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A divorce, kids lost, new love found, mom died, friends died, life in disarray.
But I kept climbing this mountain of depression hoping to see the summit. I chose to keep going, when I could have simply sat here in my depression all safe and warm, caring just for myself and my own life. I could have taken the safe way out, and never brought someone else into it, let alone a child. But I dared to dream once again, after two crushing blows and an avalanche of emotions.
Sequestered no more in my little motel room with enough money to get me by each day, I ventured out in search of something more. And found it. Fraught with deep ravines into which I could fall - pulling my soul down into despair. I did not pay attention to those who said simply 'live life safely' - I went for it all. The adventure.
And through it all, though my heart has been crushed at times and my spirit trampled, I can say I lived. I gambled on something more than what I had, in hopes of having something deeper.
There was no one to rescue me from the path I found myself upon. Some would argue I should have stayed my earlier and more safe course. But I dared to dream of something better, something more.
I left the comfort of a warm room and no bills, for a family and debt. And when I fell, tumbling fast down the mountain of life I had built, there were people there to rescue me. As I had been so many times before to rescue others in their time of need.
When they wanted to lay off engineers I knew, I fought for them. And won. Many times. And now they all have jobs to feed their families.
When I was down and out, people climbed up - and helped me find my way down from my depression.
It is all not black and white. It is a rainbow of light we shine forth. Each makes their own life, and mistakes, and it is how we stand to help them that defines who we are.
Somewhere tonight two men may lay clinging to life on a cold dark mountain they chose to climb. It is a different mountain than I chose, but still I cannot help but wonder - how different is it?
For years ago when I left my X I was near killing myself with grief over losing my boys. I was as near death as they are perhaps. But by the grace of God and the love of others, I found my way down off that mountain. No one asked how I would pay the price, they only asked - how can I help.
We all choose to climb some mountain or other, the liberal in me asks not why you chose to do so - but how I can help you make it to the summit and how I can help you get where you are going.
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