DU parents....

[Fountain79]

As a single non-parent I often wonder what might life might become the day I decide, hopefully when I am in a committed relationship to have children. What would you say was the biggest change for you was in having children? What would be the biggest piece of advice to give to a non-parent? Sorry in a strangely reflective mood today.

[riderinthestorm]

1. The lack of privacy and "alone" time.

I sorely miss that. I crave some solitary time daily and kids really need their parents totally committed to them to really do an effective job. That was/is my hardest challenge.

[blondeatlast]

18. Agreed; that's pretty much my only regret.

Now that my wonderful son is 9 years old, though, hubby and I are getting some me time back.

[GCP]

2. Your life will be changed forever

You will no longer think of yourself in any kind of selfish way (at least until they're grown and out of the house). Your first thought will always be how something will affect the kids before you even think of how it will affect you.
And you will never stop worrying about them 'til the day you die - no kidding!

[xmas74]

3. Biggest challenges:

lack of money for things you want
lack of "adult" time


Advice?

Get your finances in order now. If you already have loads of debt now it will be even harder w/ a child.

Teach yourself how to eat inexpensively and healthy right now. Take some intro to cooking classes, try new, healthy foods, collect recipes, etc. Your child will mirror your eating habits. Make yours healthy now and they'll never know any other way.

Get rid of the clutter. Take a simple approach to living. Less clutter now means less things you'll have to babyproof in the future. It also means less packing you'll have to do if you need to move to a bigger place.

Read. Start your own library. Collect books that are classics and appropriate for a family. If you read a chapter every night you'll be in the habit to do so someday when you have children of your own. They'll see you reading and want to read a book too.

Get out and exercise. Walk, hike, bike, swim-whatever. Get active now and you'll be more likely to carry it over when you have children. (And if you do nature hikes get some books on the plants and animals of the area for your library. Children love pictures of plants and animals and we like to know what we're looking at.)


(Other advice for when baby is a toddler and older? Get some camping equipment. Camping is a cheap vacation and a blast for the whole family. Also, learn arts and crafts. Another form of cheap entertainment.)

[Arugula Latte]

7. That is very good advice! I second all that ...

:thumbsup:

[xmas74]

11. Thank you!

The only other thing I'd add to the list is this (not as important but might help out)

if you have the money, take an intro to photography class. Wish I had-lots of redeye in the photos.

Basic advice is to get finances in order, health in good shape, constantly try to learn new things and simplify your life as much as possible. That's good advice whether you have a child or not.

[miss_american_pie]

4. Everything changes

I don't know that I can say what the biggest change was, because I feel like I was re-created with my first child's birth. Everything is different. You see differently, react differently.

Biggest piece of advice? Learn to tune out all the advice everyone will give you and trust your instincts.

[SacredCow]

6. Wholeheartedly agree with your advice....

I think the effects of children are different for everyone, and you'll never know how you'll react until it happens.

[skygazer]

5. Biggest change for me was thinking for more than myself

When you have kids, you're always thinking in terms of them as well as you. Even something as mundane as going to the supermarket entails thinking about whether someone else will watch the kids; if you're taking them, will it interfere with Johnny's naptime; if they're at school, will you be home when they arrive, etc. You don't just walk out the door and go when you have kids. You have to think about how everything relates to them. It never bothered me but it was a change.

The only advice I have on being a parent is to relax. People tend to be somewhat uptight with their first because they're learning as they go along. Subsequent kids you're more relaxed with. Recognize that you will screw up - we all do - but it probably won't do any lasting harm if you truly love your kids and are always trying to do your best.

[Arugula Latte]

8. Here is a quote I find very descriptive of the experience of parenthood:

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body"
- Elizabeth Stone

What others have said is true: From the moment the baby is born and for years afterward, you must always account for your child's whereabouts, health, and well-being. Yes, it is a loss of freedom, but, for me, the things I gained in having children are of infinite more value. Babies do bring worry and financial risks, however, they also bring so much love, laughter and joy. It is truly a profound life experience--the most intense that most humans will ever experience.

[Ptah]

9. Here's my personal perspective

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4947350&mesg_id=4947350

[Beausoir]

10. You are the best parent for YOUR baby. Don't listen to the "sandbox"

mommies or daddies if they try and tell you that your child should be walking by a certain age, or talking by a certain age.

Your child is your child and you are what he/she needs most of all.

And..try not to do it all. Parenting is an exhausting job. You want to work but you want to stay home with them when they are young. You want them to succeed yet you want them to be happy and stressfree.

It's a juggling act and you must learn to cut yourself some slack. Imperative.

[Midlodemocrat]

12. Biggest challenges

In no particular order.

1. No sleep for a while
2. Worrying about things about which you never even thought about before.
3. Concern that each child got enough attention in a particular day.
4. Trying to instill in them the things that you perceive to be important, like a good work ethic, determination, kindness, and other liberal qualities.
5. They hit the teen years and again, no sleep for a while.
6. General exhaustion from activities, day to day stuff like laundry, cooking, cleaning up, packing lunches, and then you start all over again.

[Redstone]

13. Forget about all the bullshit like losing sleep, and enjoy the kids.

They get to be REALLY fun at about a year, when their personalities start to develop.

Redstone

[ulysses]

15. they are enormously fun

but that losing sleep thing is no shit...

[Alleycat]

14. I's no longer about just you

From that point forward you examine decisions differently, you can no longer just live for the moment cause now how you live also impacts someone who is depending on you. You can no longer just jump in the car and go, not without packing the diapers, bottle, binky, burping cloths, change of clothes, favorite toy, blankies, snacks etc etc.....
But it is also a wonderful liberating experience in a way. You see changes every day, you watch them look around at the world with excitement and wonder. When they look into your eyes and say "I love you" you just melt inside! They are like little sponges just soaking it all up. This way out weighs the little inconviences and make it all worth while. I won't trade it for the world.

[MissMillie]

16. For me... learning to let go

All the stuff when they're born and young seemed to come naturally--not that it was easy, but I knew what I needed to do.

But now I have to learn to trust that I've given him all he needs to let him be who he is.....

[Telly Savalas]

17. On a philosophical level, life is assigned a purpose/meaning

Before I had a kid I'd often have questions like "why am I here?" "what's the point of all this?" etc. Now the answer to such questions is "I'm here for the kid." It's a trade-off though. In exchange for the comfort one gets from the easy answers to such questions, it's tempting to let go of a lot of the creativity and ambition involved in answering those questions for onseself.

So for me, the most fundamental change was this existential complacency. That, and there's now a tent in the kitchen.