my son made fun of a chinese girl at school....

[patrick t. cakes]

...should i call her parents and apologize and
discuss the matter or should i let it go?

my son jackson is 6yrs old and in first grade.
he and a friend laughed at and poked a little girl.
from what i understand shes a new student from china and
shes also in kindergarten.
the school sent the boys to time out and made them both apologize
and i had a very long discussion with jack on racism and bullying.
6 is so young and i dont know if he really understood what he was doing
but he felt bad and in time i know with my guidence he'll understand better.
hes really a bright kid.

i feel bad for the little girl and i found out she hasnt been to school the last two days.
im worried shes scared to come back and if she is id like to do something.
i dont know anything about her family and dont know how they would react to me calling out of the blue.
i feel like i should do something though and probably will
i just dont want to make matters worse. any advise DU?

thanks, patrick

[Mojambo]

1. I would talk to the teacher

And find out why the girl hasn't been at school. I'd assume you'd have to go through the school to get the parents number anyway.

Good luck and good for you for caring enough to pursue the matter.

[petronius]

2. I wouldn't call

You've corrected your son's behavior, and you have no real way of knowing if it affected her or why she's been out of school. Unless "laughed at and poked" means a lot more than it sounds like, I'd be stunned if her absence has anything at all to do with your son. If the school contacts you then maybe further steps would be needed, but as of now I think you should let it go...

[some guy]

3. I would say

call the parents.

For me, starting the conversation would be awkward... "Hi, I'm the Dad of one of the kids that teased your daughter..." ???

But still, maybe the parents are new to the area too? It would be a good and neighborly thing to do to help reassure them, and the daughter, and maybe make them feel more welcome in the community?

:hi:

edit - I spell better than I type...

[patrick t. cakes]

4. his mother spoke with

the teacher and i think from the schools point
its settled.
i think for me i would like reassure them that things are alright.
i really feel bad for her.

[hickman]

5. Go talk to the school principal.

Let them know that your child would like to make amends. Her parents might be understandably freaked.

[RetroLounge]

6. It might carry more weight if you went over

with their permission, and with Jackson, and a casserole, welcoming them to the area.

Who knows, something like this could lead to life long friendships...

RL

[Shakespeare]

7. "losing face" in Chinese culture is a much, MUCH bigger deal than it...

...is here. I would possibly talk to the teacher and ask for her guidance, as she may have met the girl's family, and could give you advice on what to do.

[patrick t. cakes]

9. thanks for your advise

ill keep that in mind.

[patrick t. cakes]

8. i just dont

want to make them feel any worse or uncomfortable
than they already might.
at the same time i feel bad for their little girl
and really want to make sure shes alright. perhaps ill wait and
see if shes there monday.

am i overreacting??

[LynzM]

11. I don't think you're over-reacting

But I agree with the post upthread, about losing face, etc. Still, I don't think there would be anything wrong with trying to contact them... maybe write a short note, explaining/apologizing, and ask the teacher to give it to them, with an invitation to talk again if they want to? That way, there's no confrontation, but if they want to talk to you about it more, they know how to contact you?

[I Have A Dream]

12. No, I don't think that you're overreacting. I think that you're a...

compassionate person who wants to do the right thing, even if it puts you in an uncomfortable position. It's clear that you have a good heart, which is a rare thing in this world, in my opinion.

[I Have A Dream]

10. I think that you should call to let them know that this is not something..

that your family condones and that you've taken action on your end. It will help to heal the trauma on their end. Although it happened to the little girl, it's almost certainly a difficult thing for the entire family since they're probably worried that the abuse will continue in more subtle ways.

Good luck if you do take action!

[JI7]

13. yes, you should apologize some way

maybe work it out through the school teacher and administrators in howyou should contact her. but i think it's a good idea to at least write a note which they can pass along to her.

i'm glad you are taking this so seriously. many others would not care or blow it off as just kids being kids.

[patrick t. cakes]

14. thank you...

...i just really want them to feel comfortable
coming into new surroundings.
i think ill contact school and find out more about her family.
that seems the best place to start.

i really appreciate peoples advice on this. thanks:hi:

[Xipe Totec]

15. Saving face is extremely important in some cultures

But the most important lesson you can teach your own child is how to restore and repair his own honor by acknowledging wrong, and making restitution.

Without compunction and contrition, there can be no redemption.