Has anyone ever dated someone with bipolar disorder?

[StrongBad]

I recently met someone whom I'm very attracted to and she disclosed to me upfront that she was afflicted with bipolar disorder. I deeply appreciate her honesty and the fact that she's been so open about it with me.

All else being equal, she pretty much fits the bill of someone I'd love to date and get to know better. However, I'm somewhat concerned about what would happen should a relationship become more serious between us. Quite frankly, I don't know if I'm a strong enough person to handle the times when she's down and might take it personally (being a generally sensitive person myself). Also, I sometimes get a little down myself since I have some anxiety issues that pop up sporadically causing some discomfort in my life. That might cause unneeded trouble for her as well.

So I'm just wondering if anyone has had experience with this sort of thing and how it worked out for you. At the very least I would want to stay friends with this person and maybe just be someone that's there when needed without the deep emotional involvement that can cause a lot of hurt.

[Hugin]

1. It's encouraging that she's aware of her problem...

I'd say you should find out a little more about bipolar people and their condition before
you make any long term decisions.

But, for now... I'd say you should go with your heart.

[Tyler Durden]

2. I was married to one.

My ex might have just been on the radical end of the bell curve so I have no basis for comparison. But if she was typical, I have one recommendation:

Run.

[StrongBad]

6. Wow

Sounds like she put you through some painful times. Was she in denial about being bipolar and did she not take medication? I guess it's possible that it comes in varying degrees...

[Tyler Durden]

9. LOTS of meds, on them all the time...

She tried tons of them until she decided the "roller coaster" was FUN.

Didn't matter much though. Nothing worked when she was taking them anyway.

Marriage made in Hell.

[Ellen Forradalom]

12. She doesn't want to get well

so it's likely she wasn't entirely med-compliant.

That's a HUGE difference from someone who has accepted their diagnosis, found effective medication, and are enjoying the fruits of successful treatment.

[Tyler Durden]

13. She gave it a good shot...I have to give her credit for that.

That's as far as I'll take it though.

The meds left her semi-depressed all the time. Like I said before, maybe she was on the far radical end of the bell curve. I have no other basis for comparison. I guess you had to be there like I was, for 10, LONG YEARS.

[bicentennial_baby]

19. That's a shitty thing to say

Just b/c your experience was bad, there's no reason to paint all bipolars with such a wide brush, imho.

[Deja Q]

29. It's also harsh reality.

And this isn't the first thread where people have been 'aware to reality'.

I need to remind myself of these things more often too. I too need to know my place in life and not struggle.

[Rising Phoenix]

39. Don't start with me

I'm restraining myself from telling you what I'd really like to...Got it?

EDIT: This is bicentennial_baby posting...No confusion needed there.

[Deja Q]

46. Do what you like, I won't hold it against you as a person.

But I too have a right to express an opinion. Especially when, having a mental illness (and a PDD on top of that), I've got a relevant insight you don't. Regardless of name you choose to post under.

I'm glad there are kind and tolerant people in this world. With luck I'll find one too. But it's not easy. And there are others here who don't have any illnesses and have tried. Their opinions are just as relevent. It's up to the original poster to take every response and decide for themselves.

[LaurenG]

3. I had a roommate with it

She was very aware that she had it and very aware when she started the "cycle" of mania and depression. She did very well with it because she would tell us, "Uh oh, I think I'm going into that manic stage, I couldn't sleep last night". I think since she was so in tune with it she did much better than many people do.

[zanne]

4. My husband has bipolar disorder.

I'm of two minds on this. I love my husband very, very much and I would absolutely hate to be without him, but there have been times in our marriage when I've thought that we made a terrible mistake by getting married. It takes alot of work, compassion and understanding because, unless you're also bipolar, it's impossible to understand and it's very hard not to take things personally when your mate is spiraling downward.
The fact that your potential girlfriend recognizes that she's bipolar is a great big plus. If she takes her medication regularly, she can lead a normal life and have normal relationships. Also, the fact that she told you about this says alot about her integrity. I can't tell you what to do, of course. I would advise you not to count her out. I would also advise you to proceed with caution.

[StrongBad]

5. Thanks for the info and sharing your experience

She fully accepts the fact that she has it, is on medication, and reads alot about the disease so she's self-aware. I don't think I can know for sure if I am up for this until a manic or depressive episode actually happens and I can see what it's like.

[Ellen Forradalom]

14. You're going into it with a lot of advantages

I would say don't worry about it excessively. Take it a day at a time, just as you would with a relationship with any ostensibly normal person.

[StrongBad]

15. Thank you Ellen

I appreciate hearing from someone who actually has it. I hope you've been having success in leading the life you want...

[barb162]

123. excellent advice.

I had a college friend who was bipolar and she was always trying to get off her meds. It always ended in disaster. She would then get back on the meds and after a few months think she could be "normal" again without the meds.

[Love Bug]

7. I would take it slow and easy

You probably need to be around her through a few of her cycles to know how it's going to be in the long run. Is she on medication? I know it's difficult for some to find that right level of medication that works for them (and some never do) but it is possible for them to function pretty well once that is achieved.

I find it curious that she would tell you about this so early in the relationship. I have an ex-friend who used her bipolar diagnosis as an excuse for unacceptable behavior. This is one reason why she's an ex-friend. Her constant need for drama got real old.

[StrongBad]

8. I think you're right about taking it slow

And regarding her telling me so soon...I think it's the right thing to do in this sort of situation. It would be almost manipulative should she have disclosed it after becoming very close and attatched to her emotionally. I think it's fair for any potential partner to know that sort of thing up front.

[Hugin]

10. One consideration to keep in mind...

People with affective disorders crave 'love'... But, don't expect them to return 'love' in
the same way as a 'normal' person.

There is always an emotional block there which doesn't allow them to always express their
'love' for others.

If you can't handle that, I'd say you should pass on the deep feelings and remain there
for her when she needs you.

[idgiehkt]

21. I think that's kind of a broad brush.

I have a *condition* with the way my brain works that plays out similar to what you are describing sometimes but it is not an emotional block and has nothing to do with a mood disorder. I've never really heard what you've described espressed as symptoms of any mood disorder, especially not in the scope of 'always'.

[Hugin]

24. It never fails...

No matter how much care I take in writing a politically correct post.

Here is the research on emotions and Bipolar...

http://archpsyc.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/45/3/225

[idgiehkt]

26. I'm talking from personal experience

it doesn't have anything to do with political correctness.

[Hugin]

34. Implying of course that I have no personal experience...

In replying to this thread I chose to answer a serious question with a serious response.

[idgiehkt]

38. no, I'm not implying that

just saying I have my own experience to draw on rather than a research paper. There is a flawed presumption that has developed in this thread that anyone out there you meet undiagnosed is stable or normal and my experience runs counter to that, to put it mildly. Everyone out there has some pathology and I would rather be with someone who is treating a mood disorder by taking prescribed medication and staying away from mood altering chemicals that can magnify it than withsome walking talking nightmare of perfection whose sickness you only become acquainted with once you are mired in feelings for them. I've had that experience in my last relationship and since they kept things together on the surface so well they were convinced they were problem-free; conversely since I had spent nearly a decade in therapy/twelve step groups and on different medications pretty much busting my ass trying to confront my problems and fix them no matter what happened in that relationship I was the sicko or the one with a skewed perception and the one therefore at fault. So I'm perhaps a little sensitive in this area. There are alot of undiagnosed crazies running around out there who look appealing at the onset. At the age I'm at if I meet someone who claims never to have been depressed or had any kind of addictive behavior or have ever felt like they needed, or taken anti-depressants for however short period of time, it's going to raise my suspicions more than someone who has done/had the above behaviors.

[Hugin]

43. Excellent point!

I had said it was wonderful she was up-front with him about it earlier in the thread.

She's obviously up on it and is trying to form positive relationships... Which is also
something the research says is the correct path to take for her.

But, in my caution I was trying to stick up for her best interests as well as his. Quite
often people will get involved and later, as you point out, find out they aren't cut out
for it... It hurts them both.

Then there are those who might get involved for all the wrong reasons or even for malicious
reasons.

[raccoon]

58. What you said reminds me of a conversation I had with someone

about a decade ago.

My sponsor in a 12-step group said anyone who's in a 12-step group, you know they're a few bricks shy of a load.

I said most people I know who don't belong to 12-step groups need to.

To paraphrase what you said, just because someone's never been diagnosed or in therapy doesn't mean they're totally mentally healthy.

[idgiehkt]

68. NO shit.

I have vowed to try to stop dating them, the ones with the buy-one get one free mystery illnesses. At first I wanted someone in recovery, but they ended up being just as crazy if not crazier than me. So I tried dating people who weren't in recovery or therapy. There is a name for them, it's called 'yet', lol. At least I know I'm crazy. No less than anyone else, but certainly no more than many. I learned a hard lesson this last time around; if they look and act like they have their shit together in every conceivable way, run...RUN!

Sigh...it's hopeless. At least if you meet someone in a twelve step it's like they are carrying a sign that says "These are the ways in which I am fucked up". With other people, I guess you have to figure it out as you go along...good for people who like a challenge, or puzzles. Sometimes I think I just find someone who stays stoned 24/7, like I used to date, say, I'll always have the rent and you just sit there all quiet like until I'm ready to be serviced. Or something. I'm so very tired of it all.

[CBGLuthier]

30. You could have prefaced it with

"Some research has indicated".

Science and medicine have come a long way but we are still clueless as to cause and effect and even the conditions that can affect the brain.

As far as being emotionally blocked, I attribute that to my Asperger's and not my bi-polar, but I could be wrong.

Been married 21 years and we get by fine.

[Hugin]

35. You missed the second 'always'.

In my initial post...

As in... When in a relationship with a bipolar person things aren't always 'normal'.

If the OP isn't mature enough to handle that I was suggesting getting involved wasn't
in their mutual best interests.

[CBGLuthier]

49. This is what you said

There is always an emotional block there which doesn't allow them to always express their
'love' for others.

I juste read it ten times in case I missed something.

That statement is only an opinion. it is not fact.

The word "always" is meaningless when it comes to human beings other than maybe saying we are always born and we always die.

Everything in between is up for grabs. There are no absolutes.

[Rising Phoenix]

59. THAT is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard

bi polars are perfectly capable of retuning love and sometimes....during some of their cycles....even more than you can ever imagine...

true there is sometimes an emotional block, but that is not a permanent feature in the Psyche of a bipolar and those who take time to listen and understand know that.....

I have a feeling I have loved more deeply than you have ever dreamed....because I do not lock people into such locked cages....

[Ellen Forradalom]

11. Get educated on the illness.

I have it and have had several difficult spells of depression as well as postpartum mood swings.

Start reading up on the illness. As your relationship progresses and the topic comes up, engage her in conversation with a view to learning.

Do not ever put yourself in a parent-like role. There may be short periods in the life of a bipolar where she needs extra help, but she is not a child, and treating her as such will harm your relationship. During an episode, stop and ask yourself how much responsbility you're assuming. If it's too much, shed some.

Be encouraged by the fact she was straightforward. Those who accept their diagnosis do much better than those in denial.

[bicentennial_baby]

20. That is SO true

"Do not ever put yourself in a parent-like role. There may be short periods in the life of a bipolar where she needs extra help, but she is not a child, and treating her as such will harm your relationship. During an episode, stop and ask yourself how much responsbility you're assuming. If it's too much, shed some."

Yep :hug:

[DemExpat]

95. Excellent advice here, Ellen.

Avoiding the care-taker role with her as well as her straightforwardness being an encouraging sign - it took me much longer to reach that point of acceptance and thus find direction to healing.

DemEx

[Solon]

16. My Mom has it...

So I know what it is, the thing with her was that, many years ago, she had to take lithium, but the side effects were atrocious for her(she was allergic). She never really stopped taking them, but her lithium levels would go up and down, and her moods in turn would go up and down. When I was younger, and this happened, Mom went away for a couple of weeks, give or take, with no real explaination from my Dad. As I got older, I understood why she had to go away, mostly to try to regulate her lithium level.

Nowadays, she hasn't admitted herself in the hospital in years, she's on newer medication that she doesn't have bad reactions to, and is pretty stable. Just to be clear, I never really saw her during a manic period, except for once, she started talking really really fast, about something, I forget what, it was sort of freaky. Most of the time, she simply shows little emotion, back over a decade ago, she wouldn't allow herself to cry, for fear of losing control, etc.

Now, onto the relationship with my dad, well, I think its simply because of my dad's personality, but he's like a rock, very stable. He's perhaps the most patient person I know, it takes a LOT to get a rise out of him about anything, and they just celebrated 29 years of marriage this year. I guess for many people, it all depends on personal compatibility, I mean, it does greatly depend on how severe her case is, my Mom, for example is rather mild, she never had delusions, etc.

If you think its no big deal, then it isn't, if she does have an episode, try to be the rock to her waves in the ocean. This may seem like a lot to deal with right now, but it really depends on what type of relationship you are looking for, if its just casual dating, then you most likely won't even have to worry about dealing with her bipolar disorder, if long term, then just consider it as another aspect of her you will have to deal with. Just don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

[Zomby Woof]

17. Only once

Run the fuck away. Now.

[Ellen Forradalom]

102. Hey Zomby, I resemble that remark

I have bipolar disorder, am holding down a job, am a responsible mother to a seven-year-old, and function decently in society (well, my driving could be a bit better, but hey), all thanks to the miracle of modern medicine.

[Zomby Woof]

105. Good on ya

In my situation, I didn't care for the enormous stash of 'modern medicine' she began to horde any place she could hide it. Or how the endless concoctions of them lead to erratic, and often violent behavior.

I am not going to comment any further after this post. Quite frankly, I am not interested in anyone's mental illnesses. I wish bipolar, BPD, or people with similar afflictions well, just keep me the fuck out of their lives. The OP asked a valid question, and I gave him the answer I wished I had sought 10 years ago when I made my mistake.

[Ellen Forradalom]

106. There's bipolar and there's bipolar

Bipolars are who are dealing and those who aren't. I manage. I do no more or less well than any other human being. And, uh, I regret to inform you that since we had sushi together you are in my life. :P

[Susang]

125. Hey girl!

You're still in my life! Hope life's treating you better, you deserve it. Don't forget about us "Chicago Mafia"! :hi:

[Ellen Forradalom]

135. How could I possibly forget you nutty people?!?

Life is treating me just grand. It's beautiful out here in Santa Barbara.

[greatauntoftriplets]

127. And you're great fun at get-togethers....

Even those with sangria. ;) :hi:

[Ellen Forradalom]

136. Oh you HAD to mention sangria

Let's just say that a few weeks ago Mission Street in SF (and the outside of my car) found itself a little worse for the wear because of that EVIL POTION. Never again.

[Name removed]

126. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[bicentennial_baby]

18. My gf is

Severely so. I have anxiety problems myself, but we deal with it. I'm not saying that every day is easy, and yeah, some days are really hard. But, I love her, and it's worth it to me. :)

[StrongBad]

22. How long have you been together?

Glad to hear you've been making it work...

[bicentennial_baby]

23. Over a year now

We live together, since May...To be honest, I'm in a non-traditional relationship, with her and our bf. They have been together for 10 years, 8 of them with her being sick. It's hard work sometimes, but it's do-able in our case. :)

[ironflange]

25. My daughter is bipolar

She'r 15. It was diagnosed early, and is now nicely under control. If your girl is like her, go for it.

I also have a cousin who is bipolar. She's seriously screwed up. Is your girl is like her, head for the hills.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

55. i think this is the most sensible post on the subject

the degree of the illness, how the person handles it, how conscientious they are about meds...is what it boils down to

[hunter]

56. The scary thing is those can change.

But yeah, so can anything else. It's all about the commitments you make.

[leftofthedial]

27. no.

I MEAN YES!!!

[Deja Q]

28. self-del

x

[Name removed]

31. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

65. Wow...

Can I nominate a post for being the most clueless, judgemental, uneducated post of the day?

Seriously man, I've seen freepers post less fucked up shit on here.

[CBGLuthier]

74. It's a tossup between this and number 33

Which says, more or less, that bipolar people should not be allowed to have children.

[hunter]

75. I suspect a :sarcam: tag would have been appropriate.

Myself, no :sarcasm:

I think I get it. I hope I'm not wrong.

[Rising Phoenix]

32. I am bipolar....

Am I not worthy to be loved?

[Hugin]

36. Most certainly...

:D

But, more importantly, you need to be understood by all those who love you!

Lots of people can hear, but, very few listen.

[Rising Phoenix]

44. thank you

and I am... I am fortunate to have found two people who love, understand, and listen to me....

[Hugin]

50. .

:thumbsup:

[Deja Q]

47. Everyone is worthy.

The sad part is, not everybody else believes as you do. (and I've been on the receiving end once too many times, hence my own beliefs - which should be at least acknowledged that bad things do happen to hapless people too.)

And unless "Mrs." is an attempt at levity, you have found somebody. You're very lucky and are an exception to the rule. That's reality. Not everybody is as lucky. And I know it's inherently going to be harder on the other person and they should be commended.

(I've read enough books on coping with mental illnesses, how-to relationship books, and if bicentenial_baby got on my case for something so trivial, I should ask what he's reading and then tell him to avoid what I've been reading because he's not going to want to read it.)

[hunter]

51. I've been lucky. So it can happen.

:hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

52. first things first

bicentenial_baby is a girl.... the "mrs" comes from Sniffa....who I am also with....I am lucky but I see no reason why I should be an exception to the rule. And bi_baby wanted me to be sure to tell you that, contrary to what you believe it is harder on the person living with the disease 24/7 and know they are causing their loved ones hurt....bipolars know we are not easy to be loved....but we are still worthy of it and it is very possible to be in a healthy relationship with someone with a mental illness.

[StrongBad]

77. Hi Mrs. Sniffa

I certainly didn't mean to imply that bipolar people aren't meant to be loved. However, I would think that they would need a certain type of person to be with them for a relationship to be functional.

I am trying to find out if I fit that type of person. I still am not sure though I am comforted to hear that people who are on the up n' up on this disorder could leave full & productive lives.

[Rising Phoenix]

97. many people who are bipolar

can leave full and productive lives, especially those who are aware of their illness and take meds....

[Sequoia]

33. You're in for heartache, sadness and anger.

I know, and that's all I'm going to say on the matter. And if you want kids...don't do it or they will suffer too. Run.

[CBGLuthier]

57. Should we be sterilized?

I have three kids. I have made my mistakes as many parents do.

But I guess in your world view I should not have married and had children.

un-fucking real.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

83. depending on how bad the condition is

and if it affects your ability to be a parent..then maybe...

everyone should think about what kind of parent they will be...its a choice to be a parent..and one that i think should be exercised with caution

[SoyCat]

87. My niece is bipolar and has three children by three fathers and isn't

capable of raising even one of them. The children are suffering quite a bit (all live apart of one another). She is one example of a bipolar who should not have had children. She also uses meth to self-medicate. For some reason, she chooses to do that rather than get properly medicated.

[Ellen Forradalom]

104. I am bipolar

I am medicated, have a well-paying professional job, and I have a healthy, intelligent, compassionate son.

[SoyCat]

112. Good for you; you're one of the lucky ones.

[Ellen Forradalom]

134. It wasn't easy

I had some really hard times. I realize it could go to hell again. But there's always a way back if you're determined.

Arguably I'm one of those crazy girls who "ruined her husband's life" with depressive (and, less often, manic) episodes. Yet at the same time we built out a condo together, I gave him a beautiful son, and his career is also moving forward.

[SoyCat]

137. Just keep trying and you'll continue to be one of the success stories. I

wish you the very best.

[bicentennial_baby]

89. Not sterilization, but I agree with this:

"everyone should think about what kind of parent they will be...its a choice to be a parent..and one that i think should be exercised with caution"

:thumbsup:

[Susang]

131. Bipolar or not

I've known a lot of horrific parents who didn't have bipolar disorder. This thread's getting a bit outrageous in it's generalities, don't you think?

[bicentennial_baby]

132. It has been since early on...

Sigh...and I agree with you re: horrible parents...The statement I agreed with above applies to all, imho :)

:hug:

[Susang]

133. I kinda figured that's what you meant

:hi:

[zanne]

121. BP Disorder is one of the reasons I didn't have kids.

Unipolar Depressive Disorder is another. My husband and I decided before we were married that we didn't want to take a chance of passing either disorder down to our children.

[blonndee]

142. What a horrible thing to say.

Let's not reproduce with "those people." Because WE don't have any problems of our own. Fuck that shit, and fuck your judgmental attitude. You don't know nearly enough about the OP or his SO to make such a claim, and if you THINK you do, you have some problems of your own. EVERYone can fit into some cirteria of the DSM, even you. Everyone is "fucked up" to some degree. Your response is judgmental, simplistic, and ill-informed.

[hunter]

37. Um... It's the times that she's "UP" that ought to scare you...

Down: WTF. So you want to be dead. Both of you. Big fucking deal.

Up: OMFG! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!! And no, it's not the usual adrenaline rush like mountain biking or rock climbing. It's like getting your face and head pounded into the sand in an eighteen foot surf. Please, please, dear God, which way is up?

Shit.

Don't ask, don't tell.

[mopinko]

40. how old are the 2 of you?

[StrongBad]

42. Ages

Me: 24
Her: 22

[mopinko]

45. i would say you are in for a rocky ride

my daughter is bipolar, as are a few of my relatives. it is hard. and if you are thinking about kids, i would say no. i would advise my daughter (age 19) to get her tubes tied, but it would not go down too well.
if you are sensitive, you will be hurt. if you were a thick skinned person who could let things said at a low point slide off, you might be ok. but i can pretty much tell you that you are going to get stabbed in your soft spots. she may not mean it, she may apologize for it, she may try to make it up to you. if you don't think you can live with this, get out now.

[DemExpat]

93. My best friend is bipolar, and she has caused lots of strain on her

family with her long downs and super-hyper Ups, but she has never ever been mean or attacking to her husband or her kids.

So I am not sure if this is a standard symptom of bipolar disorder. (Stabbing loved ones in soft spots)

Best to see how each person individually manifests their mood and behavior extremes and imbalances here.

As far as advising your daughter to have her tubes tied: certainly advise and provide access to birth control, but IMO often on the other side of the teenage years and the twenties decade, mood disorders may settle down some.

I (BPD) had my children in my early 30s, thank the heavens, for if I had had them earlier I am not sure that I could have been the parent that I was able to be.

:hi:

DemEx

[hunter]

48. Oh my. You're still young.

Don't be "saving" someone.

You won't.

Extreme honesty is required in this situation -- mostly with yourself.

My own young adulthood was a long nightmare of crazy people, me included.

[u4ic]

41. Yes

The last chap I dated was bipolar.

He was aware of it, and did tell me about a month into the relationship. I did read up on it once he told me, and wanted to understand more about it.

While he was aware of his bipolar, and was on meds that he felt stabilized; he seemed to deal with it better earlier on in the relationship (when I didn't know; I couldn't tell, he seemed very stable). As it progressed, he seemed to display more symptoms. (stress? he was working a lot, or strong feelings bringing it out?)

He also had ADD, which meant he couldn't sit still for very long and was often very edgy/fidgety, and found it difficult to listen. Again, it intensified later on.

I cannot say if it was the bipolar or him, but he ran very hot and cold (something I don't deal with well); sometimes his behaviour was over the edge (to others, not to me) and he thought it amusing. Perhaps he didn't see it as part of the bipolar. That could have also been some boundary issues on his part.

Needless to say, it didn't last long. I think he had many more issues to deal with than just his illness.

It's what you are able to deal with. Take it slow, and see how things go. People are more than their illness; everyone is an individual - and deserve to be treated as such.

Good luck.

[nini]

53. I've known a few people that have

You need to ask yourself how strong are you really? Relationships are difficult under the best circumstances, when one partner has the issues you speak of it can be nearly impossible. Not all people can be the partner of someone who is bi-polar. Does it make either of them bad people? No - it's just a fact of human nature.

You will not be able to fix them no matter how much you love them. If you want to live a life of ups and downs and worse if this person doesn't take their meds - then go ahead. If you look at yourself and know in the long run you won't be able to handle it - quit now - for her sake and yours.

It's sad, but it's reality.

[BrotherBuzz]

54. Yes and no...

When she blurted out the following, I had suspicions:

"Before you can pry any secrets from me, you must first find the real me! Which one will you pursue?"

[Roon]

60. I recently lost a boyfriend to bipolar

He is on the wrong meds and there aren't any programs around here for him to get on. I still adore the hell out of him and go visit him once or twice a week, but we can't ever be together again. Bipolar/mental illness is a bitch!

[HEyHEY]

61. Nope, just full out FUCKING NUTS

But, please, don't disregard someone because of mental illness. Give it a shot.

[Rising Phoenix]

62. I agree.....

well said

[hunter]

63. Just don't expect me to haul your naked suicidal ass out of my bathtub.

Oh, sorry. Wanna see my scars? It's like that.

[Rising Phoenix]

64. Fuck you

for your information, I have never tried to kill myself and never will...no illness will control ME like that....asshole....seek therapy

[hunter]

67. It actually turned out happily ever after.

But it was just dumb shit stupid luck.

If I didn't live in a nation that was fucking head up the ass puritanical retarded attributing all sorts of mental illness to demons pray-to-God-speak-in-tongues-and-kiss-your-Bible none of this would have happened.

Whew.

Bless you, Mrs. Sniffa. I'll fight for you any day.

:hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

71. thank you....

[nini]

69. sorry for your experiences..

sounds very difficult.

:-(

[hunter]

72. I feel like I need to run and hide from this thread.

:scared:

Nope. I'll stay.

[nini]

73. you shouldn't have to

You've experienced this from the other side - that's what the OP wanted to hear. You've been honest about your experiences - nothing wrong with that.

[SKKY]

66. No, not me, but I did once. When I was in college...

[Eurobabe]

70. Once but not for very long

I got tired of his unexplained rages & mood swings. Then I figured out why the guy got a vasectomy at age 25. I was just a bit miffed that he never bothered to tell me what was going on, it finally dawned on me down the road.

[SteppingRazor]

76. I had a dentist that was bipolar...

he spent an entire night knocking down one wall of his office because he wanted to expand his practice. Then, the next day, he shot himself.

Suffice to say, I probably wouldn't date somebody that was bipolar. I know it's selfish on my part, but that just seems like way too much of a hassle.

[Roon]

90. That's so sad, my ex wants to start businesses when he's manic

and if he feels like someone is getting in the way of him achieving this, he gets mean! You need capital to start a business and he just doesn't have it, so he takes it out on me and his loved ones.

[AutumnMist]

78. My Best Friend is Bi-Polar

and I will be honest...its very rough to love him at times. The dark days are very dark for him and the spiral lasts for weeks. Sometimes months. He is on medication and very honest about what he is going through. I have quit taking it personally for the most part. There are times however that the sadness/anger bothers me and I have to back away and just let him be until the storm passes. I don't think all people are like this mind you. I am just speaking from my own experience. He is a witty, intelligent, and kind man. I love him dearly regardless. I have learned to have my own boundaries and approach the relationship like I would any other. He is who he is and so am I. We have been best friends for 20 years.

[kwassa]

79. Yes, and I won't do it again.

a brutal learning curve, particularly as she did not admit her condition until long after we broke up. I don't know that she ever found the right combo of meds. It was .... educational. I now have a well-developed radar for women with issues like this. I wish them well, but I won't be involved again.

I am married now, so the question is academic. One of my wife's relatives, however, has been hospitalized for the condition, is still in denial about it.

One problem with some bipolar people is that they are in love with their mania, at the high end of their spectrum It can also be wrapped up with narcissism, and often is. If they take meds they lose the high as well as the low.

[supernova]

80. I was married to a BPD

I was married nine years to this person and with him for about 10.5.

It was extremly rough and for me, in the end, too rough. Long range plans about the future (family? a house?) in the end couldn't be made or even talked about because he was so wrapped up in his own problems and repeatedly got jobs and lost them because he had poor impulse control and usually pissed off his colleagues. I was the sole breadwinner for much of that time.

The unique aspect of that illness is a very poor sense of self and others as separate entitites. Instead of saying how he felt, he repeatedly asked me and our friends "How do I seem to you?" He wanted others to name his feelings for him.

It was exhausting and very grief-prone from my end. He could be loving and affectionate one minute and STARK RAVING MAD, emotionally abusive, and manipulative the next. Yes, his moods shifted that fast. He never acknowledged to me that he had hurt me in any way. In the end, I realized that he just wasn't capable of giving me the love and attention that I deserve and sorely missed, having been so close (but not really).

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm">NIMH: Borderline Personality Disorder

So, be aware that the other person will not always be able to reciprocate your feelings. And will you be OK with that when they are not?

[StrongBad]

81. From my understanding

I'm pretty sure BPD is a distinctly different from BD. I don't know if there's a correlation between the two, but based on limited experience, BPD sounds even more difficult a problem than BD...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

82. these are different illnesses

[supernova]

84. I'm not saying they're the same

BD and BPD. I *am* saying that watching an intimate partner have a mental illness, to varying degrees, can be gut-wrenching for the "healthy" one.

edit: I do wish you well.

[StrongBad]

85. Understood

I'm sure it is very gut wrenching, and would be needing a very strong connection between the two people to work.

[mzteris]

94. often co-morbid

". . .People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders."

[hotforteacher]

109. Yes, very often co-morbid, but more importantly IMO

BPS is often mistaken for bipolar and therefore misdiagnosed.

"What is BPD?
Borderline Personality Disorder is a form of mental illness that is often found in survivors of childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse. Some abused parties develop BPD and some do not for reasons that are unclear. BPD seems to run in families, but it is not yet known if this is due to genetic or environmental factors. BPD is very common but frequently undiagnosed or misdiagnosed as Bipolar Disorder.

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects (mood swings), and marked Impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more)"...of the nine criteria outline in the DSM.

There can be high high's and low low's, but the bedrock of BPD is rooted in fear of abandonment, and whilst BPD can very often be organic (genetic), most often it is a behavioral issue. Bipolar, to my knowledge, is chemical, hence the administration of lithium, etc...these drugs do nothing for people who suffer from BPD.

Mental illness, in any of its myriad forms, is no fucking picnic for either the person who has it, or the people who live with it. Those that come out on the other end ought to be commended for taking the hard ride. One of my best friends is a schizophrenic. He has learned to cope, and that isn't easy given the societal stigmatization of mental illness in the first place...as if something that effects the mind shouldn't be given the same societal stamp of approval as ailments of the rest of the body from the neck down. It can be isolating and devastating.

Sidenote: while Bipolar can be awful, BPD is insidious. Conceptual and perceptive disorders (personality disorders) are often untreated because the person often will not recognize (by nature of the disorder) there is a problem...there is that issue with dissociation... some things that happen can just go away. Something to cross-reference with this is Intermittent Rage Disorder.

I honestly wish more people were as preoccupied their with mental health as they seem to be with their corporal bodies. Nice thighs and a tight ass are soooo distracting.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

86. Borderline Personality Disorder is different than bipolar.

I dated somebody who had BPD for about six months or so. We ultimately broke up because he wanted me to have a different gender identity than I do.

[Broken_Hero]

88. Not that I'm aware of, sorry....nt

[DemExpat]

91. I would advise taking it easy.....but not to run away as a prevention.

I have BPD, although through the years I have learned to temper the rough edges, and I have successfully raised 2 great kids (with their Dad).

I won't say it has been easy, but I do know that people with personality and mood disorders are more than capable of love and intimacy, but rough times are just that - rough times.

One of my best long -term girlfriends is bi-polar, and she is a wonderful and cherished friend.
Also with her life with her husband and raising her family - there have been some very rough periods, but the storms have been weathered and the family is intact, loving and productive.

All the best,

DemEx

[Rising Phoenix]

92. its always good to stay friends

with someone you feel a strong attraction to....these feelings do not happen by accident....even if it is not romantitic....she may be a friend for life....or more....you never know....know that just because she is bipolar that is no reason to rule her out for life...

[distantearlywarning]

96. One of my friends is married to a bipolar woman

I can say in all honesty I think she has basically ruined his life. Her behavior has driven away many people who would be friends with the both of them, she cannot hold a job at all because she can't function socially, and I have very rarely ever seen her when she was something other than angry, socially inept, and overly sensitive. Her life is a total mess, and it spills over into his life on a weekly basis. Not fun.

I personally can't even bear to spend 2 hours with this woman, although I attempt to tolerate her because I like the guy so much. But in social situations with her everyone else walks on eggshells because there is no way to tell what kind of innocuous comment will precipitate a shocking barrage of nasty comments or sulking. I can't imagine what it must be like to spend a lifetime with her. He must have the patience of a saint.

I should say that she has been medicated the entire time I've known her. I can't imagine what she must be like off the medication. He doesn't talk about it much, but I know he had to institutionalize her once when she went off her meds, and I know from the way he talks about it that it was one of the most horrible and sad moments of his life.

Anyway, just wanted to give you the perspective that some of your other friends might feel if you end up in a relationship with her. You might lose some of them if she behaves like this woman does. Just so you know.

[pitohui]

98. yes, well it wasn't called that back then, but yes

my heart felt advice to you is to get out of the relationship now before it gets any deeper

maybe they have better medicines for it now than they did in the 70s but honestly i don't see the point in putting yourself thru it, life is too short

i don't find lasting success in friendship w. bipolar persons either, but it didn't help that one of them got a gun and threatened to shoot me after a bad reaction to prozac

i think it is low self esteem that causes us to think we can't do better

i know you won't follow it, but my advice is to avoid the person altogether, no romance, no friendship, you deserve someone healthy and if you don't agree that you deserve someone healthy you need to find out why you treat yourself that way

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

103. Oh yes, people with self-worth should shun those with mental disease.

:eyes:

[Mike03]

99. Yes

It's a very good sign that she discussed it with you up front. My situation was different, where it emerged gradually in a very painful way and culminated in the relationship breaking up pretty badly. There are a lot of books on this subject matter. I read them after my relationship had already been destroyed and when I was putting the pieces of the puzzle together and realizing what had happened, but if I had understood her situation up front, I could perhaps have done better. It's not an easy situation. Good luck.

[WindRavenX]

100. I was involved with someone for 5 months who had it...

...he was not honest with me and basically had a meltdown. It sucked :(

[graywarrior]

101. Mr. Gray lives with someone with that diagnosis.

[Left Is Write]

107. Dated, lived with, had a child with.

Ultimately, I left him after three years together.

Only you can decide what's right for you, though, and I can't advise you whether to give this relationship a chance. Bipolar can be very difficult to deal with, but the fact that this woman has a diagnosis and is aware of the illness are good signs. Is she on a treatment program? I believe that is essential to coping with this type of disorder. My ex was undiagnosed for twenty-plus years, and he self-medicated with alcohol.

[insane_cratic_gal]

108. My father has it

I have to give you the good bad and the ugly.

We will start with the good. He's brilliant, I've never met a more interesting person. A more passionate person when it comes to things he enjoys, things like Music and Astronomy, I was in awe of him when ever we spoke on such topics. When he's high he's endearing, It's like being side by side next your greatest inspiration and you can't help but love them so deeply. They become the center of your universe, untouchable but so bright your a flower in their light.

The bad: It was hard to find common ground. He wasn't much interested in what I wanted or needed. He'd often stray off of his meds because he couldn't stand to feel so subdued by the drugs. Any close relationship was near impossible because his behavior was so erratic. Someone spoke of there being an emotional block, I have to say that fit my father perfectly. I call him my untouchable universe, when you look at space you feel so small beside it's massive presence, it's a thing of beauty but it's un-tamable, untouchable. He often didn't understand the basic concept of inclusion of my own thoughts and ideas because he was so busy with his own. Almost like he wasn't sure how to love me because he was too busy loving what he deemed important (all of his hobbies)He was very self absorbed.

the Ugly: My dad when he strayed off his medication, and he crashed because eventually he always did, would make crazy accusations and harassing phone calls. Things so off the wall, like him discovering some obscure comet and he sending me the photo(of course he doesn't have access to that type of equipment)of said comet and then accusing my mom of ripping it up, wanting to sabotage his career because he walked out on her. Illusions of grander was common place with my Dad.

I could tell you a 100 stories of the ugly, but I don't want it to seem like I'm telling you to run.

What I am trying to share is my own experience with someone who does well when on his med, but the problem with my dad, he too often misses the highs and goes off of them. When he goes off it's like watching a shooting star fleeting, beautiful, yet it burns itself out. The lows are terrible, frustrating, and worrisome and you are helpless to do anything but love them.

It's been 9 yrs since I spoke with my father. I tried to make things work with us, but I never could. Maybe I didn't try hard enough.

I love him from afar, but I love the memory of him, not the reality of him. I'm weak. I didn't have it in me to keep trying to re-establish stability every time things broke down between us. I have a 8 yr old who knows next to nothing about her biological Grandfather (he knows nothing about her either) because I'm not even sure what I know about him is accurate. I knew him in stages of medicated and non medicated states, I didn't have the chance to get to know "him". Of course the drugs have changed a lot too from 10 yrs ago.

All I know is my experience with him. Who knows what your experience might be but you have to be willing accept the good, bad, and the ugly like any normal relationship, but With a manic, your good bad and ugly are triple the stimulation. When it's on it's wonderful, but when it's bad.. the center of the world is lifted out from underneath you.

I know people who can do it, but I just wasn't one of them and I had a child I felt I needed to protect (for various reasons but it would take my another 5 paragraphs to explain it).

You have one bonus she seems to be very aware of limits, and that's great. Take it slow and see how things progress and do so without expectations because she may very well be normal as normal can be. Ask her how many times she's switched off of her meds? How many relationships she's had. Does she have a good relationship with her family? what are her interests? Is she consumed by them? Just take your time and track down the path slowly. Things and meds have changed and bipolar is a very individualized illness, it's all depends on the persons ability to commit to being healthy and recognizing that without their meds they can be quite impossible to handle.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well with it.

[StrongBad]

111. Thank you very much for this

Your post was extremely insightful (and well written!) as to what it would be like to love someone who is bipolar.

I didn't realize that this was such an "individualized" disorder and that it seems to range from considerable inconvenience to barely manageable and/or tolerable for people. I guess with that in mind if I were to entertain the thought of pursuing this the rule would be to go slowly and find out how this affects her.

Thank you again.

[sniffa]

110. jeez, i can't imagine what that's Like

[Dem2theMax]

113. After reading all the other replies, I have this to add.

(And by the way, I too am bipolar.)


How about this. Just get to know her as a human being, minus the label of 'bipolar.'

She was honest and upfront with you. That says a heck of a lot about her as a person. And that is who you should be interested in. The person. Not the disease.

You can read up on the disease. You got a lot of feedback here tonight, much of it full of misinformation. (We can't give LOVE? WTF?)

BP is a range of emotions and behaviors. Don't let the people on this board be the judge and jury.
Get to know her for herself. You have no idea of how her BP works or how she deals with it.
With BP, there is no 'textbook' example. We are all different.

Just take your time getting to know her, REALLY know her. Don't rush the relationship.
She may turn out to be worth the ups and downs of BP.

[VOX]

128. The OP should heed this cogent, **sane** and informative reply...

Thank you for posting this. :thumbsup:
I'm surprised at the lack of information and tolerance shown on this thread.

The OP would do well to ignore all the static, and listen instead to your rational counsel.

Cheers -- :toast:

[Dem2theMax]

138. Thank you for the thanks!

No kidding about the lack of information/tolerance. But being BP, it doesn't surprise me.
It's sad beyond belief, but it doesn't surprise me in the least.

And one right back at ya! :toast:

[Ellen Forradalom]

130. Thank you.

We are human beings first and bipolar second.

[Dem2theMax]

140. Amen.

And you are welcome.

You want to know something funny? I thought about this thread during the night. And one thing kept coming back to me.
There were more than a few people who responded to the OP's question with a "RUN RUN RUN."

And I wondered what kind of people THEY were in said relationships. It's easy to blame it all on someone with BP. Sort of like a 'get of jail free' card. I'd pay to be the fly on the wall to see if those relationship problems were ALL the 'fault' of the BP person.
Somehow, I doubt it. ;)

[alittlelark]

114. I had a bi-polar roomate for 2 years in college.

She was generally OK - her meds were balancing her out. She loved to cook new and exotic dishes (a rarity in college). She was mostly fun and perky, occasionally withdrawn. We had a lot of good times.


Until she killed herself.

RIP Missy... I wish I had known.

[Heidi]

115. Yes, and he was one of the great loves of my life.

Watching someone else suffer can exact an enormous toll. I'm fortunate that after that phase of our relationship was over, we remained friends for life.

[LiberalHeart]

116. Being bipolar is a lot like being nearsighted...

The label doesn't begin to describe it. Just as someone who's nearsighted can have vision that's just a tad under 20/20 while someone else who's nearsighted can be legally blind, bipolars can vary greatly in the degree of their symptoms.

That the woman in question has been diagnosed suggests that she had some episode or episodes that caused her to seek help. If I were in your shoes, I'd spend some time with her, engage her in conversation about her experiences -- probably beginning by asking how she found out she's bipolar. That could be very helpful to know.

Some bipolars have only one or two episodes in their entire lives that would be worthy of your concern. Some have them regularly. If your friend is a rapid cycler, you may not have to worry about her going too high or too low because her rapid cycling (for some it's a mood change multiple times per hour) means she doesn't stay put long enough to believe she's magical and can walk off the top of a building without risking injury, or that it's a fine night to be slicing her wrists.

Some bipolars are fine unless they're challenged. For example, often bipolars will create a life that works well for them and accomodates their moods (self-employment would be an example) -- but if a huge emotional event messes with that zone of safety they've created (a death of a loved one, for example), they're plunged into a terrible low that can go on for months.

Being on meds doesn't necessarily mean much. Bipolars tend to believe they know more than their doctors. They like to direct their own care and often decide, after smooth sailing for a while, they don't need their meds and they quit them. Or the chemical cocktail they've been taking stops working (this is common and a new cocktail must be found, often through lengthy trial and error). Lithium removes the one benefit of the illness, making life rather flat. While it's great to avoid the lows, giving up the highs is a genuine sacrifice if they aren't of the out-of-control variety. Lithium requires bothersome blood tests at regular intervals, and for some it's toxic -- causing side effects like tremors.

Some bipolars can't take certain antidepressants because they can trigger a high; for others, a low- dose antidepressant is all they need to stay on an even keel.

When the illness is mild, being bipolar can be quite pleasurable and productive. Few bipolars with that degree of the illness would give it up if they had the chance. It's a treasure.

The person who falls in love with a bipolar should probably be aware of the following:

1. Every day could be a roll of the dice. You'll never know what you'll find when you walk in the door: anger or affection, silence of silliness, etc. And your behavior may bring unexpected responses. Example: your most thoughtful, tender gesture might be met with anger. That will upset you -- but also the your lady because she won't be responding the way she wants to.

2. The bipolar will beat herself up, thinking she has a failure of character or a weakness of will because she is unable be the person that her very rational mind tells her to be. Over time, she can learn to meet her own expectations at least most of the time -- but this would be true only of someone on the less severe end of the scale. One of the most helpful things you can do during her periods of self-hate is to reassure her that you know, when she's falling short of her expectations of herself, that she simply can't help it. Once she accepts that, she can begin to stand up to the thing that's controlling her. Being told that she can't help it is the very thing that can make her decide she can "help it." Rather than giving her permission to act, well, nutty, the statement frees her from that voice inside her that berates her and spins her into a downward spiral.

3. Make sure it is you that is causing her to behave like a woman who's interested in you, and not just the brain chemistry at work. Bipolars are capable of great enthusiasms, romantically, and those enthusiasms can slip away in the blink of an eye when the chemicals shift. What to look for: bright eyes that seem just a bit too intense and alert, conversation that's a tad (or a lot) too animated and speedy, excitement about the topic at hand that has, perhaps, too much emphatic energy behind it. All those things can be present with anyone, certainly, but when coming from a bipolar, you may be witnessing a high in the making -- and those who cross the path of a bipolar at such a time can be swept up in the high. It'll feel like you're receiving real affection and attention, but you aren't. You're just the audience, the person who happened to be present.

4. Be absorbed in something other than her for a good part of every day. Keep your life whole; don't let her control you. I guarantee you she will try.

5. Look at how she lives. How does she spend her money? Some bipolars -- in fact, many -- buy now even if they can't pay later. But like the illness, the impulse to spend varies greatly from person to person. One bipolar might go out and buy a luxury car with no means of making the payments, while another might "splurge" on a ten or twenty dollar item that actually can be handled without any financial disaster.

6. Pay attention to her other relationships. Is she at odds with her family? Have her romances all gone directly to hell? Does she have close friends that have stuck by her for years? If you see trouble in all her family and social relationships, that can't be a coincidence.

I find I'm highly attracted to sanity. But the thing is, bipolars are usually quite sane. They can also be exciting, magnetic, brilliant, creative, challenging, and appealingly confessional. They're also, unfortunately, exhausting. But one who's settled into the bipolar life and has learned what does and doesn't work for her and acts accordingly could be an unbeatable life partner for you. If you're up to it. Life certainly won't be boring, which is not to say it'll always be happy.

I wish you well in your decision.

[Ellen Forradalom]

118. Also bear in mind

that many of the above behaviors can be exhibited by quite normal people. Hasn't everyone here made an impulse purchase? Isn't every day with a real human being to some extent a roll of the dice?

[StrongBad]

119. I think that's a good point

I've been in relationships with so-called "normal" women who have (purposely by their own admission) driven me to the depths of anger and depression because of their own inability to be close to someone.

I'm not at a point yet where I can judge if this person could care deeply for another, but I am thinking that being bipolar is irrelevant to this point.

[ProfessorGAC]

117. Married To A BPD Patient

It's manageable, but it can be a roller coaster ride at times.
The Professor

[noonwitch]

120. I have, but I eventually couldn't deal with it anymore

He was a lot of fun at times, but when he was depressed, look out. He would go days without sleep, and basically started driving me nuts with it all.

I have a lot of sympathy for the guy, but I don't need to deal with all that.

[TrogL]

122. Depends what type

I'm bipolar but it's rapid cycling and fairly mild.

One way I notice my manic swings is my wallet is empty and I'm posting too much on DU.


err....

[Evoman]

124. RUN RUN RUN

I've had two friends who dated bipolar people...good in the begining, but their lives became hell. One stayed longer because she threatened suicide if he left. But then he left. And she attempted suicide..I think she might be in a psych ward now.

I've also had a friend who dated a guy WHOSE MOTHER had bipolar disorder. She stick with him for 5 years, but in the end she had to break with the guy because his mother drove her batty (and he always, out of loyalty, backed him mother).

I really hate to sound insensitive, because people with the disorder have a very real, personal mental issue. But don't get involved. Your still going to, I can tell....shes gonna be to great, or too pretty, to pass up. But within 5 years your life will be a living hell, if she doesnt dump you first.

On edit: I just realized how much of an asshole I sound like here. Bipolar people are still PEOPLE and they deserve someone to love as well. But if you aren't capable of sticking through some really rough spots, then maybe you shouldn't persue the relationship. Having never dated anyone bipolar, take my advice with a grain of salt.

[HEyHEY]

139. I wouldn't say run... run if there is a sign of trouble

There is an obvious breaking point but I wouldn't NOT get involved from the begining.
I have OCD, not the same as bi-polar, but I know how to not let it affect my relationships. So, I assume other mentally ill people can do the same.

[idgiehkt]

141. what I want to know is

how many people are there out there who don't have some kind of disorder?


OCD
ADD/ADHD
bipolar
depressive/dysthmic
mania
borderline
dpd or mpd
anorexia
bulimia
food addiction (compulsive overeating)
alcholism/drug addiction
phobic disorders like agoraphobia (does that fall under OCD?)
schizophrenia
seasonal affective (a half-timer, lol)
hypochondria
kleptomania
reactive attachment...okay at this point I'm just amusing myself but really, if everyone takes a look at this list how many people can honestly rule themselves out of having something totally fucked up about themselves; I personally have been diagnosed with several of these over the years and have had several of the other compulive addictive things too. I'm not even really talking having been diagnosed, just folks who in reality have this stuff wrong with them. I you eliminate all those folks the pool for potential partners becomes very small, in fact, I'd say it would be left with only one type of people, the kind I call goddamned liars, lol.

I feel like the bipolar people are getting an unfair beating in this thread, especially since a whole lot of great artists, writers, musicians, etc have been bipolar.

[gkdmaths]

144. yeah,

Im normal. got something against that?

:7

[Rabrrrrrr]

129. I'd imagine that millions of people have.

[gkdmaths]

143. She's not bipolar,

however my GF suffers from extreme OCD and Tourrete's, which has only revealed itself significantly in the past five of our relationship's eight years.

If you think you might be serious, think seriously about the comittment you will be making. A committment not just to her as any other SO, but also to her problem. Get ready to put away your needs for good and take care of hers incessantly. If you're not careful, you will soon become less of a person and more of a tool of her emotional maintenance.

You will become meaningless quickly.

take it from me, I know.

I am trying to scare you away from her, just a little bit - and this is why. There is a path to recovery, perhaps, for her. She really has to do it by herself. If you're available as a crutch you'll only contribute to her ability to procrastinate in that respect. My GF and I have finally decided to split for this exact reason: the only way she can get better is if I am not around to enable her (and I am going away to grad school soon, anyway). If I were you, I would see this as a red flag. She will sort it out effectivley on her own without you and, you can find someone with whom you can have a real, equality-based relationship with in the meantime.

just my $0.02.

on edit: Now that I've read the other posts, I have to agree with Zombiewoof: run for the hills.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

145. didn't work for me. but i did try.

i have never in my life heard some of the things that were uttered in her down-swings. and I'm by no means level-headed, not by a long shot. but damn. i tried to make it work, tried to put those things behind me and forget and move on - but there it was again - just when i least expected it. out of nowhere. until i couldn't forget about it, nor put it behind me. it had come to the forefront. forgive - certainly, always. forget? nope, not this time.

everybody's different, though. every combination of people is different. this is why you see such a diverse response to your question.

my advice? go with what you feel, and keep yourself in tune with the likelihood that one day you may have to just walk away from the entire affair. whatever you do dont convince yourself that you will change it.

[StrongBad]

146. I'm very thankful for all the responses to this thread.

However, I find myself still indecisive about what to do here in my situation. On the one hand, I can tell that she is a wonderful person full of compassion, intelligence, and empathy. Yet on the other, I can see her illness becoming a problem for me down the road.

More specifically, I think it just comes down to the fact that I'm not strong enough a person to forego my own needs of attention and comfort (due to some issues that I breifly went into in my OP) to be 100% attentive to her when her times of need arise. I know this probably sounds so self-centered and weak, but I'm trying to be honest with myself and not go into this thing with false illusions saying I can handle it without issue. I hope I woul be able to let her know how I feel about this without hurting her. Do you think bringing up in conversation my fear that I couldn't deal with her bipolar disorder could be hurtful, even if said fear is sincerely honest and coming from my heart?

Additionaly, we've been talking a lot with one another the past few days just about each other as people respectively - and though I have grown closer to her and gained more respect for her, I am getting this vibe that she is quickly becoming more attached to me. I would really like to get to know her as a person more but fear the risk of not being able to get out of the situation at all if I do decide to after talking it over with her.

Anyway, thank you again everyone for your input on this.