I'm dead.

[NNadir]

I'm writing you from the afterlife.

When I was alive, I must have been a very bad guy. All the cheese here in the afterlife is actually Velveeta "cheese food."

I strongly recommend that you live better than I did.

[Ptah]

1. Hey, I read that book!

Afterwards, the group begins to experience strange shifts in reality.
Consumables, such as milk and cigarettes, begin to expire prematurely.
Also, the group sees Runciter's face on coins and receives strange
messages from him, in writing and on television. Group members who
separate from the group are found dead, in a gruesome state of decomposition.

[mike_c]

2. 'fess up-- 72 virgins-- what's the scoop on that...?

Um, or does the prevalence of Velveeta suggest that the virgins don't reside in your neighborhood of the afterlife...? Just askin'.

[NNadir]

3. I don't know. I didn't kill anyone to get here.

The virgins must be in another neighborhood.

(I actually died from an untreated methocillin resistent infection that resulted from using a dirty nail clipper.)

For the record, when I was alive, I actually slept with a few virgins. It was a highly over-rated experience. If you have to compare, sleeping with women (or men) who are not virgins is a far more rewarding experience. I don't know if this fact about my life and my interaction with virgins has anything to do with why I am forced to eat Velveeta in the afterlife. They don't give you all that much information.