Do you only care about the moral standards of people when it effects you?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

while chatting with a friend of mine yesterday, i realized that i am fairly selfish when it comes to judging people. I mostly care about people's meanness when it affects my life.

For instance i know several people who are less than nice to the rest of the world, i still like to hang out with them, however i suspect if they are ever mean to me, i will care about their general mean streak.

How about you? Do you care when people are unnecessarily mean or catty? even if they aren't catty to you? or do you hold them to the same standards even if the meanness isn't directed toward you?


I care about the bigger issues, i am not friends with bad people per se. However i do neglect to see the smaller acts of meanness and bitchiness unless directed at me.

[billyskank]

1. If I see that someone is a shit, even if not directed at me

I will tend to give that person up.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. thats good. i am trying to become more like you.

[Crazy Dave]

11. I'm like BS

I get just as pissed when I see others I don't know being abused as when it happens to me or my friends. When it wrong it's wrong and the people that except it or ignore it are the enablers.

[Blue_Roses]

17. well said!

nt

[Tyler Durden]

25. PREACH Brother!

You know it.

When assholes are tolerated, they tend to feel validated. I don't validate them.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. good point tyler. sorry about our whole 'fight' about dogs.

i dont think you should go to jail because someone was on your property irritating your dogs :P

[Tyler Durden]

29. Hey I still love you.

And don't beat yourself up. You'll have PLENTY of time for that when you hit 54 like me.

JESUS. I'm going to be 55 in six months. I think I'll curl up in fetal under my desk and whimper for a while.

[cwydro]

3. I don't like meanness

directed toward anyone.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. yeah, this i know about you.

:P

[cwydro]

13. hey sweetie.

Hope your sunday is a good one.
I have cramps and feel like shit. Trying to gather the energy to take the dogs swimming.

[NMDemDist2]

5. my big 'currencies' are humor and intelligence

if you are smart and funny (or one of the two) I tend to cut you more slack than if you are stupid and/or boring.

it's not something i'm proud of, but it's the truth :shrug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. yeah thats my problem too.

[Rising Phoenix]

7. I had a tendency to look away

when someone I knew was mean and catty to other people...hey it wasn't me so its not my problem right.... I am no longer like that. Some lessons are hard learned.

[GirlinContempt]

8. I think a lot of people are like that.

I know I tend to be. I try not to be. When it reaches a certain point, I certainly do care.

To expand:
I think sometimes it's harder to see when your own friends are being mean. You like them, enjoy their company, and probably agree with them on a lot of things, so you're more pre-disposed to assume their treatment of others is justified.
Also, sometimes, it's funny. Be that good or bad, it's the truth. Ok, usually it ends up being bad. But, in like-minded people, often doing or saying mean spirited things gets lots of laughs.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

9. yeah i guess i am really rethinking some aspects of what i consider

"acceptable" and "unacceptable" in my friendships and therefore also in my own personality.

OR

i am procrastinating on my paper.

whichever

[GirlinContempt]

10. I just updated

sorry

[Katina]

12. I try to

I've found that when you ignore someone's meaness because you aren't a target, it eventually comes back to bite you in the ass. Either the mean person will turn on you, or your association and lack of response to what has been said may cost you some friends. In the end, being associated with someone who is mean is not worth it. It always affects you in the end.

[bridgit]

14. as a practical matter shouldn't you, some people's "moral standards"...

fully impact & intrude upon the innocents around them, in such cases sure i care; why shouldn't i care, however, if people want to handle snakes as a for instance i suppose even that's groovy, so long as they are not throwing them on me while on the other hand...

being mean & catty are not per se moral standards imo so :shrug: more specificity perhaps :thumbsup:

[S n o w b a l l]

15. A mean friend is an oxymoron to me...

No...I will not be friends with a mean spirited person, period. I can't hide my contempt for those I disrespect and even if I tried to remain friends for some strange reason, that contempt would come out in various ways and I'd end up looking like the bitch.

Mean is never ever funny to me...I can't even imagine a situation where I'd laugh at something mean.

I care enough about myself to not associate with someone that brings negative energy.

[Blue_Roses]

16. You bet I care, especially if they are mean to my kids...

that old "bully" from grade school still resonates fresh in my mind. (actually several, but one in particular) I'm just one who can't stand for someone to pick on the "little people."

Bullies and gossipers--hate'em.

[Nikia]

18. Sometimes it bothers me

Sometimes it is hard to know where to draw the line.
At some point, I made the decision not to be close friends with misogynistic men. It may seem weird that they ever wanted to be friends with me anyway, but they did, as they bashed women who they saw as just sex objects. One of our male friends wonders why I don't want to go see him after stating "Men would never even talk to women if they didn't think that they might get some *** out of it." He said that in front of me. He told my husband that he did not mean me, that I am actually one of the few women that he actually enjoys talking to. He does not understand why I won't come see him and accept his apology.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. that makes sense

[BarenakedLady]

19. Not really

I always care. I don't like meanness. How I respond to it does depend on my mood however.

[raccoon]

21. I've done what you do, Lioness, and what I've learned is that sooner

or later, that person's meanness will be directed at me.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. yeah thats my fear too, meanness can be entertaining (bill maher is a good example)

but i am sure it will be FAR less entertaining when aimed at me.

[MissMillie]

23. I have a feeling that my definition of morality differs from how many people define it

I personally don't care who or how many people a person sleeps with. I don't care whether or not they go to church or which god or gods they worship. The only time I judge someone on that stuff is when the person in question makes it a point to judge other people on those terms. Then the person in question is fair game for judgment.

"Morality" to me is about treating people how you want to be treated. So for me the #1 moral crime is hypocrisy.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

24. so, do you like the quote on hypocricy in my sig line?

[MissMillie]

26. love it!

:thumbsup:

[kwassa]

30. on some level we are all hypocrites, though

None of us are totally consistent. There are many small hypocrisies in our lives.

Now, blatant hypocrisy is something else, and that is where I would agree with you.

[philosophie_en_rose]

28. It depends.

I have friends that I wouldn't exactly ever want to live with or that have done things that I would never have done. However, they mostly have their reasons or struggles. That's not my place to judge.

However, someone I considered a friend bragged about mocking and degrading a homeless person. End friendship. I don't care that it wasn't directed at me. I could not be friends with someone that could hurt someone so disgustingly and frivolously. (There were other people that saw his behavior and called him on it. He laughed it off. Jackass.)

I would not be friends with anyone that is verbally or physically abusive, even if it's not directed at me. I don't expect perfect friends and I have lots of friends that have personal struggles or that are smartasses or that are gossipy. That's not a problem for me. However, I can't bring myself to like people that enjoy squashing others.

[ThomCat]

31. I'll cut people loose over how they treat others.

In a heartbeat, without looking back.

[Deep13]

32. Don't think on it too much. Got troubles of my own.

[RandomKoolzip]

33. I gravitate towards people who have an "edge" to their bearing and conduct.

People who are exclusively kind and generous bore the shit out of me. I think, also, that the true measure of a person is what he or she would do for another person without seeking credit - the unannounced, agendaless acts of kindness doled out to members of the human family that these 'edgy," ostensibly mean kinds of people do of their own volition. If you can be genuinely kind to others without having to constantly hang a sign around your neck announcing how goddamn nice you are, I will like you a lot. It seems to me that people who many think are "mean" in their words or attitudes are quite often very generous in their deeds. I could name names, but what's the point?

In any case, I enjoy being around "mean" people, even if some of their meanness is directed at me. What I DON'T like is when meanness leads to soap-opera type situations. In that event, I will duck out the back door and wait until that person is ready to talk about other subjects.

[Shell Beau]

34. I can't stand catty people. Whether or not it is towards me or someone

else. I think there is so much other stuff that is important that I will not surround myself around those people.