How do I get older men to stop patronizing me! HUH?!??

[Writer]

I mean, my God, it's like I walk into a room with an older man and he immediately assumes I need a little extra "help." Wants to direct every decision in my life and questions my own decision making ability and, I assume, my maturity. Is there a way I can present myself that would lessen this problem? It's really startin' to get on my freakin' nerves, okay? :argh:

[Guava Jelly]

1. If ya need someone ta learn ya the internets young lady

call me!! also pour soda pop on your battery post :rofl:

[Writer]

6. LOL...

Yeah, next time this happens I'll be pouring soda pop on HIS battery post, if you know what I mean. Ha. Ha. Ha.

[Guava Jelly]

18. ouch Just make sure its really cold

(that shrinks the ol post)

[Writer]

21. Yeah sure, no problem.

You've been in a rather heated state as of late, my dear GoPsUx! But you're not old enough to fit the profile, I'm afraid. :hi:

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. Stop being so hot! Wear sweatpants and don't bathe

and keep a cigarette hanging from your mouth while you yell at your children, high on Kool-Aid, to settle down while you drink Jack Daniels from a jelly jar (because you don't drink from the good cups until after you've had your morning coffee).

[Writer]

4. Ummm... would I do that while dining at The Olive Garden?

Just wondering. :shrug:

[IChing]

3. What is wrong son did you lose your ego under your

tricycle? Do you want me to find it?

:) :toast: :rofl: :rofl: :sarcasm:

[Writer]

7. I think my tricycle is under your nethers - whoa, Nelly!

Better get some Gold Bond powder to get it out. I'll be right back, k?

[IChing]

14. It sucks but even my older brother does that to me (as I to him)

sometimes, I find I do with my daughter and son even though they know.
but we were a family of teachers including my mother.
You are too wise not to realize that patronizing is something you would never do to burnish the ego.

[IChing]

22. My family taught me that

the hardest thing in teaching is listening.
That is when true teaching starts.

[pitohui]

5. breast reduction surgery

otherwise i have no suggestion, it never stops, even when you're my age (and i'm old) you just get hit on and "young lady'd" by an even older brand of geezer

it isn't about you so there really isn't anything you can do to put a stop to it except feign deafness -- and some of them find that attractive, so a girl can't win, really

[Writer]

10. Well aren't you refreshingly honest?

No, I don't think my breasts are a problem. Although, they are "present." Unfortunately, my brain doesn't protrude from my skull in a provocative fashion. ;)

Edit: Sentence #1 was poorly written.

[Madrone]

8. I have no idea.

You're certainly intelligent and independent (or so I glean from your DU persona) - so I have no idea why they do that. Perhaps they are just trying to be helpful because they respect you? Or is it really as bad as you say?

I find that older men tend to respect me, my intelligence, and my opinions more than the younger ones - but I DO get a lot of offered "help". I always figured it's just because they respect me and admire my independence and know I'm determined to make it on my own, so that makes them WANT to help me if they see me struggling. They aren't so generous with others.

[Writer]

11. Those are nice thoughts. A positive way to look at it.

I just got hit with yet another episode of this in the last couple of weeks, and I am so tempted to write him a SCATHING LETTER. Oooooooooooooh.

But I likely won't. Because I'm a wimp. And because my better sense says that this fellow would not want to talk to me after such excoriation. Oh well.

[Madrone]

17. It depends on the situation I guess -

Face it, some men are lecherous pigs. I'm either damned lucky, or there aren't many around here because I don't have the misfortune of experiencing many of them!

What did the guy do/say to you?

[Writer]

19. I'll PM you. n/t

[pitohui]

13. old men want to help because they're horndogs

that's why they're not so generous with "others"

if by respect you mean pretend to listen to because they think it will get them more attention from the younger chick, yeah, i too find older men tend to respect me more than younger ones

but let's not kid ourselves, we know exactly what writer is talking about and it does get old

but, since it isn't anything you're doing, really, it isn't anything you can fix

[Writer]

15. There is one thing I CAN do...

and it involves a potato sack and no toothbrushing for a week.

[Madrone]

20. Thankfully, that really hasn't been my experience.

Not denying that it exists - just that I'm lucky enough not to experience it directly. I don't know - maybe it's because I'm more of a "one of the guys" girl...???

[Robb]

9. Aren't you the cutest little thing for asking about it?

There, there. And on your own little computer, too. :rofl:

Grow gray hair. Worked for me. :D

[Writer]

12. Well aren't you the cutest old man. Here, let me spoon you some...

yankee beans. Awwww, old people are so CUTE! LOL.

Kidding, kidding. OLD MEN - I HAVE MY OWN MIND, THANK YOU!!!

[lildreamer316]

16. You intimidate them..

..so they have to take control of the situation to put you in a "place" they can understand. You don't fit any of their preconceived notions, so they are confused and try to put you in a perspective they can handle. It's validation for their insecurities/they want to feel useful.
Be very non-committal and don't really respond one way or another. Act to them as you think another man their age they did not know would act. Betcha it'll throw them for a loop.
Or, I could be completely wrong.
It could also be a fatherly instinct coming out, and that I don't know....is there something about you that says "daughter" to them? No offense.....
There are times in my life when I have gotten this response, and times when I didn't. It depends on what's going on with me atm.

[Writer]

24. Hmmm...

Ya know... I can read much truth into what you've written here. You have given me much to ponder over.

As far as inciting fatherly instincts... maybe in one or two cases in my life, but not in this most recent occurence. I think it's more "confusion," as you say.

[lildreamer316]

29. Then it's

quite possibly the first thing..but I am not sure all men are really that complicated. Of course, if you asked them they would have no idea they are doing that, but hey....I personally believe men are just as complicated as women, they just have it all subliminated. But,that's kinda another discussion.
See, I'm a topless dancer. So this can be an everyday occurance for me--I'm talking outside the club; "normal" interaction. If I have my game face on, my Leo facing outward; of course I attract that kind of behavior...and I expect to; I know what I'm projecting. However, I can also project a confident, business-like, keeping-to-myself demeanor; and usually they will leave me alone or treat me with a higher level of respect (read:non-patronizing) than the other way. The key is to make them think they are facing a woman who expects to be treated with all the respect the women's lib movement has given her--in other words, make them afraid to cross that PC line for fear of offending me. It ususally works, but of course there are exceptions to every rule. If I decide to actually respond to them, I give them a chance to see that I have a brain but am not a total bitch about it. If they do not back off the patronization after that, I get myself out of the situation.
All of the above may sound kinda silly and over-complicated, because I do not usually try to describe my way of interacting with these men...after 12 years in the biz, it's just automatic. I can know almost immediatley what is "up" with a person and whether or not it is worth my time to try to diffuse the situation, or just get the hell outta there. What I'm trying to say is that there is a way of deflecting them without it being a big drama for your psyche or for them, but it's hard to describe.

Side note; forgive me:
When people say that topless dancers play games, they have absolutely no idea. 'Course, the customers are agreeing to play the game with us, so hey! Everybody should be happy, right?:eyes: I love my job.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

23. Well, I'm in my fifties, and they still do it

:sigh:

[Writer]

25. Would it be by men also in their fifties?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

28. Fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties, hundreds...

:-)

Have you ever seen the Canadian film Strangers in Good Company? It's about a group of women from a senior center who get stranded in the woods when their bus breaks down. I highly recommend it: the actresses are all non-professionals, and their real life stories are incorporated into the plot.

I read an article about the making of the film and learned that the script originally called for a mixed group of men and women, but once they started filming, the men became so bossy and tried to tell the (woman) director what to do, so she got rid of them and made the film with all women.

[Writer]

30. Haven't seen it, but...

I read an article about the making of the film and learned that the script originally called for a mixed group of men and women, but once they started filming, the men became so bossy and tried to tell the (woman) director what to do, so she got rid of them and made the film with all women.

LOL awesome ;)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. It's part of the game...

You're supposed to thank them for rescuing a poor, weak female, then revel in the power you truly wield over them.

At least, tht's what I've been told by women who play games like that.

I usually just roll my eyes and mutter to myself about old dogs and new tricks; and pray that they don't pass the BS along to their offspring.

[Writer]

27. You know, after reading all of the interesting responses on this thread...

I have concluded that men are just confused. Period. :P