I have a moral dillema...Mom in surgery again

[bicentennial_baby]

Mind you, it's nothing super-major, like brain surgery, but she needs to have the bottom/drain portion of her shunt repositioned. It's draining into the subcutaneous tissues, as opposed to the body cavity, and creating a large hematoma. We first saw this 2 weeks ago at her post-op follow up, and it was aspirated, but we didn't know if it would come back. And, it did.

So, I find out tonight that my Mom is having surgery tomorrow at 1pm, and I don't know what to do. I'm exhausted from a series of surgery, finals, holidays, and tests, but I can't decide whether or not I need to be there. My brother will be there throughout, but I can't decide whether I should drag my sleep-deprived/drained ass 100 miles there and back at this time... :shrug:

[philosophie_en_rose]

1. 200 miles is a long way.

Only you can decide what to do. You may be better able to help, after taking care of yourself. (and no one would be helped if you were drowsy at the wheel). But it might also be a comfort to your family to just be there.

:shrug:

[bicentennial_baby]

4. I think I'm better off not going...

for both safety and practical concerns...I feel bad though. My brother says its ok, but I still feel like an asshole, even though I found out about it 30 minutes ago....sigh. x(

[idgiehkt]

9. sleep deprived + 100 mile drive doesn't mix.

your mama might spank your butt if she knew you were planning on driving in that state.

[Gormy Cuss]

10. Your brother says it's okay, listen to him for once.

If he said you're an asshole, that would be a different story. Just plan to stay in touch by phone tomorrow afternoon.

Or ignore me. Just take care of yourself and I hope that this surgery is the last impediment to her recovery.

[speedoo]

2. Can you go, and maybe they will set you up with a spare bed...

so you can get some sleep while waiting?

Anyway, I would not call it a moral dilemma... isn't it more a practical one? But that's just my unimportant opinion.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear bi_baby!

Stay home and sleep!

This isn't as though it's life or death surgery.......

Go see her afterwards, when you've had a chance to recover from your own very busy time!

Besides, I suspect she'll be happier to see you when you're looking good...

As well as when she's looking good!

:loveya: :hug:

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. Maybe wait to see her until after surgery - like Thursday.

She won't remember whether you were there not tomorrow anyway.

Or maybe you can be better used to go see her when she goes home for the first day, if that's Friday or Saturday.

It's a difficult decision always deciding whether to rush home for the parents, or wait a few days, especially since so many times after the first day and the initial sense of emergency, everything is alright and there ends up being no reason for one to be there.

On the other hand, 100 miles isn't so bad - that's only a 1.5 hour drive - so that you COULD stay at home, and if anything drastic happened, you could still get there quickly; or, even if you decided to go, it's not like you're driving 6-10 or more hours or flying across country.

If I were you, I think I would stay home, let the brother deal with it, and maybe go see Mom in a day or two. No reason to be there before the surgery, or even the night after surgery - she'll be doped up and won't remember anything. And unless your family are dysfunctional, they'll all respect your decision to get the proper rest you need as well.

[bicentennial_baby]

7. You're right about my family....

they will totally understand, and seeing as how we've been through countless near death situations with my Dad, I think we'll all be in agreement. This isn't *major* surgery, like her brain surgery or Dad's multiple kidney surgeries...I think I have to sit this one out, and be by the phone...I'll go home in a few days, I think. Still have to talk to my bro, so we'll see.

Thank you for your advice :hug:

[Haole Girl]

6. I know I'll be in the minority here...

...but I say go..and be with her, if possible.

Is there someone who could go with you...to help you with the drive? :hug:

[peacefreak]

8. Don't make the decision tonight.

Log off, get a good night's sleep. See how you feel in the morning. May the angels be with you (and mom).

[Mrs.Matcom]

11. Bi_Baby

here is a big :hug: for you! Best of luck to your mom!!

[rug]

12. Stay home.

Unfortunately she's experiencing chronic problems. As long as the family spreads it out among yourselves, your mom is well taken care of. You'll be there when you have to.

[Blue-Jay]

13. Try to make the trip if you can.

I understand that it's a pain in the ass, and that her condition is not (seemingly) a matter of life-and-death.

Still... I think that you should go if at all possible. That would make her feel better, and it will also make you feel better. 100 miles is like the blink of an eye in the larger scheme of life.