stuck in the door frame right next to his head. He had a moment of clarity right then and there.

[RetroLounge]

74. Restaurant is called "Dos Gringos"

This place actually exists in Ripon, WI.

Uhm, Mexican Food made by 2 white guys?

I'll pass...

RL

[XemaSab]

79. Sometimes gringo mex is better than autentica mex

:hide:

[MilesColtrane]

104. I've had bad authentic Mexican food before,...

...but I've NEVER had good Mexican food made by non-Mexicans before.

You must be talking about California-Mex. ...fish tacos, bean sprout tamales, tofu enchiladas and the like....

[XemaSab]

109. Cal Mex is some good eatin'

:9

[yellowdogintexas]

115. Dos Gringos in Fort Worth TX is pretty damn good. Very successful

in a very competitive market for that sort of food.

[DarkTirade]

128. Oddly enough, near where I used to live we had a restaurant called 'Los Chinitos' or something like

that... a chinese restaurant run by a hispanic family. :)

[lightningandsnow]

80. Nail clippings on the floor

Seriously, I had that happen to me once at a restaurant. An expensive restaurant, nonetheless.

[hisownpetard]

86. Uccchhh.

[alarimer]

83. When the sign says "Christian Restaurant"

We have one here. Floyd's Christian Restaurant.

Personally, I find Christians too gamy but it might just be me.

[YDogg]

118. heh

[GOPisEvil]

84. Cockroaches LEAVING.

[sasquatch]

124. LOL!!

:rofl:

[LibDemAlways]

87. When you have your choice of seats because the place is

empty, and you still have to wait 10-15 minutes for someone to show up at your table with a menu.

Also, when the owner can't decide what kind of restaurant he wants to operate. There used to be a place in Finderne NJ called Buckys that served both Chinese and Italian food - neither particularly good.

[TommyO]

111. OMG, I remember eating at Bucky's!

I don't remember much about it because I was younger, but we did eat there with extended family more than a few times.

[LibDemAlways]

114. I was only there once. A cousin took me for the

novelty of it. Half the menu spaghetti, the other half chow mein. It was ridiculous.

[TommyO]

117. In Whitehall, PA there was a German/Italian combo

named Ludwig and Luigi's, I only ate there once. It closed and was replaced with a Lone Star (not only it's name, but it's rating).

[begin_within]

90. And the number one sign (drum roll) a restaurant is probably going to be bad...

... it has a great view.

[kwassa]

110. applies to most seaside restaurants in los angeles area

[LibDemAlways]

113. So true. Many of them are tourist traps.

And nothing worse than getting a choice window table with a view and then having to spend the meal fending off flies attracted to the light.

[ashling]

94. Go ahead, callme a Philistine, but

I like iceberg lettuce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jgraz]

99. Iceberg lettuce is all the rage out on the left coast

Big wedges served with remoulade, bleu cheese and bacon. It's the 2007 version of mixed greens with apples, walnuts and roquefort.

[Vanje]

95. Ptomaine is on the menu

and braised salmonella in port wine with garlic and lemon wedges

[Godhumor]

96. Adding a new one--typos on the menu

Assuming it is not a small family-run ESL restaurant, of course.

Anytime I'm in a "big" restaurant, if the owners can't be bothered to proofread their own menus, I begin to wonder about the food.

[Mendocino]

106. Along with Fetiduccine

and molded jello. Plus they give you penicillin instead of peppermints.

[Mendocino]

107. No cats, squirrels or songbirds

within a half mile radius.

[Shine]

100. When it's basically empty at the prime dinner hour

NOT a good sign

[Perry Logan]

105. When the name sounds vaguely obscene (i.e., Fuddruckers, Hooters, Furrs Cafeteria)

[TommyO]

112. "Buffet" is part of the name

I've been to a few Chinese buffets that somehow manage to escape the curse, but more often than not buffet is a harbinger of bad things inside the door.

[Xipe Totec]

116. One of these posted on the door:

[eppur_se_muova]

119. $25,000 chocolate dessert. nt

[XemaSab]

123. I've got the winner:

Food is sold by the POUND. :o

[TrogL]

125. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN OLIVE GARDEN

(rest of the rant's on my other computer)

[Lisa]

131. when the food arrives with suspicious speed ..

... and upon examining it, you realize that it was left over from the previous customer.