What if a Mascot at Disneyland was having a REALLY BAD day?

[Sugar Smack]

Say it's Goofy. And the woman was hired to wear the costume because she's tall and she's really good at galumphing around. She's PMSsing and just quit smoking. Her dream job at The Smithsonian never panned out, although she was an ace scholar in art and history at a really prestigious college. Being called Goofy every day is beginning to irritate her.

So, her boss calls her into his office and reprimands her. Her lungs are in the process of healing, so she's hocking up oysters in front of the children. She tries to be discreet, but it's really tough. Anyway, he orders her to "stop coughing" and sends her on her way, calling out to her to "go out there and galumph" like she REALLY MEANS it.

All the bathrooms are being worked on, so the's forced to stand in a public line with her bladder aching. Naturally, there is one ladies' room to one men's although the discrepancy between the volume of either sex is out of control. The woman in front of her turns around, holding her little girl's hand. The woman was her worst enemy in high school, and her daughter asks Goofy why she couldn't just go find a fire hydrant.

What Would Goofy Do? :o

[flvegan]

1. Pull a Rambo with a taser in each hand.

[Sugar Smack]

3. Heh, heh! The poor thing's already being stared at by

all the women and children in line. Nightmares for the children forever!! Personally, I'm fond of the body slam myself. ;-) Along with a colorful stream of obscenities.

[flvegan]

5. Problem with the bodyslam is that once done

you can't effectively kick them with those big, puffy shoes on. It's like slugging them with a pillow. Also, if you taser everyone in line, you're next for the restroom.

[Sugar Smack]

7. OMG, it's the height of all resourcefullness!

You'd think that Goofy would get presidence in line, but that's just not the way the world works.

[DS1]

2. Order a hit on K-Fed

[Sugar Smack]

4. Y'know, I think we may have a winner here

although I have no idea what it means. It sounds nice and clean and discreet, though.

[peekaloo]

6. ask the child how many ounces of liquid she supposes those souvenir Mouse

ears/cap will hold.

[Sugar Smack]

8. It's you, peekaloo!

And she'd probably be at the point, sanity all stretched out of shape, to be really menacing about it. Put that big Goofy head right up to the kid and scare the living daylights out of everybody.

:silly:

[peekaloo]

11. btw

I once had a friend who had the Goofy gig at Disney World. Kids were always kicking the ass of his costume, making it bounce, then laughing at his bouncy butt.

Without going into too much detail my friend lasted less than a week in that job. It seems parents don't appreciate Goofy calling their kids "rotten bastards". Who knew? :dunce:

[Sugar Smack]

12. Oh. My. God. Your friend must have had hundreds of stories

to tell about that one. "rotten bastards"!!! I'm laughing and my keyboard is in peril. I mean, where's the dignity? Where's the dignity in being forced to be Goofy just so you can cover your auto insurance???

Honestly, I would last less than a week at such a gig. The world isn't kind to galumphing mascots.

[AllegroRondo]

14. A friend of mine was a musician at Disney

he had lots of stories about the mascots.

My fave was Snow White yelling "wheres my f###ing cigarretes!!" as she came off duty.

[Sugar Smack]

18. Poor Snow White.

That's too funny. I wonder if there's ever any tension between her and Cinderella? I can just picture a little boy screaming, "CAT FIGHT" while his mom tries to pull him away.

:spray:

[regularguy]

9. I think goofy would put that white foamy bathroom soap on his/her

face and run rabid around the park screaming the Harry Potter ending at the top of his/her lungs. Then take a bath and write a letter to the editor.

[Sugar Smack]

10. LOLOLOLOL!

You know, at that point I myself woudn't be within shouting distance of my own sanity. Screaming the ending to Harry Potter! You have a lil' sadistic streak in ya, don't you, honey?

:spray: :patriot:

[regularguy]

13. When the world conspires to put your ass in a goof y costume,

you need to lash out with a proportional level (very high) of sadism. Unfortunately, er I mean forunately, I have a good job I need to keep.

[Sugar Smack]

Yeah, when things get BAD, I need to remind myself of three things

I have going for me:

1) At least I haven't killed anyone.
2) At least I'm not stuck in a pipe.
3) At least I'm not drinking Barium.

Maybe I should add "At least I'm not known as Goofy" in my professional life.

[Richardo]

34. I can't use your proposed #4

:cry:

[Sugar Smack]

36. Oh, don't cry, my pet. I think being stuck in a pipe would

lower your morale and pep squad enthusiasm more than just about anything. I've a strong stomach, but I can't take Stephen King's descriptions of being wedged in some pipe somewhere.
Oh, LAWD!! I had to put the books down when that started up.

[texas1928]

15. Sic his dog Pluto on them,

http://i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=25260

Watch the video.

[Sugar Smack]

16. Damn! I can't watch videos on my computer.

I wish I could. That one must be hilarious. In the Hierarchy of Mascots, I'll bet Pluto is higher than Goofy on the totem pole. Quelle shame.

:pals:

[texas1928]

17. Pluto character at one of the Disney parks is chasing a kid around.

you can tell by the way the kid id running, he did something to piss the person in the suit off.

[Sugar Smack]

21. Endless fun!

I want to see that on someone else's computer. It's the little incongruities of life that keep me going.

[Roon]

66. I feel so bad for that actor playing Pluto

he clearly lost it in the heat of the moment and probably lost his job! Poor guy...

[Sugar Smack]

68. Life can be so cruel to happy-looking mascots.

Where are the days when dogs can be dogs, Whatsits can be Whatsits, and children don't have to torment the grownup workers of the world?? Let's give them popcorn so their little hands & feet aren't so busy.

[skygazer]

19. Goofy would have used the men's room

[Sugar Smack]

20. By this time, Goofy's sanity is so battered

she doesn't have the presence of mind to use the men's, I reckon. ;-)

[Sugar Smack]

22. *WEWGD?*

Shameless kick because I'm working on a story. :D

[LSK]

23. you work at Disneyland now?

:hide:

:popcorn:

[Sugar Smack]

25. In the interest of National Security, I'd rather not say.

:P :P :P :P :P :P :P

[KitchenWitch]

24. I have it on good authority that most of the Goofys are men in the costume

[Sugar Smack]

26. D'you know, this is one story I really have to hear.

Are your sources reliable? If so, what sort of methodology had they used to ascertain the sex of the person behind the mask? :rofl:

[KitchenWitch]

27. LOL

I will PM you.

[Richardo]

28. I have a question:

This story, is it at all autobiographical?

[Sugar Smack]

29. No, thank god.

:hug: Richardo.

I was procrastinating one day, and wandered into a daydream of what the world's worst job would be for someone who was overly fond of her dignity. Then applied ordinary job peeves to extraordinary circumstances. Right now I'm at the point in my story where the boss is sitting at the same breakroom table where she gets 15 minutes to eat. She's been thinking about THIS SLICE of PIZZA all day, and her feet hurt.

Anyway, whatever peace and concentration she's hoped for is completely destroyed by her boss watching her eat.

"Cheese clogs up your arteries, you know that?"

My God, it's so great to see you!!:D :loveya: :yourock:

[Richardo]

30. I love the thread of the story so far...

:rofl: + :loveya:

(Plus I always liked that 'Samir' line :D )

[Sugar Smack]

31. Oh, what did he say? What did he say??

I've seen the DVD like five times, but most of the lines are so GREAT I don't know which one you're talking about.

"I'm going to..to b-burn this place down" *Snort*

[Richardo]

32. "I have a question."

"In these conjugal visits, we can have sex with women?" :D

[Sugar Smack]

33. That next-door neighbor was too funny,

and I have little to no compunction about hijacking my own thread!

[Richardo]

35. "Hey! Sugie! Channel nine man, it's the breast exams!!"

:rofl:

That guy was exactly like my brother about 20 years ago. Cracks. Me. Up.

[Sugar Smack]

37. HahaHAAAAhahahahaha!

Oh, shit! Are you serious, sweetie? OMG, that guy was all about survival of the fittest and room-temperature beer, wasn't he? LOLOLOLOL

[Clintonista2]

47. IMO the least dignified job would have to be mall cop

I hope nobody reading this is a mall cop, but I gotta say, that would be a pretty crappy job.

[Sugar Smack]

60. Ah, my imagination cannot embrace the indignities

of that one. I am well aware there might be mall cops reading this, but SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS are Goofys! *smile*

[Javaman]

38. piss on the kids head and quit. lol nt

[Sugar Smack]

39. Javaman, it is physically impossible to piss on a kid's head!

I believe that dogs have a special "piss ejaculate" located behind their bladders, making it technically feasable to aim and squirt. However, the child would have to be forcibly restrained (and felled) to receive her punishment. I do feel that the punishment is suited to the crime, in this case. Thank you for that. I love your writing, by the way.

[Javaman]

59. lol

plus being in a hot suit with more than likely a zipper up the back would prove more self destructive than anything lol

Thanks for the compliment, I didn't think anyone read my stuff. :)

cheers.

[IndianaJones]

40. When the girls mom isn't looking, run her thumb across her own neck...

and then point at the little girl. Subsequently, ignore her.

[Sugar Smack]

41. That sounds like a job for a mad Minnie Mouse.

Less attention, less outrage. Minnie Mouse's reputation is solid. Just look at that smile! Just think of what a guy in a Minnie Mouse costume has to put up with. Aw, geeze. I'd rather work on a chain gang, myself.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

42. Steal elections, invade Iraq, and not find Harriet Miers creepy...

Oh the OTHER Goofy.


I see. oops.

Hiya Sugz darlin! :hug: :loveya:

[Sugar Smack]

43. Oooh, identity theft. Another one we can easily pin on the Chimp.

Although I believe monkeys are wonderful & noble creatures, despite their reputations as waste-throwing ne'er-do-wells.

How've you been, my dear?? I'm really glad to see you, Maestro. *Loveya!*

[SalmonChantedEvening]

51. Primates are family ;)

I am doing purdy good, just tired after another day of As the Rotor Turns.

Didja get back online at home?

Maestro :blush: Been doing more drumming than writing lately, as you luckily can't hear. ;)

Always a joy to see you too Sugz :D

:stuffinouttayahug: :bounce:

[Sugar Smack]

55. YOU have the darlingest way of putting things:

:stuffinouttayahug:

Same back to you, and in the best of ways, better you than me.

*LOLOLOL!*

[SalmonChantedEvening]

61. Invite!

Mike Malloy Dinner Theater begins inna coupla minutes

Stop by, get some truthseeker huggage and bring a plate :)

[Maine-ah]

44. Goofy's a dog, right?

I'd hump her leg.

[Sugar Smack]

46. I don't want to give you any "bad information"

but I BELIEVE Goofy's a dog. Pluto is; anyone off the parsnip truck can see THAT, but Goofy seems to be an aberration. It makes me want to hang my head in sadness.

[Liberalynn]

45. My sister got

goosed by Goofy once while at a conference in Disney World! No kidding!

:rofl:

[Sugar Smack]

50. NO!! Say it ain't so! I'd say Goofy has a temper, but prurient

interests as well? And I've just discovered that Goofy might be a "Whatsit" instead of a dog!! I suppose I might be worried more about the welfare of the ones who give Goofy The Eye instead of visa-versa.

How'm I gonna sleep tonight now? *LOL*

[Liberalynn]

54. Sorry to damage your image of Goofy!

;) He "ain't nothing but a hound dog!" Sorry, couldn't resist that one. :rofl:

[Sugar Smack]

57. My image of Goofy is rather shaky at this point.

I believe something's in the air for those poor critters.

Goofy is a CRITTER! That's IT!! And a Hound Dog.

And a put-upon employee of Disney, bless its heart.

[asthmaticeog]

48. Please conjugate the verb "to galumph."

In Latin.

[Sugar Smack]

52. No, I most certainly will not, your excellence.

You want too much. But I will in English.

I galumph.
You galumph.
He galumphs.
She galumphs.
We galumph.
They galumph.

It occurs to me that "galumph" is not one of those sexy verbs that needs verbal & linguistic artistry. Just now.

[asthmaticeog]

56. Harrumph.

Your cop-out lacks oomph.

Did you know that the word "galumph" was originally coined by Lewis Carroll? What a triumph.

[Sugar Smack]

58. I'M HAVING AN OFF-DAY!

I couldn't get OOMPH if I paid for it, or solicited it! Whaddaya want from me? I work in a dress shop! I'd conjugate galumph in any language if I were on a chain gang. Or cleaned up booths at an adult bookstore. I can conjugate "cute" even though it's an adjective.

Goose me again, tough guy.

[asthmaticeog]

62. Wait...

... I get to goose you? :D

[Sugar Smack]

63. Goose this goofy fanny, baby.

I'm sure it's fluffy enough for any knuckle. Just don't get eeked out if you see a quasi-dog jumping with glee.

*snort* *rofl*

[asthmaticeog]

64. I dunno if I'm so keen on the whole plushie thing, though.

:shrug:

[Sugar Smack]

65. C'mon. It would be like lobbing a Beanie Baby at someone's head.

What's to fear? I think I still have a beanbag at my own room at home. But I see what you're saying: nobody likes a person who'd look at Goofy with anything but slow-witted expectancy.

[asthmaticeog]

67. Throw in a drool-cup and I'm there!

I liek teh gufy hes fun lolol

[Sugar Smack]

69. Do you want me to fix your "Delete" key? Precious?

I'll do it. Just hook me up with a strawberry double-dip and I'm all yours.

[asthmaticeog]

70. Are you talking in code or something?

:shrug:

[Sugar Smack]

71. Git "shruggy" out of here so we can talk in private!

Man, that cat really rubs my nerves wrong. Goofy could use a cup of coffee and a vitamin shot next to me. I'm talking about ice cream, my sweet. What are you talking about?

PS- anyone who tells us to "get a room" gets a full-sized wedgie.

[asthmaticeog]

72. Apologies for shruggy.

You and jpgray - y'all's some shruggy-hatas.

[Sugar Smack]

73. Well, shruggy's done NOTHING for us but not care.

Those dismissive shoulders, those arched eyebrows and shaking head, what's not to hate? You are a handsome specimen, though, especially if you took your eyes off the backs of your hands. Mmmm. I saw your pic, but we'd all love to see your face.

[asthmaticeog]

74. It's not that he doesn't care, it's that he doesn't understand.

<== progmom drawed that of me a long time ago. Yay.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

49. Something like this?

http://youtube.com/watch?v=TQJRoIPYK1w

[Sugar Smack]

53. Damn, I'm not able to watch videos currently

on my computer. How are you doing? I missed you!