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Probably ten percent of all the turkeys being cooked today are being cooked by people who have never cooked one before.
It's not a common thing to cook. Let's be real: how many times have you come in from a hard day at the salt mines and thought, "Tonight would be the PERFECT night to make roast turkey!"? Dude, you cook two turkeys a year--one today, one on December 25.
And the stakes are even higher: not only have you never seen this thing in a raw state before, there are twenty people you see once a year sitting in your living room waiting to eat, and they have a simple standard: if this turkey isn't Just As Delicious As Mom's, even though you haven't eaten Mom's turkey since you joined the Marines nine years ago (and you spent the last three of those years eating Turkey and Gravy T-Rations at a field kitchen in Iraq), you're a worthless piece of shit who will never amount to anything.
So you call tech support.
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