Limerick Time! - Post your creations

[Xipe Totec]

Or somebody else's if you please!

:bounce:

Here's mine:

Oh, wonder of wonders I ponder,
This curious world cast asunder
That land where puns thrived,
Should be so deprived...
There's no rhyme for Irish? What blunder!

[Xipe Totec]

1. Here's one for Cal Peg:

Cal Peg is a friend we should thank,
for she puts up with much, let’s be frank
if anger let fly,
even then she’ll reply,
with a courteous line: my dear _blank_

:bounce:

[Gormy Cuss]

4. My dear Xipe Totec,

Cal Peg is a friend we all need,
'Tis true that she's good indeed,
but never forgit,
where some say "frig it"
Peg drops the F bomb and the lounge falls through the space time continuum for a few minutes.
:+

[CaliforniaPeggy]

80. My dear Xipe Totec!

That is just too kind of you!

I truly appreciate this lovely limerick...

Alas, writing those has never been my strong suit!

Thank you......:loveya: :hug:

[hellbound-liberal]

2. I didn't write this one but I have always remembered it through the years

There was a gay boy of Khartoum,
Who took a lesbian up to his room.
But they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, with which, and to whom.

[Gormy Cuss]

3. Erin Go Bragh

There once was a man called St. Pat,
Who never was fond of the rat,
With staff in his hand,
He thus did them ban,
And the leprechaun gave a tip o' his hat.

[Xipe Totec]

6. One for Gormy Cuss

Gormy Cuss, I have been such a wuss,
that I haven’t asked you for a buss,
and I would not be fit,
as a boy, I admit,
if I didn’t enjoy such a huss!

[Gormy Cuss]

12. Thank you, XT n/t

[Xipe Totec]

5. One for u4ic!

If you pissed off u4ic, of late,
that’s a major mistake, you just wait,
you’ll find out before long,
that she’ll chew off your dong,
and in Canada use it for bait.

:bounce:

[u4ic]

29. !

:spray: :rofl:




:loveya:

[Xipe Totec]

7. For Goddess of Guinness:

What possible being could be sweeter
than a lumbering giant anteater?
Well the Goddess of Guinness
a great violinist!
so we love her along with the eater.

:bounce:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

18. Wow! I'm deeply touched!

For you:

Thank you for the lovely limerick!!! :loveya::hug:

[madeline_con]

8. It's fun, why not...

There was a young lady from Derry
Who boarded the Glasgow bound ferry
She went for a drink
And slipped on some ink
And fell with a thud in the skerries

[Maineiac]

9. Add your own last line

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who liked to have sex on a bucket
One day he did say:
"Let's go for a roll in the hay"

[Xipe Totec]

10. But the duck in the bucket said - pluck it!

[Guava Jelly]

11. I wrote one for myself a few weeks back

There once was a man from Missouri
Who would PM his Butt in a hurry
To innocent Chicks
For giggles and kicks
At least thats what i'm telling the jury.
:hide:

[Xipe Totec]

13. ...

The jury flew into a fury
when the eager young buck from Missouri
said he aired out his bun
just for show and for fun,
so they jailed his punk ass in a hurry

:P

[Name removed]

14. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Xipe Totec]

57. ...

You’re entry 14 was deleted
when I read it I saw nothing heated,
but some-one on the fence,
must have taken offense,
so the mods had to act and omit it.

Oh well, clean it up and try again!

:hi:

[Guava Jelly]

75. I'm afraid to actually

I thought it was pretty tame.
I'll just back out of the thread before i get into trouble.
ok one more on edit

Sometimes i just cant freaken win
everything i write tossed in the bin
I'll leave in a double
As to not get in trouble
Because apparently i committed a sin
:wtf:

[Guava Jelly]

69. Crap!! I hope I ain't in trouble

:(

[Raven]

15. There once was a guy from DC

who couldn't pee up a tree
he tried and he tried
but eventually died
cause he outed Valerie

[1gobluedem]

16. Resurrected from the 2000 election

I wrote it right after the 'selection:'

There once was a Texas 'resident'
Who decided he'd like to be president
So he had bro and dad
Blur the meaning of chad
And set up a Supreme Court precedent

[Orrex]

17. Here are a few of mine, in honor of a certain demagogue's misfortune

I penned these a while back, so they may be a little too topical...

Rush, hoping that, sometime this summer,
He might "mentor" a young up-and-comer,
Had to settle instead
For bag of blue meds,
When he'd wanted to purchase a Hummer!

Thanks to little blue pills, he can urge it
To become artificially turgid.
Let that image remain
Deeply etched in your brain,
Because, try as you might, you can't purge it.

A loathsome Conservative whore
Was addicted to Oxy and more.
When they asked his excuse
For Viagra abuse,
He said, "Things were much harder before."

Unable, while on his vacation,
To rise to the happy occasion,
The Republican shill
Bought a bag of blue pills,
And he screwed, so to speak, his probation.

From the boner pills in his possession,
We learn an amusing new lesson:
That a Neocon fluffer
Ironically suffers,
In essence, a lack of tumescence.

When a sexy percussionist lass
Was moved by tequila to ask
The rotund Mr. Limbaugh
To try her marimba,
She found him not up to the task.


And an oldie but a goodie:

Sez Condi, "We've lost three Brazilians.
"Not soldiers, alas, but civilians."
Sez the Prez, head in hands,
"I just don't understand!
"How many are in a brazillion?"

[SPKrazy]

19. okay...My Limerick

There once was a dude Southpawkicker
who tried to get home a bit quicker
he gave someone sass
and fell on his ass
and now he's a dude Southpawpicker!


:rofl:

:shrug:

[Ms_Dem_Meanor]

21. uh...

:shrug:

[SPKrazy]

22. Went From Pawkicker to Pawpicker...

:shrug:

is right?

:rofl:

[Ms_Dem_Meanor]

26. Okay...

:yoiks:

[SPKrazy]

33. It's A Joke...

crim son calls me pawpicker, she thought that was my name instead of pawkicker (better than u4ic who thought it was southpawpecker) and it was the limerick that came to me in the 30 seconds that I spent on that post :rofl:

[Ms_Dem_Meanor]

47. That clears it up for me, southpawpicker (southpawpecker)

:rofl:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

20. There was a young fellow from Norway

Who wouldn't get out of the doorway.
A woman names Glynnis
Poured the fellow some Guinness
And now he is flat of the floorway.

[Orrex]

27. A follow-up, if I may...

He haled from the Stavenger region
And claimed that his lovers are legion
But with one glass of stout,
The real story came out:
That, in fact, he was Dutch, not Norwegian.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

30. Bravo!

:toast:

[Glorfindel]

23. Not in the same league, but mine own poor effort...

Consider the plural of mouse,
And also the plural of house.
Not "mouses" but "mice,"
It's "houses," not "hice,"
But the plural of grouse is...grouse.

[Orrex]

28. Hey, that's pretty darned clever, but consider...

But consider the problem of "father,"
Which looks like it should rhyme with "bather!"
Don't forget "comb" and "tomb;"
Neither one rhymes with "bomb."
And, oh yeah--none of them rhymes with "lather!"

[madinmaryland]

24. There once was a man who...

Can't do it. I'll get this thread locked!!1!!

[slj0101]

25. There once was a man named Funt...

nah...shouldn't...

[dEMOK]

31. OK -- Off the cuff...

There once was a leader named Bush
Who dictated law from his tush
To hell with our charter, became the decider and
Crapped freedom out with a push

[crim son]

49. Bravo.

:applause: It speaks to me.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

32. How does one say "Xipe Totec"

When their language is shamefully low-tech?
Is the "x" like a "z"?
Do we stress the first "e"?
If you tell me I'll give you a kopek!

[Xipe Totec]

44. Thus...

Say my name? What a curious ambition!
a mirror you’ll need, dear musician,
say it once for good luck,
and twice just for pluck,
but say it three times for ignition!

:evilgrin:

Many think that this name is just cruel
when in fact he’s an Aztec crown jewel.
to feed kind and kin,
he sheds his own skin
Xipe Totec’s the God of renewal.


http://members.aol.com/xiuhcoatl/xipe.wav

That'll be one kopek. Pay up!

:bounce:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

46. Heck, that's worth at least two!

:toast:

[Evoman]

34. Heres my pathetic contribution

I posted a limerick in the lounge
But for lyrics I sure had to scrounge.
I know this does suck.
But I don't give a fuck.
Thats why I won't bother rhyming with lounge.

[Evoman]

35. Nobody liked my limerick?

I guess my limerick was a bore.
And seems to be fit to ignore.
I tried to be smart.
And at least thats a start.
But I'm one sad attention-slut.

[Evoman]

36. ......

There nobody around to be nice.
To this idiot infested with lice. :(
They all hate my rhymes.
Well, go suck on some limes.
Cause I've got a date with Ms. Rice. :puke:

[Evoman]

37. ........

I've fallen into deep despair.
I swallowed some Condi pube hair.
I was such a fool.
Nobody told me I was cool.
Can you at least hook me up with some nair?

[Evoman]

38. ........

Condi just beat me with some sticks
because I'm afraid to go down and give licks.
I can't help and refrain,
from making fun of that mane.
And the nair, it'll prevent further nicks.

[Evoman]

39. ............

And Still nobody tells me I rock.
And I think I might have caused a thread lock.
This is all quite a mess.
I really confess.
Now I have to buy Condi a nice clock.

[Evoman]

41. .....................

I just gave her the time piece.
And she introduced me to her charming niece.
Now I'm in a jam.
They BOTH want a ram.
And they still won't shave off the fleece.

[Evoman]

42. ..........

I found away around this darn puzzle.
I just give them each a good nuzzle.
And when they fall asleep
I drive home in my jeep.
And then disinfect my love muscle

[Xipe Totec]

43. well...

The limericks are great, ya creep,
and kudos I should heap!
but 2 AM,
my evoman?
I’m busy counting sheep!

[Evoman]

50. ........

And now its the very next day
its time for you all to pay
Give me a cheer.
And I'll buy you a beer.
Happy St. Patties we'll say!

[Xipe Totec]

55. ....

I owe you this cheerful hooray!
Though St Paddy’s has turned dark and gray,
and now I must go,
to shovel some snow,
since you know, when indebted, I pay!

[ForrestGump]

40. I once ate a big, juicy orange

My palate became...um.....


....oh, darn.


:-(

[zingaro]

73. I'm giggling out loud at this.

[Crabby Appleton]

45. ...

A sperm faced alack and forsooth
His moment of intimate truth
He'd expected to fall
On a womb's spongy wall
but was dashed to his death on a tooth

[Guava Jelly]

48. One or two that just rolled off my warped brain

There once was a place full of Duers
who often put each other on skewers
A grumble or mumble
A wrong word or fumble
And the fan would be hit with Manure


There is a White House that we own
Occupied by criminals,killers and Drones
A Liar and thief
The commander and chief
And we are all screwed to the bone.

[alcibiades_mystery]

51. There once was a Sec of Defense

Whose prose was exceedingly dense
His philosopher's stone
Was an unknown unknown
I'll be damned if it made any sense

There once was a liar named Ari
Who swore that he never would marry
He longed for instead
Three strong men in his bed
Not just any old Tom, Dick, and Harry

[alcibiades_mystery]

52. The classic, from Pynchon

The was a technician named Slattery
Fell in love with a 50 volt battery
He got such a shock
What was left of his cock
Was all ooey, and gooey, and splattery

[crim son]

53. Not a skill of mine but

You may post to the world of your shame
And in chivalry withhold the name
But pity was yours
Turned them all into whores
While to you they were one and the same.

[Xipe Totec]

54. And a Limerick for Crim Son:

When Crim Son from Maine offered kisses,
a hasty line formed for the missus,
but it came to an end,
when she heard from a friend,
That the girlfriend’s had thrown fits and hisses.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6315499&mesg_id=6315499

[crim son]

74. ...

[otherlander]

56. Okay...

It once snowed a lot in my town
and I had to shovel and frown,
which hurt my back and hand,
so I fled to Thailand.
Now I'm warm, but their Feds hunt me down!

[Kali]

58. Not mine, but being a rancher...well...

Here's to the bull that roams through the wood,
and does all the heifers so very much good,
for if it was nay for him, and his enormous red mater,
there'd be none here could eat steak with their 'tater.

[grannylib]

59. OK I'll give it a try:

There was a Commander in Chief
Who was really Pretender and Thief
He's shallow and dumb
His brain must be numb
He's got the IQ of a leaf

[Xipe Totec]

60. And to continue, if I may....

The Shrub had a fervent belief,
he could grow by becoming a thief
by the time he was finished
his size so diminished,
that he changed from a Bush to a leaf.

[grannylib]

70. *lol* That's fabulous!! Thanks for the continuation.

:-)

[DrDan]

61. blunder indeed

"Irish" - "I wish" - "I fish" -

lots of rhymes

[Xipe Totec]

62. No Perfect Rhymes...

http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=irish&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&org2=l

[DrDan]

64. ahhhh - but your limerick does not restrict the rhyming to

perfect rhymes

[Xipe Totec]

65. Poetic license

:P

[DrDan]

63. ok

a lame mind with the last name of bush
had a job that he though was quite cush
then he tried to wage war
but his planning was poor
and was finally thrown out on his tush

[DrDan]

66. one more

our president is quite the phony
and his comments are mostly baloney
but when he gets stuck
he passes the buck
and relies on his toady named tony

[DrDan]

67. ok - this is becoming an obsession

if you ever go hunting with dick
rather than guns use a stick
his aim is quite bad
and the results could be sad
if you're lucky all you'll get is a knick

[Xipe Totec]

76. Dr Dan is becoming obsessed,

with creating the Limerick best:
"To be truly sublime,
it should do more than rhyme...
it should skewer George Bush and the rest".

:hi:

[DrDan]

77. my limericks were not very good

so I guess that I really should
kick the obsession
and seek a profession
where I won't be misunderstood

[DrDan]

78. I can only hope this thread is done

but I guess it was really quite fun
let me say that I wish
that all the Irish
now consider me their favorite son

[Generic Brad]

68. A Limerick

A limerick is just a rhyme
That runs in a meter of time.
And as it goes faster,
You sense disaster --
Afraid you'll fuck up the punchline.

[Deja Q]

71. There was once a man named Enos...

Who knew what to do with the woman from Nantucket... :rofl:

[otherlander]

72. An Epic Limerick

There was once a man named Monocle Moe.
He wanted more monocles, though.
He met some crazy fuck
who would shout, "War!" and duck,
and the two of them planned it to be so.

They found a man named Bishop Bob.
Making promises was his job.
Those three went traveling,
to meet their country's king,
who gave them some people to rob.

So Crazy Fuck got to have his war,
and then Moe walked through the door,
to the people's dismay,
but Moe got Bob to say,
"In Heaven, you'll have riches galore!"

Then monocles were made by the ton,
until the day was done.
They broke many a back,
so the idea to attack
started spreading one day in the sun.

Crazy Fuck tried to stop this new plan,
but his war machines could not withstand
the thousands of stones
that collided with his bones,
and Bob was sent to his dear Promised Land.

[Xipe Totec]

79. And one for the freepers...

A freeper came here playing hooky
and in time was longer a rookie
till one day this smarty,
said Democrat party…
and swallowed a big granite cookie