Do you call your Father/Mother-in-law "Dad" or "Mom"?

[Blue-Jay]

I'm asking because I love my FIL, and I'd really like to call him "Dad". He's an amazing man who often confides in me about his experiences during WW2, as well as telling me about his life since then. He tells me stuff (no details) that he's never even told his own children, but I digress...

Should I just start calling him "Dad" or should I ask his permission first, or something else?

[Left Is Write]

1. No, I don't. I have a Mom and Dad, and no one else is them.

I call my in-laws by their first names.

Because you feel close to your father-in-law, I'd talk to him about it. Or, perhaps one day during the course of conversation, "Dad" will just come out naturally and that's the way it will be.

[lost-in-nj]

2. I think if you two

are that close just tell him you would like to start
calling him Dad....
He probably won't mind at all

And no I did not call my in-laws mom and dad
I didn't feel comfortable


lost

[Rhythm]

3. I've called Oktoberain's mom "Mom" for a few years now...

It took me a couple of years to get comfortable with it, but she's always treated me like another of her kids -- besides, it's kinda necessary, sinch she and i have the same first name.

Oktoberain's stepdad, i just call by his last name -- which is what EVERYBODY does, including Oktoberain.

I never did call my wasband's mom by anything other than her first name... i wasn't around her enough to ever get comfortable with her, or for it to feel like we were 'family'.

[JVS]

4. "you people"

[trof]

5. Mom & Pop. I was an 'orphan' by the time I married.

All their kids called them that and I was fine with it.

[trof]

8. Our son-in-law calls us by our first names.

But he has a living mother and father.
Funny, I've never heard him refer to me to others as his 'father-in-law'.
He says "And this is Leigh's dad."
We like him a lot and he likes us, so it's no biggie, I guess.

[OzarkDem]

20. Me, too

I call them Mom and Dad same as their other kids.

They are right wing GOP, but I still love them.

[SeattleGirl]

6. I use my MIL's first name, and my FIL's nickname.

My SIL and BIL do the same.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

7. My mom had a hard time with me calling my MIL "Mom"

But then, she's kind of a control freak.
Then again, so was my MIL. I never would have called her "Mom" if she hadn't insisted.

[Redstone]

9. Hard to offer advice on this one, since mine are in South Africa, but I'd think

a low-key question might give you the answer.

Or maybe it might be better if you go with your instinct; it'd obvious that he feels ind of "Dad-ish" toward you. Maybe just give it a try, and see how he reacts?

He sounds like a great FIL to have. Good that you realize that.

Redstone

[Blue-Jay]

10. He's a gem, Redstone.

I took him for a walk today, and he told me about his German girlfriend in 1946. I asked him "Was she good?"

His reply: "She was good enough."

[QMPMom]

11. This was a huge issue when my husband and I got married.

His parents wanted me to call them Mutti and Papa - German for Mom and Dad. There was no way that I was going to do that. They were *not* my parents and there was no way I was going to call them that. We halfway compromised and I called them Oma and Opa after the kids were born - it's German for Grandma and Grandpa. It stuck in my throat every time I said it, but I did it anyway. In fact, it still pisses me off that I was forced to call them Oma and Opa. I had Grandparents that I loved very much and calling my inlaws that I found disrespectful, but, for the sake of some semblance of peace, I did it.

My husband, on the other hand, was told by my parents to call them by their first names. I was used to that where I grew up. You called inlaws by their first names.

I found it very interesting that my husband's brother-in-law was allowed to call the inlaws by their first name, but I wasn't.

Of course, to this day when mail comes from my husband's extended family in Germany mail is addressed to "Herr 'QMPMom's Husband's Name' and WIFE".

Makes me feel that I can be replaced. Oh well, it's *only been* 22 years. Maybe someday they will learn my name.......

[Blue-Jay]

12. Actually, I find "Mutti and Papa" very charming.

It's not what I call my own parents, but if I were asked to use those words, I'd not be offended at all.

[JVS]

14. German gravestones used to read as follows:

Johann Schmidt
Postman

then the grave next to it would be

Helga Schmidt
Postman's wife

[Kerrytravelers]

13. Assholes... oh, you mean what do I call them to their face?

By their first names. Through clenched teeth.

[Blue-Jay]

15. My FIL is not an asshole.

Take your personal issues elsewhere.

[Kerrytravelers]

16. Huh?

:shrug:

[Blue-Jay]

22. Buh?

[terrya]

17. My .02

Ask his permission first. I really don't think he would have a problem with it. And then call him Dad.

He sounds like a great guy.

terrya, who doesn't have an FIL or MIL. So, take my advice for what it's worth.

[Blue-Jay]

34. He IS a great guy, Terry.

I just might work "dad" into our next conversation and go from there.

Earlier today, he told me about his German girlfriend in 1945. I asked him "Was she good?", and he replied "She was good enough." HA!

[terrya]

38. Yeah...

I think working "dad" into the next conversation is a good idea. And you won't have to be concerned...he'll appreciate that. :-)

[femmocrat]

18. No, I always called them by their first names.

My DIL calls us by our first names now.

[KitchenWitch]

19. No, I call them by first name.

[Blue-Jay]

25. Why's that?

I call my FIL "Don", but I've found myself wanting to call him "Dad" recently. I don't know if I can explain why in less than a few paragraphs, but there it is... I'd like it, and I think he'd like it as well.

[KitchenWitch]

27. I don't have a real level of comfort with my inlaws

If I did, I probably would call them mom and dad.

[Blue-Jay]

28. That makes sense.

My FIL & I quite enjoy each other's company however. I'd like for him to know that he has another son (in spirit, at least) before he kicks the bucket. It would mean a lot to me, and I think (hope) that it would mean a lot to him as well.

[KitchenWitch]

30. In that case, just start calling him "Dad"

If he does not like it, then he can say so.

[texas1928]

21. Nope,

Just wait til they are looking at me to talk to them.

[TheProphetess]

23. I've tried to call my MIL "mom" a few times but it doesn't roll off of my tongue

I often revert back to her first name, out of habit. (FIL is deceased.)

On edit: She's a lovely woman so it's nothing against her.

[seemunkee]

24. I don't, but I should

My wife called my mother mom when she was alive.
Had a little bit of a rocky start but that was so long ago and we are very close.

[greatauntoftriplets]

26. Ask him if you feel comfortable doing so....

In my family, the parents-in-law are generally called by their first names. Although my aunt-in-law called my paternal grandmother Mother R****.

:eyes:

Even though I was just eight when Grandma died, I found it terribly pretentious. So did my mother.

;)

On edit: Because my mother absolutely despised her first name and hated to be called by it, my father usually called her Honey or Dear or nothing. My brother-in-law generally avoided calling her by name.

[fudge stripe cookays]

29. I call mine "Mum" and "Dad"

My father's dead, so it's nice to have another dad that I can call that. I think he's smiling in the great beyond since he's been gone a long time. He knows I dig my in-laws. They're neat people. :-)

And I call my MIL "mum", which is how reprehensor pronounces it. Keeps her separate from my mom, "mom."

[Blue-Jay]

32. I think I have three "dads".

A genetic dad
A step-dad who I've always called "Paul", even though I consider him to be my real dad.
And now my FIL.

In retrospect, I'm pretty lucky.

[fudge stripe cookays]

33. You ARE lucky!

Congrats!

I was without one for twenty-something years, unless you count a piece of shit stepmonster (who only became official after 8 years of doing my mom).

I'm envious!

[Dastard Stepchild]

31. I don't... but I think it is nice when people feel comfortable doing so....

If you really like him and enjoy his presence in your life, I might just say something to that effect to him and mention that you'd like to start calling him Dad if that would be ok. My guess is that he would be really touched.

My in-laws sign cards and refer to themselves by their first name, so I followed suit. And that was actually most comfortable for me. My parents do the same for my husband. Mind you, I jokingly call my mother by her first name as well when I am trying to belabor a point, so I suppose I am just more comfortable using names.

[LibDemAlways]

35. I never had a mother-in-law because my husband's mother

died when he was 12. My father-in-law never told me what to call him, and it was always quite awkward, but I settled on "dad" since that's what my husband called him. My husband calls my parents by their first names. He was never comfortable calling them anything else.

This reminds me, though, of a woman I used to know who came from humble circumstances but married into a wealthy family. Her in-laws were very stiff republicans. The day of the wedding they called her into their study and informed her that she could call them Mr. and Mrs. X. They also told her she would never inherit any of their money. Gotta love those repuke family values.

[Blue-Jay]

36. I don't want to make this a political thread.

It's more of a "family" thread.

[LibDemAlways]

37. Didn't intend to provide the aside as a political thing.

More of a class thing actually. The wealthy people couldn't bring themselves to treat their new daughter-in-law as part of the family. How in-laws prefer to be addressed and what a new son-or-daughter-in-law is comfortable with is a potentially complicated dynamic.

I only have one daughter who is now a teenager. If and when she she marries I intend to welcome my new son-in-law to the family and tell him he's free to call me "mom" or by my first name - whichever he is more comfortable with.

[Magrittes Pipe]

39. I call them "Chang" and "Juanita."

:shrug: