How does one get rid of love feelings?

[Writer]

I've probably fallen in love a handful of times in my short 31 years. Some love feelings were welcome while the others were a bit frightening. In the moments when they were unwarranted, I tried to tell myself every nasty thing about _____ man to dissuade me from thinking about him. A futile effort, I'll admit.

Have you been in such a situation before? How do you find a way to cast aside those feelings, without desperately chasing after someone else as a distraction? Or so that you can concentrate on the one you're with?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. I've been there.......

And I have successfully dealt with those feelings.....

You need to concentrate on your spouse, if you have one........and you do...

And you also might need some supportive therapy to help you dissolve the bonds......

It helps if you've suffered some grief......and then you decide you've had enough of that!

Being angry at the situation also helps, a lot.....

And, of course, time....lots and lots of time!

The bonds don't grow overnight........and they won't disappear overnight either........

Good luck, my dear Writer......:hug:

[BarenakedLady]

2. I don't know

Please let me know if you ever find out though. :-(

[pitohui]

3. new love drives out the old

get interested in somebody else

[GOPisEvil]

4. She's married. That would not be a good thing.

[pitohui]

6. uh oh! :-) EOM

/

[annagull]

21. May not be healthy, but I'm doing that

Super sex after a breakup is awesome!!!

[MoseyWalker]

5. you will probably always have these thoughts

but, luckily, the feelings will become diminished with time and replacement with other thoughts. Someday, you may feel wistful, rather than torn apart.

Wistful ain't bad!

Life.

[benny05]

7. Know what you are saying

And unfortunately, I have to be trite. Time is what works. I have been through my share of love and pain. The older one is, it gets to be longer to recover. But truly, having friends helps. I wish I had had the DU when I went through some tough times in the 1997-2000 years. Counseling helped, but not entirely. I was in a small town, and I didn't want to share my feelings with other townies because it was just too small.

Just needed more like yourself to be there for me at a distance.

Take care and I do think your feelings will guide you in the long run, not in the short term, to do what you need to do.


:hug:

[LiberalHeart]

8. My good friend the shrink would say...

... don't try. The act of trying to get rid of the feelings will keep them top 'o mind. And heart.

Just make a decision: are you going to pursue something with him or not. If so, do it. If not, fill your life with things you enjoy and just go about your daily activities firm in your decision. Eventually it'll resolve itself the way time resolves all things.

You might also ask yourself this question: is it better to have what you want, or to long for what you want? For me, more times than not, the longing was better than the having. Maybe you're one of those folks. That all changed when, at age 30, I fell truly in love for the first -- and only -- time in my life.

Before that, I projected onto others what I imagined them to be, or wanted them to be, then wallowed in the fantasy and romanticizing. Such sweet misery. I'm so glad I ran out of hormones. Life got a lot simpler then.

[pauliedangerously]

9. Okay, I've got a few years on you....

There are some feelings you can cast aside, but others take time to go away. I know exactly what you mean about concentrating on the one you're with. I don't know exactly where you are in your situation, but I typically have to go through three or four relationships before I find one I want to stick with. This can take several years. At this point in my life, I've pretty much given up hope for a lifelong relationship. I still want one, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's ever going to happen to me.

I think I'm addicted to the feeling of first getting to know someone.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

10. I went through this recently ...

and I just had to get over it and let it go. I started concentrating on myself rather than concentrating on someone that I am never going to have in my life again. Then as the time went by I realized that I am a good person and that person is not worthy of my heart because he took me for granted when we were together. And now that he sees me happy he is trying to come back into my life. But I told him, he has to understand that I don't trust him. I was so in love with this guy but I fooled myself ... I grew up and started living in the present and I got out of the past. Some people don't know what they got until its gone. I deserve so much better.

[Guava Jelly]

11. I wish i knew..

Normally they just fade over time.
I try not to put my heart in that situation anymore.
I have a few crushes a few really big ones..But I know the difference between fantasy and reality..And unlike in my youth. I can except it for what it is.

[graywarrior]

12. Time. That's it.

And even then, you can't get rid of it.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

15. Yes its that simple : time.

[Deja Q]

13. You just do.

It sure as hell hurts, but what else can you do?

After a while, you'll get used to it.

[begin_within]

14. Just go off by yourself and cry it out.

The usual response from friends to this situation is "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone." But I think that's merely burying the feelings. It's painful to let go, but the pain has a purpose, and it's only temporary. When you shed some tears you are moving forward. You need to just be by yourself and say, "it's over, it's done, that's the end. I won't see him any more." And mean it. It will hurt, but it will process those feelings away.

[Porcupine]

16. Still "waiting till the end of time" here......

Meatloaf said all for me:

I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my God and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!

So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!

link here(emphasis mine)

I'm bitterly divorced and terrible confused.

[HEyHEY]

17. Drinking and sex with people you don't care about

Which is why I assume my current girlfriend is with me. She's in love with someone else.

I kid, I kid.

[Straight Shooter]

18. I read something once, don't know if this will help you or not.

"Do not pray for what you desire. Pray to lose the desire."

It's harder than you think, for there is pleasure in wanting someone, even if the pleasure is bittersweet.

Good luck. I wish I knew the answer to your dilemma.

[El Fuego]

19. You can't. It's the siren call of your ultimate fate.

Which can be either your bliss or your doom. Whatever the fates have in store for you.

[u4ic]

20. Don't fight the feelings...

let them run their course.

Is there aspects of this man, or what you believe he is (or indeed, how you feel towards him), that is lacking in your primary relationship? Perhaps it's a signal that some things need to be looked at.

I can only speak for myself - the only time that has happened to me is when my primary relationship is pretty much over. I'm usually very focused on my partner...

[idgiehkt]

22. I don't think you can, can you?

Seriously, if someone knows the recipe, pm me, please.

When I am with someone it's them, underscored, and I've usually not been tempted away. But I've never managed to make a relationship last longer than a few years so that may be an issue. I don't know why I am talking about this, I have no answers.