I need to rant. Family stuff.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

My mother suffers from severe autoimmune disorders, including fibromyalgia, asthma, and serious food allergies. She can get along fine in her own home, with no strong scents and carefully selected and prepared food, but anything else is very stressful for her. It's only been the last decade or so that her health has been so fragile, and only a few years since we finally found out what was wrong.

My dad is... impatient. He doesn't really understand what Mom goes through, since he's never had any serious health problems of his own, and she appears to be perfectly healthy day-to-day. Dad's job is stressful, and he's getting close to retirement. Travel is not possible for Mom; not only does she need a controlled environment, but she's also afraid of flying.

Mom does the best she can, and she hates the fact that we have to accomodate her needs. Dad doesn't like to talk, about anything, and whenever there's a crisis, he resents having to plan his time around her. This isn't what either of them expected when they were young, and it's very hard on both of them.

Normally we're okay. As long as we respect that certain substances aren't allowed in the house, and Mom's meals are specially prepared, there aren't any problems. She can't go out to a show, or to anyone's house for dinner, but they probably wouldn't do much of that anyway.

Dad's parents' anniversary is coming up around the Thanksgiving weekend (Canada), and they've asked us to fly to Saskatchewan and visit them. Between the stress of flying and living abroad, even for just a couple of days, Mom just isn't up to the trip. The relatives she'll miss will understand if she decides not to come (most of them, anyway), but Dad's going to be really upset. He just doesn't understand how hard it would be for her.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. C ya.

[SoyCat]

1. I think men have a very hard time understanding autoimmune disorders.

My SIL has fibromyalgia and her father doesn't even believe it is a real disease.

I greatly feel for you and your family. Just support your mom as best you can and keep stressing to your dad that your mom is dealing with much worse than he is.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

2. That's what I try to do.

Unfortunately, autoimmune illnesses are very subtle. Unless someone's in the grip of a grand mal reaction, they *look* perfectly healthy. It's very hard for us outsiders to understand just what it is they're going through. I have a couple of stress-related issues myself, so I can usually empathize with her, but it's still tough for me.

And frankly, Dad's not big on listening, either. Maybe this visit will do some good (the rest of us are going, even if Mom doesn't come along). His own folks have been going through something similar recently, ever since Granny's arthritis suddenly got much worse. They've had to make some big changes in their lives because of it, but they're adjusting quite well. If the kindly yet intractable old curmudgeon that sired him can cope with an invalid wife, then so bloody well can he. Of course, Mom's affliction is much more limiting and she's come into it quite a bit earlier in life, but it's still something.

[SoyCat]

4. Just hang in there -

:hug:

[ChoralScholar]

6. My mother had fibromyalgia.

And I didn't understand it. I'll admit that openly. But if she said she was in pain, that's as real as it needs to be.

She had a doctor so succintly put it:

"Mrs. ChoralMom, even if it WERE all in your head, it still hurts just as bad, and needs to be treated."

[AirmensMom]

3. I'm sorry.

I know what your mom's going through. And I can tell you from experience that it's nice when the kids understand. Just keep up your wonderful support of her. Maybe your dad will come around eventually. :hug:

[Floogeldy]

5. It wasn't a rant.

It is a cogent and intelligent explanation of the human condition which exists in your parents' home, so similar to many of our families in the past and present, C_eh_N_eh_D_eh.

Thank you for sharing and we are all on your side. :hug:

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

7. Thank you for listening.

Mom unloaded some of her stress on me earlier this evening, and I thought I'd pass it along. This is just a frustrating time right now, but we'll get through it.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

8. Too bad there aren't any good movies that cover this subject...

It would help people relate to those who suffer.

I'm sorry things are so tough for your family right now...I wish you all the best. :hug::hug::hug:

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

10. It's not really that bad.

They've just both been under so much stress lately, and this visit is doing nothing to help it.

And any movie scene featuring autoimmunity would look completely implausible to anyone who hasn't experienced it in real life.

[Beausoir]

9. It's so difficult. My MIL has MD and my FIL is growing in his resentment

every single day.

They've been married for 40+ years. Just within the past 3 years, her MD has really taken a toll on their lifestyle.

They are both nearing retirement and he is furious and resentful. I can see his thoughts...he has worked his entire life and now wants to enjoy, but he can't because she is so physically disabled.

And she feels just horrible...worse than horrible..because she is is holding him back.

I wish I had an answer for you. If you discover any tips...please pass them along.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

11. Yep, that's pretty much my folks.

Or it will be once Dad retires. They've just bought a trailer in a nice summer campground, with close friends and a good golf course. That's the closest thing they'll ever have to a vacation together.

Autoimmune disorders are hell on everyone involved, and completely unfair. I hope to every potentially existent diety that I never have to go through anything like this myself, or have it happen to anyone else I'm close to.

If I ever get any tips, I'll use them myself.