Two New Poems for your amusement / enjoyment / pain (poems added)

[RetroLounge]

If you feel like checking them out, and maybe even commenting too, go here...

http://www.myspace.com/retropaul

They are in my blog...

I also just added them below if you don't wanna go to MySpace...

RL

[RetroLounge]

1. The Flood

The Flood

You welcomed the flood that sweltering summer of your seventh year,
A downpour filling the August air as quickly as an uninvited thought.
For several hours it rained & then rained harder, falling over Niles,

not in proverbial buckets, nor raining down the clichéd cats-and-dogs,
but rather it seemed entire rivers fell in sheets from the angry sky
& filled & flowed & cascaded their way down Milwaukee Avenue

until finding its level, and then having done so, flowed downward
onto Grennan Place & quickly filled up the one-block-long street
from front porch to front porch, overwhelming the old storm sewers.

When the rain finally stopped, you left your dry place behind a big picture
Window & ran from your now-beachfront house & stopped & stood
& stared, looking at this new river where before there was only street.

Then someone jumped in, splashing in the waist deep water, & soon
you followed suit. No curbs or pavement left to see, the front yards
becoming the shoreline, driveways resembling boat launches, you waded

out into the center, avoiding the swirls where you thought the sewer
grates might be. Then one of the older neighbors brought out his canoe,
red as blood and sleek as a knife, & daggered his way thru the brackish

water, paddling slowly from one end of the street to the other, gliding
skillfully around partially submerged Impalas, Chevelles and a GTO,
then slaloming around Elm trees planted in front of each house along

the sidewalk. You stopped to watch him slide by you, a look of wonder
on your face, the purest of joy on his, as if to say to you, memorize this day,
remember this day, this exact moment, for it will never come along again.

RL

[hisownpetard]

6. Excellent sounds (as evidenced in the first line, welcome/swelter, summer/flood,

and all the s's and l's), almost like a line from Blake!

Even though this poem "happened" in the past, think about putting it in the present tense. (The past tense doesn't allow the reader "in" because
it's all wrapped up and done, whereas putting it in the present tense gives the poem more immediacy. Try it, and see how it feels).

Also, is the last stanza really what you wanted to say? Let's talk about it some time, ok?

[RetroLounge]

20. "almost like a line from Blake"

Thanks!

Would love to chat about it sometime...

:hi:

RL

[hisownpetard]

22. Yeah, it's a wonderful line. The way you 'toggle' between the s sounds and the l sounds,

etc. Sure, would love to talk about it (and your others, too, esp. the one about the flood).

[lizziegrace]

16. This poem reminds me of Neil Young's lyrics and imagery

"It's A Dream"

In the morning when I wake up and listen to the sound
Of the birds outside on the roof
I try to ignore what the paper says
And I try not to read all the news
And I'll hold you if you had a bad dream
And I hope it never comes true
'Cause you and I been through so many things together
And the sun starts climbing the roof

It's a dream
Only a dream
And it's fading now
Fading away
It's only a dream
Just a memory without anywhere to stay

The Red River stills flows through my home town
Rollin' and tumblin' on its way
Swirling around the old bridge pylons
Where a boy fishes the morning away
His bicycle leans on an oak tree
While the cars rumble over his head
An aeroplane leaves a trail in an empty blue sky
And the young birds call out to be fed

It's a dream
Only a dream
And it's fading now
Fading away
It's only a dream
Just a memory without anywhere to stay

An old man walks along on the sidewalk
Sunglasses and an old Stetson hat
The four winds blow the back of his overcoat away
As he stops with the policeman to chat
And a train rolls out of the station
That was really somethin' in its day
Picking up speed on the straight prairie rails
As it carries the passengers away

It's gone
Only a dream
And it's fading now
Fading away
Only a dream
Just a memory without anywhere to stay

It's a dream
Only a dream
And it's fading now
Fading away
It's only a dream
Just a memory without anywhere to stay

It's a dream
Only a dream
And it's fading now
Fading away

[RetroLounge]

2. Outside Fountain City, Wisconsin

Outside Fountain City, Wisconsin

The empty freight train rumbles beneath cloud-afflicted skies.
Empty boxcars with open doors signify hope to the wandering.
Isn’t it true, that you never really tried?

Beyond the road, redwing blackbirds take flight filling the afternoon air
With inkblots of memory, noiseless yet insistent on being heard.
The empty freight train rumbles beneath cloud-afflicted skies.

The tavern near the road is shuttered now for the winter months,
And the cabins beside it are empty like boxcars returning from slaughter.
Isn’t it true, that you never really tried?

And the autos have all moved to the new highway and the exit ramp
Was never built, but still you found a way to leave without saying goodbye.
The empty freight train rumbles beneath cloud-afflicted skies.

Filthy children sprint across the dusty field to the weed-choked tracks
And stand as close as they can as the train shakes away the years.
Isn’t it true, that you never really tried?

The blackbirds ignore the children and autos and memory and hope.
Isn’t it true, that you never really tried,
That memories deceive and the hopeful mind wanders?
The empty freight train rumbles beneath cloud-afflicted skies.

RL

[hisownpetard]

5. A villanelle!! I've never written a decent one, ever, so mega congrats to you, Sir.

[RetroLounge]

7. Thank you

:blush:

RL

[hisownpetard]

8. I can't get over that you just dashed off a vilanelle, one of the hardest forms

to adhere to without the repetition becoming maddening. And you did it.
Damn you, young'n - you shor is makin' me feel dummm as heck!

[RetroLounge]

9. I wish I had written this last week...

before the deadline. Oh well, maybe the next round of submissions...

Oh, and young'n? Thank you... :D

:hi:

RL

[hisownpetard]

10. There'll be lots of dealines, don't worry about that. Most important part is

getting it down on paper - the birth! You can always revise and edit and do all the other fun things
until you have it where every word feels good and right. But conceiving of the thought and following through
is the hardest part - and you're on a roll!!! (No better feeling in the world. Or, well, almost).

[RetroLounge]

11. LOL!

Yeah, there's one better feeling, maybe :D

:rofl:

RL

[lizziegrace]

3. I'm glad you posted these

thank you for letting me read them today.

:hug:

[RetroLounge]

4. You're most welcome

:hug:

RL

[lizziegrace]

15. So what else ya got??

;)


:hug:

[RetroLounge]

17. Oh, I got lots...

wait. You mean poems?

:evilgrin:

RL

[lizziegrace]

18. Oh...

poems. Yeah, that too. ;)


Look upthread for some Neil Young lyrics you need to see. :)

[RetroLounge]

19. Nice Lyrics...

:D

thanks

RL

[RetroLounge]

12. kick

:kick:

RL

[lizziegrace]

13. Hey!

:hug:

[RetroLounge]

14. Hey Yourself!

Just stopping at the cafe for coffee...

Going back to work now.

:hug:

RL

[BlueIris]

21. READ RETRO'S BRILLIANT POEMS, LOUNGERS.

Or I will personally beat you up. That is all; thank you.

[RetroLounge]

25. Poetry as a contact sport!

:D

RL

[BlueIris]

23. I TOLD YOU to READ THEM!!!

[RetroLounge]

24. Thanks

the view count is high (over 200)...

People are reading...

:hi:

RL