Being used sucks

[Ohio Joe]

And it hurts real bad when you find out about it. For the last three years I've been there for someone thats been in a real bad place. She told everyone that I was her rock because I was always there to help and never once let her down. Over the last month she has realized that she is through the issues she had to deal with and was starting to live her life again. Recently, there have been some events in my personal life as well as my professional life that have really gotten to me and I've found myself needing her for a change. So I call her to talk about what is happening and at first she lends an ear but ten minutes into the call, she suddenly has to go. She does not call back, she does not answer the phone when I call, does not return messages, does not answer email, never seems to be home... for three weeks this goes on. This morning I get an email from her that says "I'm done with you leave me alone". Thats it, thats all it says. I just can't believe I've allowed myself to be played for a fool like this.

Well, I do feel better getting this out. Thanks for listening.

[miss_american_pie]

1. I'm sorry

:hug:

[auntAgonist]

2. how awful for you Ohio Joe.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Some folks can be so cruel.

:hug:

aA

[1gobluedem]

3. What is the MATTER with people?

I can't understand how they can behave like this. So sorry that you've been hurt. I hope it won't stop you from being the good, kind person you seem to be.

[LaraMN]

4. I'm sorry! Sounds to me like she's still got some pretty real issues.

And she certainly doesn't deserve your continued kindness in working through those. :hug:

[Callalily]

5. I am really sorry

to hear this. I go through the same thing with family members, but they are family, and no matter what, I'll always be there for them.

That said, maybe your friend is the type of person who just can not be in the supportive role. Personally just listening to a friend, even if we can't help with or offer up solutions is a great help.

Sending you some healing light and some to help you get through this.

[crim son]

6. It's awful, I know.

One thing you can do, though, is remember that you did everything right. She may have used you and she didn't deserve your friendship, but you have proven yourself to be a caring, wonderful person. :hug: I'm really sorry this happened.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. My dear Ohio Joe!

Being used sure as heck sucks........I'm so sorry!

She in no way deserves you.........you deserve someone so much better than she is..........

I know that the whole Lounge will be more than happy to listen to you!

Wish I could do something more, though....

Men as good as you don't exactly grow on trees......

Don't let her try to come back........she just might........

Maya Angelou is supposed to have said: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

:hug:

[Crazy Dave]

8. Ohio Joe

You should still be proud of yourself for what you did. Similar things have happened to me in my past and I'm sure they'll happen again. Being burned more than once has never stopped me from being who I truly am and I'll never hesitate to help someone down the road and the thought of "will this person ever help me?" won't even factor in my decision. I got screwed a bunch of times and people used to tell me "you're just too nice" like I was the one who was doing something wrong and I said "fuck 'em". I love being a nice guy and you should too. Those people were and are assholes or they have other issues.

I do wish you the best of luck and if you need help don't just get it from anybody, get it from someone who sincerely wants to help, not someone who feels like they have to help or someone who will say you owe "them" down the road.

[mad-mommy]

9. hey there...

you were just being kind to her, you had no idea she was a self centered person. Don't beat yourself up over being a good person. Don't let her change the person that you are.

[Bassic]

10. If you're not considering sending her a really hurtful e-mail,

then you're a better person that I am, man. :hi:

[begin_within]

13. He should type that mean, wicked, hurtful e-mail - but then NOT send it.

I have found it very effective to write that nasty letter or e-mail, get it all out in words - but then don't send it, as nothing good can happen from actually sending it.

[Bassic]

14. True.

But it's so tempting to hit send afterwards.......

[begin_within]

15. It is extremely tempting, but it is wiser to save it, and wait 3 days,

for a cooling-off period, and then read it again and decide if you really want that person to read that and see that side of yourself. Usually after the cooling-off period, you decide you don't want anyone to see it. That has been my experience, anyway.

[Bassic]

27. I completely agree.

It's just hard to not hit the button right away. I find that saying the stuff aloud in my home is more effective.

[begin_within]

11. Since you're her rock, you can smash her.

[Guava Jelly]

12. people can be such assholes

Sorry!

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

16. From one nice guy to another...

I've been in your shoes many times, and I'm very sorry you have to go through this. It hurts, it sucks, and there's no other way to say it.

However, this can be an important learning experience for you. Us nice guys have a very high useability factor involved. If the wrong people get to us, we will get screwed over. There is a way to avoid this however. It involves having some self-esteem for yourself though. You have to carefully identify the people you can trust and the people that will, in fact, put as much effort into the relationship as you do. The people you're unsure of, you have to remove them from your life or keep them at a distance. This is how you walk the fine line between nice guy and pushover.

This is also how you keep your sanity, quite frankly. If I hadn't started doing this when I did, I would've had to face a serious life crisis at somepoint, where I have had to choose between turning into an asshole and never trusting anyone again (or worse) or continue to have my feelings trampled, and there's only so much of that any human being can take. Using this compromise, I am able to do all of the things I want to do - be loving, be trusting, and give of myself as much as I can - without having to worry about getting stabbed in the back.

Some people are just not worth having someone like you in their lives and you are better than being forced to deal with their crap.

[begin_within]

17. I think the "silent treatment" is a very effective strategy. Save that

e-mail that she sent you which says, "I'm done with you leave me alone." Not to use against her or anything, just as a reminder to you, to not contact her or respond to any contact from her. If I were you I would, from this moment on, for the rest of your life, pretend that she doesn't exist. Don't reply or respond to any communication from her whatsoever. Don't even say one word to her, even if she calls or comes to your door. Not a single word, ever again, forever. And don't back down or cave in, if she tries to apologize and "make up." Steel yourself and cut her out of the picture completely. Don't call her, don't send e-mail or letters, don't go to see her, don't contact her in any way and don't respond in any way to her, not even one word. No matter what she does. This may be difficult, but I think it is necessary for you, and in a way it will help her grow up a little.

[Deja Q]

18. Ouch. That's very nasty of her.

:hug:

On the plus side, she'll be the next Carly Fiorina. She's got the same despicable mentality.

[NewWaveChick1981]

19. That really does suck.

:hug: What an awful way to treat people. :( I don't have any words of wisdom, just a sympathetic ear. I'm sorry she was/is childish enough to use you like that. :(

[JitterbugPerfume]

20. sometimes we have to risk being hurt , Joe

if we are true to ourselves

[buddhamama]

26. this is the best response in the thread

you're spot on. i will complain occasionally when i feel someone has taken advantage of my "nature", but, in all honesty, i wouldn't want to be any other way than the way i am. You rock! :loveya:

[Ohio Joe]

21. Thank you all

Sorry for a delayed reply, I only post from work and work called :)

I plan to do exactly as she asked. I consider myself a kind person but not a stupid one. I have no regrets about what I did for her, it was the right thing to do regardless of the outcome, I will not change who I am. I feel much better already just getting it out and then coming back to see all the wonderful replies here, I can't thank you all enough.

Tonight is happy hour, I'll cut loose a bit, feel crappy tomorrow and then go on.

Thank you all again... man this is a great place.:beer:

[hunter]

22. I've been used & abused.

You learn from it.

What's really weird, is that years later, maybe you forgive. You really don't know yet what's going on in her world... only time will tell.

[MissMillie]

23. That really does suck

I'm sorry this person treated you that way. :hug:

[_testify_]

24. I know what will make you feel better.

Fill her mailbox with dogshit!

Just kidding.

But not really.

Anyhow, I have BTDT being used. I once paid someone's mortgage payments so she could sell the house before they foreclosed on it, then she tried dodging me for 6 months. My gf and I also bought all her kids' xmas gifts, so they would have a 'normal' holiday and we barely even got a thank you in return.

[ThomCat]

25. I'm very sorry about that.

It's a damn shame that the people who take the most don't give anything back.

I've recently cut ties to to two people (a couple) that are like that. I've given them tons of my time and energy on many occassions, often on short notice and at personal expense, to help them. I've babysat for them repeatedly, helped them with back-breaking cleaning so that they could pass inspects. (both the co-op's annual inspections and the social worker inspection so they could adopt a child. They are slobs.) I have spent entire days cooking for them for big family parties. etc.

The few times I've needed their help they blew me off. So I recently just cut them off entirely and they think I'm being unfair and mean.

It is wonderful that you are able to be there for someone else, but you don't need users in your life. None of us do. There are other people out there who are more deserving of your friendship.

I hope the current issues pass or get resolved. :)

[Love Bug]

28. Sorry that happened to you

You might want to take some comfort in the fact that sooner or later her karma will catch up to her. One of these days she's really going to need someone and will find out she has no one left to turn to because she shat on all of her friends.

There are good people out there who are just as giving as you are. Find some of those and just forget about this one.

[lizziegrace]

29. Joe!

Are you still out there?

Check your PM.

[NC_Nurse]

30. I know your pain.

That sucks ass. Be glad you found out and are rid of her.

[Lethe]

31. she'll call again. maybe a 6 months - 1 year later

just calmly explain how what she did was wrong, and you are very happy now in your life, and that you would rather not be her friend.

[wain]

32. She'll be back...

Looking for your shoulder. Then you have to decide if you were used before and will you allow it again. It's just not a perfect world. Builds character though! I wish you well and the best.
:-(

[SacredCow]

33. "I'm done with you???"

That's some kind of cold. But Karma will bite her in the butt someday.

[u4ic]

34. Wow

Cold doesn't even begin to describe her attitude.

Some people just don't have the ability to support, to empathize, to love.

She's doesn't. You do.

I think you still come out ahead in the end.

I'm sorry, Ohio Joe. I hope you won't change your wonderful ways for that POS. :hug: