Just had a dumb real life conversation.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

So my mom & my stepdad are heading up to Toronto tommorow morning for a mini-weekend vacation before he has some meetings there during the week.

Mom: Okay, we're leaving early in the morning. Make sure you take care of all the animals and grandma. I bet you wish you were coming to Quebec with us, huh?

Me: Mom, you're not going to Quebec, you're going to Toronto.

Mom: That's right. We're going to Quebec in Toronto. You've never been there right? You've only been to Montreal, right?

Me: I've been to Quebec. Montreal is in Quebec.

Mom: No, it's not. Quebec is part of Toronto.

Me: Toronto is part of Ontario and Montreal is part of Quebec.

Mom: How could Montreal be part of Quebec? Isn't Quebec a city?

Me: No, it's a province, kind of like a state. You know, like we live in Rockaway inside the state of NJ.

Mom: I don't get it. I thought you've never been to Quebec.

*I walk away with my glass of wine*
-------------------------

I'm not really surprised by this though. When they took all of the kids to Hawaii on their Honeymoon, like a dysfunctional Brady Bunch, she thought that my younger sisters could legally drink, since it was an island.

Mom: Hey, you guys can drink there because it's an island.

Katie: It's a state. I can't drink there.

Mom: But it's an island. Islands don't have drinking ages.

Katie: It's still a state in the United States. You have to be 21 to drink.

Mom: But it's an island...
---------

Of course, she didn't believe the Crusades occured until she was about 45. Thank God I take after my father.

[WindRavenX]

1. my mom's like that too

She didn't believe there were real transexuals until I had to sit her down a year ago and explain it out to her.

I feel bad for her sometimes--growing up in a really strong catholic family will mess you up in all sorts of ways.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

5. I have a trans friend. We actually dated when I was in HS.

She's still like, "how's Belinda doing?" The guy has been on hormones for years. He looks nothing like a girl. He is a hot as all fuck MAN. She always "slips" though.

Of course, she was also shocked when she found out my friend Jayson was gay. The boy dressed in fucking purple glitter. Her response was, "How can he be gay? He's so cute and polite. He's even pretty. Just sooo sweeet."

[izzybeans]

2. Well she did get one small bit right. There is a Quebec City

but its 2 hours east of Montreal. Clearly not part of Toronto.

[ghostsofgiants]

3. Wow.

Just...wow.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

7. Yup.

[speedoo]

4. Sorry, but I must confess that cracked me up.

I know, it's sad.

But it really sounded like something out of a sitcom. Like "King of Queens" for example with your mom's dialogue being played by Jerry Stiller (a male character, of course).

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

6. I've been dealing with it my whole life.

I'm used to it and I've experienced far dumber exchanges.

My mom has already purchased her headstone. This was apparently all the rage on her side of the family. They all went out and got their headstones. Anyway, it coincided with her taking me to the DMV to get my car registered or something. I'm in the car running all these dumb errands with her and she springs on me..."I can't take you to the DMV because I'm running late and I have an appointment to pick out my headstone." A brief argument ensues and she calls up one of my cousins to see if she'll take me. She agrees, so my mom dumps me at the Starbucks and heads out in search of her headstone.

My cousin (sane because she's on my dad's side) picks me up and the first thing she says is, "Did I hear your mom right? She can't take you to the DMV because she's buying her headstone????" "Uh, yeah...you heard right. I don't really know either."

Now everytime we drive past a place that sells headstones, I yell out, "Hey, let's pull over at the headstone store. I haven't picked mine out yet!"

[speedoo]

10. Headstone store. Hilarious.

Thanks haruka. Too bad you can't write these up as scripts, since you might offend your mom.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

12. Oh I have no problem with that.

Some of this stuff has been turned into short stories. I have friends encouraging me to turn it into stand up (there's actually a couple of standup comics in my family) and my creative writing mentor wants me to write a play/screenplay.

[speedoo]

18. Excellent!!

Did you write the short stories?

It's a natural for standup. And I think the play/screenplay idea is great.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

19. Yeah, I've written it all myself.

I've always been into writing.

[speedoo]

22. I've always been into writing as well.

Mostly non-fiction, although I've always wanted to try fiction.

I'd really like to read your stuff, if it's possible.

(edit - typo)

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

23. Soon.

I'm in the process of rescuing my files from my two old macs. The computer itself is fine, but the screens are shot on them.

I plan to have everything on a single computer within the next few weeks.

Edit: In the meantime, here's a link to my journal entry about the teacher that kept me writing. I owe her so much...

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/haruka3_2000/20

[speedoo]

27. Thanks.

First, for linking your journal. I'm relatively new to the lounge and I had not seen that before. I'm sorry you had to go through that crap with your mom, but I'm very happy you were able to connect with your teacher.. she does sound like a true life saver for you. And your step-dad sounds pretty cool as well.

And second, that I may be able to read your stuff. If I were more of a computer tecchie I'd offer to help with your recovery from the hard drives. But I know nothing about macs. Have you thought about getting a tech shop to help? Here in NYC, they are not expensive at all, as you may know, and they can copy stuff from one hard drive to another, or to a CD pretty quick.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

29. Oh the recovery is easy for me.

I just haven't gotten around to doing it yet. Like I said, the screens are dead, but the computers themselves are fine. I can firewire them together and transfer files real easy.

[speedoo]

31. Okay... n/t

[radwriter0555]

8. I knew a woman who was sure there was bridge to hawaii.

I understand what you're going through, and bless her heart.

Good thing you had wine to dull the edge.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

9. Sadly, she had only been drinking bottled water.

The woman who thought there was a bridge to Hawaii was probably some distant relative of my mom. Most of them don't talk to each other anyway, so I have no clue who's related to her.

[Whoa_Nelly]

11. :::shaking my head:::

how do you keep all that straight, play the srtaight man part in the comedy of errors, and not go crazy???


Amazing conversation!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

13. I'm used to it.

I've actually also been writing a lot of it down since I was in HS.

[mykpart]

14. Did she happen to vote for Bush?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

15. Twice.

Because "he looked like a normal guy." Weird, because none of the guys in our family/family friends look like retarded monkeys. And she's a subsitute teacher, she makes like no money. My stepdad actually makes a very good living, as he owns a medical advertising company, but it still isn't enough to justify voting Republican, and he's actually very socially liberal.

Yeah, politically they're both pretty dumb.

[Telly Savalas]

16. Thanks for the warning.

[Monk06]

17. If your mother ever comes to Canada make sure she is properly...

escorted.

If you turn your back on her for one minute she
could end up in a biker bar in Sudbury.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

20. She's heading up there tommorow.

However, she'll be with my stepdad, who is actually intelligent and will prevent her from ending up in a biker bar in Sudbury. I'm sure she'd be popular there though, as she's still regularly mistaken as being my non-existent older sister, and not my mom.

[Monk06]

34. Actually Canada is the safest place in the world for Mothers. Canadians

don't worship God. We worship Mum.

Dad? Well we can tolerate him is small
doses, if he doesn't make a nuisance of
himself.

[Wetzelbill]

21. oh man.. I better share one then

We were having some conversation about something, and I made some smartass crack about looks or something then I say:

"Well, then again, I never won any beauty contests myself."

Mom: Oh Bill... don't say that...

Bill: "Well actually there was that one time... but I won that because I totally ran the swimsuit and evening gown competition."

Mom: (silence)

Bill: (moves onto some other topic for a minute or so)

Mom (light bulb turning on): Bill.... did you really win a beauty contest?

Oh Gosh, I about died. I had to explain to her that I was JOKING.

:rofl:

[sakabatou]

24. Kinda like Falafel Boy

How he grew up in Westbury part of Levittown?

[rockymountaindem]

25. Well, Quebec is both a province and a city

So, maybe that's part of the problem. Toronto's nice though... nice enough for me to go to school here!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

26. Yeah, but I know her travel itinerary is to drive straight to Toronto

and then straight back to NJ once the business meetings are done.

[rockymountaindem]

28. Well, maybe invest in a Canadian to English dictionary?

I kid, I kid... but if someone says "the poutine is right next to the timbits", just make sure you've taken your cholesterol meds, eh?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

30. I know what poutine is (Canada's answer to Disco Fries) but what are...

"timbits?"

[Evoman]

39. In Canada, we have a restaurant/donut place called

Tim Hortons. They are all over Canada, and quite popular. Anyways, they sell these things called Tim-bits. They aren't donuts....they are like...well, if you punched out the middle of a donut, you would have a tim-bit. Come in different flavours. Very yummy.

[rockymountaindem]

40. That's the name for doughnut holes from Tim Horton's

which has become the name for doughnut holes everywhere. It's like calling a tissue a Kleenex.

[hfojvt]

33. looking at my map

I am thinking she cannot possibly drive straight from Toronto to NJ, unless she has an SUV that can drive through Lake Ontario. Which is the better route - Kingston or Buffalo? I am thinking Kingston because it avoids the toll road and nasty places like Buffalo in favor of cool places like Watertown. Plus it has more of the trip in Canada where you can drive faster because the speed limit is 100. :evilgrin:

[WildEyedLiberal]

32. Wow, that's stunning

You really should do stand-up. That, or write a hilarious memoir of your crazy family a la David Sedaris. I would buy it!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

38. That's what I'm regularly told...

Actually, on my dad's side, my cousin Sean Lynch does stand-up comedy and then we have my other cousin, Porno Jim, who is like stand up comedy meets thesis critique on porn. His latest stage show is returning this fall and he's currently producing his 1st professional porn movie. We're all very proud.

Yeah, there is actually no one interesting on my mother's side.

[The Straight Story]

35. My mom pooped in a store once, and left it on the floor

She farted, shook her leg, and it plopped out on the floor. She just left it there. We laughed about that one for some time (we all still do).

My first trip out west from ohio I was talking about how I wanted to see new mexico and it was cool that I was driving through it.

"Why do have to go all the way out of country to get to California? You don't need to go to Mexico, it's dangerous there" I don't think she realized up to that time that it was a state :)

geography was not her strong suit (god rest her soul).

[pitohui]

36. you ever think your mom is pulling your leg?

c'mon she's messing w. you just for the fun of it

my mom once gave a splendid public rant on how chickens are too dumb to die even after you chop their heads off -- in i believe the chart house or maybe commander's palace -- complete with detailed description of the chicken running around sans head

the world lost a great actress in her, is all i can say

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

37. Considering she is very naive with pretty much everyone...

we tend to vote for clueless over greatest actress ever.

[Canadian Socialist]

41. Tell your mum to come visit me...

I'm in Canada ... it's only a short drive west from T.O. to Calgary. heeee.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. i think lesbians have the weirdest mothers

its a commonality i have noticed...weird mothers...

:loveya:

[CraftyGal]

43. What is it about Mothers?

I have two, my birth mother and my adopted mother. They are both conservative and authoritarian. They see the world as black and whit with no middle ground. It is very frustrating. By the way I am a mother and a step-mother and my parenting style is nothing like theirs, neither is my world view.

I vote New Democratic, much to TrogL's :P dismay and my mother's. I go to the Anglican Church, unfortunately so does my adopted mom. I am involved in my community and all that fun stuff.

Anyways, enough ranting.:rant:

Talk to you later.

Crafty

[huskerlaw]

44. Ok, my turn!

I live in Los Angeles, but I was in Nebraska a few weeks ago visiting my family.

My sister, my mom and I were looking at one of those "You know you're from the 80s if..." emails and one of the items was L.A. Gear tennis shoes. I started laughing and told them about how I saw a person on the subway in LA a few days prior wearing LA Gear shoes, my tone was obviously making fun of the person since I haven't seen that brand since the mid-90s. My mom says "They still wear those in LA?"

I pause, look at her, and say, "Yeah. But they call it Here Gear."

She, completely seriously, responds, "Really?!"

My sister and I start laughing.

She goes, "WHAT?"

Took her a good 5 minutes to figure out that I was kidding.

I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

46. That totally made me crack up.

[momophile]

45. make sure you take a passport if you are going to Hawai'i

right? My husband always tries to trick me whenever we go to his home state of Hawai'i. I've never fallen for it.