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60 above zero
- Floridians turn on the heat.
- People in North Dakota plant gardens.
50 above zero
- Texans shiver uncontrollably.
- People in Minot sunbathe.
40 above zero
- Italian and English cars won’t start.
- People in North Dakota drive with the windows down.
32 above zero
- Distilled water freezes.
- The water in Grand Forks gets thicker.
20 above zero
- Alabamans don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and wool hats.
- People in North Dakota throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero
- New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
- People in North Dakota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
Zero
- People in Miami die.
- North Dakotans close the windows.
10 below zero
- Californians fly to Mexico.
- People in North Dakota get out their winter coats.
25 below zero
- Hollywood disintegrates.
- The Girl Scouts in North Dakota are selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero
- Washington, D.C., runs out of hot air.
- People in North Dakota let their dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero
- Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
- North Dakotans get frustrated because they can’t start their trucks.
460 below zero
- Atomic motion stops at absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.
- People in North Dakota start saying, “Cold ‘nuff, yet?”
500 below zero
- Hell freezes over.
- North Dakota public schools close.
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