Halloween Jokes

[Parche]

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...
Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music? A. Wrap!!!!!

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean? A. A human bean.

Q. Why can't the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A. A sand-witch.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? A. You suck.

Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat? A.Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar? A. For the Boos.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire? A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? A. He didn't have a haunting license.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? A. He had no body to dance with.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? A. At the casketeria.

Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? A. He is mist.

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football? A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. Why doesn't Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat. A. Because of the coffin.

Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater? A. Because he is always a goblin.

Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A. A toasty ghosty.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal? Q. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae? A. Whipped scream.

Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day? A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q. What are ghosts' favorite kind of streets? A. Dead ends

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday? A. Fangsgiving

Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? A. Mas-scare-a.

Q. Why did the skeleton cross the road? A. To go to the body shop.

Q. What happens when two vampires meet? A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective? A. Sherlock Moans.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married? A. Newlywebbed

Q. What is a ghosts favorite place on the web? A. www.halloween.com!

Q. Who was the most famous witch detective? A. Warlock Holmes

Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop? A. Scream or sugar!

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective? A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton? A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. Where do most werewolves live? A. In howllywood, California

Q. Where do most goblins live? A. in North and South Scarolina.

Q. Where does a ghost refuel his porche? A. At a ghastly station.

Q. What do Italian's eat on Halloween? A. Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)

Q. Why did the skeleton go disco dancing? A. to see the boogy man.

Q. What do witches use in their hair? A. scare-spray

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents A. mummy and deady

Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. A. sour-puss

Q. How do you scare a mummy A. with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet? A. blood-thirsty hacker baby

Q. What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a skwaush? A. a squashed pumpkin pie.

Q. Why do ghosts shiver and moan? A. It's drafty under that sheet.

Q. What instrument do skeleton play? A: Trom-BONE.

Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast? A. Boo-Berries.

Q. What is a vampires favorite place on the web? A. www.halloween.com!

Q: Why did't the skeleton cross the road? A: He had no guts.

Q. Why do vampires scare people? A. They are bored to death!

Q. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? A. Every night he turns into a bat.

Q. What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? A. It's a pain in the neck.

Q. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? A. All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q. What songs does Dracula hate? A. "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders.

Q. What did the Mummy movie director say when the final scene was done? A. Ok, that's a wrap.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt? A. She bats her eyes.

Q. What is a vampires least favorite food? A.Steak

Q. What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A. A grave problem.

Q. Why doesn't anybody like Dracula? A. He has a bat temper.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the dentist? A. He had a fang-ache.

Q. Why are vampires like false teeth? A. They all come out at night.

Q. Who does Dracula get letters from? A. His fang club.

Q. What kind of key does a skeleton use? A. A skeleton key.

Q. What kind of gum do ghosts chew? A. Boo Boo Gum.

Q. Why did Dracula take cold medicine? A. To stop his coffin.

Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes? A. Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? A. Give him screws.

Q. What can't you give the headless horseman? A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business? A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. What is a ghosts favorite sale? A. A white sale.

Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A. A boo-tie.

Q. What's a ghosts favorite desert? A. Boo-berry pie.

Q. What type of dog does every vampire have? A. Bloodhound!

Q. What's a monsters favorite desert? A. I-Scream!!

Q. 1ST PERSON: KOCK,KOCK 2ND PERSON: WHO'S THERE 1ST PERSON: PHILLIP 2ND PERSON: PHILLIP WHO ? 1ST PERSON: ÊFILL UP MY BAG WITH CANDY !!! 2ND PERSON: HA,HA,HA (LOL) Q. Why do girl ghosts go on diets? A. So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q. When does a ghost have breakfast? A. In the moaning.

Q. What do ghosts drink at breakfast? A. Coffee with scream and sugar.

Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation? A. Mali-boo.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. Where did the ghost get it's hair done? A: At the boo-ty shop.

Q. Riddle: the maker does not want, it the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it, what is it? A. a coffin.

Q. What do they teach in witching school? A. Spelling.

Q. Why does a witch ride a broom? A. Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage? A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together? A. Broommates.

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations? A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What is a witch's favorite subject in school? A. Spelling

Q: Why can't Boy Ghosts make babies?? A: Because they have Hollow-Weenies!

Q. Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street? A. He was dying to get to the other side!!

Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get boooooo-ze.

Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get sheet-fac

:hide: :hi:

[From The Ashes]

1. here's my favorite:

Q. What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A. A handful of sheet.

[piesRsquare]

2. Q: What do you get...

when you divide the circumference of a Jack O'Lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin "pi"!

[Catchawave]

3. "Cabbie picks up a Nun"

Cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you"

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or
ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have
to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and
I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween
party."

[bif]

4. Why don't Jehovah's Witnesses like Halloween?

Because they don't like strangers coming up on their porches and bugging them.

[Greyskye]

5. Looks like I have some material to entertain the kids with tonight

Thanks! :rofl:

[madinmaryland]

6. Here's my favorite....

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

:evilgrin: