Shopping trip from hell. DD was a real brat.

[QMPMom]

We did our shopping this morning and DD, as usual, went with us. She wanted a treat and we said she could have one if she was good. The treat was to be a Slurpee.

OMG. She *owes me* Sluprees at this point she was so bad. She threw a temper tantrum in the bathroom at the produce market. I took her to the car and my husband finished the shopping. She hit me so hard that I have bruises.

Stores are the only places she acts like this.

Like I said in another thread, I am depressed now and need comfort food. My son is making me a baloney sandwich on toast. Love baloney sandwiches on toast.

[rug]

1. Put her on an airplane and send her somewhere.

[mzteris]

2. Sensory Integration Disorder?

Pardon my intrusion, but . . when you said "stores are the only places she acts like this." - I'm on some boards with people whose children have the same issues - and it "sounds like" - it "could be" SID. Or there could be other issues.

Anyway - Possible "store" triggers:

Fluorescent lights.

Noise.

Crowds.

Slurpees (they're like poison to some people you know....)

Too much "stuff".

OVERLOAD.



Also, how old are we talking about? Any other issues?

[Pithlet]

12. My son has that.

It's getting more manageable as he gets older, but that was the source of a lot of our problems when going out in public when he was smaller. If the lights were too bright or there was too much noise, he'd lose it. Thankfully he's learned some coping skills with his OT.

[mzteris]

13. it's always helpful to know WHY

a child is behaving the way it is.

Maybe there's a real problem that needs to be addressed instead of "just behaviour".

Behaviour that erratic - and that "area specific" - isn't just a "behaviour problem".

:hug: to you and your son.

Glad it's getting better!!!

[Pithlet]

17. Thanks.

He's starting Kindergarten in a couple of weeks. He'll be running with the big dogs :) :hi:

[fizzgig]

3. hope you're feeling a bit better

:hug:

[amitten]

4. Um...you allow your daughter to HIT you?

No offense, but that's half your problem.

Hit her back (not hard). She will soon change her ways. And no, it won't "teach" her to be abusive (clearly she's already figured that out on her own). It will simply teach her consequences.

Kids never learn without consequences...period. And saying "No" over and over again is not a consequence.

[bicentennial_baby]

5. Her daughter is mentally disabled, iirc, and nearly an adult.

I think that's a major issue here. :shrug:

[amitten]

7. Oh, I did not know that. I guess professional help is needed...

which I know nothing about.

[mzteris]

15. WHAT??????????

HIT HER BACK?

Yeah, that'll teach the little brat.

:eyes:

[amitten]

18. I'm sorry...I didn't know she is disabled.

But with average kids who often act out violently (without having been provoked or raised around violence) sometimes they don't know what it really is to hit someone.

If you hit them back, LIGHTLY (not a real hit), it scares them a little and makes them realize what hitting actually is. If you never do this, they often don't understand why they are being reprimanded. They don't understand that hitting causes pain in others, and don't understand why they shouldn't do it.

[mzteris]

19. I have to disagree -

the advice is the same. No hitting.

No hitting back.
No biting back.

No violence. It only teaches violence.

There are ways to teach a child without hitting them. You have to start young, you have to be consistent, and you have to be patient.

Saying no sternly - not yelling - but taking their hands and holding them - "NO HITTING." Depending on the age - sitting in "time out" - yeah I said time out. Time, place, varies on age/child. It may be 30 seconds for a really young one. (a minute a year is average) - Removing them from the situation. Removing them from social interaction. Teaching them that it's not okay to hit and that hitting will get you exactly "NOTHING." No real attention. No reaction. No play. NO FUN. Start young enough - and that's all you really need.

Kids want/need social interaction. Putting them in a position where they can't have that - is something they avoid. And no - "go to your room" doesn't count - because kids have so much stuff in there. Mine sat on the stairs. Nothing to play with. No one to talk to. Nothing but to sit and stare and THINK -

As the get older, it's: "I want you to think about why you're sitting here. And when -- I come back/you're ready to talk (depending on the situation) - I want you to tell me what it is you did that caused you to be here and how you could have kept that from happening and what you're going to do to keep that from happening in the future.

But even for the wee ones - no, you don't "need" to hit them back. Seriously.

[amitten]

20. Disagree. They already know violence without being taught.

Some of the most physically violent children I know are from families who never spank or even raise their voices. Children know how to be violent without ever observing it...it's part of human nature right along with all the good things. Giving kids a taste of their own medicine teaches them how truly bad it is to hit someone, because then they understand the nature of their actions. You can tell them all you want how they have hurt someone, but often they don't really get it. Because they are children.

My Mom babysits a little boy who has a violent streak. He has never been to a preschool and has never been spanked. He has no mental problems. He has just decided it's okay to bite others. His parents only scold gently when he bites, or put him in time-out. In over six months, this has done nothing to stop him. He bites his parents on a regular basis, and bites their guests. Sadly, the adults who know him have come to dislike him. And this is not his fault...it is the fault of his parents.

One time while babysitting, he bit my Mom hard and she bit him back (not hard). He didn't even cry (he wasn't hurt)...just looked at her wide-eyed and surprised. His brain was now putting two and two together...now all the scoldings made sense. Now he understands what a bite is, because he has been on the receiving end. His immature mind can now grasp the concept. Before, people were just telling him about it, and apparently it didn't make sense to him. And after my Mom's little harmless nibble, guess what...?

He never bites her, or his parents, or anyone else, any more. Problem solved after one small effort. And it didn't scar him...just shocked him enough to know that she meant business. I think Mom saved him a lot of future grief. When he gets into school, a teacher or another student may have treated his behavior much more harshly. And my Mom didn't "teach" him violence. He came up with that all on his own! My Mom just taught him how bad it feels...and now he understands. She didn't punish him. She EDUCATED him.

Discipline that doesn't get through is no discipline at all, and in the long run, that hurts the child more than anyone.

[lizziegrace]

6. Is this

your developmentally disabled daughter? I'm so sorry the trip went to badly.

:hug:

[amitten]

8. Sorry...you didn't specify that your daughter is disabled.

I don't know how I would deal with that at all.

I hope you can find ways to get the situation under control. My condolences.

[lizziegrace]

9. It's hard without a playbook

:)

I remembered the OPs thread about her daughter not being invited to a family wedding. Otherwise, I'd have thought the same.

:hug:

[Kutjara]

10. It could definitely be the result of her being overwhelmed.

The mention of Sensory Integration Disorder above is one possibility. But she could simply be very uncomfortable in busy, bright places and acting out is the only way she knows of announcing her displeasure.

Again, I'm not a professional in the field, but I do have times when the whole retail feeding-frenzy just makes me want to scream.

[QMPMom]

11. I am sorry that I wasn't clear. Yes, this is Anna-Maria, our

mentally handicapped daughter. She has had issues with SID in the past but we thought that it was gone because she did so well for so long. DH and I have decided that her trips will be limited for a while. It's time to make an in-between-appointments call to her psychiatrist.

Thank you all for your support and hugs. I had a long nap and Anna-Maria is fine now. She's very calm and giving me all sorts of hugs and helping with supper.

[mzteris]

16. I'm sorry for going into preachy mode.

:hug:

I thought you were talking about a little one.

Glad you and she are feeling better now.

I know this may sound off the wall, but have you read any of Temple Grandin's books. Granted she deals with autistic spectrum issues, but you might glean something helpful.

http://www.templegrandin.com/

[xchrom]

14. sigh -- here's wishing better and more peaceful days for you and yours.