Serious Stuff - Anyone Else Have a Friend who is Alcoholic?

[leftyladyfrommo]

My friend has been trying so hard to not drink. And then he fell off the wagon again last week. He was holed up alone all week - didn't call in to work so probably has lost his job.

When he drinks now he just is sort of gone for days at a time - has black outs - shakes - has DTs. It is awful.

I am sick at heart.

Doe anyone have any experience with this stuff. Is there anyway to help?

He is trying so hard and is just not making it.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

1. Sorry to hear that.

:hug:

I know little of alcoholism, but I've heard many times that there's nothing you can do--only the person drinking has the power to stop it.

I dunno if you could suggest AA or something, or if he's already going that route.....But really, I'm pretty sure there's not much at all you can do.

[BlueIris]

2. They're much better with these kinds of qs in the Recovery forum, I think.

Personally, I think there's only so much you can do to support him emotionally and/or as his friend. Unless he can get into a program, I believe he'll continue to struggle to get his foot anywhere near the door to the land of sobriety. I guess I am lucky that all of my friends/family members who have had addictions have chosen to access the resources available to them via substance abuse treatment centers. I'm sure it must be so hard for you to watch him go through this.

[Left Is Write]

3. I have 20+ plus years of experience with it.

I recommend that you try Al-Anon.

I'm sorry, leftylady. :hug:

[leftyladyfrommo]

5. People just don't realize how awful alcohol is until you have to

try and deal with this.

This whole family is just riddled with alcohol and drug problems - goes back generations. And the really awful thing is that these are just the nicest people.

I think this time maybe he will go to AA. Maybe this time he will see thru all of the excuses he makes.

[NewWaveChick1981]

4. I have several close relatives that are alcoholics.

:hug: :hug: It's terrible. I have educated myself on alcoholism in an effort to understand and help them, and in the process, I had to make myself understand that I can do a lot of things to help them, but ultimately the only person who can help is them. :( You can run yourself ragged trying to "fix" them, but it doesn't work. I would suggest finding a local chapter of AlAnon, which helps family and friends deal with a loved one's alcoholism.

Addiction to alcohol never goes away. It can be brought under control, but it's always there. :( If you've ever heard the term "recovering alcoholic", then you know.

My heart goes out to your friend, and to you for wanting to help. :pals: You're a good friend to him. If you can get him to AA, that's a good first step.

[leftyladyfrommo]

7. Are there Alanon meetings just like there are AA meetings.

It is so hard to just see someone go right down the tubes. And not be able to do anything.

This is just awful. But I am hoping he will get on his feet again.

And now I am afraid that he might try to kill himself - just because he is so disgusted with himself.

[speedoo]

16. Yes, there are Al Anon meetings.

You should have little trouble finding one to attend.

Al Anon is a great resource for people in your situation. Just as the alcoholic needs a program (AA) for recovery, so do friends and family members of alcoholics. It sounds to me like Al Anon would be a great help to you.

[NewWaveChick1981]

25. Yes, there are, sweetie.

:hug: They help you cope with what's going on with your loved one, and they give you sound advice for what to do and what not to do. You can talk to people dealing with similar issues, and the support is amazing. :) Take a look here: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html It will certainly help you know what steps to take.

Please PM me anytime.... You need support and encouragement to deal with this, and it helps to have a sympathetic ear. :hug:

[L A Woman]

6. I recently quit drinking on my own...

however, my problem was not nearly at that level. Your friend needs professional help, which starts with detox. If he hasn't lost his job, his insurance should cover most of it. It sounds like an emergency to me. It really does. Good luck.

PS - the good news is it sounds like he has recognized he has a problem. That's a huge step in the right direction.

[leftyladyfrommo]

8. Thanks. Yea, he knows he has a huge problem.

And he stops for a while. And then he just starts drinking again. I don't know what sets it off.

[leftyladyfrommo]

9. Fortunately he has a good family that will step in to help.

They have dealt with all of this before. Seems like everyone in this whole family has had problems at some time or another.

I have trouble with this because there are no drinkers in my family.

[L A Woman]

10. By the way, the woman in my signature also gave up drinking...

when she was in her 40's. And she...well, she accomplished a few things after that. :-)

[BlueIris]

24. That is a GREAT picture of her, too.

[radwriter0555]

11. AA is the best way to get sober. He has to want to get sober, however,

And it may help for you to go to the meetings with him, and for yourself as well, so you can learn how to cope with this relationship.

[leftyladyfrommo]

12. He didn't believe that he couldn't control the drinking - he thought

that he didn't need AA.

I think this may have changed the way he thinks about it. If he has lost his job he will also lose everthing else he has. He will lose his little house in the country and that will absolutely kill him.

But maybe that is what it takes to get him to pay serious attention to all of this.

[radwriter0555]

13. I really hope you'll take the initiative and find the meetings and go to

the meetings with him.

Google AA meetings in your area, they are definitely each one different depending on the nieghborhood.

It's a massive first step. All it takes is walking in that door.

Big hugs and good luck.

[leftyladyfrommo]

14. His family will do that for him.

His mother and brothers will be there.

If he needs me to go with him I will - but he doesn't like for outsiders to know his affairs. He is a pretty private person. I think having problems like this is harder for very private people. I know all about that - I'm a really private person myself.

[smirkymonkey]

18. Some workplaces have employee assistance programs and they

can help to get him into treatment, that is, if he hasn't lost his job already. Also, if he still has insurance he can check himself into detox. However, that usually isn't enough - speaking from personal experience, many alcholics who are not into some kind of recovery program usually end up picking up a drink sooner or later.

AA is free and is a great support group. Step one is admitting you are powerless over alcohol and that your life is unmanageable. Some people can stop on their own, but the only people I know with long term sobriety who are happy and productive have worked some kind of program of recovery. I also know some dry drunks and while they are technically "sober" they are also very unhappy and miserable to be around.

Good luck - maybe you can get him a meeting list and number and leave it up to him to call.

[Ellen Forradalom]

15. It IS horrible.

I have a friend who went through that. Had to be taken several times to the hospital to detox. It took a long time but he seems to be making it.

My mother has a friend who is doing much the same, but she doesn't appear to be making it. Mom brings her food, prays for her, and otherwise keeps an eye out for her, but knows enough to know what she can and cannot do for her.

It is such a helpless feeling to watch someone suffer with alcoholism. My heart goes out to you.

[driver8]

17. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I have a friend who is a coke addict

It is tough to watch but he won't let his friends help him. Until he hits rock bottom, nothing we can do.

In regards to your friend, he cannot do this alone. He needs professional help to get him through the DTs, and then he needs re-hab.

[dajoki]

19. DO WHAT YOU CAN TO HELP IMMEDIATELY...

My friend was an alcoholic for 25 years. In and out of rehabs all the time, I took him myself quite a few times. Well anyway the last time he fell off the wagon it was too late, dead at 47, left behind a wife and three kids. So my point is get him to detox and rehab NOW!! Save his life!!

[idgiehkt]

21. right. he needs to go to detox

that's about it. all energy should just be put toward that.

[dajoki]

22. Exactly, that is the first step n/t

[ScreamingMeemie]

20. No. I had a father in law though...

We tried just about everything... and finally did "tough love"... Unfortunately, for him, he chose to commit suicide. My husband found him on Father's Day, dead of a gunshot wound to the head.

I wish I could tell you that there is something you can do. But there isn't a surefire way to cure this most deadly of addictions. As my fil's doctor told us. Two ways out: Recovery or death. My father in law was never helped by AA and had spent several stints in detox clinics. My advice is to contact Al-Anon. Al-Anon will help you at least understand the disease. :hug:

[Road Scholar]

23. I am sorry Lefty lady. It is hard to watch a friend do that to

himself (and friends and family). There is always more than one victim in alcoholism. I've heard of some successes with AA, but it comes down to the person's own determination to recover. He's lucky to have you for a friend.

[KayLaw]

26. Poor guy.

Your story makes me think of the man who wrote "Runs with sissors."