My 18 and 20 yr old sons are fighting in the next room

[annabanana]

arguing rather, and cursing each other out. The eldest still comes to me to get me to mediate, the youngest doesn't. .

Is there an age that they make peace with each other?

[wildhorses]

1. mid to late 20's hopefully. possibly into the 30's

:P

depending on the depth and breadth of the dysfuncion...sometimes if deep and wide enough, the peace never comes...

[annabanana]

4. They got along VERY well when they were little... so I'm hoping

it's not some serious dysfunction (or some glaring parenting error that I'm too close to see)

[wildhorses]

5. i am sure they will be fine....just teasing you a tad---

:hug:

[annabanana]

6. Thanks.. My only brother vanished when I was about 27 and he was 24,

(jeez I just realized that's 30 years now)

So it kind of hurts when my boys don't see the best in each other.

[Breeze54]

8. They're trying to bring the best out of each other!

Sometimes arguing is the way!

They wouldn't get mad if they didn't love each other.

They wouldn't show emotion at all, if the love wasn't there.

:hug:

[annabanana]

9. Thanks Breeze, that helps.

It's quieted down in there now, so maybe the storm has passed...

[EFerrari]

25. That sounds right to me.

:thumbsup:

[wildhorses]

11. i am sorry to read that anna. that is a pain i would think never

subsides :hug:

[annabanana]

13. It doesn't..

It's kind of like the knowledge of death. It sits there in the middle of your life... you build bookshelves on it, paint it, panel it, decorate it and learn to live with it.

[wildhorses]

14. no word at all? no clues? in the pit of your stomach.

i am so sorry anna :hug:

please, tell me to shut up.

[annabanana]

15. Like a cloud on a dry day in the desert.. . .

like I said, you just live with it.

[wildhorses]

16. i am trying to wrap my head around it.

over here crying like a big doody for you. just shitx(


cold case, dna, forensics...something, anything.


shutting up now....

[annabanana]

19. 30 years ago, hon. . cold as stone.

If only life were like TV, right?

[wildhorses]

22. yeah.

sheesh. 30 years. a lifetime. god, anna. it just sucks. i am over here bebopping in the lounge and wham. what you have lived with every day for thirty years. no closure. your parents. my heart goes out to your family. someday, may there be some comfort in some measure. peace, anna :hug:

[annabanana]

23. Thanks sweetie.. You're a good person.. . . n/t

[dropkickpa]

2. In my family

6 kids, ranging in age from 24-36, we've mellowed on the family arguing since we've all passed age 22. It's nice!

[annabanana]

7. I'm looking forward to it. . . n/t

[Breeze54]

3. As soon as they both know they have to settle it themselves.

If I were you, I'd stay out of it.

My son's used to do that too (come to me) and still do argue once in awhile,
I'm sure but they get along pretty good since they both became adults.
In fact, they work at the same company now and commute there, together daily.

On the other hand, my siblings and I could still have knockdown, drag out
verbal fights, if we gave into the aggravation! Instead we avoid each other. :(

[Chan790]

10. No.

my brothers are 25 and 19 (I'm 27.)

We still fight like caged animals.

In time, you'll learn the patterns of their conflict.

For example:

Me: I dislike rules, responsibilites and limitations. This makes me in my brothers' eyes irresponsible, childish and generally immature. I'm the only one who is happy...I'm resented for it.

Brother 1: middle child, acts like the oldest. Is always right even when he's wrong because he has $, car, career (restaurant/bar manager), and a house. In his mind that makes his opinion the only one which matters. All dissent is immaturity to him.

Brother 2: The Moralist. Everything has a judgemental and moral value which he applies. All arguments end with "you're going to hell because..." Currently, a god I don't beleive in hates me for not recycling everything I could, for calling the flesh of animals unclean (I'm a vegetarian), smoking pot, and not being in a committed LTR. Brother 2 is going to hell for gluttony, owning a car larger than necessary, cohabitating, and selling drugs (by which moral-boy means alcohol.)

My uncles are the same way and they're 59, 56, 49, 44 and 40. It doesn't go away with time.

[annabanana]

12. Well, with my boys the fights are fierce, but short lived...

and there doesn't seem to be a family pattern, so perhaps with us it's just a phase....

[zanne]

17. I still have occasional arguments (political) with my siblings....

And I'm 55.

[EFerrari]

18. Yes! And you're almost there.

Mine did anyway, after nearly two decades of fierce competition, right around that time. They're great together now. Friends.

:hug:

[annabanana]

20. Good news for sure...

Actually, they've only been horrible to each other recently... like since the oldest came home from school for summer break after his freshman year...

(Maybe we ALL have separation anxiety?)

[EFerrari]

21. Families happen!

And that freshman year is horrendous. My cousin lost 30 lbs during his. And I taught freshmen. I spent most of the course calming them down, lol.

Congrats to you all for getting through that one! :toast:

[some guy]

24. When the younger one

...proves to both of them that he can kick the older one's ass.

Being a younger brother, my older brothers used to like to fight with me all the time, only true angry fights occasionally, mostly just harrassing/picking on an easier target. They gave that up as on by one I proved to them that I could and would kick their ass if they continued picking on me.

[EFerrari]

26. So, you showed them you could take care of yourself

and then, they were able to stop protecting you?

You know, love comes in some damn strange forms sometimes. :crazy:

[some guy]

27. Maybe.

We're guys. We don't talk abut the why of things, unless it's mechanical and why it isn't working. :)

:hi:

[EFerrari]

29. LOL! Gotcha!

:rofl:

[Mojambo]

28. My brother and I still aren't close

We don't fight anymore, but we're not like most brothers.

We seem more like pleasant acquaintances than family.

I'm 33 and he's 30.

[EFerrari]

30. Me and my bro, too. I resented that for years until I figured out

that he had some major ADD going on. And I was in the 40s when that lightbulb went on. :shrug:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

31. They're boys...

Let them beat the hell out of each other and then they'll be best friends. :shrug:
Duckie

[Joey Liberal]

32. They are too old for that crap n/t

[BarenakedLady]

33. You mean it doesn't get better???

:cry:

[MrSlayer]

34. I very rarely fought with my brother.

We always were and always will be the closet of friends.