grieving 13 years after the fact

[Rising Phoenix]

just recently my fathers death 13 years ago is hitting myself and my sister pretty hard. It makes me wonder....will it ever stop.

[Dora]

1. Maybe not.

I lost my stepdad (he was my true parent, if not bio) six years ago. I know that as I continue to get older and change, I'll find new reasons to miss him. And I do. In the years since his death, I've gotten married, bought a house, had a child... all events that I have wanted him to witness.

You miss your dad. I think that's a good thing - your love is live. :hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

5. my sister just turned 21

and thats a hard birthday for all of us, cause my dad always said he couldn't wait for us to be of age and sit down with some drinks...he liked his beer...lol...her birthday just didn't feel right without him there....

[mainegreen]

2. Nope.

:hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

9. thanks for the hugs

[NMDemDist2]

3. my grammy has been gone 16 years and I get sad every March

around that anniversary

:hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

8. hugs

[AlCzervik]

4. My Mom died in 1985 and not a day goes by that i don't think about her

i think it's good to remember and some days are just sad ones, i still have those too.
:hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

6. I"m sorry about your mom

thanks for the hugs....

[ronnykmarshall]

7. It doesn't.

My brother died in 1989 and I'm still grieving over it.

It just changes.

:hug:

[Blue Diadem]

10. It'll be 20 yrs

since my Dad died and over time, I've found that some years the pain is worse than others. It's been the same with my sister, brother and Mother's death too.

:hug: for you Mrs Sniffa.

[Rising Phoenix]

11. hugs back at you....

I'm sorry for all your loss

[Bunny]

12. Unless I'm guessing wrong, you must have been very young when he passed.

I think that would be harder to deal with than if you were an adult at the time. It seems so much sadder and more tragic to think of a child losing their parent. I hope you both feel better soon.

[Rising Phoenix]

13. thanks

I was 16 when he died....

[WolverineDG]

14. It comes & goes

My mom died in 1985, & sometimes I'm okay with it & other times, well, I just break down. So, here's a :hug: for you & your sister. Know that your dad is out there watching over you both. It does get better, but yes, there are times that you feel like you're back at square one in grieving.

dg

[skygazer]

15. My mom's been dead for 32 years

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her in some way or another and there are times when it will hit me all over again, like it was yesterday.

I don't think grief for someone you loved deeply ever fully goes away. Things will trigger it unexpectedly and then we have to wade on through it again. It's painful but those reminders also reinforce how much someone means to us which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I'm sorry you're hurting. :hug:

[sarge43]

16. As the shrink in The West Wing episode said,

"You learn to remember it (trauma) without reliving it."

:hug: Mrs Sniffa and your sister.

[LaraMN]

17. I don't have personal experience,

but I can't imagine ever really "getting over" somkething like that. I'm sorry, sweetie. I hope it at least gets better.

:hug:

[unpossibles]

18. it doesn't stop, but you do learn to deal with it more and more

My mom died in February 24 years ago (I had just recently turned 13). I still have certain times of the year where it's hard as hell, and some years are tougher than others, but it generally does get better, even though you never stop greiving in some ways.

Eventually I learned to think about it a bit differently: she had been sick and in some ways it's better for her that she died, and I think about how the experience changed my life and that I would not be who I am now were it not for her upbringing and all of the moments, good and bad. And as much as I would love for her to be alive and to have even one conversation with her as an adult, it happened and is a part of me now. While I am not a religious person, I do honestly believe that if nothing else her memory is always alive with me.

Good luck, hugs, and if you ever want to talk about it, feel free to PM me.

[SeattleGirl]

19. I know what you mean, MrsS. Tuesday was 30 years since my

father died, and sometimes it still hits me hard. I've been dreaming about him a lot lately. I don't think you ever completely get over it, but I do think that overall, the memories don't hurt as much as they used to. (Though sometimes they can still knock me upside the head.)

Sorry you're getting hit so hard right now. :hug:

[wildhorses]

20. sorry for your loss--and your pain

have not lost a parent so can only imagine what you are going through.

:hug:

[elehhhhna]

21. 30 years ago next month

and my sis & I are both having a rough time right now, mrs. sniffa.

Seems like PTSD. He died on Easter, after a long illness. Lent, and spring-like weather in general bring it back. Sometimes dreams, memories, but for us it's mostly a vague, pervasive feeling of doom--a flashback, I guess, to the days when we, quite young (17 &12), were terrified as we watched him deteriorate and die.

I have obviously no good advice to offer but to say Let it flow. It will pass.

With Love,
Elena

[BOSSHOG]

22. My mother died 41 years ago and I still miss her painfully

A good friend (mentor) once told me that was a good thing that you grieve her loss, which in a way is celebrating her life and missing it all the time; in other words she musta done good. When I got to my first command in the Navy I was 18 years and homesick as hell. I contemplated going awol it was so bad. My Chief told me that it was good to be homesick. He said he'd rather I be painfully homesick then be a Sailor who didn't have a family to care about and no one to care for him. Your father must have been very wonderful to you and he has left you with outstanding memories. And thats a good thing. Your love of him will never stop and thats another good thing.

[Callalily]

23. I know exactly

what you mean. I can always tell when the anniversary of my mom's death comes, without even looking at the calendar. My heart, my sub-conscience just knows. Hope your sorrow eases. :hug:

[Ariana Celeste]

24. I'm so sorry.

It never goes away, but it gets easier. I lost my older brother when I was 9, 12 yrs ago. I still cry over him all the time.

:hug: :hug: :hug: