My cousin is getting married, she's registered ONLY at walmart, and included it in the invitations

[Rabrrrrrr]

I was going to put the word "tacky" in front of "cousin" in the subject line, but realized that you would all figure it out.

:eyes:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

1. Wow. That is tacky to the extreme.

[Miss_Strawberry]

Haruka, remember this wal-mart moment?

"mommy are you drunk again?"

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

14. I will never forget that.

Oh boy. We certainly removed ourselves from that situation quick.

[MonkeyFunk]

27. You know my mom?

:shurg:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

33. Heh. Actually, the kid that said that was probably only about six or seven.

We went into uncontrollable laughter, then felt bad about it later.

[marzipanni]

61. A very tall six or seven-year-old boy?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpI6DHNaPmQ

[Shell Beau]

2. Ha!!! Well go to Target and get something she registered for there.

Then she can have 2.

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. Nah, she's not getting anything. I don't know her well enough, I don't reward rude behavior.

Granted, even if she hadn't crossed the line and included the WalMart receipt printout of her registration number, I wouldn't have gotten her anything - but might have sent a card, maybe a few dollars for a honeymoon.

But now, she gets nothing.

Her invitation was printed at home, as well, and not done very well - the centering was inconsistent and it was laid out in a tacky way (but the cardstock was nice); and the RSVP was just printed on regular paper, it appears about 20 to a sheet, and then cut (sloppily) apart with scissors. Not that anything is wrong with printing one's own invitations, but if one is gonna to the time and effort to print one's own, spend another five minutes and proofread and format the goddamn thing; and print the RSVPs on those perforated business cards, not regular paper that is then cut apart with scissors.

[Shell Beau]

12. I'm with ya. That does sound beyond tacky!!

[NashVegas]

84. I Take It You Aren't Very Close?

Downthread I wrote a 'bless her heart,' but you know what?

I don't see too much wrong with this except ignorance.

If you want to snub her do it because she's a flaming asshole. Cluelessness, itself, isn't a crime.

[RubyDuby in GA]

98. Buy her a copy of Emily Post's Guidebook to Etiquette

I doubt she'll get the message, but you will :)

[barb162]

120. hahahaha, make it a paperback

[Raven]

3. So aren't you lucky! Buy your cousin

some of their nice long stemmed plastic wine glasses...the "Made in China" ones.

[zanne]

4. It could be worse.

The last time I bought a wedding gift, it was a $125 dinner plate for the lovely bride and groom. I would have killed to buy something at WalMart!

[WindRavenX]

5. wow.

That's...pretty damn hardcore tacky.

[Rabrrrrrr]

7. Yes it is. And see my post #6 above for more.

:eyes:

[WindRavenX]

11. good lord! She included a printout with her registration number??

DAMN.

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. Straight from the WalMart cash register! (or registry printer,

whatever the hell it is that prints the damn things - but it was straight from the store, anyway)

[Kerrytravelers]

8. I received gifts that weren't on the registry and they were all lovely.

A registry is a helpful guideline, but it isn't a ticket into the wedding... well, maybe in your cousin's case. I did not, however, include it in the invitation. When people RSPV'ed, they would ask.

[malta blue]

9. Well heck! I didn't know Walmart had a

registry service....if only my asshole brother had registered there instead of freaking Saks Fifth Avenue...:banghead: :banghead:

[jmowreader]

19. You'd SHIT to know all the stores that have registries

Home Fucking Depot has a registry service. I actually signed someone up for it once. They registered for hardwood flooring, and lots of it.

[crispini]

39. Home Depot has a registry?! Shit, I'm getting married.

:bounce: Okay, who's with me for wedded bliss and lots of DIY projects around the house?! :bounce:

[Ilsa]

50. Hey, I'll marry you. Of course, I don't know if you are

male or female so I don't know if we'll have to move to a progressive state (Texas AIN'T), but I also have plenty of DIY projects for us!

Of course, my husband may have something to say about it.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

64. I got an ancient house in TX I am gonna hafta renovate

We're talking so old it's built with square nails, hip roof, bay windows,
big tall narrow windows with wavy glass, all that cool stuff.

I was told by an architect it's a Gothic Bungalow.

It's in pretty good shape, is habitable as is, but it needs to be leveled, and the wood floors sag between the joists. And I need to rip out the wall to wall carpet Grandma put in.

Who wants to come help???

[crispini]

69. What part of the state?

I do know a company that does great foundation work on pier and beam in Dallas, Bedrock Foundation.

Of course, a house that old could be on bois d'arc stumps! :bounce: Sounds nice!

[crispini]

68. LOL. Weddings and DIY projects for all! :)

[malta blue]

40. Unreal. nt

[xmas74]

113. My brother and sister in law registered at Walmart

but she works for them while she goes to school.

Her coworkers wanted to know what they could get her so she made a registry for them.

[Little Wing]

10. Oh come on, send some matching Jeff Gordon tshirst

both in XXXXL size

[crim son]

15. Tacky? I think it's sad.

Looks like your cousin suffers from an ex treme lack of imagination or a very low sense of self-worth.

[rbnyc]

76. Indeed! (nt)

[azmouse]

16. She should apologize.

Really.

[Scarlett17]

17. "Bless her heart."

That's what my Baptist friends say when they really want to say something snarky, but are trying to control themselves. And you must shake your head and look down as you say it.

[sarge43]

18. Is she going to honeymoon at South of the Border? n/t

[Zavulon]

20. Mother of God.

You're not pulling our collective leg here, are you? I mean, I have no good reason to accuse you of lying, but certainly you can understand my position here :) ;)

[Rabrrrrrr]

36. No, not pulling your leg - only a few in my family are like me.

The rest are pretty tacky. I'm a family of farmers who grew up dirt stinking poor and went to bed without eating many a day growing up (not me - my aunts and uncles). I'm the rarity in that out of all my cousins on my mom's side (7 in her family) and my dad's side (16 in his), my sister and I are the only ones who have two parents who both graduated high school.

But they are all mighty fine folk, and I wouldn't give my family up for anything, even if they can be tacky (like this particular cousin's family, which has always been that way).

[jakefrep]

21. Get her a Costco gift card

nt.

[mikeytherat]

22. Mrs. Rat and I got someone else's personalized picture frame as a gift.

Best. Re-gift. Ever.

Apparently, the couple in question never opened the box with the picture frame, and just re-wrapped it and gave it to us. It is a very nice silver picture frame, with the other couple's name and wedding date engraved on it.

It has a special place of honor in our home.

:rofl:

mikey_the_rat

[MissB]

28. *snort*

:rofl:

[mikeytherat]

29. At least we didn't open it at our reception.

That could have been awkward.

mikey_the_rat

[LisaM]

32. That is so funny

I knew someone who gave her own shower presents to other people years later. She gave one bride-to-be a set of mixing bowls in a ratty old box that were in a color they didn't even make anymore! (Harvest Gold, with wheat on it).

My favorite are people who give me presents that they've torn a flap off the box to send in for a rebate. This has happened to me more than once. Once the present (coffee maker) was broken, and they didn't want to take it back without the whole box.

[MissB]

23. The daughter of a sister of a friend of dh's did that.

Well, she didn't include the register printout, but she did note on her invite that they were registered at WalMart. I kinda could understand the process of registering at WalMart if you live in a rural area (she did) and it is the only store in town.

But you don't put it on/in your invite. Horribly tacky.

They also included a picture of the engaged couple. I took one look at the picture and realized that whether or not WalMart was their only choice in town, it completely fit them. He was wearing a wife-beater tshirt.

[Dukkha]

24. is the reception at the Olive Garden?

send the RSVP back with a quarter and a note saying "Here, buy some taste already!"

[Radical Activist]

30. Maybe someone will breast feed a baby during the ceremony

Thanks for the obligatory Olive Garden reference! lol

[Rabrrrrrr]

35. Sadly, I could see her doing that - that would be high end dining for her.

But she couldn't afford a reception for the family at Olive Garden. Sadly, she is not a person of means, nor are her parents (who are just a step above white trash), so I can honestly say that I'm quite sure they could not afford Olive Garden.

Their reception is, I can't remember, but some place like a local Elks Club or American Legion post, and the dinner will likely be made by her family - it'll be cheap, and inelegant, but it will be a lot of fun most likely. That's been pretty much the standard in my family for wedding receptions, and I love it that way - informal, fun, and while the food isn't high end, it's good basic stuff washed down with a lot of beer.

My only regret is that people no longer get live bands - the dancing at the reception with the live bands, usually a polka band, was phenomenal. Now it's asshole DJs playing shit.

I remember when I was in college, I went to a friend's wedding and the reception had tables with table cloths, non-paper plates, metal silverware and glass glasses, with food served by waiters and the table seating assigned. I was totally stunned - I had no idea how to behave, and I thought it was really fucking weird. And truth to tell, I still think that kind of reception is fucking wierd: it should be a casserole buffet line, with people sitting everywhere, wherever they want to sit, no waiters, and a couple drunk guys pouring beer out of the tap. Because that's more fun. I hate wedding receptions with their assigned seating. And especially with DJs. Assholes.

But the wedding itself - that deserves some elegance and non-tackiness.

[xmas74]

114. We've discussed receptions before.

We both love the same kind-homemade, kinda tacky w/ tons of casseroles on the buffet line, meat on the grills (I've been to weddings that have become bbq contests-honest! Great time but tacky as heck.), tons of beer to wash it down and a fun polka band to dance the calories off.

I hate pretentious events. Instead of spending tens of thousands on crap I hate I plan on helping to dig the pits for the hog and the beef sides a few days before and we'll cook on the spits.

The wedding will be very simple-no extravagent dresses. Just nice clothes that everyone can wear again. Simple, traditional vows, just in and out. And it'll be at my family's church in Northern Wisconsin so it'll have to be a summer event. There's no electricity and just a Ben Franklin in the one room church.

But the reception will be fun. And there will be guns-just try to make my family keep the guns out! And did I mention the fireworks? Someone will probably shoot those off too so I'll notify the rural fire department beforehand, just in case.

(At least we can both admit that we have trashy families. Sometimes, you've got to be proud of where you came from!)

[MistressOverdone]

126. oh, gee...

I love Olive Garden. I like the chairs. They roll.

[LeftyMom]

25. Send her a nice hardbound Miss Manners book, and a note with your regrets.

:D

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

26. If it was my cousin, I'd just laugh.

Gotta have a sense of humor to register at Walmart. Or a sense of societal irony. Heck, I didn't know Walmart had a registry.

Once I got done laughing, and dried the tears, I'd get her what she wanted. Or give money.

"Tacky" can be an art form. Think she'd put plastic pink flamingos in the yard? Yeah, I think so too.

On balance, the wedding is just not quite as important as the other stuff that will crop up through her life. Piss her off enough, and she might elope to Vegas. Weddings there cover the range from elegant to who-knows-what, but if she seeks "tacky", Vegas is the cornucopia.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

31. She can't help it if the good-taste gene went to your side of the family

Buy her a nice vase. You can't go wrong. :-)

[supernova]

34. Give her a Kincaide painting

She'll love it!

:hide:

[KitchenWitch]

37. Is she serving Pizza Hut pizza at her reception?

:yoiks:

[Deja Q]

38. Read this story and wince. Here's a hint, they may be served at your wedding...

http://www.azfamily.com/news/local/stories/KTVKLNews20070319_rats_Wal-mart_complaint.2c508972.html

:yoiks:

[hedgehog]

41. I must disagree with this thread -

Notifying people of where you are registered is the custom in some places. It makes a lot of sense because for some people the wedding gifts really do help them get a start furnishing their new home! I'd rather get the bride and groom something they'll want and use than something that will just collect dust in the closet.

As for registering at Walmart, well, I won't even go in that store but clearly a lot of people like to shop there. From your description of the extended family, it sounds like a place that they can afford to shop at without breaking the budget!

Home made invitations using plain paper? Why not? How much money do they have to spend on this wedding anyways? My husband picked up some invitation blanks for our daughter's wedding that cost $0.50 a piece. Throw in $0.39 for postage and I can understand someone trying to cut corners. That also explains why all the information including where the bride is registered is in one envelope. How much time did the bride have to put the invitations together? If someone is working long hours, there may not be much time or energy for getting everything perfect.

IMO, tacky is spending $5000 for flowers. Tacky is spending $10,000 on address. Tacky is spending $10,000 on a ring. Tacky is having a big church wedding when the bride and groom are already living together and neither has been in a church for 15 years!

[malta blue]

42. ...

:applause:

Very well said Hedgehog. I understand the OP finding it tacky about Walmart - but you make some very good points.

[hedgehog]

43. Aww.. you're just saying that because I'm holding Sapa hostage!

He's the king of the dining room table!

[malta blue]

47. Nope...I have planned a wedding on a budget and it is hard

work. We didn't register anywhere....unlike my brother with his 500+ invitations, etc. I went to the bridal shower a couple of weeks ago and there were 96 women there....96! How obscene! There are no gifts left on the registry to buy for them.

[jobycom]

45. Now THAT'S a post

:toast:

[Critters2]

48. Agreed in large part

Weddings are the beginning of a life together, and wedding gifts are a way to help the couple get started in building that life. A wedding is not a show, and is not about impressing the guests.

I don't shop at Wal-Mart, but if the couple knows that's where their friends and family feel comfortable, then registering there makes sense. I've lived in rural areas where Wal-Mart has chased other department stores out of the county. Sadly, registering at Wal-Mart is a reasonable thing to do in these settings. You can't ask invitees to drive 2 hours to Des Moines to shop at Younkers. Well, not very graciously.

We printed our invitations on our own computer, at some remarkably small expense. The then-Mr-Critters was quite skilled at computer work, and no one was the wiser.

Yep, I agree.

[Rabrrrrrr]

51. It may be custom, but it's not polite to put it in the invitation.

In fact, it's rude and speaks of impolite trashiness of the worst kind - but not quite as impolite trashiness as saying "gifts of money are preferred over things".

Unfortunately, I have to join the side that is against you - registries are tacky, impolite, and wrong. Even if they aren't in the invitation. The only thing that a registry says is "WE ARE GETTING MARRIED AND YOU NEED TO BUY US SHIT BECAUSE WE'RE SELF-ABSORBED CLUELESS SHITBAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And the people who like registries because it "makes gift buying easier" are also....well, I'd like to say something stronger, but I'll just say "lazy". Lazy as shit. Gifts are something that should reflect the personality of the giver while meeting the needs of the giftee - registries don't do that. So what if the couple ends up with duplicates?

Is one accepting gifts because one expects a home to be furnished precisely as one desires; or is one accepting gifts because one is grateful that a friend felt the need to give one?

No, registries say "I don't respect you enough to just invite you to celebrate my wedding; it's really only worth the expense of this invitation if you buy me something I covet".

Fuck that.

People have a registry? I don't give them a gift.

[northzax]

71. i don't object to the concept of a registry

only the advertising of it. I mean if I am going to a good friend's wedding, I can find a gift. if I am going to my cousin Edna's wedding, then I'd prefer to get them something they might actually want, rather than my preference.

but I am with you on the advertising. there are rules about this sort of thing for very good reason...

[NashVegas]

86. Registries Are *the* Way to Go

Gifts are something that should reflect the personality of the giver while meeting the needs of the giftee

That's not giving, that's foisting your taste on someone else. I learned that lesson when I tried to give an Elvis Presley clock to a brother & sister-in-law and she-who-shopped-at-Michael's thought so much of it it got put in a closet and pretty much stayed there through garage sale time.

People getting married have it hard enough as it is. They need to decide whose stuff gets to stay, whose stuff goes. Easier to have nice new (even Wal-Mart new) stuff that's neither his nor hers, but *theirs.*

Registries are especially important to allow couples to decide on a cohesive scheme for dining & entertainment ware, for example. A 10-or-more person service can run into the several hundreds, even for low-rent couples. So instead of buying them a whole set of 4 (that coordinates with nothing), you and 9 others each spend less money and buy one.

You may have taste that's 80 times better than theirs, but they're the ones who will live with it.

[Rabrrrrrr]

116. No, it's not foisting your taste unless you do it wrong.

As I said, it's about MEETING THEIR NEEDS while also providing some of one's own personality. I love cooking - table fellowship is important to me - so I tend to give kitchen related things as gifts.

Giving someone an Elvis clock is out of the realm of 'meeting their needs' unless you know they're die-hard Elvis fans. Nor would I, as much as I love it, ever give my sister a really bitchin' santoku knife or saute pan: she hates cooking and looks at it as a necessary evil.

I don't tell people what to buy me. If they feel they want to buy me a gift, I want them to surprise me with a gift that they put some thought into.

I would never, ever assume that I have a right (especially as a person getting married who has it so goddamned 'hard as it is' :eyes: yeah, all that decision making about what to do with the stuff sure brings out the sympathy in me...) to tell people a) that they have to buy me something, and b) what that something should be.

Are we inviting people because we love them and want their presence at an important time/event/moment? Or because they are a gift-giving unit?

I invite people because I love them and want them there.

Gosh, it used to be that people would spend time thinking and agonizing about a gift, looking here and there and searching and sifting and putting in some effort to find just the right thing for a particular person. Now it's "just iText me ur want lst n i'll buy it, k?"

Pfagh. People are too fucking lazy any more to actually put some time into their relationships or be gentlemanly/lady-like. And it saddens me.

And we wonder why the country is so fucked up, rude, obnoxious, and falling apart.

George Shrubbie and his administration and the whole rightwing me-me-me focus of the last 30 years is totally representative of the attitude that thinks it's perfectly fine to put a gift registry notification in an invitation that was sloppily and shittily made.

[skygazer]

99. I agree with you about registries

It's nice to find that someone else feels this way. I really find them tacky and rude and exactly what you said - a way of saying, "I expect a gift and won't be happy unless you get me what I want."

They're so common that people don't even realize the message that's being sent - not the recipients and not the givers. People have gotten so used to feeling obligated to give gifts and those receiving them have gotten so used to being able to choose their own gifts that the whole idea of giving a gift has been devalued.

A gift should be something special that one takes some time and effort to choose, not something you pull of a pre-made list. You should know the people well enough to know what they like or need.

I recently went to a wedding where the registry contained no gift that cost less than $130 - no joke. They got a tasteful silver picture frame that was NOT on the registry.

[MistressOverdone]

127. I remember when I first heard of registries

I thought it was crass. In my day (what a phrase) we did register china and silver patterns, but that was it. However, both my kids had registries and so has every one of their friends. It is the norm, now. Personally I rarely use the registry. Takes away the fun of giving. I want them to REMEMBER the odd aunt who gave them the two foot metal fish platter.

[Left Is Write]

53. It's fine to have a registry; it is against etiquette, however, to include

registry information in an invitation. If an invitee would like registry information he or she can consult the friends or family of the couple.

Unsolicited registry information is too much like saying, "I expect a gift and don't trust you enough to pick one out."

Why is a $10,000 ring tacky?

[mykpart]

56. Totally agree, Hedgehog.

And even though it's not really classy to include where you're registered with the invitation, it sounds as though Mr. & Mrs. Rabrrr are probably the only ones who would really know that. If the friends and family are all rednecks, then let 'em have any kind of wedding they want. What's important is for the people who love you to witness and share the joy of your wedding, not to critique the invitations or the menu.

[rbnyc]

75. The crappy invitations still bother me.

You don't have to have a lot of skill or special talent to make your own invitations and make them with care. I generally hand-make invitations to our important occasions, like our annual pot-luck or my son's birthday. I work long hours, and have 3 cats a son and a husband at home, but I give myself enough time to do the job right because I care. I don't spend a lot of money on them, but I think them through and make optimum use of my resources. When my guest receives their invitation, they know that I truly care about the event and their requested presence. If I were to receive an invitation like the OP described, I would think that if she doesn't even care about her own wedding, why should I?

I agree that over-spending is tacky. But what's more tacky to me is not caring, not taking pride in what you do and the decisions you make.

I do judge the OP's cousin, but not because of her budget. Her invitations show that she doesn't value her own time or the involvement of her friends and family.

[Rabrrrrrr]

117. Thanks for all your words here, rbnyc! Well said. What you say here is precisely it -

it's not even so much the tackiness of the registry inclusion, or that it was WalMart (though are worth some judgment) it's the fact that she clearly doesn't care enough to even make them presentable.

I just said in my last post that this the current political state is totally representative of America's complete disregard for matters of etiquette and hospitality and striving to go beyond merely adequate. It's our addiction to mediocrity.

"Wow - this invitation looks like shit, and clearly you put as little effort into as possible, probably so you could crank out as many as possible to every gift-buying-unit in your address book - but, gosh, you tried, and that's good enough in today's America, so here's a china service for 16 and a bachelors degree in Graphic Design because we don't want to make you feel bad!! Good for you!!!!"

:puke:

Fuckers.

You know, worst-case scenario, she could have called me up, said "Rabrrrrrr, I can't the invitation to format correctly", she could have emailed it to me, I would have fixed in 2 minutes and sent it back, and everything would have been okay. But she didn't have the sense to care that much about it.

You're the best, rbnyc! I'm glad you "get it".

We don't do invitations and such excellently because we fear judgment, or so that people won't talk about us; we do so because a well-formatted letter, invitation, or whatever says to the other person "You are really special to me - special enough that I put some extra time into this".

That's why most of my thanks, get well, congratulations, etc. cards go out on handmade papers written with a fountain pen - not because I'm afraid they'll think I'm a jerk if I don't, but because it says "You're really important to me". Even if they don't understand the true value or quality of the paper (though actually my very fancy hand made stationary is vastly cheaper than those shitty printed cards), I think there's a subconscious sense of it being special in the mind of the receiver.

But, fuck it, they should just be happy I thought of 'em, and that gin-stained napkin I used to scrawl an illegible and drunken "thank you" for the china service for 16 should be enough, the elitist shitbags.

[rbnyc]

123. I can't thank you enough.

I'm so glad you read my posts and that we truly understand each other. It's such a hard point to make because it's not nice and it does say that one thing is better than another. But hell, if one thing weren't better than another, than what are we all striving for?

Anyway, I really have to get to work. But I'm so glad I checked in and read your post.

Love Ya',

Rene

[Rabrrrrrr]

124. You're welcome! I so want to see people start giving a damn

instead of accepting "good enough" as A+ Ivy League level material, and to also get people to realize that high expectations aren't "elitist" or "snobbish" or "rude", but something which we should all have.

But in this America Mediocracy, that ain't gonna fly. And we sure saw it here on this thread. "Why should we take pride in our work? It's up to you to just accept it, snob". :eyes:

[Pale Blue Dot]

44. Is she so concerned about her future husband

that she already knows she's going to need a lot of plastic shit lying around to satisfy her?

[hedgehog]

46. Some people can only afford plastic shit!

[Rabrrrrrr]

49. LOL! That's fucking beautiful!!

Well said - plastic shit, indeed.

I could never, in good conscience, buy someone a wedding gift from WalMart - and not just because I hate WalMart from an ethical worker's-rights stance; I just could not, in good conscience, ever buy a cheaply made fucking piece of shit and call it a wedding present.

"Here, I bought you something at WalMart for your wedding, because clearly I think you're worth less as a human being than the kegger in my fishin' boat that I spent $40 on the designer NASCAR tapper for".

No, there is no way I would buy someone a wedding gift that was a cheap, tacky piece of shit, except as a gag for a really close friend who has taste. That's just rude. Seriously - if a person can't afford a gift that's actually decent, give 'em money for the honeymoon.

[SoCalDemGrrl]

52. Eeww!! Sorry for her.

[Rabrrrrrr]

57. And the sad part, I look in her eyes and talk to her, and I see potential,

but her parents are crap, her aunts and uncles (love 'em though I do) are crap, and she just never really got the chances she should have had.

She's a great kid in her heart, but sadly has been kept down and, most likely, will spend her life as a Pabst drinkin', NASCAR watchin' mother of a few kids with WalMart clothing. She will, more than likely, be pretty happy - she is already, and her husband to be is a pretty good, though also uneducated unworldly simple guy - but she really could have been so much more. And that's the sad part. If she had been raised by some others in the family, she would have been pushed to have a better life than her parents. But instead, she's been raised and trained to accept mediocrity and simpleness.

Sigh....

But, at least she's not marrying an abusive drunk, or NASCAR racist, or a tabacco chewin' lazy angry piece of shit - she's marrying a really nice guy, a responsible and excellent farmer who works and will inherit the family farm, who will treat her like a queen, even if the tiara is cubic zirconia and 10K gold-plated brass and the honeymoon suite is the cheapest outside-the-city-limits motel room in Branson.

[NuttyFluffers]

65. there's a beautiful romance story in that last line somewhere...

"who will treat her like a queen, even if the tiara is cubic zirconia and 10K gold-plated brass and the honeymoon suite is the cheapest outside-the-city-limits motel room in Branson."

naturally the last name of the main characters will have to be "the Simpletons." i'm envisioning a chilled Martinelli's cider bottle inside a Sleep motel ice bucket, and a 3-tier candy dish with sliced Little Debbie snacks. it will be adorable and sad, all at the same time.

[MistressOverdone]

128. With this last post I have totally

changed my mind about this cousin of yours. Simple folks do things in simple ways. She reminds me of my inlaws. Not a lot of polish, but happy and they saved every other penny they ever earned and now can buy and sell everyone else in the family. But they don't, and they still buy used stuff and yeah, they hit WalMart now and then. And a lot of their money goes overseas to help relatives who didn't make it over here.

[Rabrrrrrr]

133. Yeah - I think they'll both be contributors to society in their own way,

at least in terms of not hurting it. Unlike her useless fucking parents and useless aunts and uncles.

They're not sophisticated, they're not worldly, but they're good folk.

I just wish that she would strive for more - or, perhaps more correctly, I wish her parents weren't addicted to low-level performance and would have actually urged her to strive beyond what they did and have more than they have. She's getting it, but not by very much. I do think she could have achieved a lot in her life - she has the raw material that, had it been formed, could have probably taken her to an Ivy League school or close to. But instead she's going the path of marriage out of high school, and I'm sure she'll have a baby within a year. I also wouldn't be surprised if she grew up with her parents, and her aunts and uncles, constantly haranguing her about how smart people aren't any good, why do you wanna be like some college educated hippy, college educated people get into management and then they fuck people like us... that kind of stuff. I know my relatives, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if that was her environment.

Very sad.

[Ilsa]

54. Surprise her with a nice gift from some place other than WalMart.

She'll probably remember it was from you more than if you gave her one place setting.

[NuttyFluffers]

67. i actually think this would be the best response, unless they are in desperate need.

if they are about to have a child, it'd be more practical to get them as many diapers as you can. or, if they are starting a new home, get them a new linen set. a full family set of cotton towels might be nice, if you can get it at wal-mart. otherwise, i think it's a great idea to get them something beautiful that they would normally never have, but might inspire them for future success, like an ornate silver platter from Nieman Marcus. or something to inspire their natural curiosity about the world, like a complete set of Harvard Classics (books, the gift that keeps on giving). or a luxurious linen set for their bed in the master bedroom (avoid satin, many people don't like sliding off the bed onto their asses). these things tend to be more ornate but also far more durable, especially between moves which a young couple is bound to have.

[Ilsa]

85. Those are great suggestions! Martha Stewart said she always

gives a pair of down pillows, but for some people with allergies, that is impractical. I like the idea of giving them something special, even the really cotton nice sheets. I also love the idea of a beautiful service piece. There are so many styles of stuff (like Wilton) that will last almost forever -- it doesn't have to be a piece with a traditional design.

[Critters2]

131. Get her something from the Martha Stewart line

at K-Mart :eyes:

[Cobalt-60]

55. Buy them a mountain of toilet paper - At K Mart

it's not like they aren't going to need it.

[GalleryGod]

58. Well that's Lovely.

[Gold Metal Flake]

59. Who could have guessed that my sister and I would've bought the same set of tube socks!

And then we laughed and laughed.

[bumblebee1]

60. When my husband's nephew got married,

we got a card about he and his bride being registered at Linens N Things. For a wedding gift, they got a set of everyday flatware, two baking sheets and I also cross stitched a table runner for them.

For my nephew's wedding, we got a card about their registration at both Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond. Since there is no Bed, Bath and Beyond store were we live, I got his fiancee a $25 gift card for Bed, Bath and Beyond for a shower gift. For the wedding gift, we got them a $28 room account card on the cruise line they took for their honeymoon. A friend of my sister's got them a $100 card for a wedding gift. I thought it was a great idea instead of another $25 gift card from Bed, Bath and Beyond. Yes, I also cross stitched a table runner for them.

[CanuckAmok]

62. Perfect. Buy her kitty litter, frozen meat pies, and tires. That'll learn her.

n/t

[Oeditpus Rex]

63. 'Gentle Reader:

"Miss Manners has never been prompted to say such a thing, but in this case, she cannot resist: She thinks you're quite a large turd."

[Guava Jelly]

66. My sister called me a few months back and asking about a good Wine

She bought this and asked me if it was any good

:hide:

[Blue_Tires]

87. no complaints from my parents

they drink that stuff all the time, lol

[krispos42]

70. Tacky

[vi5]

72. Boy the snobbery on this thread is just mind blowing....

Seriously, the judgemental tone of 90% of the posts in this thread are very dissapointing.

1)As one poster pointed out, perhaps Wal-Mart is the only place in the area or the only place where they knew most of their guests could afford items.
2)I've been to weddings for people in a whole host of economic strata and social classes, and every one of them in my 37 years has had a registry. It may not have ever been included in the wedding invitation but it was at the very least included by the maid of honor in the invitations to the bridal shower.
3)So fucking what if their invitations were home made? Again maybe the just wanted to save money and were more concerned with important things like being able to invite more friends and family to participate in their day.
4)And even if every move they made was "tacky", again so fucking what? It's their day and they can do what they want with it. Perhaps they weren't raised or don't come from a place or upbringing where they were fully schooled on every single facet of social moors or ettiquette. Do any of you honestly think that is going to prevent them from being happy as a married couple, which last I checked is the ultimate thing anyone would want from a marriage no matter who is getting married?

Whatever, I guess. Clearly I'm in the minority compared to all the Miss Manners and tsk-tsking socialites on this board so feel free to ignore me.

[rbnyc]

74. There's a difference between being a snob and having some standards.

1) I wouldn't register at WalMart even if it were the only place in the area where most guests could afford items. I would never encourage anyone to shop at Walmart. There are always alternative. Register someplace where people can shop on-line. Who cares if it's in the area? What percentage of wedding guests are generally from one's immediate area anyway? And even more expensive stores generally have items in a range of prices. Or ask people not to bring or send gifts because their support of your love and happiness is gift enough. My husband and I did not register for gifts when we were married.
2)Same as above.
3)The OP has said, and I agree, there's nothing wrong with making your own invitations. But to make them so carelessly shows a real lack of thought, effort, time and pride. Why wouldn't a person take pride in their own wedding invitations? If a person isn't even willing to invest effort into their own wedding invitations, in what area of their lives do you suppose they do invest effort? It's not about taste; it's about caring.
4)Again, it's not about taste or etiquette; it's about caring. Where a person was raised and how a person has been educated do have a lot of influence over how a person turns out, but there's another ingredient. I wish I could identify it, but a person who has it will do things with spirit, personality, creativity and care, no matter where they come from, and a person who doesn't have it...well, they're more challenged and perhaps we should have more sympathy.

Still, I don't read this thread as being full of snobbery over manners and etiquette. I read it as being full of frustration over the masses of people who just can't seem to do any better and who have lowering the bar in this country for decades, who have made us a country of chumps, who have made walmart and election 2000 possible, who don't know better and don't care, who have no inner light and darken the world for the rest of us. We're mad at people like the OPs cousin because they contribute to so much ruin. We have venom and we have reason--but it's not snobbery.

[vi5]

77. "they contribute so much ruin"

Maybe I am missing the point because I fail to see where a couple planning a wedding in a particular way contributes ruin to anything.

Nobody invited has to respond yes, nobody has to buy a gift at all let alone one from a registry, nobody has to do anything they don't want. But I would hope at the very least since there was no real reason to believe otherwise, that people on a forum for supposedly liberal, tolerant people would put the assumed happiness of a couple getting married and sharing a wonderful occassion on a higher plane of priority over the nuances of the perceived ettiquette or classiness of their wedding. At least to the degree where even if they don't fully approve of any of it (and I'm not saying I even do myself), that the responses would be somewhat less blatant than the chortling, judgemental, finger pointing, handkerchief to the forehead dabbing, "oh dear me" responses I'm seeing on here.

I'm a fairly well educated, non-rural northeasterner, far from struggling financially in any sense of the word, who was raise by a family of very proper, polite, ettiquette adhering people. But I couldn't imagine ever in a million years being so judgemental of how another person chooses to go about having their wedding knowing how many different factors are involved in people's lives (financial, education, regional customs, difficult family situation) that may make them handle things differently than I would.

[datasuspect]

88. and your last paragraph breathes that rarest of qualities - TRUE CLASS

this thread is more about insecurities than anything else.

i wouldn't doubt that 95% of the tsk tsk'ers here shop at wal-mart on a weekly basis.

or maybe they are ashamed about some aspect of their background and have to put the "hipper than thou" bullshit on overdrive.

[rbnyc]

94. Well, I don't shop at WalMart...

...and I'm not ashamed of my background. Nor am I concerned about being hip. This topic stirs up a lot of personal feelings for me, so I've tried to explain them.

Did you see the movie Iris? Or have you read about the Author, Iris Murdoch? She was a writer. She had a great love for language. In her later years, she descended into Alzheimer's. As she began to lose her language, she became so frightened and angry. She was losing the instrument of human thought. She was losing what it meant to be human.

Sometimes I feel that I am Iris Murdoch and the OP's cousin is Alzheimer's Disease. I'm mad and I'm scared. I don't like the direction of our culture. Each one of us is responsible.

[datasuspect]

96. you're not mean-spirited

and you're very thoughtful. people like you are like a shining hope. still, thoughtful people are rare, the inmates run the asylum.

but i have no hope for humanity or our western culture.

[rbnyc]

105. Thanks.

I really appreciate that, especially since I'm trying to express a feeling that is not very attractive.

[mark414]

78. jeebus christ!

you ever try climbing down off of one of these before?

[PVnRT]

79. It may not be snobbish, but it is elitist

The attitude that those damn poor people need to "do better" is the same kind of argument I hear from right-wingers when they start bitching about the unemployed, or affirmative action, or any of those kinds of social issues. It's always the other person's fault, they need to suck up and do better, if you're down and out it's all your fault, et cetera, et cetera.

Has it occurred to anyone in this thread that maybe she doesn't particularly have good computer skills, or know someone that does? Is she supposed to shell out hundreds of dollars she doesn't have to get them printed nice and fancy to show she "cares"? How do you know she "doesn't care"? Instead of wondering if she simply did the best she could, the typical elitist DU crowd immediately assumes that she's a dumbass redneck who couldn't be bothered to stop chewing tobacco for a few seconds to get the job done.

Shop online? Sure, if youy have a computer, and don't mind doing it. Many people simply don't like shopping online simply because they like to actually see what they're buying beforehand. Yet there are many (my fiancee's family included) who would frankly be insulted if they were told not to worry about buying gifts. How would you resolve the situation? Perhaps there are some on DU that are willing to tell family and future family to just go fuck off and die, but I'm not one of them.

Maybe if some of you urban elitists actualy left the city limits to see how the other half lives, you might understand, but I don't hold out hope that that will ever happen.

It's this insular attitude amongst many of the liberals here, that they're better than the unwashed masses who can't find their asses with both hands, and who complain endlessly about how backwards and stupid they all are. They lack an inner light, they made election 2000 possible? Well, then, what the hell are you doing about it? If your answer is just more whining on a message board, you're as much a part of the problem as anyone else.

[vi5]

80. Hey don't tar us urban elitists...

I'm the one who raised the issue in the first place about having issues with it and I'm far from rural, redneck, southern, or whatever. But whatever the location the sentiment is the same and I agree with you. Thanks for the back up and letting me know I wasn't the only one who felt this way. And I think it's also presumptuous of us to assume they were rural. Last I checked there are quite a few poor people living in cities as well.

[rbnyc]

81. I think the rural assumption comes from the walmart factor...

...not the poor factor, since walmart has obliterated so many choices for those in rural areas, as I would know as I grew up poor in the rural midwest and have consumed my fair share of squirt cheese.

I understand the backlash against my post. As I said, having fewer resources, the OP's cousin may deserve our sympathy more than anything.

However, there is venom against a certain type of person--the walmart-shopping-not-knowing-better type. I understand it. I feel it. And I tried to explain it.

One reason I resent people is the deterioration of language. Language is very organic and changes much more easily through hearing than through reading. I've seen my own use of language change dramatically over the years, as fewer and fewer people care to use language to its potential or even to use it correctly. I resent it. I struggle against it, but I wish I were in a better environment for language. (In fact, I work about 50 hours a week raising funds for literacy programs.)

Our culture is poor, and that's because people either don't know better or can stand it. Richer culture doesn't sell; that makes me angry at the market. (Richer culture is also branded as elitist, even by my sweet and tolerant liberal friends.) ;-)

EDIT: typo

[PVnRT]

What is your standard of culture?

Culture is a relative term, without absolutes. There is rich culture to be found everywhere, if one is willing to keep an open mind and look for it. Remember that Shakespeare was considered lowbrown nonsense suitable only for the illiterate English peasants when he wrote his plays that are considered high culture today.

[rbnyc]

104. That's an excellent question.

I love the term lowbrow, too. Have you read or seen Wallace Shawn's, The Designated Mourner?

I guess crookedly-cut typing paper RSVP cards could be considered rich culture from a certain perspective. That actually reminds me of more Wallace Shawn, where he says you can experience everything you would need to experience in life in a cigar shop on Second Ave.

I'm really talk about quality itself, and there couldn't be anything more subjective. Yet it's true, people don't use language the way they used to. And half the country can't tell you who's vice president. And excellent scripts can't get made while there's all the money in the world to make Norbit. And Walmarts have destroyed our downtown mom-and-pops. To me, it doesn't look good.

[MistressOverdone]

130. Remember the "zines" of the 90's

when kids, in rebellion to the perfection of desk-top publishing, wrote out journals, articles, etc., in handwriting and xeroxed them? Very interesting movement, but it died out.

[MistressOverdone]

129. Good point

reminds me of when we teachers used to refer to a child as "culturally deprived." NO ONE is culturally deprived. Culture is everywhere and everything.

[PVnRT]

97. double post

n/t

[NashVegas]

89. Not Everyone Is So Lucky

Etiquette has long been ignored in the US.

I grew up in a family of limited means and can state from experience that, etiquette-wise, there are a lot of things I was pretty clueless about growing up.

There are an amazing number of important cues that poorer and less social families simply don't know about.

[rbnyc]

91. I'm not talking about etiquette at all.

I'm talking about the sloppy use of scissors. I'm talking about shotty work. I'm talking about what it says about about person, and what it says to their intended guest, when they don't take time to make their own wedding invitation as nice as they can make it.

But moreover, I'm talking about personal feelings. A poster was upset by the "snobbery" in this thread. As I am very much in touch with the source of my own judgments against the OP's cousin, and as I know it is anger and frustration that I feel, I thought I would elaborate on these feelings.

It's not nice to judge people, and not necessarily productive to blame people or resent people for the deterioration of culture. Therefore, I understand why people don't like my feelings. But please don't misunderstand me. It has little to with etiquette. It has to do with self-worth and a level of care that one takes that certainly transcends class.

[NashVegas]

95. Normally, I Wouldn't Do This

But it's "shoddy," not "shotty." And, considering its definition, I think it makes a great illustration.

[rbnyc]

106. See what I mean!

See how my language has deteriorated!

No seriously, I appreciate the correction. I'd rather know the right word. And I can't argue with you.

[NashVegas]

110. Peace

Maybe for a gift, Rabrrrrr should offer to do up another set of invitations?

:evilgrin:

[rbnyc]

115. Peace

:toast:

[SammyWinstonJack]

102. Just what I was thinking. Really typical for this crowd, though.

:shrug: And of course there was the ever present "Olive Garden" bash. Still can't let that one go, I see. :eyes:

[Phillycat]

107. I absolutely, positively agree with you.

And re: the registry being included in the invitation - I have a (not very close) friend who is from the Main Line - very ritzy suburb of Philly. Her parents are old money - her father worked in the family business, and her mother lunched and volunteered. His parents were also old money - they bought the couple a house in West Chester as their wedding gift. The wedding was held at a country club and the entree choices were filet mignon or lobster tails. There was an ice sculpture.

And their registry information was included in the bridal shower invitations. So WHATEVER.

[Redneck Socialist]

119. It's pretty common, as far as I can tell.

I wasn't aware that letting people know where you're registered was a major faux pas. :eyes:

[rbnyc]

73. Yikes!

That's pretty funny, though. Are you going?

EDIT: Just read on and got my answer.

[guitar man]

82. Damn, Jeff Foxworthy should pick this up

"If your bridal registry is at Wal-Mart, you might be a redneck"

:rofl:

[NashVegas]

83. Bless Her Heart ....

...

[dropkickpa]

90. Tacky maybe, but

If it were a DU-er describing what they were doing for their wedding, and they outright told us they were quite poor and doing it on a shoestring and very similarly to what your cousin is doing, would everyone be jumping up and down yelling "tacky tacky!!"? Somehow I don't think so. We'd all be saying "sounds lovely" and "it's your day, enjoy the hell out of it" and so on.

It sounds like they are working with a very small budget. Yeah, I wouldn't want to register at Wal-mart, but if I were not well off, I'd feel like a complete dick if I registered at some expensive store, not to mention I wouldn't want anyone to spend a bomb.

How much lead time is there between when you recieved the invitation and the wedding itself? On a shoestring, I've noticed that there isn't a lot of it and including the registration with the invite may be the only way for them to let people know where they are registered. I'm willing to bet that they aren't registered for idiotic, useless, extravagant things (gilded picture frames, cherubs shitting rubies, embroidered toilet paper) there's probably mostly things they really need, like a vacuum cleaner, or a matching set of (not-gold edged) dinnerware.

Just because people aren't computer-savvy, stylish, french butter eatin', ettiqette masters does NOT make them less worthy people, or people incapable of being just as good, where it really counts, as any of us.

Why is it still okay to bash the poor? (not you Rabrrrrrr, but some others in this thread)I am really surprised at some of the comments on this thread, from people I wouldn't expect it to come from. It's very disheartening.

[youthere]

92. Buy her a copy of the Frontline documentary on Walmart as a wedding gift.

"Is Wal-Mart bad for America?"

[Rabrrrrrr]

93. LOL! I like that suggestion!

[youthere]

100. You could also get her a job application for WM as a gift...

but I like the documentary. Maybe give her tacky ass a little edukashun.

[noonwitch]

101. Monetary gifts are never returned and always appreciated

Give them money.

[El Fuego]

103. Is the groom your cousin too?

[Phillycat]

108. I find posting about your family member and saying she's tacky

to be incredibly tacky.

[Rabrrrrrr]

112. And pointing that out is tacky. Welcome to the club!

Actually, tacky would be telling her to her face that she's tacky; or renting a big billboard to say "(name) is tacky!!!!"

Coming to a group of friends to complain about something that bothers me, and to share it with each other, and to do so while maintaining the anonymity of the cousin in question, is not tacky. Not in the least.

[dysfunctional press]

109. Target gift card.

would be my solution.

[Rabrrrrrr]

111. I'm thinkin' a bass boat with curb feelers and a neon license plate holder!

[Critters2]

132. Honestly, I expect better of you, Rabrrrrr

just a little disappointed. I've served folks like those you're ridiculing, and I enjoyed them.

[Rabrrrrrr]

134. Dude, I have 150 aunts, uncles, and cousins just like that -

You say you've served people like them; I say I've spent my entire life living with them!

I say it all in love! (except for a couple of them)

[Critters2]

135. When I say I served them, it means they paid my salary

I'm always grateful for that, no matter whom. But honestly, given my poor rural parishes or the rich urban ones I've served (of which there have been two), give me poor rural any day of the week. Not only were they not overly concerned of my opinion of them, they didn't judge me harshly either. Somethin' to be said for that!

[gmoney]

118. tell her she can pick up her gift in China... (eom)

[barb162]

121. good thing she didn't register at the Dollar Store

or whatever it's called

[smoogatz]

122. It's right out of a country song.

Love it. I hope they're having the reception at the demolition derby, and fuck all y'all if you don't like it.

[MistressOverdone]

125. Give her money

and she can spend it where she likes.