DU females. Do you really think that your male friend wouldn't want to...

[JVS]

you know, nudge nudge, wink wink ;-)

[Shell Beau]

1. I am sure that some of my guy friends have thought about it, but

my friend's are also my husband's friends and vice versa. You can think it all day long as long as you don't cross the line from thinking it to trying it.

[JVS]

2. Oooh the betraying a friend aspect would make it twice as naughty and fun

[Shell Beau]

4. The male brain is a weird thing!!

:P

[redqueen]

3. I just cannot stand the idea

that a guy is only friends with a woman cause he finds her attractive and wants to you know. I know that's not the whole picture but that's what I get stuck on and ooooh it drives me batty!

[JVS]

5. It isn't the only reason. It need not even be a reason for the friendship

But it's still there. It's very likely that your friends want that.

[redqueen]

8. Well... that's better I guess.

But I dunno... I still think something is very wrong with this.

I may be slightly crazy though, so ...

[Bucky]

12. for the record, I'm thinking about sleeping with every one of you right now

But just sleep. I promise. All I want to do is cuddle.

That's plausible, right?

[Capn Sunshine]

13. You missed the point

That's NOT what friendship with a man means, that sex is first-it's not! In fact, just the opposite. Or they would have hit on you up front. You must understand that male minds and libidos function differently. But sexual attraction is a component of what men like in a women friend.

[redqueen]

20. I think I get it...

But what I really think is that I will just drive myself crazy trying to understand, so best to just leave it alone and just continue to get all bristly when the subject comes up. :P

[Capn Sunshine]

25. hey...you're sexy when you do that

in a platonic yet subliminally appealing way

[Beer Snob-50]

19. i have a good female friend

(we have been friends for over 30 years now) and while i would never think of "doing her" the thought is in the back of my head and always has.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

6. I don't know, but from a guy's perspective....

Any single, straight male who has a woman "friend" always--always--carries a contingency plan in the back of his mind. I'm telling you now, don't for a second think that "just friends" is going to be considered a permanent situation for the guy, at least in his mind.

I'm just sayin'....

[JVS]

7. wise words

[Tommy_Carcetti]

9. And if the female friend has a boyfriend....

All the more nefarious the situation grows. Because the day things go sour in the relationship, the guy friend is going to be the guy who is "there" for her.

[Bucky]

23. He's also the one the cops should talk to first when the boyfriend's brakes mysteriously fail

...or am I being too Machiavellian?

[Bucky]

21. While the topic is silly, I do have quite a few female friends who don't fall in this category

Often it's because she's a friend of someone who I do find attractive--or let's say "would be open to exploring a serious relationship with." I'm a little too old to sleep around a lot without the intention of being in a relationship... and a little too conservative to jeopardize a long standing friendship with the complications that can ensue of trying to make a solid friendship into a romantic one.

And more to the point, there's a big difference between "think she's sexy looking" and "want to bump uglies with her." But that said, there's usually a couple of women in my circle of acquaintances at any given time who I'd be interested in if the timing was right. Is this NOT the case with women?

[Dora]

10. They all want to.

It's the only reason any man who isn't my husband listens to me.

[Labors of Hercules]

18. It must really be tough to be that sexy...

:evilgrin:

[redqueen]

22. See... that right there... that thought makes me SO very sad.

[Dora]

27. I do exaggerate, but I think it's mostly true.

Most all of my relationships with men not my husband do seem to be colored by the fact that I'm a woman. Most people aren't particularly subtle, y'know?

surreptitious looks at my chest
remarks about my appearance
a tuning out of whatever it is I'm saying

Sometimes I'm sad, sometimes it's boring, most of the time I don't really care.

[redqueen]

28. I dunno... the way I see it, if that's the basis for the "friendship"

then I do NOT want that person for a friend. Period.

[Dora]

29. Oh, I don't think that's the basis for the friendship, but it's there.

It often isn't apparent to me until later, I'm clueless like that.

Like the way Jack leered and made repeated lewdness after I dressed up as Alice in Wonderland for their party one Halloween, or the way he disregarded my input when we hired him to do some remodeling in our house. Jack is a musical colleague of my husband, his wife and I are friendly - I have no need to take offense at Jack's chauvinism, I'll just keep it in mind. Occasionally I'll let it get to me, but in a world full of things to be pissed off about, it's not worth it to me.

[redqueen]

30. So this part was a joke:

"It's the only reason any man who isn't my husband listens to me."

[Dora]

32. Hyperbole, I suppose. An exaggeration of something I think is mostly true.

Dealings I have with men in stores and other businesses, dealings I have with friends of ours (me and my husband is "our")...

I see evaluative looks. I'm aware when I'm being "tuned out." I would say that 80% of my interactions with men are colored by their appraisal of me as a potential sexual partner.

Or I think way too much of myself.

[tigereye]

34. do you really think so?

is that all male/female friendships are about?



I guess I don't really believe that. :shrug:


I have plenty of male friends whom I know are not attracted to me...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. most of my male friends are gay or ex lovers.

i think my ex lovers would have sex with me if the time/place was right but they are jonesing for it.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

16. Exs as "friends"

That's the prime motivation, at least I think.

The problem is, it never works, and the guy comes off looking sort of pathetic hoping to somehow recapture what is lost.

That's why I never bother with that. It's always a clean break for me.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

26. well i think my ex lovers would disagree with you. we are very close

[Phillycat]

14. Oh hell, I know it.

Almost all guys would sleep with almost all women. There is a small minority of guys who just wouldn't, because they value their relationships/marriage or whatever, and there is an equally small percentage of women who they would not have sex with because they were not physically attracted to them. Otherwise, everyone is fair game all the time. I know all my male friends have wanted to fuck me at one time or another. I have no ego about this - it's not like you have to be Miss freakin America, LOL!

Anyway, now I'm married and I don't have any close male friends whom I'm not related to, and my husband doesn't have any close female friends, so we're in the clear. :D

[EOTE]

31. Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

Men are dogs for the most part. It's not that there aren't any decent men, it's just that even the most decent of men really loves sex and kind of hates the fact that monogamy is so ingrained into culture and that sex, for the most part, is reserved for the most intimate of relationships. This is how a man thinks when it pertains to sex: Sex feels really good, and when the proper precautions are taken, very little negative can come about it, under ideal circumstances it doesn't cost anything, so sex is pretty much the ideal activity. Another point to put things in perspective. There are few things I like to do more than going out to see a movie. I can relax and enjoy myself for a couple hours, chow down on some popcorn and have a really good time. Even when seeing a really awesome movie, I've never thought to myself: "Wow, I'm really glad I'm watching this movie instead of having sex right now." No, the movie is a terribly mediocre replacement for sex at best. A night at the movies is going to cost a good forty bucks at a minimum, plus you've got to deal with all the idiots you encounter on a typical trip to the cinema. Sex is free, is awesome, and it's good exercise to boot. It's like there's this really fantastic food out there, it tastes better than the best pizza you've ever had. This food is free and limitless, and not only is this food fat-free, but it's actually good for you and provides the same health benefits of a good workout. Now society tells you that as good as this food is, you can only eat it when you're in a committed relationship and when the mood is right. Granted, you could always eat by yourself, but for some reason it's nowhere near as good that way. OK, a bit of a tangent there. What I'm saying is that if men had their way, sex would be something akin to a hug or a kiss on the cheek. I think it's the formality of it that disagrees with men. For men, a relationship is intimacy, while sex is a really fun activity. If the courting and relationship process went according to men, you might hear more conversations like this:

Jane: Hey Joe, I was thinking we could maybe go out for coffee tomorrow?

Joe: Coffee?!? We haven't even had sex yet!

[AlCzervik]

15. Doubt it.

except for one and he's really more my husband's friends than mine, he gives me the creeps and he's way too demonstrative for me.

[Pendrench]

17. Didn't Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan have a similar conversation in "When Harry Met Sally"?

I didn't see the movie, but I seem to remember seeing a scene on TV where they talked about how there is no such thing as a purely platonic friendship between a man and a woman (as far as the male is concerned, anyway).

Tim

[redqueen]

24. Yes they did!

I didn't like that scene. x(

[jberryhill]

35. Scene?

Scene?

It was the entire point around which the movie revolved.

[Inchworm]

39. Here's just the scene though

Do you really think that your male friend wouldn't want to...

:hi:

PS: Was playing with linky

[LaraMN]

33. They can *want to* do whatever they feel inclined to.

I figure as long as it's not some overwhelming compulsion, it's fairly insignificant.

:thumbsup:

[Karenina]

36. Mama Marta told me when I was 19

"Screw a friend, lose a friend." Those were different times, that short window of opportunity where one could have sex without the fear of censure, disease or pregnancy. MM wasn't 100% correct as there was such a thing as a "fucking buddy." The deal was to scope out the guy's attitudes. I learned SO MUCH about how men are wired during those "Make Love, Not War" years. What worked for me then was setting strict boundaries UP FRONT. Back then we discussed it ad infinitum. These days it's non-verbal with men while stating to SOs, when such reassurance is needed, preferably in male friend's presence, "Should he EVER cross the line I WILL HOLD HIM DOWN WHILE YOU BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM." YMMV. :rofl:

[Critters2]

37. They all love me "like a sister"

:eyes:

[Withywindle]

38. Yeah, I do. I'm not that good looking!

But as someone else said, as long as it doesn't get in the way of our geeking out on music or SF or whatever together, they can want whatever they feel like wanting. Lots of them are married or partnered or gay, though, so it's really not that big an issue.

I'm one of those women who was the only girl at the D&D table. Not looking for a boyfriend--I was just really into D&D! And you can apply that to most of my social circles since (the metal and experimental-music scenes are just as skewed). WHat they were thinking--eh, it's not my problem unless they tell me about it, now is it?

All of my (good-quality) long-term relationships have been with men I was friends with for a long time before anything romantic happened, BTW.