Need help finding a thread, divorce from a spousal abuser

[never cry wolf]

There was a thread here, I'm pretty sure in the Lounge, I'm pretty sure withing the last week or so. It was not Raven's thread requesting advice on spousal abuse but this one listed like 4 numbered points of advice for divorcing a spousal abuser such as:

1. Never mention divorce to the spouse but talk to an attorney first...

2. Start your own checking account....

I have a dear friend in dire need of exactly that advice and for the life of me I cannot find the thread. I've searched , including the archives, using keywords abuse, lawyer divorce, etc. I'v also searched my browsers history and cannot find it, grrrrr.....

Does anyone remember it, have a link or author or other suggestions?

Or did I just dream it and have gone bonkers?

[idgiehkt]

1. here is the one on the abuse

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=6206690

well nevermind, this isn't the one you want.

If you can think of any odd words in the OP that is the best way to find it, run a search on an uncommon word that might have been used in it.

[never cry wolf]

2. Thanks, that's not the one though

It's about the only one my searches turn up though, nor were any of the links listed. I am pretty sure the subject of the OP was pretty long. I dunno, maybe it turned into a flame war for some reason and got deleted.

Thanks again though.

[hfojvt]

3. these come up for 'divorce abuse'

I did not see a list though

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=5853292

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=5679083

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=6128463

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=5576782

[never cry wolf]

4. Thanks, not any of em, arghhhh, it's drivin me nuts....

Thanks again.... maybe senility has finally set in, sighhhhh.....

[hfojvt]

5. keep this kicked enough

and the OP of that thread is likely to see it. The search would be easier if you knew the OP, or if you posted in it yourself.

[never cry wolf]

6. I know, I know

:cry:

I didn't even finish reading the OP because at the time I didn't know my friend would need the advice. Thanks again!

[lukasahero]

7. Could it have been a link out of one of the posts?

The advice you mention sounds familiar to me so I'm thinking it's out on a web site somewhere, not specifically here. Give me a few minutes to Google.

[never cry wolf]

8. It may have been, my mind not being what it used to be

I was maybe 90% sure it was a thread here but after 2 hours searching I am thinking that may be possible.

Thanks!

[lukasahero]

9. Found a couple of links on Google

that might help.

http://www.cdh.org/ClinicalServices.aspx?id=9297

http://members.tripod.com/debi_1111-ivil/id37.html

Good luck.

[never cry wolf]

10. Thanks, good advice but not what I was looking for

Actually he is a mental abuser, not physical. I also seem to recall I was going to send her a link knowing her marriage was not great but not knowing she was seriously ready to take the D step. I didn't because she is a bit of a RWinger, or at least was a couple of years ago. (we stopped talking politics to save the friendship.)

[Deep13]

11. Two points.

One make a police report of the abuse. Have him arrested. If for whatever reason she can't keep him in jail, flee before she turns into a corpse.

[never cry wolf]

12. Thanks, but it's mental/verbal abuse, at least so far

They have been married for 26 years and he relishes making her cry. One time, in their 1st year of marriage he slapped her, she left to live with her mom for a month and he has never been physical since. Their kids are now grown and the concern is more that he will try to make her life miserable and screw her royally in court.

[idgiehkt]

13. I really like what Suze Orman has to say about this

She's had several divorced women on her show and she gives really good advice on it, particularly about not mentioning divorce because several of the women she had on there had husbands who hid assets once they had an inkling divorce was on the horizon.

Here are some links from her:
http://biz.yahoo.com/pfg/e20divorce/art011.html

http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200404/omag_200404_suze.jhtml

[never cry wolf]

14. Thanks, not what I saw but almost the same advice

Thanks alot!

[philosophie_en_rose]

15. Consult your local domestic violence agency.

Most have legal advocates that can help plan for divorce and/or attorneys that can provide legal advice.

[Nicole]

16. Are you sure it was in the Lounge?

I remember a thread in GD about a freeper husband. Sounds like the advice given in that thread might be want you are looking for. It was about opening a checking account, P.o. box, lawyers and things like that.

[Nicole]

17. Found the thread in GD

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=240564

Divernan has several good posts on that thread with the info you might be seeking.

ETA: I meant to say I found the thread I was talking about, not necessarily the thread you're looking for.

[never cry wolf]

18. tyvm...

that may be it, i may be in DU overload and am mixing up posts... thanks

[BlueIris]

20. Yeah, I think the post the OP wants is #43.

That's a great post.

[Omphaloskepsis]

19. Not what you were looking for...

But ask.mefi usually has good advice.. You could dig around and see if you can find any help.
http://ask.metafilter.com/tags/divorce