Late April Fool's Disclosure: Global Warming a Hoax after all

[gratuitous]

We have to come clean because once we saw the Academy Awards, we realized a little late that the whole joke had gone a bit too far. Side note to the Academy: we’re Fedexing the Oscar back to you today; please give it to the folks who made the second best documentary for 2006.

The only person who got it right was Sen. James Inhofe of Oklahoma, who spotted the hoax, and I have to say that given his intelligence level, I’m pretty surprised he saw through it. So kudos to you, Sen. Inhofe. You’re still wrong about practically everything else.

Anyway, for the morbid curiosity of those of you who wondered just how we pulled off the Great Global Warming Hoax, we can’t go into all the details (naturally), but you’d be surprised just how panicked you can make people with a few well-placed space heaters. And fewer than you think! Less than a thousand, all told. Special thanks have to go to our spokesman, Vice President Al Gore. You were right, Al: Using you as the spokesman should have been a dead giveaway, but it was so obvious that it became not obvious. Thanks also to the Union of Concerned Scientists, who lent professional cachet; the polar bears, whose selfless acts of suicide made the whole joke credible (you’re all troupers, and will be remembered fondly); and of course the oil companies, whose rapacious corporate practices – which would have gotten them lynched in any civilized society – made them an easy target for public reaction. Okay guys, you can give back all the billions you declared as profits in 2006. Guys? Guys? Hey, joke’s over. Allee allee oxen free.

Uh oh.