Guys: Why Do You Do This?

[NashVegas]

Me: whatcha been up to?

Him (or, them, but individually): this morning I met with ________ around 9, then I went and had some ____ for lunch at 10. After that it was over to Lowe's to pick up some __________, then I got home around 2 and went into the kitchen and _______ some _______.

(fill in the blanks with whatever typical stuff).


I'm not checking up on you. Really. But when you give me these mundane details, I feel like I have been.

What's up?

[mainegreen]

1. Well, if you ask, ye shall recieve.

If you want to know how we're doing you can't ask what we've been doing. Two totally different questions!

[Richardo]

2. You *might* be checking up.

Better safe than sorry. :scared:

[RandomKoolzip]

3. If you don't wanna know, don't ask.

Whenever I ask a woman who I care about what's she's been up to, and she gives me the "long" answer, I feel privileged. When *I* ask "What have you been up to," to a guy or a girl, and I get "Oh, nothin'," or "Not much," I feel unimportant.

[NashVegas]

6. Touche

This is something I've only ever just noticed, in recent months. I guess I expect the medium answer, that leaves room for exploratory conversation.

It's *kind of* cute ... just baffling.

[redqueen]

19. What he said.

:hi:

[YankeyMCC]

4. That's funny

My wife would probably faint from shock if I ever responded with details like that.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

5. You'd prefer a monosyllabic, grunted response?

Consider yourself fortunate that said man wants to share the details of his day with you.

When the relationship is starting to sour, I don't bother giving details anymore.

[JVS]

21. Yeah she could get a nice "Mind your own fucking business!"

[av8rdave]

7. Last time my wife asked me what I was up to....

I told her I'd just spent the past two hours in a hotel room with a girlfriend. She looked at me and said, "you lying s.o.b., you were out riding your motorcycle, weren't you?!?!"

[NashVegas]

9. LMAO

Was she right?

[av8rdave]

10. actually, yes...

I had been off on the bike. But then again, after last fall...

A buddy of mine calls me, says his job is driving him nuts and do I want to go for a ride with him. I said "sure!" Next thing I know, I'm calling my wife to tell her we're in Galveston for the night (I live in the Dallas area).

[NashVegas]

12. Ooh.

How much groveling did you have to do to get away with that?

[av8rdave]

13. She was actually pretty cool about it...I'm pretty lucky.

[swag]

8. I usually just say,

"Oh, nothin' much. Wanna fuck?"

[Omphaloskepsis]

16. And on the other side of the internet...

Some woman is asking, "Why won't my man tell me what he did today? He just wants to fuck."

[Ravenseye]

11. Guys tend to be more literal in that way

Someone asks a guy what he did he's far more likely to give a rundown of his day like that, because it's the answer to the question he was asked. Most guys probably don't even wonder WHY you asked the question. If you're valid to ask the question (friend/wife/relative/etc) he'll answer it with probably not even wondering why. Most of the time when he says "nuthin" in response....he probably really didn't do anything besides sit around, watch TV, etc.

It's partly because most of us are emotionally hobbled by women, from birth, to do four things.

1) Carry heavy items.
2) Open stuck containers.
3) Fix broken stuff.
4) Report.

So keep that in mind. Anytime you interact with a guy he's probably trying to figure out which of those four you're looking for him to do. If you ask him to do something specifically within those four with no questions, you'll get it nearly automatically...

"Carry that upstairs", "Open this jar of peanut butter", "Fix the floorboard", "What did you do today?" are all easy for him to answer and he'll probably do it automatically. The problems come when he's not sure which one of those four you're looking for, and often times you want something completely off that list, which most men find difficult (like 'just listening', 'leaving you alone for 5 minutes', 'stop asking what of those four you can do', etc)

[NashVegas]

14. The Older the Get the More I Disagree About Those First 3

I'll give you "report," but the others?

You don't do that because we make you (unless a woman's a lazy shrew), you do that (at least, early on) because you like it when we heap on the praise and it makes ya feel all manly and useful.

That's adorable, really.

I once saw a post somewhere, where a guy complained that his previous girlfriend was only having sex with him so she could get to do her yardwork, etc. I thought, "no she only let you do the yardwork so you'd have sex with her."

[Ravenseye]

24. Well he might not do anything at all...

...but those are the four main options that he uses to try and figure out what to do. He might not do it because someone brow beats him or he might do it if someone gives him sex to do it...He might be happy to, or he might complain about it...

He still thinks in those basic options though...

He might never do anything but lay on the couch smoke pot and giggle, but he'll probably still see the world that way, at least for the first 30 years or so. Even then he might start listening, or giving you space, or something off those lists, but tha'ts only because he's finally figured out (after decades) that he can file "leave her alone" under "fix it".

We've been trained to be this way, both through negative and positive reactions. When you have a man open a jar of jam, and then heap praise upon him for how strong he is, you're only reinforcing his four primary tasks.

[kay1864]

15. Hey, you forgot 5) Hook up stereo equipment

A funny Paul Reiser routine starts with that one...

[Ravenseye]

26. heh forgot about that

I'd put 'hook up stereo equpment' into the 'fix it' category though. The stereo unconnected doesn't work. THerefore putting it together is 'fixing' it.

[AutumnMist]

18. My Husband Can

relate to all of the required four things in your post. I just had to laugh about it. I think I need to leave him alone for five minutes when he gets home from work.....then he can fix the bathroom faucet. LOL! :evilgrin:

[Karenina]

22. BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Thanks, Ravenseye! I needed that!!! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[jobycom]

17. Well, I would only answer like that if I thought the woman cared.

Or hopes she cares. So, maybe he thinks you care. Which means either he thinks you and he have a special relationship, or he is just so narcisistic that he thinks everyone cares. Or maybe he's so insecure that he hopes you care and fills in the details so as not to disappoint you.

Beyond that analysis, I charge a fee. :)

[JVS]

20. Because that's what we fucking did

[Phillycat]

25. LOL

Perfect guy response. :thumbsup:

[ComerPerro]

23. cause we are used to being checked up on,

and if we give all the details up front, it is more likely that the conversation will end sooner.

That's why I do it...

[Spider Jerusalem]

27. Because that's how we think.

Men tend to think in terms of details; for women, it tends to be more about the big picture. (There are various studies that show that this tendency to difference between male and female thinking styles is fairly consistent).