"Would you rather be a swinger, in an open relationship, or polyamorous?"

[eyesroll]

I'm not actually asking, or answering this question (so mods: this is not a sex thread)...I'm just marveling at the immediate sense of familiarity you tend to have with fellow students.

I've been in school for two weeks. Two weeks ago, our lunch conversation was, "so, where you from, why Marquette?"

My subject line was our lunch conversation yesterday.

If we'd been living in dorms, I bet this would have been our lunch conversation two days in. Dorms create even more (possibly false) familiarity.

What have your experiences been?

[thefool_wa]

1. What about monogamous?

My personal preference.

[eyesroll]

2. The conversation was actually one of those "if you had to pick" things

(assuming most people will at least say they prefer monogamy). It kind of centered on jealousy and what you could tolerate from/with a partner....multiple emotional (and likely physical) relationships (polyamory); "freedom to sleep with others" (which is how we defined open relationships); "freedom to sleep with others but only while 'playing as a couple'" (which is how we defined swinging, as different from open relationships).

[thefool_wa]

9. ahhh, should have figured that

To which I would say swinging, less opportunity for hurt feelings (at least in theory).

[eyesroll]

11. That was my answer, as well.

Also, I don't really have time for an open marriage (or multiple poly relationships)...at least if we were swingers, it would be something we could do together (awww....).

[thefool_wa]

13. Agreed

And I, as well, have not the time, emotions, or really the desire to have a separate relationship with anyone other than my wife.

That and everything I do is more fun with her around, why should this be any different :)

[skygazer]

3. It's like that in the workplace as well

People ask the most amazingly personal questions, or tell you the most amazingly personal things - which I usually have very little interest in hearing.

A guy at work just the other day proceeded to tell me about how he's not attracted to his wife anymore and that he finds it very difficult to become aroused with her. :wow: What the hell do you say to that? (I said, "Uh, I need to get back to work.....")

[eyesroll]

4. Hm...my last two workplaces weren't like that.

(I'm a tad older than the average 1L.

One was a school (I taught English for a year), and most of the teachers were just so much older than I (there was me at 22, another one at 24 and then it was early 50s) that we didn't have a lot in common. (That and they were bitter as all get out about teaching, so there wasn't much non-bitching conversation.)

The other was at a publishing house (almost 8 years), but people didn't get personal there, either, except my boss. He talked about his drug use in 'Nam...that was pretty odd.

[skygazer]

6. Maybe it depends on the environment

I don't see any division on the basis of age where I work - I'm 45 and I've had people of all ages tell me about a vast array of personal shit. And maybe it's location - I find that here in California, people divulge a lot more about themselves than anyone in Vermont ever did.

I had a guy walk up to me on the street one day to admire my bag which was made of hemp. He then proceeded to tell me about how he grows the best pot at his place up in the mountains (he practically gave me directions as well as told me his name). When I could finally get a word in, I pointed out to him that I could very well be a DEA agent for all he knew. He just laughed and went his merry way...

[eyesroll]

7. I'm thinking at the school, it was the bitterness rather than the age.

(And, unfortunately, with age -- i.e. tenure at that school -- came bitterness.)

I suspect if I'd been in a room full of happy people, there'd be some overly personal discussions.

[Radical Activist]

8. Now that I think about it...

all the teachers in 1-8 grade that were mean and made me hate school were at least over 50 and bitter. I don't think there was a teacher over 55 in all my years of grade school and middle school who should have still been in the classroom.

[thefool_wa]

12. Environment is key

The smaller the workplace I have worked in the less invasive the personal sharing really is. I worked in an engineering firm of less than 20 and we were all pretty tight so it was no problem.

I also worked at a PDL branch where it was just me and my assistant manager, WOW did we have some personal conversations - but the relationship was genuine, not at all uncomfortable.

Now I work in a workplace of 600 and its amazing how much people will tell you if you stop and feign interest even for a second. Sometimes I feel like saying, "I don't actually know you so please stop talking to me." - but then I am sure I would suffer corrective action.

People are just weird.

[thefool_wa]

10. Sounds like the right response to me

I had a female employee of the call center I work in come up to me and say "I need to leave. I basically had an abortion yesterday and am still not feeling like working."

She could have just said, "I need to go home."

[xchrom]

5. on the one hand -- i think you're asking me about preferences

in my ''significant'' relationships on the other hand i think you're asking me how comfortable i am divulging to you what are my preferences in my ''significant'' relationships.

i am sooo confused.
of course if i had three hands -- i might think you were asking me how comfortable i am in qa given setting about revealing details about my ''significant'' relationships.

i think a martini would help this.