What book would you place beyond the reach of Hollywood forever?

[wickerwoman]

If some portal to another dimension opened and you could place one book or story on the other side so that you could always read it but no one could ever, ever try to make a(nother) movie out of it which would it be?

Personally, I say people who try to make Three Musketeer movies should be rounded up and shot. It's an 800 page novel and it's not a goddamn slapstick comedy. There is no way to make a 90 minute movie of it without gutting the novel. PLEASE stop trying!

[Loonman]

1. "Atlas Shrugged"

Shitty book, would make an equally shitty movie.

[peacefreak]

8. but

really, really l o n g.....

[ldoolin]

22. Didn't they already...

...try to make "Atlas Shrugged" into a movie a few years ago?

Last I heard it was going to be a made-for-TBS movie. Might have been shelved (I hope so.)

[Lithos]

2. The Bible

Mel Gibson's movie alone is proof enough.

L-

[WoodrowFan]

3. Damn

you beat me too it.

[CanuckAmok]

51. rent the movie "...And God Spoke"

It's a mocumentary about two guys producing an independent feature film of the entire Bible.

It's the "Spinal Tap" of the film biz, and endlessly hilarious.

Soupy Sales plays Moses--what else do you need to know?!

[LWolf]

4. All of them.

Then maybe we could get more screen writers who wrote their own stuff.

And maybe we'd get fewer books written with an eye to a movie contract further down the line; hence, better writing.

And we would no longer be subjected to seeing great stories trivialized, dumbed down, or turned into action/special effects extravaganzas.

[Bertha Venation]

15. in defense of adaptations

I doubt The Silence of the Lambs was written so that it could be adapted, but Ted Tally adapted it very well and received the Oscar for his efforts.

Not all adaptations suck.

Still, you have a point.

[LWolf]

26. You are correct.

I know I'm too extreme on this issue; I spent a decade in a children's library, working to wake them up to the magic of the written word. When they can sit and watch it passively on a screen, they don't have to engage in the story the same way they do when they read it.

When Robin Williams did Jumanji, I was so offended that I refused to see the movie for 5 years after he made it. You see, I'd been reading that book for years in the library; we even made our own large game and played along. It somehow took the wind out of the sails of that experience when you could see it on the screen. Of course, when I finally relented and watched it, I was pleased with what they'd done...even with the additions.

And I just enjoyed Return of the King a couple of weeks ago. Even though I found discrepancies to complain about, overall they did a good job. I enjoyed it. And yet, there is still a part of me that resents the idea that people can engage in the story without reading; and think they really "know" it.

I'm a dinosaur; a confirmed bibliophile, ex-librarian and teacher that prefers to visualize the story in my imagination! So while I'm learning to enjoy the movie versions, there are many hidden jewels out there that I hope the screen writers never discover. ;-)

[bif]

5. Catcher In the Rye

One of my favorite books of all time. Hollywoood would totally screw it up and give it a happy ending, no dobt. Plus I have an image in my mind what Holden Caulfiield looks like and don't wan't it ruined.

[mac56]

7. You beat me to it!

Good nomination.

My second choice: "Cat's Cradle".

[mitchum]

38. Well, stay away from any of Wes Anderson's garbage films

his movies are just Salinger for people who are too lazy (or stupid) to read

6. Gravity's Rainbow

but I probably don't have to worry about that one. Can't see how anyone would know how to make that one into a movie.

[markses]

19. I agree

I'm a big fan of Gravity's Rainbow (though many people on this board think it's pretentious shite, and positively moan for opportunity to ttell you so!), and I think it places itself out of reach of cinematic adaptation. What's so funny about that is that the prose makes the movie into a book: it is already an adaptation of the film form in literature. Just note how many times Pynchon brings us into the action with some cinematic direction ("Wide shot on the beach, zooming in on Slothrop's shoes," etc. "Pan slowly to Katje..."). In other words, rather than making a book a movie, Pynchon has made a movie a book! Fucking great stuff.

[Feanorcurufinwe]

46. One of my all time favorite books.

[stanwyck]

28. Reading Gravity's Rainbow was bad enough

let's not increase the pain by encouraging anyone to make a movie.

[VelmaD]

9. The "Discworld" books...

by Terry Pratchett. There's no way in hell that Hollywood could do his sense of humor justice. And lord knows they'd play up the humor and totally lose the deeper messages in his work.

Also, I'd hate to see anyone try to do a remake of "To Kill a Mockingbird". The movie version is perfect and should never ever be attempted again.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

10. Excellent book !

Great read :)

[blondeatlast]

35. Beat me to the "TKAM."

Excellent book, the movie was equally good, if maybe not better.

But you know it will be remade. :puke:

[beawr]

11. Fred Brooks'

"The Mythical Man Month"

[grannylib]

12. Tom Robbins' stuff...."Cowgirls" really sucked ass as a movie. You need

his language from the books to appreciate the story, and even though the dialogue is funny too, you can't make his writing all dialogue and you would miss some of the best stuff.

[terrya]

13. "At Swim, Two Boys"

This is a beautiful, almost lyrical novel written by Jamie O' Neill, a fine writer. It takes place in Dublin in 1918, and concerns the love and friendship between two Irish boys.

It's a beautifully written, wonderful novel. I never felt more of a sense of place in a novel than when I read "At Swim". I honestly felt like I was in 1918 Dublin.

And if I could, there would be NO WAY Hollywood would get it's hands on this.

[wickerwoman]

18. Sounds like a great book.

For a second I thought you meant Flann O'Brien's "At Swim, Two Birds"- one of my favorites. I wonder if the titles are meant to be references to each other.

Actually I think "At Swim, Two Birds" would be a great film if they could get David Lynch.

[stanwyck]

29. The Secret History

by Donna Tartt. Hollywood would make this college based psychological novel into a Scream movie starring Paris Hilton and Ashton Kutchner.

[Bertha Venation]

14. Any Pat Conroy novel, and McCullough's Truman

Although at least four Conroy novels (The Prince of Tides, The Great Santini, The Water is Wide, and The Lords of Discipline) have already been so desecrated, none of them can be done justice. They're too rich. Please god don't let anyone get near Beach Music.

HBO tried to base a movie on David McCullough's biography, Truman; again the scope is too vast to fit into a 2.5 hour film (even though Gary Sinise & Diana Scarwid were terrific).

It's like trying to put twenty pounds of potatoes in a five-pound sack.

[bif]

16. The Golden Compass

Or any of the Pullman books

[pagam]

17. Beyond the reach of Hollywood?

I would have to say 100 years of solitude. My favorite book, which I re-read at least once a year.

[The Lone Liberal]

20. Jitterbug Perfume

There is no way that Hollywood could capture the sprit of that book. Second would be Confederacy of the Dunces.

[greatauntoftriplets]

34. Any of the Tim Dorsey novels....

...starting with "Florida Roadkill". Who to hell would play Serge A. Storms????

[carols]

21. The Hotel New Hampshire

I confess I never saw the movie, but I can't imagine they did justice to it. The richness of the characters and the details simply must be partaken of SLOWLY - word by word - to really appreciate it.
Carol

[Baclava]

23. Tough decision...

...they've screwed up so many...

But please don't mess with Clive Barkers "Weaveworld"

[Susang]

24. Ain't no such thing

Some books are much improved by their films, others are just horrid embarrassments to the art of cinema. One thing's for sure, they'll never stop, not when a book's film rights are now predetermined in the initial contract with the book's publisher.

[NightTrain]

25. On The Road

Considering the horrid job Tinseltown did on its "adaptation" of Kerouac's "The Subterraneans," there's no way I'd want those fuckers taking a crack at the man's signature work!

[RandomKoolzip]

27. Infinite Jest.

David Foster Wallace...I think it's a masterpiece, many others hated it, it's a polarizer. But Hollywood should stay far far away from it.

[Susang]

30. It's been in the works since it was published

You can count on it eventually being made in some form. What that form ends up being remains to be seen.

[PassingFair]

31. A Confederacy of Dunces

With John Candy dead, no one could possibly play Ignatius. Wellllll, there IS Michael Moore!

[Susang]

48. They're working on that one too

Starring Will Ferrell as Ignatius.

Here's the sick sad link:
http://www.movietome.com/movietome/servlet/MovieMain/movieid-94874

I apologize for having been the one to post this. :-(

[Dogmudgeon]

52. I'll wait and see

I loved the book, and I also think it would be fairly easy to turn into a movie.

Other than some of IJR's internal dialog -- about his stomach valve, for instance -- the episodes could be quite funny.

It certainly has a cast that knows its acting chops. Here's the list from the page linked to which Susang posted:

Drew Barrymore - Darlene
Mos Def - Jones
Olympia Dukakis - Santa Battaglia
Will Ferrell - Ignatius J. Reilly
Lily Tomlin - Mrs. Reilly

Crew
Scott Kramer - Writer
Steven Soderbergh - Writer
John Kennedy Toole - Story
David Gordon Green - Director
Scott Rudin - Executive Producer
Steven Soderbergh - Executive Producer

I'll be anxious to see this one. But then again, bad movie versions have never put me sour on the original books.

--bkl

[Deja Q]

32. This one is bad, so if you easily get freaked out then don't click

"Final Exit". :scared: That's a book that should NOT be turned into a movie!

(if "Family Guy" uses gay jokes as schtick, then I can use "Final Exit" as morbid schtick! :P )

[blondeatlast]

33. All remaining Dr. Seuss books.

Shame on his descendents for selling him out.

[mitchum]

36. They have to be some of the greediest people alive...

they make the Hemingway descendents seem downright tasteful

[Rabrrrrrr]

37. MS-DOS 5.0 User's Guide

[camero]

39. DOS for dummies too

:)

[Rabrrrrrr]

42. Real Estate for Dummies

also not a good idea for a movie. In fact, probably the whole dummies and idiots series would be nasty movies.

I should also think my HTML Reference Guide would be pretty bad.

But then again, considering the dreck that often passes for entertainment, it might be an improvement.

[Sufi Marmot]

40. The Master and Margarita...

(which stars features "bezdomny") Bulgakov died before he got a chance to do a final edit on it, so I suspect Hollywood would make a terrible mess of it...

-SM

[mitchum]

41. A brilliant novel which has already been turned into horrible lyrics

You're right, the movie would be atrocious

[Sufi Marmot]

45. What horrible lyrics? Or do I really not want to know...?

Please tell me that they didn't turn M&M into an opera or a Broadway musical. On the other hand, I was privileged to see The Master and Margarita performed onstage at the Taganka Theater in Moscow (where it was first performed during the Soviet Era), which was really cool.

-SM

[mitchum]

54. Rolling Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil"...

after that travesty and "Sister Morphine" it should have been quite clear that the then luscious Marianne Faithfull should stay away from Rolling Stone song ideas

[frogfromthenorth2]

43. The PHONE BOOK.....

[kskiska]

44. On the Road

It's never been done to date, but I've kept reading it was in the works. I'm sure it'll be disappointing if it materializes. Maybe if it had been made in the 50s in black & white with Marlon Brando in the lead…but not now.

[The Zanti Regent]

47. William Burrough's "Cut Up" Trilogy

Nova Express, the Ticket That Exploded and the Soft Machine.

All 3 are way beyond the 3rd grade reading level of studio executives!

[Zomby Woof]

50. I was going to post "The Naked Lunch"

So let's just keep Hollywood away from Burroughs.

[CanuckAmok]

49. A Prayer for Owen Meaney

Don't even get me started on "Simon Birch"...

[PVnRT]

53. Unit Operations of Chemical Engineering by McCabe, Smith, & Harriott

n/t