The stupidist thing anyone ever said to me

[catmandu57]

Was when I was six years old. I had just written a letter to my best friend, from my old school and I hadn't done a very good job of folding it up. So, I go to my new stepfather to get a stamp when he asks why I show him the letter I had just tried to fold, he snatched it away saying and here it is, " If you don't fold it the right way, it'll weigh more and will cost more to mail".

Now even at six close to seven years old I knew this was stupid and in all my days, I've yet to hear anything so dumb. I knew right then I was in trouble and time proved me right.

So what was the dumbest thing anyone ever said to you?

[snooper2]

1. stupidist isn't a word

stupidest is a word, but I believe it would be more proper to say, "The most stupid thing anyone -"

:)

[triguy46]

4. Stupid, Stupider, Stupidest, Superstooperdooperpooperist

[gmoney]

21. Most republicans are stupidists...

promoting their belief in stupid

[GoddessOfGuinness]

41. Stupidists worship Stupid.

[Deep13]

2. It's going to take a while to think of the most stupid thing.

Talk about finding a needle in a giant stack of needles.

[triguy46]

3. "You see, you'll never be on the cover of Time."

Her number one reason to break up with me.

[catmandu57]

6. Yeah, but what about

the cover of the Rolling Stone?

[Zavulon]

66. PLEASE tell me how you responded to that.

I'd also like to know how many of her future boyfriends made the cover. :)

[hfojvt]

77. so you're saying

you dated Hillary Rodham?

[flvegan]

87. Alas, she was WRONG

[JVS]

101. If Hitler could make it, why not you!

[triguy46]

5. "This Windows thing will never catch on."

Of course that wasn't said to me, but BY me. In 1992. I was reminded of it in 2000 when interviewing a previous employee for a job. Resume went directly to the shredder. Take that, freeper. You don't remind the decider of stupiderest things they might say.

[Dr. Strange]

7. That reminds me of a neat trick I learned for MS Word:

My Word documents were getting rather long and taking up a lot of space on my disc. So, to save space, I switched to a smaller font! How smart am I?

[Javaman]

8. I was working as a cinematographer on a really crappy low budget movie

years ago.

I have lots of experience and would do these films from time to time to make quick extra money.

The director was clueless, from about the second day of filming, she just about gave up and let me direct, but would still put on the show of being in charge.

Well she blew that image one day when we had just finished a take and she looked at me and said...

"how was that for me?"

[QueenOfCalifornia]

31. Now that's

the entertainment industry I know and love.

BwaaaHaaaa!

[MysticalChicken]

9. From my mom

We were making a macaroni and cheese recipe that called for eight ounces of shredded cheese. She'd bought a six-ounce block, and insisted that it would become more cheese when it was grated.

Um, no. No, there would not be. It can be spread over a wider area, but the actual amount of cheese remains the same.

[catmandu57]

11. Your mother

might be related to my step father.

[MysticalChicken]

39. I can still remember her exact words:

"But it becomes more cheese when it's grated!"

:banghead:

[unpossibles]

76. to be fair

a lot of people get confused because ounces can be weight or volume, and for most things, it's not the same amount.

[baldguy]

10. "If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

Don't think about it for too long, or blood will shoot out of your ears & your head will explode.

[SteppingRazor]

16. I saw that Lewis Black bit, but since my fiancee went to college on an equestrian team scholarship..

it made perfect sense to me. :shrug:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

32. Were you talking to

Dubya?

[spacelady]

44. You beat me to it! n/t

[nadine_mn]

92. now I need to go to IHOP

and relax after thinking about that

[sarge43]

12. In the exam room stripped down to earrings, wrist watch and

very inadequate paper gown, sitting on cold exam table, (GYN exam). Receptionist sticks head around corner and said, "Are you waiting for the doctor?"

If I had been faster on the verbal draw, "No. This is how I normally spend my lunch hour." :eyes:

[DS1]

13. In a reply to a support email many years ago

I was 'support', this was written back to me

"Martin,

Now that you've described everything your software can do, I want a full and accurate list of everything your software does not do"


uhm

make toast, wash your clothes, drive cars, make cars, wash cars, wreck cars, eat in cars, make food, poop,


:wtf:

[ironflange]

78. That's Management for you!

:rofl:

[av8rdave]

14. I was riding an elevator in the Benson Hotel in Portland about 10 years ago...

I was picking up for a midnight flight I had to work, so I was in uniform. The elevator stopped on the way to the lobby, and a nicely dressed, late 50ish couple got on. As the elevator continued to descend, the lady looked at me and said, "It's no wonder our airline tickets cost so much, with them letting people like you stay in places like this."

I looked at her, smiled, and replied, "Maam, I can guarantee you my airline paid a lot less for my room than you paid for yours."

Thankfully, she STFU.

[MikeH]

15. From my dad

"You talk about being independent. Be independent."

He would say that if I were angry with him or objected to something he said or did. As if because he was helping me out I had no right to be treated with basic respect (and of course he could do no wrong). Or as if it was that easy and simple for me to be "independent".

My dad did do many good things, and he was not by any means the worst father anybody ever had. And in fact he was what one would think of as being very worldly-smart.

However he often bordered on being emotionally and psychologically abusive, and he was often very insensitive and especially showed a lack of understanding of what I was really struggling with or upset about. In fact it often seemed he didn't even try to understand something from my point of view. He would often lecture me and say things like that above which demonstrated his lack of sensitivity and understanding.

Another thing he would often remind me is that his motives were good. I wish I had thought of reminding him that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

[Mira]

55. A SCHOOL TEACHER - after learning I'm an immigrant

" How interesting that you are from Europe, tell me, did they also have Indians there?"

[Bucky]

17. "Will you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded bride?" What an idiot minister!

What the hell do you think I'm doing here in this tuxedo, you blithering jackass?!

[Zavulon]

68. People have actually said no to that one.

I witnessed one such instance myself. There's something about seeing one in person that's really jaw-dropping, especially the silence that follows.

LOL at your post, though. :)

[baldguy]

18. Real one: I was 16, Ronnie was running for President.

I asked my dad - a dyed-in-the-wool republican - about "trickle-down economic": how could you have a deficit and then cut revenue and expect to balance your budget. He said "You can if you do it right."

[QueenOfCalifornia]

33. Now that is funny

really...

Your Dad is a genius.

I mean for a Republican.

[SeussTree]

19. If I change "90 feet" to "10 meters", does it still make grammatical sense?

Um, yes... but it's the mathematical sense you need to worry about here.

Perhaps this person never quite mastered the multiplication tables past 2.

BTW, edited to add that this came from a 30-something coworker earlier this week.

[catmandu57]

29. Should have told him sure

go ahead put that in your report sounds great. Welcome to DU:hi:

[SeussTree]

36. I might have, if it was internal...

but it was on something going to a client.

Thanks for the welcome!

[calico1]

20. When I was little I had an aunt who was single and

living with us at the time. She would always say to us "eat the crust of the bread. That's where all the protein is." She would say that often. One day (I was around 10) I told her "isn't the crust crust because that's where it got baked more?" She never brought up the crust/protein thing again. I love her but she can be a wacko sometimes.:D

[prole_for_peace]

23. my dad said that most of the nutrition was in the crust

and, like you, i wondered about that even though i was very young.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

34. Not only that but

she must know something about protein molecules that has been hidden from science for fucking ever...

I heard the same sort of crapola from my Mother... The crust is the part that's best for you. Okay.... so why isn't the whole thing made out of crust?

[WolverineDG]

61. I was told

it would make my hair curly. I always had the crusts but still had straight hair. :cry:

dg

[redqueen]

91. My great grandma said it would give us blonde hair.

She apparently didn't know I liked being brunette. :D

[skygazer]

22. Well, one day I was at work at about 6 am

In the grocery store. I was setting up a display near the checkstands. The lights were all on. The front door was open to let the air in. There was a checker in the checkstand and a customer having her groceries rung up. And some fool walks in and asks me, "Is the store open?"

[SeussTree]

37. That reminds me, I used to live in Europe and invariably when waiting in line,

someone would come up to me and ask if I was last in line.

I always wanted to look behind me just in case I caught a glimpse of all the invisible people back there.

[WolverineDG]

62. Never hurts to ask

I can't tell you how many restaurants & stores I've gone into under just those circumstances only to be yelled at that they're closed. ;)

dg

[ironflange]

79. I had a kind of similar experience, no words involved

I was sitting in my car outside a shop waiting for it to open. The place next door was also closed. A man strolled up and pulled on the door of this place, sorry, wouldn't budge. He peered inside, into the darkness, then grabbed the handle and pulled again. Harder this time. Nope, still won't open. He finally gave up and left. All this was in spite of the operating hours sign saying they opened at 10:00 (it was 9:30), except for being closed Mondays (it was a Monday), and especially the big one that said, "CLOSED."

[S n o w b a l l]

24. My freeper BIL...

April 9, 2003...after we tore down the statue of Saddam. "See I told ya we'd win the war" :eyes:

[stanwyck]

25. My neighbor saying she "wanted to go to Iraq"

My neighbor, a fundamentalist Christian in love with GWB, said two amazingly stupid things to me. She was cheerleadiing the war to me (I'm the mother of a Marine with 3 tours to Iraq. Our family, including our Marine, are all liberals) and (first stupid comment) lamenting that her 22 yr. old son had NOT enlisted to fight in Iraq - as she had encouraged. Then, (second stupid comment) "I'd like to go fight in Iraq. I wish they'd take me." OK. How amazingly stupid. No branch of our armed forces is going to take a 50 yr. old out of shape woman. So. Why even make a statement like that? It's meaningless.

[catmandu57]

30. I don't know

they've really lowered their standards, she may have got the surprise of her life. I hope everything is going well for your son, is he home now?

[stanwyck]

59. Yes.

Thanks for asking! He's at Lackland AFB training with the canine unit.

[raccoon]

53. I don't think it was meaningless. She wanted to get credit for being willing to go, when she knew

darned well the military wouldn't take her.

[ironflange]

80. Did you offer to pay her way?

Sounds like money well spent.

[ironflange]

26. I was working the Big Four lounge during the Calgary Stampede

There was a live band playing every night. After a few days a co-worker came up to me and said, "That band isn't very good. They just keep playing the same songs every night." They actually weren't very good, but not for that that reason.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

27. By my husband... (shhhh don't tell.)

He asked me:

"Where do you keep the ice cream?"

I was watching the TV and i just looked at him like.... WTF????? then I said:

"I keep it in the front closet with the coats because it seems so cruel to keep it so-o-o cold in the FREEZER."

[MissB]

86. Bwahahahahahaha

:rofl:

[JVS]

102. That isn't a real question. It's a hint that he'd like you to fetch some for him

I've seen it used at partys

[QueenOfCalifornia]

105. He does act

like a helpless idiot at times.

Hmmmmm.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

28. My ex-mother-in-law had a couple of good ones:

There was a knot in a lamp cord, and she told her husband that the lamp wouldn't work until the knot was untied so the electricity could get through. Then their refrigerator malfunctioned and there was smoke coming out from the grill on the bottom, and she said, "Is it supposed to smoke like that?"

[cloudbase]

35. It wasn't stupid at the time,

but I was told to buy the best slide rule that I could, since I'd be using it for my entire career as an engineer. I've still got it.

[knitter4democracy]

38. I had a gem of a student once. At least he brightened my day.

We were doing Heart of Darkness, and the kids were doing art projects instead of papers (they were having a hard enough time just reading the book), and this kid stops me after school one day to ask about his model of Kurtz's hut.

Him: "How do they do the wires up to the house?"
Me: "What wires?"
Him: "You know, the wires on houses. How do I do that with my project? How do I put the wires up to the hut?"
Me: "Oh, um, no, they didn't have wires then. The book is set in late 1800s central Africa. They didn't have electricity."
Him: "So, what did they do for television?"
Me (really trying hard not to laugh): "Hon, they didn't have tv then. In fact, television's a fairly recent invention. Many people in the US didn't have television until the late 1960s, almost a hundred years after this book is set."
Him: "They didn't have Oprah?!"

Oprah would kick his ass if she knew he thought she was that old. ;)

[hisownpetard]

40. Me? Having an affair? I've never even heard that woman's name before!!!"

[Quantess]

42. "Are you pregnant?" , a stranger asked me.

"No."

[AllegroRondo]

51. As Dave Barry once said

"unless you actually see a baby coming out of her at that time, never assume a woman is pregnant."

[Kutjara]

43. "Is the Moon the Sun at night?"

This was asked by an honors graduate from an Ivy League school. Liberal arts, of course. :hide:

[Maccagirl]

45. Someone asked me "Have you always been this short?"

I'm 4'11". My response: "No, I used to be 5'10" but I went to a Who concert and haven't been the same since."

[woo me with science]

46. working in a bookstore

a customer came in and angrily complained that her book had been printed upside down. i calmly took the book behind the counter, reversed the dust jacket, and handed it back to her.

also, at my last job, my boss was griping that she needed to throw out all the paper clips and buy new ones, because the ones she had were too loose now and let papers slide through. i showed her how you can bend the paper clip in the opposite direction, and it holds papers tightly again.

[China_cat]

47. My first husband, dealing with the fact that the

contractions were coming 3 minutes apart, looked at me and said "are you sure you want to go through with this?"

[sarge43]

48. Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner. n/t

[Burma Jones]

63. That is one of the funniest things I've heard........

[ironflange]

81. Was he doing this too?

[China_cat]

84. No video cameras in those days.

Long befoe Lemaze. No fathers allowed in the delivery room, either. But even if there were, he got creeped out at night when I'd snuggle up to him and the baby would move. He'd have been a wreck if presented with an actual delivery.

[crim son]

49. First day in an american high school (Oregon) after moving down

from Canada (Vancouver, B.C.) i.e. two states down from the border. "Did you live in an igloo?" TENTH grade!

[Perry Logan]

50. "Are you ready to rock?"

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

52. Bush/Cheney '04

Dumber than a sack of doorknobs...

To elaborate, I had an in-law tell me that he thought Bush had totally screwed up his first term, but he "deserved a chance to make things right."

WTF?! Fortunately, this is the husband of one of my wife's cousins -- so there's no way I'm anywhere close to that gene pool.

[displacedtexan]

54. Why God made people different colors...

According to a Lutheran minister, God got tired of everyone looking the same.

I was 8, and my 3rd grade public school teacher had already covered climates in Africa and
Europe (and how different diets, locales, and genetic ancestries made people look different after many
generations).

[wicket]

56. A guy in high school told me ice cubes freeze faster when made with hot water

He said this in front of our Physics teacher who started laughing heartily.

[eppur_se_muova]

99. Actually, that is true *sometimes* -- (link)

"To the first part of the question--'Does hot water freeze faster than cold water?'--the answer is 'Not usually, but possibly under certain conditions.' It takes 540 calories to vaporize one gram of water, whereas it takes 100 calories to bring one gram of liquid water from 0 degrees Celsius to 100 degrees C. When water is hotter than 80 degrees C, the rate of cooling by rapid vaporization is very high because each evaporating gram draws at least 540 calories from the water left behind. This is a very large amount of heat compared with the one calorie per Celsius degree that is drawn from each gram of water that cools by regular thermal conduction.

"It all depends on how fast the cooling occurs, and it turns out that hot water will not freeze before cold water but will freeze before lukewarm water. Water at 100 degrees C, for example, will freeze before water warmer than 60 degrees C but not before water cooler than 60 degrees C. This phenomenon is particularly evident when the surface area that cools by rapid evaporation is large compared with the amount of water involved, such as when you wash a car with hot water on a cold winter day.

"Another situation in which hot water may freeze faster is when a pan of cold water and a pan of hot water of equal mass are placed in a freezer compartment. There is the effect of evaporation mentioned above, and also the thermal contact with the freezer shelf will cool the bottom part of the body of water. If water is cold enough, close to four degrees C (the temperature at which water is densest), then near-freezing water at the bottom will rise to the top. Convection currents will continue until the entire body of water is 0 degrees C, at which point all the water finally freezes. If the water is initially hot, cooled water at the bottom is denser than the hot water at the top, so no convection will occur and the bottom part will start freezing while the top is still warm. This effect, combined with the evaporation effect, may make hot water freeze faster than cold water in some cases. In this case, of course, the freezer will have worked harder during the given amount of time, extracting more heat from hot water."

http://www.sciam.com/askexpert_question.cfm?articleID=0008EB6B-6C7E-1C71-9EB7809EC588F2D7

[Tuesday Afternoon]

57. Just last week, I heard the stupidest thing anyone has ever said

to me :dunce: It is so stupid that it is not fit for open forum :crazy: Of course, next week, this person will probably say something stupider :silly:

[LaraMN]

58. My first grade reading teacher told me that I would have to write with my blood

since I forgot to bring a pencil.

That was more mean than stupid, but it was stupid that he was mean.

[Fleshdancer]

60. "Tony Blair? Doesn't he play for the Minnesota Vikings?"

:(

My problem is that I assume everyone is up to speed on current events. It's a real let down when the truth smacks me upside the head.

[quip]

83. They were probably thinking of Matt Blair

I'm guessing this happened a few years ago.

[SteppingRazor]

64. This happened to a friend of mine, but it's worth repeating. Definitely stupidest thing I've heard..

So, this one guy who's a friend of a friend says upon meeting another guy, "Wow, you're really short. Your parents must be short ... that's OK, my parents are short too -- EXCEPT MY DAD."

[Zavulon]

65. When I was a teenager I worked at a pizza place, and

If I had a dollar for every time some dumb shit said "how many pieces in a medium" or "how many pieces in a large" when deciding on what size pizza to get, I could have bought the store.

I kid you not when I say that people used "how many pieces" instead of "how many inches" 75% of the time.

[eppur_se_muova]

100. Maybe they're planning to split it with someone?

three people --> six slices good, eight slices bad
four people --> eight slices good, six slices bad

Moral relativism at work.

Of course, the smarter question is "would you cut that into <6,8> slices for me"?

[JVS]

103. Just what I was about to say.

[Zavulon]

104. You should have seen the faces on some of these people when

I'd say something like "six or eight, your choice." :rofl:

[catmandu57]

67. Okay one more

then I'm crawling back to bed. A few years ago my wife and I were on vacation and drove from Arizona into New Mexico, as we were driving along she says to me, "How did we get across the border without a passport"?

[krispos42]

89. You have to change in your money, too...

to the New Mexican Peso.

:rofl:

[Deep13]

69. My wife and I were wandering around Boston a few years ago.

We were making our way to the Old North Church. During the Revolution, the American troops received a signal in the form of two lanterns to let them know the British were advancing by sea.

So we stop in this store (it was office supplies or something) and asked the clerk (not a foreigner) if he could point us in the direction of the Old North Church.

He said there were a lot of churches in the north of Boston and had no idea which one we meant.

I said, "Thee Old North Church. You know, one if by land, two if by sea."

He just stared at me with a blank look.

Well, we left and after walking for a couple minutes we found it within spitting distance of the guy's shop.

[Downtown Hound]

70. In high school I briefly worked in a paint store

One memorable conversation with a customer went like this:

Customer: "Do you have 4 quarts of this color in stock?"

Me: "Sure. I can mix that up for you. So you want one gallon of it?"

Customer (now very agitated): "NO, I DON'T WANT A GALLON! I SAID I WANTED 4 QUARTS!"

Me: "Um, okay, would you like me to put it all in one container?"

Customer: "Sure that'd be great!"

He only inquired once as to what I was snickering about the rest of the time, and I never told him the answer. For foreign DU'ers that use the metric system, 4 quarts is equal to one gallon.

[ironflange]

82. Nice going

You should have done up four quart cans, it probably would have cost Einstein twice as mush.

[Downtown Hound]

85. I actually thought about charging him for four separate quarts

After all, he expressly said that he didn't want a gallon, he wanted four quarts. I just happened to put them all in a container that happened to read "gallon" on it as a matter of convenience, per his request. The customer is always right, after all.

In the end I decided against it. But it would have been funny.

[Bassic]

71. I can't recall the stupidest thing I've ever heard, but

I know the stupidest thing I've ever seen. One of my friends rents a condo in a high-rise. On the elevator door there is a sign that says.... elevator! What the big metal sliding door and the buttons arent obvious enough?

[EstimatedProphet]

72. I was working on a refuge in northern MO, and people wanted to see penguins

Seriously, they heard there was a huge penguin migration through northern Missouri every year.

They meant pelicans. They didn't know the difference.

[Pierre.Suave]

73. I twas recently...

when someone said this: "Dolphins used to look like humans and lived in Atlantis "

Dumbest damn thing I have ever heard...:P

[unpossibles]

74. "we're fighting in Iraq because they hate our freedoms!"

or "Rush Limbaugh is not propaganda" which was followed by a whole screed which was nothing more than a list of propaganda points Rush uses.

[Phillycat]

75. This thread is great! Okay, working at my old record store...

An actual conversation:

Customer: Hi, I'm looking for a song.

Me: Okay. Do you know artist or title?

Customer: I heard it in my car on the way to the gym.

Me: Uh-huh. Is there guitar in it, or piano?

Customer: WELL. It's REALLY pretty.

Me: Do you know anything at all about the artist?

Customer: The CD cover is blue.

Me: Maybe the title of the song, or part of the title?

Customer: It had "love" in the title.

Me: *repeatedly banging head against counter*

[WinkyDink]

93. I was on the other side of one of those, heh. I asked for the CD's of "that

singer who looks like Howdy Doody."

Clerk immmediately replies, "Rick Astley?" Bingo!

[LynneSin]

88. Stupidiest thing ever said to me - when some asshole said "Vote Rick Santorum" back in 1994

seriously - could you get any dumber than that?

[sakabatou]

90. "Where over [in Iraq] fighting for freedom!"

[ceile]

94. "Do you ride horses to school?"

The question that was always asked by kids when they found out I was from Houston. Always thought that was just about the dumbest thing I'd ever heard.

[kwassa]

95. 'Why, Buffalo wings taste just like chicken!"

[LeftishBrit]

96. "Please let me know if you don't receive this e-mail."

One of the stupidest requests that the university admin made of my department: "We would like to receive a contingency plan for what your department will do if everyone in it dies of bird flu." (Hmm, well, I suppose we'd have to cancel our lectures for the week!)

My Japanese friend, when working in London, was asked, "Does Japan belong to Hong Kong?"

[Robb]

97. "Are there places to ski close to Denver?"

Granted, she was from Australia, but still. :D

[hippywife]

98. Not said to me but

when I was younger my grandfather married a much younger woman who wasn't too bright. We lived in Columbus, OH and they lived in Portsmouth, OH 2 hours drive directly south on the Ohio River. She said something in conversation with my parents about the difference between Columbus and Portsmouth.