I want to lose my inner asshole

[billyskank]

I don't need to find it, I know exactly where it is, but I don't believe it serves any useful purpose. I certainly don't want to celebrate it.

I know there are bad people out there but I don't think it's necessary to be like them - even a little - to survive alongside them. All I have to do is be able to say "no", "go away" and "leave me alone" and mean it. If that isn't enough then it is out of my hands anyway. I believe it is foolish to think that I can protect myself against all eventualities. Rather I consider myself swept along the current of fate or happenstance. Whatever good and ill things are in store for me will happen whether I want them or not.

I know that meekness and placidity are not considered good qualities, even here, or maybe they are considered "good qualities" in theory but impractical in the real world. Maybe this means I will never find someone like me, but even so I think that to change is too high a price to pay. That is simply how it is.

[Heidi]

1. I can only say

that you can't lose what you don't have. :hug: :loveya:

[billyskank]

2. Thanks H

But it's definitely there. I am not special - I am full of bad qualities, and good ones, just like everyone else.

But I am glad to see you. :hug: :loveya:

[Heidi]

3. Same with me, my friend.

I also have qualities that I'm working on; until then, I just try not to inflict them on anyone else. :)

I'm glad to see you, too. :hug:

[Skittles]

4. you want I should kick its ass ???

:7

[billyskank]

5. It's my ass too! It's the same ass!

:rofl:


:hug: :hi:

[Skittles]

6. I will kick both of them!

:7

[billyskank]

7. You are so kind

:D

[LaurenG]

8. Oh...

I'd like my inner a**hole to mend it's way as well. If you follow your heart you will end up right where you need to be. My dad used to tell us that in life there will always be choices and the correct choice would generally be the harder of the two to do. He was right. It's much harder to tame the inner a**hole than to let 'er' rip.

:loveya: :hug:

[billyskank]

11. I know

I feel it. The anger inside that, when inspired to boil over, hides your intelligence. The pride that says, "I am a big man! Who are you, to do that to me?" :hug:

:loveya:

[tjwmason]

9. Best thread of the day.

There is a difference between being firm, refusing people, or standing ground and being crass, rude or an arsehole.

[billyskank]

13. Ever fewer and fewer people believe in the difference, I think

:hi:

[wildhorses]

23. I agree tj....that is why I K&R it...

:kick:

[AirmensMom]

40. Yes, there is a difference!

:thumbsup: :toast: :applause:

[raccoon]

53. Yes! ASSERTIVENESS is

"being firm, refusing people, or standing ground"

and

AGGRESSIVENESS is "being crass, rude or an arsehole."

Good thread, Billyskank.

In the 70's there was a lot of talk about "assertiveness", assertiveness training classes, and books about being assertive.

Maybe as a society we need to re-learn this.

[buddhamama]

10. it is all relative

what you might consider asshole behavior, i might not.
sure we all have qualities about ourselves that we do not like and would like to change but only you, and you alone, can decide what those qualities are.
and truth be told, i haven't seen your inner asshole. i don't believe you to be meek nor placid, either.
neither do i believe you'll never find someone. nope. you will. you're a good person. someday a woman will find her soul mate in you.

:hug: :loveya: :hi: :pals:

[billyskank]

15. It is easy for me to present here a cleaned-up image of myself

There is always time to review everything I say before hitting the post button. Fewer rash things get said in the heat of the moment. I can be petty, rude, arrogant and offensive with the best of them, honest.

But thanks. :hug:

[raccoon]

54. To SOME degree, it's relative. But there are certain behaviors

that are unquestionably assholery.

[billyskank]

55. See George W. Bush or Dick Cheney for examples

;)

[buddhamama]

64. without doubt

there are behaviors that are assholery, but my comments were made specfically to the context of this discussion and to billyskank.

[miss_american_pie]

12. You are a sweet soul

:loveya: :hug:

[billyskank]

16. Oh

thank you. :hug:

:loveya:

[In_The_Wind]

14. You would have to develop that inner asshole first. Please don't!

Billyskank, you are one of the sweetest, nicest DUers I know. Please don't change a thing. Don't let the true assholes in the world rub off on you. :loveya: :yourock: Don't you know that you are one of the reasons that I continually return to DU even when sometimes I don't want to be here.

[billyskank]

17. Hey ~ Joani ~

:loveya:

I love you too. :hug:

[wildhorses]

20. Hi Joani

how are you today? Can you do me favor? What is the brand name conditioner that is in AM's shower downstairs? That stuff is wonderful and I must have a bottle of it!!

:loveya: :hug: :hi: :donut:

[AirmensMom]

22. It's Kiss My Face.

Obsessively Organic Big Body. I stopped using it b/c I thought my body was getting TOO big. :rofl:

Hi wildhorses! :hi: :loveya: :hug: :donut:

[billyskank]

24. LOL!

Was it becoming too organic as well? :rofl:

:hi: :loveya: :hug:

[AirmensMom]

32. No ....

I'm using the organic "Whenever" stuff now. It's similar to "Whatever" ... which is WAY less risky than "Big Body". :rofl:

:hi: :loveya: :hug: :*

[wildhorses]

27. thanks AM!!

can it purchased anywhere or just at healthfood/organic type places? :shrug:

[AirmensMom]

31. As far as I know,

just health food/organic type places. I get it from drugstore.com ... if you order enough stuff (like I do), you don't pay shipping.

[wildhorses]

39. thanks for the info...

I will check it out. ;)

[AirmensMom]

42. OK ...

do that. They have a "check it out" button on drugstore.com. They shortened it to "checkout" though. :rofl:

(WHAT did Joani put in the coffee this morning? Silly beans? :silly: :crazy:)

[billyskank]

47. Silly beans!

:rofl:

I reckon YOU are on silly beans every day :P

[In_The_Wind]

29. Kiss My Face

I love their products. The natural fragrances are wonderful. There is something about the less than natural soaps and shampoos that actually leaves an aftertaste in my mouth ... and ... no, I'm not getting any of them in my mouth = it sinks in through the skin. I know you know that but most people are so inundated by chemicals that they are truly unaware.

It's rainy and cool here this morning so my aches are reminding me that I'm probably gonna to need to move farther south if I want to life relatively pain free. Bummer! x( I like it here. I guess that means NC isn't an option for my winters either. :(

[AirmensMom]

36. Don't give up yet.

If we didn't have so damn much furniture in the basement, we could start a toasty fire to get rid of the aches. :P Find a place with a wood stove or fireplace. OR you could make TN or NC your summer home! :bounce:

:hug: :loveya:

[In_The_Wind]

45. It's so friggin' depressing when it hurts to move. I know you understand.

I've already thought about making Tennessee my summer home.

[wildhorses]

48. it would be wonderful to have you so close by ....

electric blankets and flannel sheets are good things....but, to have a summer and winter home would be the best of both worlds.

[In_The_Wind]

50. I don't intend to spend the rest of my life living in the North.

I was on my way moving to Florida back in 1994 when an 18 pound box changed everything. I haven't given up I've just been delayed.
We'll see each other again.

[wildhorses]

37. we definitely have all 4 seasons here....

you can come visit any time :hug:

[In_The_Wind]

49. Spring seems to be missing from NY. We go from coats to shorts in 24 hrs.

I'll be down or up for a visit. You are what I call good people, wildhorses. :loveya:

[wildhorses]

60. awww, thanks

:blush::pals::loveya:





guess it takes one to know one...heehee cos you are definitely good poeple, too!! :hug:

You have a very gentle soul and a quiet disposition that is easy to be around :)

[In_The_Wind]

21. I'm lost when you aren't around. Please don't go away.

You treat everyone of us with respect and love. The world would be a better place if more folks were like you.

[billyskank]

25. I won't go anywhere

:blush:

:loveya: :hug:

[In_The_Wind]

35. Good ~ cause I'd have a really hard time finding you if I needed to fly...

over there to talk.
I still haven't learned how to put one change of clothes in a backpack and go go go like I used to do. x( Too much stuff!

[wildhorses]

18. ............

:hug: my inner asshole needs working on, too.

[billyskank]

19. I don't think he stands a chance

:hug:

:loveya:

[wildhorses]

26. you are too kind...

please refer to your post #15 in this thread...I, too have moments of bad temper and arrogance IRL.

[billyskank]

30. ....

:hug:

[AirmensMom]

28. Oh, billy ... *sigh*

It's so hard to imagine you having an inner asshole. :hug: :loveya: I love seeing you every day. DU was definitely not the same yesterday morning. :cry: Your meekness and placidity are very calming and I, for one, consider them good qualities.

There's someone out there who's just as wonderful as you are. You just haven't found her yet. You and harleydad are very similar in temperament. The world is a better place with people like you. :loveya:

I love you just the way you are, billyskank! :loveya: :hug:

[billyskank]

34. Hey, AirmensMom

:hug: :loveya:

:*

:hi:

[AirmensMom]

41. Hey, billy.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

:loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

:* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :*

:yourock: BIG TIME!!!!!!!



Can you top that? :P




I have to go now. :cry: Places to go, people to meet, babies to kiss ... and builders to meet. See ya later! :hi:

[billyskank]

43. I cannot top you

cause you're the BEST. :loveya:

See you later! :hi: :hug:

[Callalily]

33. Billy . . .

I suspect we all have negative traits we must work on. Recognizing them is half the battle. I try always to treat others with respect and understanding. This is the only side that I've seen of you. I'm having a hard time even thinking otherwise of you.

Yes, it's true that we can review our words b/4 we post, but still, true personalities come out, even when editing is involved.

You are a sweet, kind person, and I'm glad that you are here, and that I met you.

:hi: :loveya: and I think you need some of these right now >>>

[billyskank]

38. Hey thanks, 'Fugue

:hug: :loveya:

[Courtesy Flush]

44. Study Buddhism

No, don't become a Buddhist (unless that's what you want). Just knowing the philosophy and mindset of Buddhism helped me become less frustrated with daily shit.

I think it would take me years to learn to meditate. My mind races too much. But there's a lot to learn from Buddhists.

[billyskank]

46. I already joined the Hare Krishnas

a few years ago. That's why I've started thinking the way I do. There is a certain amount of common ground between our philosophy and the Buddhists'.

:hi:

[Deep13]

51. It is hard to know what to think about this...

...without knowing what you mean by "inner asshole." How does it act?

[billyskank]

52. Not the same as the outer one

;)

[Deep13]

65. Could you be a little more vague, please?

:crazy:

[NewWaveChick1981]

56. I think everyone has qualities they'd like to get rid of or improve,

but in most cases, those are self-defense mechanisms that allow us to survive. I definitely do not advocate being an asshole or a jerk. Assertiveness is different than aggressiveness, and it is also a defense mechanism. I find no call to be rude or mean to anyone, but if some idiot is threatening me or harrassing me, I will stand up for myself. I don't think that's being an asshole---it's being assertive.

:hug: :loveya:

[billyskank]

57. You don't need to be anyone's doormat

and if anyone hurt you, I'd want to kill them. :hug:

[Tyo]

58. I worked really hard to develop an inner asshole....

and now I'm hearing that it might not be a good thing. Just can't win sometimes :shrug:

[billyskank]

59. Maybe it works for you

:shrug:

[Tyo]

61. Hard to say

I think it might be handy to have sometimes, but it's probably not something I ought to make regular use of. I used to be such a deferential little doormat though...
Anyway looks to me like you are well-loved around here so you might be worrying unnecessarily.

[billyskank]

62. That was what I was thinking

There are uses for such things as anger, and violence. But not, in my estimation, for assholery.

[Mutley]

63. I can't imagine you being an asshole, billy.

But I know. We all have qualities we'd like to work on. Yes, even me. :D

You're probably the sweetest soul I've ever met on DU. :hug:

:loveya: :yourock:

[Avalux]

66. Might sound trite - but just be yourself.

Seriously - I've done the same thing; thought maybe if I changed and tried to toughen up I'd be better; but I couldn't do it. Once you accept who you are and learn to like yourself for it, you'll be fine. Don't try to change yourself.

That's my 2 cents for the day. :hi: