Valedictorian speech draft--your comments and critiques appreciated!

[Lyric]

I'm giving this speech at our GED commencement ceremony tomorrow evening, and I'd be grateful for any comments/critiques/suggestions that my fellow DU'ers might have about it.

"Good evening! Graduating class of 2007, welcome to our commencement. I'd like to take a moment to thank the faculty, teachers, parents, families, and friends for their support and encouragement throughout this process. If not for you, many of us would not be here tonight. You are truly the wind beneath our wings.

I’d also like to thank my wonderful family for everything they’ve done to help see me through to this moment. Mom and Maxwell, thank you for all of your support and sacrifices during the hard times we've been through. Debbie: thank you for being my source of strength, and an inspiration when I was ready to give up. To my son Brendan, thank you for being a joy to my life every single day, and a constant reminder of why I chose to do this. I love you all!

For me this day has been waiting for ten years, and I know that for a few of you, the wait has been even longer. Regardless of how we got here, or how long it took, tonight we cross the finish line as brothers and sisters in triumph. This graduation is a victory for us all, a victory over all of the obstacles and trials we’ve faced during this journey. Let us take this moment to enjoy the sense of pride and accomplishment that comes with reaching such an important milestone in our lives. We might have stumbled a little along the way, but in the end, we reached our goal together. Class of 2007, stand up and give yourselves a hand!

The path we've taken to get here has sometimes been difficult. We've all been challenged by unexpected hardships and setbacks along the way. But there is something I think we should consider, and be proud of. We didn't pursue our diplomas because we were required to do so. We took it upon ourselves to start down the road that ends here tonight, knowing full well that it wouldn’t be easy. Many of us pursued our diplomas while also holding down jobs, raising kids, caring for our homes, and dealing with personal challenges. We all had our own reasons for choosing this path, but at the end of the day, we have become stronger, better people for it. In the words of Thomas Paine, a man whose ideas helped to give birth to our nation: "The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph." Fellow graduates, tonight is a glorious triumph indeed.

Commencement is a word that means "beginning", and that is exactly what we are doing here tonight. We are taking the first steps toward a future with greater potential, greater meaning, and greater prosperity. Doors that would have remained closed forever to us are now wide open, waiting for us to take that first step inside. We have so many more opportunities and possibilities to consider, it’s often hard to know what the right choice is. However, if we remember to stay grounded in the people that we love, and never fear a little hard work, stumbles made along the way do not have to be permanent. We stand here as living proof of that this evening.

Tonight begins a brand-new chapter in the book of our lives, and it's our responsibility to continue writing it from now on.

Goodnight, good luck to you all, and thank you!"