My "restraining order expired" fucked up X just called me and asked

[Maraya1969]

if he could bring me flowers! I was asleep so I was slow on the uptake and said "What?" and he said "It's just a question" and by then I realized that it was him so I said "NO"

I posted a short while ago that I actually started going to eye movement desensitivation therapy to get over the PTSD that I realized I had from being stalked by that mutant lump of cells for a year after we were divorced.

I am shaking and crying. I want to move out of this fucking town just to get away from him and I haven't been able to get myself together enough to do it yet.

I realize that the restraining order lapsed but should I call the police and just notify them? If he contacts me one more time I can get another restraining order but then I have to see him in the court house and I get sick thinking about it.

We have been divorced for 3 years! 3 fucking years and that man is still obsessed with me. And I know from knowing him before I made that brilliant decision to marry him that he hangs on to obsessions for a long time because we dated for a short time a few years before we were married and after we broke up, (I broke up with him) he started showing up places that I was at and people started to tell me that it was obvious he was following me because if I was not at there he would leave right away. (I don't know if anyone can understand that sentence but I'm not in a position to fix it right now).

[Gormy Cuss]

1. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Definitely report the contact

to police and be prepared to get another restraining order. It sounds like he respected the last one, which is good.

[Maraya1969]

2. I forgot to mention that he didn't respect the last one. It was only

after he was convicted 2 times of breaking it and ending up on probation for a couple years that he stopped. He was picked up and put in jail one night and when they let him out the next day he called me from someone else's phone so I wouldn't know it was him!

He is a fucking horror and it was a horror to get rid of him. I will call the police though and see what I can do.

[Gormy Cuss]

3. At least that's part of his record now.

It's never easy dealing with an obsessive person. He needs therapy.

I do understand your desire to leave town. I know someone who did that and it helped.

[elfrangel]

4. That sucks....

I don't really have any ideas for you (sorry), but good calming vibes are being sent your way.


:hug:

[WolverineDG]

5. See if you can get another restraining order

I don't know about the laws in your state, but in mine, you can get another order based solely on the fact that you had one & are still in fear from the abuser.

dg

[Maddy McCall]

6. Good luck. My situation has been on-going for 14 years.

He was sitting in my driveway about six months ago, waiting for me to come home. When I saw him, I turned around and went straight to the police station. The cops went to my house, but he was already gone.

Even though he lives two states away, he calls, he shows up in the oddest places when I least expect it. He sends me cards. (And he's been married--and divorced--since I divorced him. Still, his parting words to me were, "I'll kill one day. It may be five years, it may be twenty years, but I'll track you down and kill you.")

I bought a gun. I went through abuse with him that I never imagined women had experienced before I had to deal with it...nightmarish violence. He will never put his hands on me again.

I'm glad you're getting help for your PTSD. I still deal with mine--it becomes more and more infrequent, but it'll always be there for me.

A restraining order won't protect you if your ex is violent. You have to be prepared to defend yourself.

:hug:

[Maraya1969]

7. Oh wow I am so sorry. And you know exactely what it is like.

And the bit about the restraining order is true. But I am going to see if I can renew it anyway because I feel safer having it. I wonder if they know how painful and scary it is and if they care or if they want it like that.


:hug:

[Maddy McCall]

8. I'm not discouraging you from...

seeking the restraining order. I bet you won't have any trouble getting it, considering your ex's record.

I live in a very rural setting, and it would take a deputy or police officer at least ten or 15 minutes to get here. I had to do what I had to do (purchasing the gun).

I hope that you do renew the restraining order. But also be careful and realize that there may come a time that you have to defend yourself, in absense of a readily available police officer.

I think that they want to keep you on edge--it's one way for them to continue to hold your attention, even if it's negative attention. I know that a lot of people here won't approve, but I really don't care--once I bought the gun, it was like a load lifted off of my shoulders...I am raising my son alone, and I'll defend us however I have to. I don't answer the phone these days, if I don't recognize the phone number. If I receive a package or envelope without a return address, or with an unknown Texas postmark, I don't open it and throw it away at the post office. The only thing I still deal with that's out of my control is when he shows up somewhere. I don't freak out about it like I used to, because I know that I'm capable of protecting myself and my son.

You know better than anyone else if the guy is a danger to you, based on his history. Just make sure that you can defend yourself, if you ever have to. I hate that you're going through this.

:hug:

(If you ever need to talk, I'm always available through PM.)